In an effort to take the pulse of the American electorate, yours truly will be blogging live all day from the places where democracy really matters: Stores where an "I Voted" sticker entitles customers to free stuff.
Since I never vote, reason readers can rest assured that my objectivity will remain untainted by conflicts of interest.
I probably won't make it up to NYC today, so before I hit the mean streets of Washington, D.C., I'm going to kick things off with a news report. Toys in Babeland, a "woman-positive sex shop," is giving away freebies to those who present their ballot stubs, registration cards, or "word of honor" that they voted. The prize?:
For men, it's the "Maverick," a "sleeve" for self-pleasuring. According to a press release, "He's always there to lend a hand, he works for every man, and he bucks the status quo." Women can choose the "Silver Bullet" mini-vibrator, which is "a magical solution to difficult problems" and "a great stress-reliever during these troubled economic times!"
In related news, freebies may also be available from disconsolate young ladies sporting McCain buttons in D.C. bars tonight.
Stay tuned for more from Starbucks, Krispy Kreme, Ben and Jerry's, and more.