Proving once again that when you're a conservative talk show host, the plural of anecdote is panic!, Bill O'Reilly closed one of his shows last month with a truly bizarre segment that sounded like the plot of a Pam Grier movie.
Apparently, America is under attack from roving bands of terroristic lesbian gangs. Broadly extrapolating from a few unrelated news stories, O'Reilly concluded that these butch brigades are scouring America's schools in search of young girls to rape, while launching brutal surprise attacks on unsuspecting heterosexual men. O'Reilly and Fox News "crime analyst" Rod Wheeler claimed these killer chicks pack pink pistols, and that there are over 150 lesbian gangs in the D.C. area alone!
Ah but don't fret. It appears the day when renegade Isuzu Trooper convoys swarm the highways like a Bandidos motorcycle gang are apparently far ahead of us. The Southern Poverty Law Center looked into the report, and concluded that O'Reilly and his guest are confused. The "Pink Pistols" are actually a group of law-abiding gays and lesbians who lobby for their Second Amendment right to carry handguns for self-defense. As for O'Reilly's expert guest:
Wheeler was unable, in several phone and E-mail exchanges over a two-day period, to specify a single law enforcement agency or officer, police report, media account or any other source he relied upon for his D.C. area lesbian gangs claim. But he insisted that his report was accurate and that any law enforcement officer who disagrees is "out of touch." "For some reason or other, these organizations don't lay it on the line because they don't know what is going on on the streets," said Wheeler. "This is a serious crisis and the so-called experts are missing it."
According to Wheeler's personal website, he is a member of Jericho City of Praise, a conservative Christian megachurch in Landover, Md., whose leadership publicly advocates against equal rights for gays and lesbians. The website details Wheeler's 500-plus appearances on MSNBC, Court TV and Fox News Channel shows including "The O'Reilly Factor," "On the Record With Greta Van Sustern," and "Hannity & Colmes."
I, for one, welcome our new vicious lesbian overlords.
Thanks to David Boaz for the tip.