Television

Killer Lesbians on the Prowl!

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Proving once again that when you're a conservative talk show host, the plural of anecdote is panic!, Bill O'Reilly closed one of his shows last month with a truly bizarre segment that sounded like the plot of a Pam Grier movie.

Apparently, America is under attack from roving bands of terroristic lesbian gangs. Broadly extrapolating from a few unrelated news stories, O'Reilly concluded that these butch brigades are scouring America's schools in search of young girls to rape, while launching brutal surprise attacks on unsuspecting heterosexual men. O'Reilly and Fox News "crime analyst" Rod Wheeler claimed these killer chicks pack pink pistols, and that there are over 150 lesbian gangs in the D.C. area alone!

Ah but don't fret. It appears the day when renegade Isuzu Trooper convoys swarm the highways like a Bandidos motorcycle gang are apparently far ahead of us. The Southern Poverty Law Center looked into the report, and concluded that O'Reilly and his guest are confused. The "Pink Pistols" are actually a group of law-abiding gays and lesbians who lobby for their Second Amendment right to carry handguns for self-defense. As for O'Reilly's expert guest:

Wheeler was unable, in several phone and E-mail exchanges over a two-day period, to specify a single law enforcement agency or officer, police report, media account or any other source he relied upon for his D.C. area lesbian gangs claim. But he insisted that his report was accurate and that any law enforcement officer who disagrees is "out of touch." "For some reason or other, these organizations don't lay it on the line because they don't know what is going on on the streets," said Wheeler. "This is a serious crisis and the so-called experts are missing it."

According to Wheeler's personal website, he is a member of Jericho City of Praise, a conservative Christian megachurch in Landover, Md., whose leadership publicly advocates against equal rights for gays and lesbians. The website details Wheeler's 500-plus appearances on MSNBC, Court TV and Fox News Channel shows including "The O'Reilly Factor," "On the Record With Greta Van Sustern," and "Hannity & Colmes."

I, for one, welcome our new vicious lesbian overlords.

Thanks to David Boaz for the tip.

NEXT: Architecture of Aggression

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  1. I saw “Landover” and thought Landover Baptist and then thought, maybe he’s kidding…

    *sob*

  2. From Landover?
    No f’in’ way.

  3. Yeah, the pink pistols comment kind of shows he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Then there’s the “stuff” behind it, “Oh my god an armed lesbian!?”.

    ::sigh::

  4. Once again, O’Reilly crosses that faint, thin line seperating the mildly annoying from the unthinkably absurd.

  5. “[The ‘killer lesbos from outer space’] actually carry guns!”

    And here we were saying that the liberals were like Hitler/Mao/Pol Pot/Satan for wanting to ban guns, but it turns out that conservatives love gun control just as much. Except conservatives only want some people to be without weapons.
    Fuckin’ bigots.

  6. Are we still labeling O’Reilly a conservative? He’s all over the place philosophically. Not that “conservative” means all that much any more. Anyone on the right side of the spectrum is painted with that broad brush by uncritical, lazy “journalists” (present author excepted).

  7. Nick Cave’s “God Is In The House” keeps proving itself an accurate depiction of O’Reilly-land. (Homos roaming the streets in packs, queer bashers with tire jacks, Lesbian counter attacks, that stuff is for the big city….)

  8. Well, maybe these lesbo gangbangers…I mean, lesbo gang members…

    ah, nevermind…

  9. Ok, Ed, we’ll change “conservative” to “rightist,” which I’ve always been more fond of anyway. It’s a kind of counterpart to the hysterical cry of “leftist”

    Note: though I may sound like it today, I’m not a liberal.

  10. Isuzu Troopers? I thought it was Subaru Foresters.

  11. Holy mudflaps Batman. He doesn’t know who the Pink Pistols are? How out of touch can you get?

  12. I prefer the Sex Pistols

  13. “Populist” works as well, if the population in question refers to a class of stupid, shallow, unthinking, bigoted knuckle-draggers. I’ve listened to O’Reilly’s radio show, and I don’t think my assessment of his audience is unkind or inaccurate. But they’re not really “conservatives”, unless that word has lost all its original meaning.

  14. …there are over 150 lesbian gangs in the D.C. area alone!

    Only during Janet Reno’s annual open house weekend.

    I’m a bit disappointed. The title led me to hope the story was about someone foolish enough to get between Rosie O’Donnell and a bucket of KFC.

  15. It’s like a cutaway segment for a Robocop movie.

    …you know, in the dystopian future, car alarms will actually kill car thieves and O’Reilly will be talking about…you know…lesbian rape gangs.

  16. Good for the Southern Poverty Law Center for figuring out that this was not a threat. Now, if they could only admit that there are like 100 members of the KKK left in the country, 80 of which are on the government payroll.

  17. Last Friday I canceled my cable TV, and news stories like this were one big reason.

  18. Ed,

    You are exactly right. O’Reily is a populist crank. He is not a conservative.

  19. I think populist would be the best fit,meaning whatever the majority thinks is the right path.There is a reason our founding fathers were afraid of democracy.Oh,and for those out there who don’t know we’re a representitive republic,not a democracy.

  20. It’s story-research like that — combined with the Andrea Mackris case — makes one wonder about Bill’s hiring criteria. (“She’s probably got great hooters” is all I can say!)
    JMR

  21. I have my new album title!

  22. All of a sudden I am wondering when I last saw a Russ Meyer film.

  23. O’Reilly’s not a conservative like Stalin wasn’t a leftist.

    Maybe he doesn’t fit your definition of ‘conservative’, but since there are no concrete underlying principles of the conservative movement or of the Republican Party, the popular definition moves with the cultural perception of a ‘conservative’. You may not consider him a conservative, but the overwhelming majority of the American public does, and so do the majority of Republican voters and politicians. I can appreciate that you don’t want him in your tent, but ‘conservative’ is not your word to define in any context other than for yourself.

    This is part of the reason that I strenuously object to attempts to strike the pledge and the principles from the Libertarian Party. Without them, ‘libertarian’ can only mean what folks think it means. Not that there isn’t a great misperception of the LP, but at least I can point folks at the principles and the pledge as a fairly definitive correction. There is no such counterpart for conservatives.

  24. I think O’Rielly is just miffed that he hasn’t been randomly attacked by a roving gang of super-hot lesbians.

  25. [Insert obligatory comment that “liberal” no longer means what it used to mean.]

    O’Reilly is a shill for BigFedNotes. His politics are green.

  26. Michael Pack: Didacticist of the Day

    Congratulations!

  27. I think O’Rielly is just miffed that he hasn’t been randomly attacked by a roving gang of super-hot lesbians.

    Isn’t everyone? I know I am.

  28. “For some reason or other, these organizations don’t lay it on the line because they don’t know what is going on on the streets,” said Wheeler. “This is a serious crisis and the so-called experts are missing it.

    “Awesome! Wheeler played the “Either they don’t know, don’t show, or don’t care about what’s going on in the hood.” card. Somewhere, Ice Cube is crying.

  29. the popular definition moves with the cultural perception

    I strenuously object to attempts to strike the pledge and the principles from the Libertarian Party. Without them, ‘libertarian’ can only mean what folks think it means

    Which is it, then? Subjectivity or objectivity?

    (Hint: this is why Libertarianism is at odds with Objectivism)

  30. You know, if I had never heard of O’Reilly before I would swear that he was having us on. You know, saying all this shit on air, and laughing his ass off as soon as the cameras and mics were off.

    Sadly I have heard him before and his past record does not suggest this at all.

  31. “Awesome! Wheeler played the “Either they don’t know, don’t show, or don’t care about what’s going on in the hood.” card. Somewhere, Ice Cube is crying.

    The shit he is saying about these obviously fabricated gangs is just nonsensical. They are “involved” in “comitting crimes”. They are “causing harm to a lot of people”. Fox News isn’t bothering to rationalize their propaganda any more, it’s like an IV straight to the zombie brain.

    I mean they aren’t even making money. Do you think this is a distraction from those fundy bombers they caught?

  32. I mean the lesbian gangs aren’t even making money. Groups of people don’t just spontaneously coordinate themselves to “cause harm”. No motivation. They aren’t selling anything. I’m assuming the regular Fox News viewer sees this as the latest escalation of the “homosexual agenda”.

    Anyone know who is paying Wheeler?

  33. I think even O’Reilly fans have to admit his show has jumped the shark.

  34. Now that I think of it, doesn’t “Rod Wheeler” sound a good name for a guy who stars in motorcycle fetish porn?

  35. rofl

    “New website coming soon”

    http://www.rod007.com/

    “First of all, let me thank you for your feedback surrounding the O’Reilly Factor discussion on Lesbian Gangs.

    […]

    Further, I mentioned that there are “over 150 of these gangs” in the greater Washington DC area. What I actually meant is that there are over 150 gangs in the Washington DC area, some of which are in fact lesbian gangs. Lastly, I mentioned in the segment that there is this “national epidemic” of lesbian gangs. A better choice of words would have been to say that there is a growing concern nationally, and especially in major urban areas, of increased gang activity, which includes some lesbian gang activity.”

  36. From his website, which is kind of a hoot to read his “oops”:
    A better choice of words would have been to say that there is a growing concern nationally, and especially in major urban areas, of increased gang activity, which includes some lesbian gang activity

    Translation: I f-d up and should have said something entirely different, so I’ll spin it here under a “better choice of words.”

    Also, he says I inadvertently stated that gang members carry pistols that are painted pink and call themselves the “Pink Pistol Packing Group.” I was not referring to the gay rights group “Pink Pistols” who advocates for the lawful rights of gays to carry weapons for protection.

    So exactly who was he referring to? I guess he leaves that to our imagination.

  37. Tros beat me by two min, while I was back checking a statement…dammit.

  38. foil,
    “Isuzu Troopers? I thought it was Subaru Foresters.”

    In the NorthWest at least, it is. No self-respecting (insert homophobic joke here) lesbian would drive a Trooper.

  39. 1)This just kept reminding me of the song “Stuart” by the Dead Milkmen, over and over again (“Take any city with a large, underground homosexual population–Des Moines Iowa, perfect example–look at the soil around Des Moines, Stuart…”) Great song…
    2)I like the sheer, insistent “WHAAAA?!” that is O’Reilly’s narrative approach to the whole thing, as if his entire worldview was irrevocably devestated to learn of the existence of lesbian gangs. I’m pretty sure they make the point to quote at least 3 different Soc 101 textbook definitions of “gang” and provide at least 4-5 synonyms for “lesbian” just to help their presumably-also-devastated readers wrap their head around the idea; for them, it’s like a news story about a daffodil that can ride a bike.

    -sam

  40. You know what, Sam? I like you. You’re not like the other people here, at Hit & Run.

  41. Sam is right.

    Does O’Reilly have any idea what the queers are doing to our soil?

    Way to duck the real issues Bill.

  42. They’re building landing strips for gay libruls!

  43. I wonder if Bill ever covered stories about gay bashing in the US

    nahh… boring.

  44. i did have a relatively good time after pride parade watching thuggy lesbians from jersey city slap each other silly over some girl.

    dunno if they were a gang or just drunk, though.

  45. I liked video he had playing in the background. Just a normal youtube chick fight, but in this context we’re supposed to imagine they are violent lesbians.
    here’s the EXACT same video. It’s actually some girls at the beach fighting over a boy.
    http://www.break.com/index/huge-chick-fight-at-beach.html

  46. …And in our next segment, Black Helicopters seen flying over Idaho full of Gay United Nations Paratroopers.

    Be afwaid, Be vewwy vewwy afwaid.

  47. ORLY is probably just pissed about his lack of a burrow owl.

  48. Dead Milkmen reference?

    *calmly walks on by “sam” (if that is his real name).

    That karma really took a Nose Dive

    cuz the Gaye Bykers say it. um. well, they say it.

  49. Reminds me of a joke:
    Q: What do you call 100 lesbians with rifles?
    A: Militia Etheridge.

  50. Wow! I can’t believe that noone’s said it yet.

    Killer Lesbians on the Prowl would be a great name for a band.

  51. As would “Vicious Lesbian Overlords”

  52. Go on: laugh. Laugh all you want. But then – hm . . .

    Okay, there’s no “But then . . . “

  53. “the plural of anecdote is panic!”
    I like that so much I’m going to steal it!

  54. Formula:

    1. Take any ‘negative’ phenomenon
    2. Call it a ‘trend’
    3. Find someone gay involved in it
    4. Decry the rapid descent of our culture and blame it on moral collapse precipitated by acceptance of normalcy of homosexuality
    5. Ignore the fact that same negative behavior has been common for 100s of years; remember – “This is a New and Troubling Development”.

    Also works with “Hispanics”

  55. O’Reilly would really be worried if the lesbians were packing falafel(s).

    What the heck is the plural of falafel, anyway?

  56. falafs.

    alt. spelling: delicious.

  57. Um…did Falafel say “Thank’s detective!” at the end of that interview? Please tell me he didn’t say “detective…”

  58. I, for one, welcome our new vicious lesbian overlords.

    Oh, hell yeah!

  59. He did say “detective.”

    Now tell me that you didn’t just call Bill O’Reilly “Falafel.”

  60. First, I think we’ve already covered that the SPLC (a group indirectly linked to the MexicanGovernment) isn’t exactly a trustworthy source.

    Second, what about these gangs (tinyurl.com/jelcs)? (Warning: link is to a pr0n site and is NSFW)

  61. Gilmore,

    You forgot

    1a. Combine “young girls”, “rape” and anything else sexual in one sentence -> sure to get everybody’s attention and keeps the critics in check.

    IT’S FOR THE CHILDREN!

    And to the rest of you dirty old pervs – they’re LESBIANS, forget it, no go, they ain’t interested in you, no matter how hot you think they are.

    Heh, heh …

  62. I think Bill O and Wheeler have just want to get gang banged by crazed lesbians.

  63. O’Reilly is a fucking idiot, and not a conservative, but since when the hell is the Southern Poverty Law Center a credible source for anything?

  64. It’s an international epidemic. I just saw this link about Japanese female biker gangs:

    http://www.japanprobe.com/?p=2232

  65. Wheeler was unable, in several phone and E-mail exchanges over a two-day period, to specify a single law enforcement agency or officer, police report, media account or any other source he relied upon for his D.C. area lesbian gangs claim. But he insisted that his report was accurate and that any law enforcement officer who disagrees is “out of touch.” “For some reason or other, these organizations don’t lay it on the line because they don’t know what is going on on the streets,” said Wheeler. “This is a serious crisis and the so-called experts are missing it.”
    http://www.mirei.com

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