Baby, It's An A.M. World

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Not everything in politics can make as much as sense as a Mike Gravel YouTube. Take this Hillary Clinton ad. I've watched it three times and I have no idea what it means.

It's 3 a.m., and your children are safe and asleep. But there's a phone ringing in the White House

Oh, right, it's a sequel to the ad that probably won Texas for Hillary Clinton. She's only paid her team a couple dozen million dollars—you can't expect them to come up with two good ideas. Indeed, this is the French Connection II of campaign ads.

and this time the crisis is economic.

Wait. What? What markets are open at 3 a.m.?

Home foreclosures mounting, markets teetering.

At 3 a.m.? This sounds curiously like the panic we've got going now. Hillary Clinton's response to the panic has been a bold, heat-of-the-moment plan a much-maligned idea to empanel Alan Greenspan and Robert Rubin and get them to un-shit the bed they made and messed, respectively.

John McCain just said the government shouldn't take any real action on the housing crisis, he'd let the phone keep ringing.

Actually, no. Let's go with the idiotic "phone call" metaphor. McCain got a panicky call from a titan of industry, screaming that the economy was in meltdown. McCain could hear the faint sound of burning trash cans and yowling ledge-jumpers in the distance. His solution: To not panic.*

Hillary Clinton has a plan to protect our homes, create jobs.

Which is?

It's 3 a.m., time for a president who's ready.

Oh, sorry, didn't realize the ad was over.

Before you take McCain's side on this, note the oddball response ad he's running: He buys into the "phone call" gag and pledges to "grow jobs." Look, if non sequiturs could solve this problem, I'd be buying Bear Sterns stock.

Headline explained here.

*In that NYT article, you'll notice that Clinton accuses McCain's non-intervention plan of being "like Herbert Hoover." She thinks you're an idiot.

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  1. Wait. What? What markets are open at 3 a.m.?

    I’ll take a guess and say the Asian ones?

  2. As always, The Mighty Onion shall be their guide…

    Marilyn Manson Now Going Door-To-Door Trying To Shock People

  3. She thinks you’re an idiot.

    After November, she may be proven right.

  4. um…

    backs slowly away.

  5. Seriously, Hillary? Seriously?
    Seriously, McCain? Seriously?
    WTF is wrong with these people!?

  6. The only person who I trust receiving calls at 3AM is Batman getting a call from Commissioner Gordon because the Joker, the Riddler, and the Penguin are up to something.

  7. I love the balls on her, making a general campaign ad while she’s losing to Obama.

    I swear I can just picture her after a rally, getting into the back of a limo and re-arranging her junk.

  8. By the way, I’m surprised she has time to make these commercials, considering that she’s fucking Obama.

  9. hey hey hey, french connection 2 was awesome!!

  10. Maybe it’s the Godfather Three of campaign ads.

    With Hillary as Sophio Coppolla.

  11. At least McCain responded quickly. I think he’s learned that move from the Obama team.

  12. This is almost as bad as Hillary’s first 3 AM ad. I can’t really tell the difference between the 3 clones (I mean candidates) that the 2 “big” parties are running. They’re all economically ignorant anti-civil liberties warmongers.

  13. Maybe it’s the Godfather Three of campaign ads.

    I can handle things! I’m smart! Not like everybody says… like dumb… I’m smart and I want respect!

  14. Hillary’s making about as much sense as Rudy did when he was running for President of 9/11.

    -jcr

  15. I love the balls on her, making a general campaign ad while she’s losing to Obama.

    Strategically this is what she has to do. Neither Obama nor Hillary gain by attacking each other. Blues want to like both of them and the base doesn’t like an attack on a black man or a woman.

    Obama is much more likable, so Hillary torpedoed her campaign earlier this year when she tried to be just like him.

    All she has left is to differentiate herself in a way that is not an explicit attack on Obama. The base likes populist attacks on the reds, even better if it shows that she is better prepared to fight McCain than Obama. The ad is also reminding voters of her vast experience edge over Obama.

  16. They’re all economically ignorant anti-civil liberties warmongers.

    Methinks you cross-wired your brain sometime in the recent past. There is no more charitable explanation for that little ditty.

  17. Boy she really sucks at this, doesn’t she? You think Bill is secretly trying to sabotage her campaign? I’m amazed anyone would vote for her to be on a local school board.

    If she were cool, it wouldn’t always be 3 a.m. No, instead she’d say, “And it’s half past four, and I’m shifting gear.”

    Fredo is about the right pitch for this. Where’s Al?

  18. ProLib,

    And it’s half past four, and I’m shifting gear.

    The economy is playing some forgotten song…

    …one more subprime mortgage gone.

  19. Home foreclosures mounting, markets teetering.

    The imagery here is spectacular. I can just hear the behemoth markets creek as they rock back and forth precariously in the stormy seas!

  20. If she were cool, it wouldn’t always be 3 a.m. No, instead she’d say, “And it’s half past four, and I’m shifting gear.”

    Tough to be “cool” when you’re quoting a song from 1973…unless her campaign is sponsoring the Radar Love 35th Anniversary Tour.

  21. Hmmm…got to try some real parody now, heres what Ive got so far (Im starting with stanze 6):

    The economy is playing that forgotten song
    Bernanke is coming on strong
    Bear Stearns sang its last song
    One more subprime mortgage gone

    stanza (verse?) 3 is similar,

    The economy is playing that forgotten song
    Bernanke is coming on strong
    Wall Streets got him hypnotized
    And He’s spending into … something that rhymes

  22. MP,

    “Cool” isnt determined by the calendar. Well, except related to seasons. And with global warming, we will eliminate that too.

  23. The guy who did Reagan’s ads died recently. Compare the classic “Bear in the woods” ad with Hillary’s inept attempt at fearmongering.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IHO4M_Tar7A

  24. She is just playing the 3am angle because it is her strength. All the other candidates might have to deal with their spouses at that time of night, but Hillary will have her thoughts to herself and Bill isn’t due to be strolling in from his night out until around 6 or 7 AM.

    Of course for Hillary’s 3am commercial always remind me of Johnny Guitar Watson’s “3 hours past midnight.”

  25. “Cool” isnt determined by the calendar. Well, except related to seasons. And with global warming, we will eliminate that too.

    So says the old person being laughed at by the rugrats.

  26. Totally off topic, but the point has to be made.

    “Radar Love” may have been a one hit wonder, but it remains as a kick ass rock and roll ditty.

    Go back to trashing (no, you are not likable) Hillary.

  27. Enough of this “Gold Earring were one-hit wonders” shit. No one remembers “Twilight Zone”?

  28. It’s 3 a.m., and your children are safe and asleep. But there’s a phone ringing in the White House…and this time the crisis is economic.

    Wow, the invisible hand really does do a lot–it even dials!

  29. What Dave said. Golden Earring was clearly a two-hit wonder.

  30. “When the bullet hits the bone”

    Good catch, Dave.

  31. Oh, right, it’s a sequel to the ad that probably won Texas for Hillary Clinton

    She didn’t win Texas.

  32. …unless her campaign is sponsoring the Radar Love 35th Anniversary Tour.

    Hey, that’d be better than the Pete Seeger Resurrection tour circa 1935 she’s got going on.

  33. I sure do. That was a seriously creepy video.

    Back when they would make videos that had some content, instead of just lots of production.

  34. Hillary’s chronic insomnia explains a lot about her platform.

    Do we really want a president whose body is saturated with fatigue chemicals? That’s not very good decision making potential.

  35. and this time the crisis is economic. Wait. What? What markets are open at 3 a.m.?

    Yeah, the shoehorned unoriginality of that really smacks of desperation. The first 3AM ad is the only one that had any impact, so they’re trying to milk it. Kinda painful to watch.

    Wait, did I say painful? I meant hilarious.

  36. They may be a 1.8 hit wonder, but “Radar Love” is still a fun song. And Clinton would’ve done better quoting it, rather than talking again about 3 a.m. Interesting what most people seem to think when they hear her ad: “It’s 3 a.m. Where the fuck is Bill this time?”

    robc,

    Something like “into the skies”?

  37. I saw it too and thought, My God, this is the dumbest ad yet. Hey, people liked the TX one with the phone, and people are worried about the economy, so let’s just splice it all together. I would expect that from only two people: Mitt Romney or HRC…Pander and underestimate the intelligence of your potential voters. And if that doesn’t work, pander some more…

    HRC becomes more and more disgusting every day.

  38. Clinton accuses McCain’s non-intervention plan of being “like Herbert Hoover

    I keep waiting for the GOP to point out Smoot-Hawley did not help America. Unfortunately, only Dave Barry fans will recognize the reference and even they won’t know what it means.

  39. ProLib,

    into the skies is close. The original has 4 syllables after the “into”, so “the skies” is 2 short. Parody songwriting is hard. Probably helps if you are good at songwriting.

    I have even more respect for Weird Al right now.

  40. Very good points, David.

    But don’t let Matt Welch know that you mentioned John McCain without bashing him…. 🙂

  41. I love the balls on her

    Could we go at least one day on this site without talking about Hillary Clinton’s balls?

  42. She ran a “3 am” ad again because shes nearly broke and it was much easier to re-use stock footage she already paid for rather than shoot a new ad.

    The sequel of ads will turn into a trilogy soon unless Obama wins PA.

  43. Yeah, but Hoover was president long before any pimply-faced fanatics had bought into libertarian fantasies and created a self-maturbatory political movement of utter irrelevance.

  44. BTW, the same guy that did the John McCain response did the John Kerry windsurfing/flip flop ads.

    They’re gonna go dirty early.

  45. HRC becomes more and more disgusting every day.

    As small l libertarian who is considering voting for a Dem POTUS this November, I have to agree. Hillary is now only hurting the eventual nominee, Barack Obama. If, by hook or crook, she somehow gains the nomination, the damage that will be done to the Democratic party is presently incalcuable.

    Each day she remains in the race she reveals herself, more and more, as a selfish bitch who is more concerned about her own ego gratification than the Democrat/Liberal/Progressive/Left Wing (pick one) cause.

  46. She ran a “3 am” ad again because shes nearly broke and it was much easier to re-use stock footage she already paid for rather than shoot a new ad.

    And Ann Althouse’s subliminal pajamas. Don’t forget those.

  47. In this ad she answers on the eighth ring, unlike the first one when she answered on the sixth. Did she put the terror emergency on hold? Or did she pass that one on to Bill?

  48. Each day she remains in the race she reveals herself, more and more, as a selfish bitch who is more concerned about her own ego gratification than the Democrat/Liberal/Progressive/Left Wing (pick one) cause.

    I’m not sure how this can be revealed more and more when it has been perfectly apparent for over a decade.

  49. I think she wants to get out, and Bill is telling her to stay in–mostly so he can bang women in the White House again.

    Does that sound about right?

  50. Maybe she should have a YouTube competition for user submitted campaign ads. “Tell me what I think.”

  51. robc,

    Yeah, I couldn’t come up with the right syllables, either, at least on the fly. “Into the blue skies?” No like.

    “Way into the skies?”

    I’m voting for the new Number 2.

  52. “It’s three A M- do you know where your husband is?”

  53. Each day she remains in the race she reveals herself, more and more, as a selfish bitch who is more concerned about her own ego gratification than the Democrat/Liberal/Progressive/Left Wing (pick one) cause.

    Will Democrat’s heads explode when they realize, as she torpedoes their preferred candidate, that the VRWC was maybe right about her after all?

  54. The economy is playing that forgotten song
    Ben Bernanke’s coming on strong
    Wall Streets got him hypnotized
    And He’s helping them to amortize.

    We’ve got a thing
    That’s called Big Shtipile.
    We’ve got a line pointing down.
    We’ve got a thing
    That’s called Big Shitpile.
    We’re got a thing that’s called

    Shit Pile.

  55. “Big Shitpile” is okay, but it doesn’t scan right. I prefer “Subprime Bust”.

  56. “Hillary is now only hurting the eventual nominee, Barack Obama. If, by hook or crook, she somehow gains the nomination, the damage that will be done to the Democratic party is presently incalcuable.

    Each day she remains in the race she reveals herself, more and more, as a selfish bitch who is more concerned about her own ego gratification than the Democrat/Liberal/Progressive/Left Wing (pick one) cause.”

    I don’t think it can be summed up better than J sub D’s above comment.

  57. Hmm… 3am and the economy is in trouble?

    I’ll make jobs!

    I’ll create growth!

    I’ll expand the money supply dramatically to help corporations and keep inflation low and our dollar strong!

    I’ll cut taxes, increasing spending and get the deficit under control!

    I’ll give everyone in America a pony!

    How?

    Why with my magic wand, of course!

  58. amortize and subprime bust both work.

    Good job.

  59. If she were really, really cool, cooler than a witch’s teat on a cold, cold night, she’d produce a commercial where she just says five words, then fades to black. “I have a cunning plan.”

  60. If the next Prez did not have the power, and the probable chance, to appoint one or two SCOTUS justices, I would have no problem voting for McCain over HRC, in fact I can’t imagine a situation in which I would not do so. As it is, I think it would be terrible to have McCain appoint two more justices, and therefore would surely vote for Obama. My difficulty comes if HRC is the candidate. I think I would, for the sake of the state of the SCOTUS, pull the lever for her, but I’m purely sure I would throw up and have to a take a series of showers with much scrubbing…

  61. Maybe she’ll complete the trilogy with the a “it’s 3am and Rezko needs to be bailed out of jail” phone call.

  62. Pro Lib,

    I have a cunning plan.

    I promise you that if I ever run for an office (which I wont, more than likely) that involves running commercials, I will use that – is the Blackadder demographic big enough to win an election?

  63. MNG,

    Interesting. If SCOTUS was all the mattered, I would vote for McCain in a hearbeat over Obama. As it is I will vote for the LP more than likely and let whatever happens happen.

  64. You guys are a bunch of sexist fucks. If it was another man who was as close to Obama as she is, no one would be saying he should get out. I think it’s subliminal worry about having little tiny peckers that makes you hate Hillary so much.

  65. Edward the femi-sites have generally endorsed Obama, I guess they hate women too.

  66. Cesar

    I’m not talking about endorsing anybosy. I’m talking about the nasty personal attacks on Hillary, calling he a bitch and so on. It’s disgusting and revealing.

  67. Yeah I don’t know how eminent domain loving, medicinal marijuana hating, “compelling state interest” types is a net plus for the country. They give less of a damn about federalism than the Republican nominees. The only gain I could see is possibly some “war time” rulings that might be upcoming.

    Of course I am not going to vote for either candidates. Hanging judges over your head is just something they do every election.

  68. calling he a bitch

    If you’re going to spoof an Edward post, don’t make such revealing mistakes.

  69. Fuck, I can’t type.

  70. My dislike of the Village’s candidate for Number 2 has nothing to do with her sex, and everything to do with her history of corruption and deceit and her politics and economics. Otherwise, she’s fine.

    robc,

    I don’t know, but I’ll vote for you if you do that. He has more than just a plan; he has a cunning plan.

  71. Edward,
    You do realize that insults are useless if they don’t get a rise out of the target, don’t you?

    Not that I am defending insults, but keep it in perspective. If you are trying to portray someone in a negative light, the overtones hardly matter.

    Personally I see ‘bitch’ as about as strong as ‘jerk’, but maybe the problem is we have radically different images of what those words mean.

  72. Even joe made out-of-control sexist remarks about HRC in a previous thread. It’s just too fun, I’m afraid. I was above it all, until I obliquely referred to her as Rambitch (Rambo + Bitch). I’m doing penance–Hail Hillary, full of malice. . . .

  73. What? I’d call John Edwards a bitch.

  74. Edward | April 3, 2008, 12:02pm | #
    You guys are a bunch of sexist fucks. If it was another man who was as close to Obama as she is, no one would be saying he should get out. I think it’s subliminal worry about having little tiny peckers that makes you hate Hillary so much.

    Edward | April 3, 2008, 12:05pm | #
    Cesar

    I’m not talking about endorsing anybosy. I’m talking about the nasty personal attacks on Hillary, calling he a bitch and so on. It’s disgusting and revealing.

    I hope this definitively proves for everyone forever that “Edward” is performance art.

  75. I’m not talking about endorsing anybosy. I’m talking about the nasty personal attacks on Hillary, calling he a bitch and so on. It’s disgusting and revealing.

    Now THAT is revealing. Freud call your office, and Edward, stop attacking Hillary’s femininity, you stoopid sexist pig.

  76. *In that NYT article, you’ll notice that Clinton accuses McCain’s non-intervention plan of being “like Herbert Hoover.”

    Did any one catch Reich and Krugman of This Week with George S. yucking it up about the laissez-faire Herbert Hoover. Does anyone think these two PHD.s in economics have ever seriously studied the policies of the Hoover Administration, or is it that both of them are so cynical they would lie to feed red meat to their base?

  77. her history of corruption and deceit and her politics and economics.

    Aren’t those the “experiences” she has based her entire campaign on?

  78. alan,

    Robert Reich? Why I was just posting a snide remark about him yesterday!

    Pro Libertate | April 2, 2008, 3:29pm | #

    Robert Reich. He’s not a socialist. . .technically. While I think capitalism as currently practiced has plenty that can be criticized, he’s got a vision that does away with the system altogether. Just a day or two ago, he told me on NPR how we just needed more regulation. Much more.

    Die Proletarier haben nichts in ihr zu verlieren als ihre Ketten. Sie haben eine Welt zu gewinnen. Proletarier aller L?nder, vereinigt euch!

    P Brooks,

    Got me there. What else could she talk about? I daresay she’s a master of the poorly executed cover-up.

  79. Edward | April 3, 2008, 12:09pm | #
    Fuck, I can’t type.

    Or think.

  80. Apparently, Clinton is following a succesful strategy:

    “Despite Hoover’s stablization efforts, which exceeded those of any previous federal administration, Roosevelt attacked Hoover for “doing nothing,” a view that has persisted ever since.”

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Herbert_Hoover#Policies

  81. alan:Does anyone think these two PHD.s in economics have ever seriously studied the policies of the Hoover Administration

    I think the issue here is that when they (Reich&Krugman) look at those policies, they are looking for what they think the solution is/should be, instead of looking for anything being done. In other words, if he didn’t do what they think he should have done, then he didn’t do anything to help.

  82. anomdebus,

    Both of these men were well aware that they were perpetuating a useful myth. It is not possible that either has expressed those opinions in an academic environment without having them embarrassingly shot down. The question I raised was strictly rhetorical.

  83. alan,
    I was not defending them, just trying to understand the sort of thinking that can lead to these sort of conclusions. I don’t believe it is simple dishonesty, but a blindness that affects all sorts of people.

  84. I was not defending them

    I understood that ;). I thought, however, you were giving them too much credit for intellectual integrity.

  85. Even joe made out-of-control sexist remarks about HRC in a previous thread.

    Hey! I did it in an ironic manner, carefully shielding myself with several layers of meta, so that the remarks could just as easily be read as jokes about people who make out-of-control sexist remarks.

    I did not call Hillary Clinton anything. I joked about poor word choice.

  86. joe,

    Your denials mean nothing. You are now on the Clinton’s Black List.

  87. “Despite Hoover’s stablization efforts, which exceeded those of any previous federal administration, Roosevelt attacked Hoover for “doing nothing,” a view that has persisted ever since.”

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Herbert_Hoover#Policies

    That article has ruined any warm feelings I had about Herb. Proposed a “Department of Education”!

  88. I thought I’d be tired of The Endless Campaign by now, but watching Hillary twist in the wind as her once-vast support base inexorably dwindles to a couple of angry lesbians in Milwaukee is rather enjoyable in a schadenfreude kind of way. It could only be better if it were Barbara Boxer.

  89. The most sexist sounding criticism of HRC I have heard have come from women who do not like her.

    A generation ago the pejorative term ‘bastard’ really did have all the power and sting and equivalence of ‘bitch’ in the manner of its usage. But as out of wedlock births are now common place, that term of abuse has lost its sting.

    Speaking of bitches and being a Carolinian, I find Edward’s version of the low country accent very shrill and effeminate. I once asked a Briton if he found Tony Blair’s accent to be prissy, he said something like. ‘don’t insult me, of course I do.’

  90. That should be, Edwards’ , fortunately, I have never heard Edward speak.

  91. The perfect state of schadenfreude will exist when Clinton drops out of the race to join Eliot Spitzer in starting a new high-class brothel for powerful politicians. With an emphasis on confidentiality. Bill will be given a consultancy.

  92. alan,

    If you’ve ever heard someone mumbling around a mouthful of rabbit shit and Triscuits, you’re most of the way there.

  93. When I put something in italics, I mean it.

    (apologies to David Weigel) 😛

    I’ve already pretty much given up on this election; I think I’m going to concentrate on not paying attention to it anymore. What a fucking joke.

  94. It’s two a.m.,
    the dollar’s gone, in-
    flation not waitin’
    the war is still on
    Maybe Bank of China
    is tired of takin’ chances.

    Yeah there’s money on the loose,
    chaos at the fed,
    Because of their silence,
    taxpayers are bled.
    I cannot decode
    Perino,
    spins, into a frenzy.

    Help I’m steppin’ into the suprime zone
    The place was a crap house
    Renters being boned
    McMansion can’t move under way below par

    Where am I to go
    Now that I’ve gone too far

    Help I’m steppin’ into the subprime zone
    The place was a crap house
    Renters being boned
    McMansion can’t move under way below par

    Where am I to go
    Now that I’ve gone too far

    Soon you will come to know
    When the reset hits the loan

    Soon you will come to know
    When the reset hits the loan

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