"Two-Timing John McCain's Sizzling Secret Sex Life"!

From the Department of I-paid-the-$3.29-so-you-don't-have-to, I just shelled out precious fiat currency to see what new dirt The Globe has on Sen. McFrontrunner's sexy-time activities. Answer? Bugger-all.

McCain dated strippers and heiresses! Ditched his first wife after she'd been disfigured in a car wreck, and replaced her with a young hottie with a fat bank account! Admitted "the blame was entirely mine"! All these and more you can find … in McCain's own books. Plus countless interviews he's given.

The best The Globe can do to advance the ball is this quote from "a political insider":

As a young pilot in the early '60s, the house he rented was notorious as a place for raucous sex parties.

OH NOEZ! And then there's this:

Still, one Internet poster rips the presidential candidate, saying, "McCain cheated on his first wife, why wouldn't he cheat on his second?"

That all you got, tabs? I remember back when the supermarket gossip rags at least delivered some goddamned gossip.