Campaigns/Elections

Giuliani: Toughest Candidate in All the 12 Galaxies

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Rudy is ready for War of the Worlds I, reports the AP:

During a town hall meeting in Exeter, a young questioner asked the former New York mayor about his plan to protect Earth.

"If (there's) something living on another planet and it's bad and it comes over here, what would you do?" the boy asked.

………

"Of all the things that can happen in this world, we'll be prepared for that, yes we will. We'll be prepared for anything that happens," said Giuliani,

Romney, worried that the invaders might be from Kolob, will be hesitant to strike quickly; of the GOP front-runners, it has to be Rudy if "will protect us from alien invaders" is your main political concern.

UPDATE: You are there

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  1. I think we’ve gotten ourselves into an alien defense gap with the Soviets, er, Russians. 😉

  2. Since the Cylons will just get somebody with access to the defense grid to fall in love with one of their models and then shut down the grid, what the hell can Rudy do to stop that? Probably ban love, the fascist.

  3. Please. The people from Kolob are pussies, they couldn’t even conquer Alpha Centari.

  4. That was a rather lame response. Typical Republican.

    Over on the Democratic side, we’ve got politicians like Jerry Brown and Dennnis Kucinich. I ask you, who do you trust to show leaderership on alien-related matters: Sam Brownback, or Governor Moonbeam?

  5. Episiarch,

    Don’t we have to creat the Cylons first? Or are we going to be on the receiving end of their weapons once the Colonials arrive?

  6. I ask you, who do you trust to show leaderership on alien-related matters: Sam Brownback, or Governor Moonbeam?

    You have to give this one to joe. LOL.

  7. Actually, I’d be pretty surprised if the Federal government didn’t have some sort of basic procedure in place to deal with such a situation. It’s something that merits some thought. Just not too much.

  8. Don’t we have to creat the Cylons first? Or are we going to be on the receiving end of their weapons once the Colonials arrive?

    No, the Peacekeepers and Scorpius created the Cylons to destroy us, with the help of Emperor Ming and the Borg.

    I know it’s confusing, but try and keep up.

  9. I, for one, welcome our alien overlords, who I anticiapte look like blonde (or better yet, Chinese), buxom 20 year old string bikini models, and who, being aliens, actually find fat, middle aged geeks sexually alluring.

  10. Fortunately, no other planet has signed on to that namby-pamby liberal Geneva Convention.

    (There are some serious problems, though, in subjecting outer space aliens to “enhanced interrogation.” For example,they may be aquatic types who can’t drown, so waterboarding will do no good…)

  11. If things got rally ugly, we might have to turn to the sith and Romulans for help. But we could probably just modify our 1000s of ICBMs to shoot things down in orbit.

  12. These things are no laughing matters. Anyone who lived through the Mooninite invasion of Boston would know that.

    On a more serious note, I personally would have no problem with blasting invaders from Kolob with everything I’ve got. God does NOT live on Kolob. God died on a cross for our sins and He rose again to everlasting life.

    Yeah, that makes more sense.

    mnuez
    http://www.mnuez.blogspot.com

  13. If things got rally ugly, we might have to turn to the sith and Romulans for help.

    Wouldn’t the Asgard be a better bet? As long as we can keep the Ori out of it. I think the Goa’uld are not an issue any more.

  14. Ignignot and Er could probably take out those pussy Mormon aliens. They can’t even take frakking stims.

  15. Great. Now Rudy can scare us with Universal Terrorism. Global terrorism is so last week.

  16. Back off, Pete Tranter’s sister! I know what you’re after: it’s moist and pink and it’s inside my head. And that’s where it’s staying.

  17. Come on people. As long as the aliens are here legally, what’s the big whoop?

    (That statuesque Saint-Exmin can park her uterus-shaped spaceship on my block anytime.)

  18. Wouldn’t Romney have to seek advice from his lawyers before striking the Kolobians?

  19. Stupid Romney would probably want to confer with his inter-galactic lawyers before taking any action.

  20. If we don’t take it to the aliens on their planets, we will have to fight them here. Thus, we should bomb all the planets in the solar system; after all, they could harbor aliens.

  21. Damn you, TUC! I’ve been beaten to the punch!

  22. Sorry…that’s the way I roll.

    TUC – The Unknown Comic

  23. Any civilization capable of getting here from another solar system will outstrip our technology by many, many generations. So, by “prepared”, Guiliani means “prepared to surrender unconditionally”.

    That, or he’s an idiot. Do we have deflectors? Phasers? Blasters? Photon torpedoes? Force fields? No, no, no, no, no, and no to everything else useful. We can’t even send a sizable cargo outside of Earth orbit right now. If he’d said, “Yes, we’ll be prepared after I dedicate the United States to building a space defense net”, well then, that would be another story.

  24. Romney, worried that the invaders might be from Kolob, will be hesitant to strike quickly

    My biggest concern is that Kang and Kodos are the front-runners for the two major party nominations.

  25. Mork for President.

  26. A better answer would be ________ ? Fill in the blank guys…..I bet you can’t.

  27. Shouldn’t we wait to see if sanctions will work?

  28. phools,

    “Join the Federation?”

    Or, better yet, “Something bad’s already here, kid. . .BOO!”

  29. Or, to take this conversation to the next logical step, what would Giuliani do upon hearing the transmission, “Attention all planets of the Solar Federation! We have assumed control… we have assumed control… we have assumed… control”?

    Flee to the temples of Syrinx?

  30. “If (there’s) something living on another planet and it’s bad and it comes over here, what would you do?”

    I thought Ann Coulter was already here…

  31. So far, only Larry Niven has a plan to keep us safe from Thrintun mind-weapons and the arrival of the Fithp. Could he run as Ron Pauls VP?

  32. I ask you, who do you trust to show leaderership on alien-related matters: Sam Brownback, or Governor Moonbeam?

    joe won the thread.

    Although I would like to point out that Libertarians could probably put together a team to handle UFO-related matters as well. And we could do it far cheaper than Governor Moonbeam. We’d use market forces to keep costs down.

  33. You mean, Giuliani isn’t a space alien?

  34. Pro Libertate,

    As usual, good point. 🙂

  35. thoreau,

    No, joe did not. Our bar is higher than that. Moonbeam ain’t no name for no alien-fighting president.

    Randolph Carter,

    You should’ve said, “Rush to the temples of Syrinx?”

    Aresen,

    It would’ve been so cool if Giuliani had whacked the kid in the head with his giant lizard tongue.

    S of S,

    And I don’t think the invaders, if they come, will be so kind as to die from our germs, build operating systems hackable by us, or to have any vulnerability to us whatsoever. Nah, we’re toast. Better to shut off all the TV and radios, move underground, and hope for the best.

  36. I reference to an alien invasion, in response to Fermi’s paradox, Leo Szilard posited “They are among us, and they call themselves Hungarians.

  37. Neocon solution for alien invasion:

    Build an orbital fence to prevent them illegals from getting in…

  38. Any civilization capable of getting here from another solar system will outstrip our technology by many, many generations. So, by “prepared”, Guiliani means “prepared to surrender unconditionally”.

    All I’d add is that a few generations after the arrival of the Newcomers, your typical Guiliani will be employed either in a casino or at the Big Blue Marble Trading Post, selling cheap cigarettes and faux-Terran trinkets to obnoxious tourists from around the galaxy.

    The most ironic part of all: he will fail to see the irony in all this.

  39. *Guiliani voter. As for Giuliani himself, The first act of our Newcomer overlords will be to vaporize the bastard.

  40. Guliani missed his chance.

    He could have bit his lower lip, paused, and said “I feel your pain”, and locked up the nomination and presidential election right there.

  41. Maybe they’ll force all the nerdy intelligent men to breed with all the sexy beautiful women. That’s my hope…

  42. Shoot
    I ain’t e-sceared a’no alien! I done killed a gator wid my boy last week and smoked’m fer jerky! There’s ya about the scarriest little green monster there id and ain’t no alien gonna come on my property and get’way wid it!

  43. This post would have been funnier in Klingon.

  44. Hey, no one hates Romney more than me, but I for one would like to have a President who thinks about the legality of using the powers of his office before just “deciding.”

  45. “Billy, we’d rely on the United Nations to defend Earth from bug-eyed space aliens. That’s their job.”

  46. Remember, I was in command on Stardate -322694.17.

  47. Picard was, um, on board a Borg attack ship in a major battle against Starfleet. Should I elect him president of the Federation because of that? He was there, providing leadership.

  48. Picard was, um, on board a Borg attack ship in a major battle against Starfleet. Should I elect him president of the Federation because of that?

    He could run the Picard/Locutus ticket for the Schizophrenic Cyborg Party. 8 MORE YEARS

  49. No, no Guiliani isn’t a space alien, his face and strange body mass is just the result of centuries of inbreeding though its understandable if you think he looks similar to a typical Gray.

    Don’t you guys get it? Why would you assume any of those guys are on our side. Guliani, Romney, Clinton, Obama and three quarters of the US Congress would sell us out in a heart beat. Prepare to be food.

  50. Since the Cylons will just get somebody with access to the defense grid to fall in love with one of their models and then shut down the grid, what the hell can Rudy do to stop that?

    Marry her?

    No, the Peacekeepers and Scorpius created the Cylons to destroy us, with the help of Emperor Ming and the Borg.

    I thought it was the Replicators, which were created to stop the Wraith except the Wraith nailed them with a virus. Or was that Independence Day?

    Fortunately, no other planet has signed on to that namby-pamby liberal Geneva Convention.

    So we can use hollowpoint bullets? That’ll get their attention.

  51. I thought it was the Replicators, which were created to stop the Wraith except the Wraith nailed them with a virus.

    No, the Replicators were created to infiltrate the Daleks to get them to attack the Reavers and expose the Alliance’s role in creating the Cybermen.

    It’s amazing you guys don’t know this stuff.

  52. If the aliens come fust remember the 177th rule of acquisition “Know your enemies … but do business with them always”.

    I am set.

  53. I agree with Steven Hawking. If aliens do come to our planet we’re doomed because they’d have very different reasoning and logic so they would probably ingnore the fact that there are intelligent life-formes on this planet and wipe us out to make room for them.

  54. The greatest threat we face is if these intelligent beings learn the ins and outs of our political system. They may in fact desire to reform the planet more to their liking and get rid of the native stock but given the problems inherent in faster than light travel they may not come fully equipped with the resources to do it.

    Solution, lobby congress with shiny trinkets to build the terraformation
    and carbon life form elimination machine for you. It would be a supplemental to the great Save the Environment for Our Children Bill of 2017.

  55. It’s posts like this that reveal the pre-school nature of libertarianism and liberalism.

    Those who aren’t subscribers to child-like ideologies realize that our military leaders have plans in case of friendly and unfriendly contacts with ETs, and realize that FirstContact is indeed something that can and should be discussed.

  56. Solution, lobby congress with shiny trinkets to build the terraformation
    and carbon life form elimination machine for you.

    This was already attempted in Mexico some years ago. Charlie Sheen discovered it and stopped it. Pay attention, please.

  57. our military leaders have plans in case of friendly and unfriendly contacts with ETs

    From the observation of the effects of unfriendly contact between military technogies that are merely decades apart and the fact that aliens coming here are going to be centuries, millenia, or millions of years [proposed neologism: “megalenia”] ahead of us, I’d say that planning for unfriendly contact is a waste of time.

  58. I agree with Steven Hawking. If aliens do come to our planet we’re doomed because they’d have very different reasoning and logic so they would probably ingnore the fact that there are intelligent life-formes on this planet and wipe us out to make room for them.

    How does this indicate they have different logic and reasoning?

  59. get bent, jackass

    http://www.answers.com/topic/humour?cat=health

    Sarcastic libertarians didn’t create the current system which is a threat to our existence, and has been since Truman dropped the bomb. We literally owe our lives to one Soviet officer who didn’t overreact to a computer glitch. That is how tenuous the system created by you ‘responsible adults’ happens to be.

    You Socialist on the right are no better than the socialist on the left, and you are both hellbent on impoverishing our civilization.

  60. aimed at TLB

  61. realize that FirstContact is indeed something that can and should be discussed.

    It was the best of the Next Generation movies, but not nearly as good as Voyage Home, The Undiscovered Country or…wait for it…wait…
    KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!

  62. I’m disappointed. No references to The Moon is a Harsh Mistress? All the aliens would need to do is throw rocks at us, and we would fold like origami.

  63. Not to worry, citizens! I have been working with the Star League to devise a system for training and recruiting the all Gunstar pilots we will need. We will then deploy these pilots to defend the Frontier against Xur and the Kodan Armada.

  64. Klaatu Barada Nikto

  65. I have often wondered what would happen if the aliens arrived as missionaries for their alien religion, and felt it was perfectly reasonable to kill anyone who didn’t convert. Since they’d be technologically more advanced, their God would obviously be superior to any of ours.

    They’d probably still force the survivors onto reservations.

  66. I must admit, I didn’t expect Lone Wacko to chime in.

    I don’t know what I was thinking.

  67. Y’know, it just might mess with more people’s heads if the aliens turned out to be atheists…

  68. Joe-

    I’m guessing since IllegalMexicans are his hobby horse, he probably reads everything that shows up on the RSS feed with the word “alien” in it.

  69. Rudolph Guiliani has a pre-Stardate -322694.17 mindset.

  70. I must admit, I didn’t expect Lone Wacko to chime in.

    Nobody expects the Spanish Inqisition, either.

    But at least the Lone Wacko only tortures logic.

  71. Funny thread, but c’mon, what’s he going to say to the kid?

    “In all likelihood, they’d kill me, you, your mommy, your daddy, your grandma, your friends, your little puppy dog, and everyone else on Earth without us being able to do anything about it.”

    It’s a rule – just as when a hostile spiritual entity asks whether you’re a god, when a little kid asks whether you or someone will protect him from aliens or boogeymen or whatever, you say yes.

  72. Isaac: His MainWeapon is Surprise.

    SurpriseAndFear.

  73. Stevo,

    You forgot RuthlessEfficiency.

  74. And a FanaticalDevotionToThePope.

  75. This happened in “Exeter”?

    I can’t believe the staff of Reason missed the obvious pop-culture reference on that one. Tim Cavanaugh is sorely missed, indeed.

    It won’t be long before the Metallunans come to wipe our minds and make us into slaves like their scrotum-headed mew-TANTs (similar to Earth’s insects — larger of course!) all while stealing our uranium to keep their war machine going.

  76. Guiliani:

    “Of all the things that can happen in this world, we’ll be prepared for that, yes we will. We’ll be prepared for anything that happens,

    So it’s not just his views of the Mid-east. Guiliani is out of touch with reality in general. And he’ll say anything for his presidential quest-from shameful war mongering to happy speak.

  77. BRIAN, what do you mean War of the Worlds I? Everyone knows the Martians invaded around the turn of the last century.

    I guess we’re supposed to believe that all those rusty, hulking tripods that dot the country are just old “water towers.”

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