The Presidential Debate Beyond the Edge of Forever

Matt Ortega of the Right's Field blog documented the Value Voters Debate, a Clive Barker-worthy torture session that featured the debut of perennial candidate Alan Keyes and the absence of Mitt Romney, Rudy Giuliani, John McCain, and Fred Thompson. Some highlights:

Duncan Hunter: "God wants a Republican to be president."
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This is the most ridiculous debate format I've ever seen. They have "minutes" they can use? What 50s game show did they steal this set from?
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Oh man, I was just thinking "when are they going to bring out Terry Schiavo's family" and there's her brother.
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Judge Roy Moore just asked about the NAFTA Superhighway that doesn't exist.
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An antiabortion activist, a lady who claimed to be nearly aborted, just asked Rudy Giuliani "why do you want to kill me," only Giuliani isn't there. So they cut to an EMPTY PODIUM of Giuliani. They're doing the same thing now with Romney. They just zoom in on the empty podium.I wonder if 1856 Republican candidate John C. Fremont will also get a question.

Here's a snippet from the debate, which unfortunately doesn't include any of Ortega's highlights.

Pro-choice Ron Paul fans might want to cover your ears, but the real weirdness comes from Keyes. He's the Bruce Vilanch of presidential politics, talented at writing applause lines and giving speeches and absolutely nothing else. Peter Bagge captured that in an immortal 2000 profile for Suck.com.