Bob Barr

The Road to Damascus

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The Onion summarizes "Bob Barr on the issues."

(1995–2007) Trying to control the faith, sexuality, reproduction, drug use, and national allegiance of every single American.

(2007–) Aw, Fuck it.

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  1. And yet I’d still prefer him over the other two.

  2. Seems like a good campaign slogan to me. In fact, all of the campaigns should use the F-word:

    * LP – Aw, Fuck it.
    * GOP – America, Fuck Yeah!
    * Democrats – Fuck America!
    * Greens – Fuck a Sheep. With a Cucumber.

  3. * LP – Aw, Fuck it.
    * GOP – America, Fuck Yeah!
    * Democrats – Fuck America!
    * Greens – Fuck a Sheep. With a Cucumber.

    * Nader – Fuck you!

  4. “And yet I’d still prefer him over the other two.”

    The worst libertarian is still better than any other alternatives. This suggests to me that we are either enlightened sages, or cranks.

  5. Yes, nice addition. Here’s another:

    * Gravel – What the Fuck?

  6. anonymous coward,

    Sage cranks. Better yet, Ensaged cranks (pronounced en-sage-ed).

  7. Succinct and accurate.

  8. * Greens – Fuck a Sheep. With a Cucumber.

    Actually, more like:

    * Greens – Fuck a Sheep. But don’t eat it!

  9. I think I found my candidate: Joad Cressbeckler!

  10. Fuckin ‘ey!

  11. But whose slogan is “Fuck me!”?

  12. Paraphrase: In the long run, we are all fucked.

  13. “””The worst libertarian is still better than any other alternatives. “””

    Assuming he’s actually one. Which I doubt. Sure people can have a change of heart. Hey back in 1995 who would have thought the republicans would be the first to have a pregnant teen in the Whitehouse.

  14. “””Paraphrase: In the long run, we are all fucked.”””

    Yeah, but the we excludes them.

  15. But whose slogan is “Fuck me!”?

    Sonny Landham…?

  16. who would have thought the republicans would be the first to have a pregnant teen in the Whitehouse[?]

    TrickyVic,

    Are you suggesting the McCain is the father?

  17. Actually that was supposed to be “that McCain”, but perhaps “the McCain” is funnier.

  18. Papoon ’08: Not Fuckin’ Insane!

  19. The Vice President doesn’t live in the White House. He or she lives at Number One Observatory Circle. Unless Palin and the gang decide to move into Cheney’s bunker.

  20. In New York, fuck is a comma.

  21. Boy, we are a bunch of cynics. Doesn’t anybody believe in honest to goodnes conversion? Wasn’t the pre-conversion Paul (not Ron) a nasty character who ridiculed Christianity?

  22. Hey back in 1995 who would have thought the republicans would be the first to have a pregnant teen in the Whitehouse.

    Although certainly Presidents have had children while teenagers before; e.g., Andrew Johnson’s firstborn, Martha, was born when he was 19.

    And we certainly can’t claim that John Edwards was the first candidate to have a child out of wedlock; others, such as Grover Cleveland, accomplished that.

  23. The “no saint like a reformed sinner”=”I saw the light” conclusion that we might reach from the Onion’s pithy thumbnail assessment would actually be a good campaign message.

    Too bad he doesn’t seem to be jumping on it, especially with reference to the failed, endless War on Drugs, progenitor of the current failed, and theoretically endless War on Terror. Who better than Barr to help his former-fellow drug warriors to repudiate their intransigence on this issue up till now?

    If we can’t have Papoon and “Not Fuckin’ Insane” in ’08, can we at least have Barr “Everything You Know (about the WOD) is Fuckin’ Wrong”?

  24. Alas, how would the libertarian dialogue read without “fuck” and “douche”?

  25. “””Although certainly Presidents have had children while teenagers before; e.g., Andrew Johnson’s firstborn, Martha, was born when he was 19.”””

    Not apt. I’m referring to an actually pregnant teen in the Whitehouse, or as sugarfree points out, #1 Observatory circle. Not someone who had a kid as a teen.

    The McCain, is pretty funny and I will hearby address him as such. Kinda like The Kramer.

  26. TrickyVic wrote, “The McCain, is pretty funny and I will hearby address him as such. Kinda like The Kramer.”

    Or Il Duce.

  27. And we certainly can’t claim that John Edwards was the first candidate to have a child out of wedlock; others, such as Grover Cleveland, accomplished that.

    On two non-consecutive occasions.
    (Joke stolen from Grampa Simpson)

  28. For those not aware of such things, the Naval Observatory digs are much sweeter than the White House. So VP isn’t an entirely bad job.

    I guess if The McCain is Bristol Palin’s baby daddy, that would explain his VP selection.

  29. Er, given that Bristol Palin is 5 months pregnant, she should deliver before her mother is sworn in, so she won’t be the first pregnant teen in the White House/Naval Observatory, either.

    Unless she gets pregnant again while her mother is in office, of course.

  30. If Barr was blinded by the brilliant light of libertarianism on his road to Damascus, does this mean that Jesus is a libertarian? Thought so.

  31. R C Dean,

    McCain can do it again. He’s a potent force to be reckoned with.

  32. “Although certainly Presidents have had children while teenagers before; e.g., Andrew Johnson’s firstborn, Martha, was born when he was 19.”

    Wasn’t Johnson married to his wife at the time he and his wife had that baby?

    “Alas, how would the libertarian dialogue read without “fuck” and “douche”?”

    Like a convention of deaf-mutes.

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