Mitt Romney

We All Feel Better in the Dark

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Deep inside a Boston Globe profile of Mitt Romney and his "brood" we find this nugget:

At night, the family had a tradition of holding a freewheeling discussion while sitting together in a room, with the lights turned off. The practice was an outgrowth of the boys' habit of wandering into their parents' room in the middle of the night, climbing onto the couch at the foot of their bed, and wanting to talk. Over time, the discussion drifted to the evening hours before bed, with the darkened room somehow allowing the boys to feel more free to open up. "It was just a time to totally be yourself," Tagg says.

What looked like a fluffy, fun story about the wacky Romney clan is actually chock-a-block with weirdness. See also the story of Father Mitt strapping a dog to the roof of the family car. I dunno—maybe a first family that mashes of the physical perfection of the Tyrell Corporation's spring line with the blood-curdling mania of the Duvalier dynasty is just what America needs right now.

(Hat tip: AMC)

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  1. I don’t know which is worse-did Mitt not care that the poor dog was terrified strapped to a roof on a 12 hr drive, or did he not understand it was cruel. Sort of like a retarded parent dunking a newborn in water at bathtime, after which it drowns.

  2. LOL!!
    This guy is Huh-LARIOUS

  3. Then again, would anybody normal want to go through what it takes to be elected to high office of any type?

  4. Blade Runner references rule.

    And Romney is like Santorum on steroids. Mucho creepy.

  5. Mr. Weigel,

    Are you contending that Romney is some sort of replicant zombie? Where’s your proof? For a magazine named Reason, I see little evidence to support this dramatic, but strangely attractive, assertion.

  6. “…a couple of replicants jumped ship from an off-world colony. Some are running for president. I want you to go down there and put the machine on ’em.”

    “What if the machine doesn’t work?”

    Out here.

  7. “Chock-a-block” makes me laugh. Don’t know why. You could make something pretty hilarious if you combined that phrase with monkeys somehow. Monkeys are always funny.

  8. THE URKOBOLD HAPPENS TO KNOW THAT THAT WAS NO DOG ON THE ROMNEYS’ ROOF.

    IT WAS AUNT EDNA.

  9. Aw, man, you don’t do that to a dog.

    Not only did he strap the doggie carrier to the roof of the car and drive at highway speedsd for hours, but after the “accident,” he put the dog back in the carrier and drove on.

    Think about how the dog would have been acting. He put him back the crate, put it on the roof, and drove back out on the highway.

  10. I think Mitt is confusing about two scenes from Chevy Chase’s movie “Vacation”…

    The first scene is where he inadvertently kills Grandma’s dog by forgetting that he leashed to the back bumper and another scene where Grandma herself dies while riding in the backseat and he straps her to the roof because of the smell. Next Mitt will be telling the story about how he and his dog Lassie saved some little boy named Timmy, who had fallen into an old, abandoned water well…

    I wonder if this will be Mitt’s version of Kerry’s Swift Boat Trip To Cambodia, or if it will fade like the “revelations” about the Edwards story “he never told anyone but Kerry” about his reaction to his son’s death.

  11. Or maybe this is just a veiled attempt to get Chevy Chase onto the ticket. Maybe Mitt’s strategy is based on the idea that a Romney-Chase ticket will beat Fred Thompson?

  12. 2021 State of the Union Address:

    President Chase: My fellow Americans, the state of our union is strong!

    Audience: Man, that fish tank is gross!

  13. rumors of my death are greatly exaggerated, with all due respect to the urkobold.

  14. NO, EDNA, YOU ARE DEAD [WHISPERS ASIDE TO HIGHNUMBER]. DON’T GO ANYWHERE FOR A WHILE–ONE OF THE URKOBOLD’S MINIONS IS COMING TO CONFIRM YOUR NONEXISTENCE.

  15. Uh-Uh. No way. That crosses a HUGE line! Strapping a dog to the roof? That is terrible!!!

    The only thing that could make this story worse would be if he named the dog “Chazz”, or “Tagg”, or “Mitt”, or whatever gay-ass-frat-boy names rich, two-faced, Mormon, politician fucks name their spawn.

    (sorry about the language and all. I have three dogs…at all times.)

  16. Pro Libertate,

    Where’s your proof?

    No proof, but I have theories and ways to test them:

    1. Robot: Ask it to provide the equation for love and see if it starts to smoke. “Dddaaiissyyy, dddaaiii…”

    2. Space Lizard: If a nictitating membrane slid down, would anyone be surprised? Wave a guinea pig at him and see if he unhinges his jaw to swallow it whole. Also, test the “wife” to see if she has a vagina or a cloacae.

    3. Hologram: I want to see one person outside his “animation team” touch him. You or I might pass right through.

    4. Member of a cult with beliefs that most Americans find ludicrous: Oh, wait…

  17. You don’t strap a dog to the roof. You just don’t. That’d be enough to not vote for Ron Paul in my eyes let alone Mitt.

  18. Blade Runner references rule.

    Agreed.

    However, unlike Nexus 6s, reading about Romney makes me feel dead inside.

  19. The Romneys are less human than human, not the other way around.

  20. Not that I (et c, et c…)*

    BUT- in terms of wind-tunnel testing your pooch, how much difference is there between the crate on the roof and hanging, tongue and ears flapping in the breeze, over the side of the pickup truck bed?

    *You may pick up your drink vouchers at the bar.

  21. I really don’t see what’s wrong with having a family discussion in the dark, or in the parents’ bed for that matter. This makes the Romney family look pretty good.

    As for the dog thing, he made a windshield for the dog carrier. Dogs love riding with the windows rolled down or in the backs of pick-ups. I don’t see anything wrong with securing the kennel carrier to the roof.

    there’s valid reasons to dislike Romney, but these two ain’t them.

  22. A candidate who really, literally HATES PUPPIES. This is turning out to be one entertaining election.

  23. Daze,

    He doesn’t hate all puppies, just the bad kind.

    Guard Robot #1: Administer the test.

    Guard Robot #2: Which of the following would you most prefer? A: A puppy, B: A pretty flower from your sweetie, or C: A large properly formatted data file?

    Guard Robot #1: Choose!

    Fry: Is the puppy mechanical in any way?

    Guard Robot #2: No. It is the bad kind of puppy.

    Leela: Then we’ll go with that data file.

    Guard Robot #2: Correct.

    Guard Robot #1: The flower would also have been acceptable.

  24. P Brooks, Abdul,

    Think of the difference between riding a motorcycle, and being tied to the luggage rack of a motorcycle.

    Think of the difference between lying on the beach, and being put into a cage on the beach.

    A dog sticking its head out the window chooses to stick its head out the window, and knows that it can stop and lie down any time. The aspect of being out of control like that is going to produce panic.

    If you hold a cat and try to force it to something, even something it enjoys, liks pushing its face into a plate of its favorite food, the cat is going to kick and scream and scratch the hell out of you. If it can’t get away, it’s going to panic.

  25. Administering the Voight-Kampff Empathy Test to Mitt Romney:

    Dr. Pro Libertate: Reaction time is a factor in this, so please pay attention. Now, answer as quickly as you can.

    It’s your birthday. Someone gives you a calfskin wallet. How do you react?

  26. Windshield or not, 12 hours in a box strapped to the roof of the car…No. You do not do that. Common sense. I wouldn’t even do that to a goose! Not the same as sticking its head out the window. Not the same as riding in the truck bed.

    I’ll bet the dog had some issues with the crate after that.

  27. “there’s valid reasons to dislike Romney, but these two ain’t them.” – Abdul

    Why exactly do you think Mitt comes across as so weird in these examples?

    Is it media bias against Romney for his politics, his religion, or the things he reveals about his family life?

    Or is it that his politics are wierd, his religion is weird, and his family life is really, really weird to most folks in the U.S.?

    Let’s face it, most folks think he gets to his conclusions on issues via a process that is strange to most folks, most folks think Mormons are a cult that will kidnap our kids and brainwash them, and that raising your family “Leave It To Beaver” style is strange – even if they envy Mitt for it.

    I’m not someone who argues against bias in the media – it exists as surely as joe votes straight-up, straight-ticket, old school political machine style. But it might be a stretch to say that these aren’t things most folks find weird, so reporting what Mitt says about himself as weird is probably hard to avoid…

  28. Dr. Pro Libertate: You’ve got a little boy. He shows you his butterfly collection plus the killing jar. What do you do?

    No, Mr. Romney, you can’t keep threatening to put him on the roof of your car.

  29. de stijLeon: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, I’M NOT HELPING?

  30. oooh, I like the boldface type. Can someone please tell me how to do that?

    Also, I agree with High#, strapping any living creature to the roof of the car for 12 hours in unacceptable. What kind of demented person ever thinks about doing such a thing?

  31. For bold:

    [b] Your text here [/b]

    Replace square brackets with Less Than / Greater Than characters. I.e.,

  32. I love that album, except for the stuff Brent wrote.

    The dog-on-the-roof story is creepy, the family meeting in the dark not so much. I can think of worse things to do with one’s family than have conversations in low-level luminance.

    (Perhaps one of them has conjunctivitis and they’re sensitive to light, I don’t know.)

  33. “it exists as surely as joe votes straight-up, straight-ticket, old school political machine style”

    I guess that means it doesn’t exist.

    joe, occasional Green Party voter.

  34. What about the impact of the roofed dog on other drivers? In 12 hours the dog must have relieved himself at least once. A 70 mph project-turd is a menace to others, particularly motorcyclists.

  35. Caveat: I don’t think Mormonism is any stranger or that it is any weirder to believe in that faith than it is any other religious belief. In fact, I think Mormonism tends to be a lot less damaging than plenty of other religious beliefs people hold to be the sacred truth. (See also: Flying Spaghetti Monster.)

  36. “All I ever did was try to be your friend, SugarFree, but you’re so high and mighty you couldn’t look past my religion and just be my friend back. You’ve got a lot of growing up to do, buddy. Suck my balls.”

  37. “I guess that means it doesn’t exist. joe, occasional Green Party voter.” – joe

    Ooooh… You got me there! Sometimes the truth will out, I suppose.

    Ok, so I should have said “it exists as surely as joe votes straight-up, straight-ticket, old school political machine style – UNLESS he’s having one of his occasional ‘watermelon’ cravings to vote for the even more authoritarian-loving Green Party.”

    The next time joe talks smack about fringe libertarian politics there should be a pile-on about his Green Party support.

  38. Everybody knows you don’t strap your dogs to the roof of a car. They belong in the back of your pickup. The fact that Mitt is governor of a state that makes that illegal tells me all I need to know about him.

    “emotion-free crisis management”

    Because that’s what I want, a Stepford president.

    I really don’t see what’s wrong with having a family discussion in the dark, or in the parents’ bed for that matter. This makes the Romney family look pretty good.

    The boys coming in the bedroom uninvited, in the dark, in the middle of nights not involving thunderstorms, etc. is kind of weird.

    What about the impact of the roofed dog on other drivers? In 12 hours the dog must have relieved himself at least once. A 70 mph project-turd is a menace to others, particularly motorcyclists.

    Trust me, no family with children makes a 12-hour trip without several pit stops. One would presume the dog was allowed breaks as well.

  39. “It’s your birthday. Someone gives you a calfskin wallet. How do you react?”

    I’m not sure. How much money is in it?

  40. I know, rob: how about you get over your mancrush, and stop projecting your own partisanhip onto me?

  41. They actually adress the dog-poop issue in the article.

  42. “I know, rob: how about you get over your mancrush, and stop projecting your own partisanhip onto me?” – joe

    How about you stop crying every time someone calls you out on your partisanship and fantasizing that men find you attractive?

  43. I’m sorry, Gary, I’m so so sorry.

  44. Voight-Kampf Empathy Test Scenario No. 34:

    “You’re walking along a road and you see a politician drive past. Strapped to the roof of his car is a puppy.”

  45. We’re administering the V-K Empathy test on highnumber at Urkobold. Live. I think he’s failing it, too.

  46. I’d probably fail that question, too…
    Of course, I believe one should have enough intestinal fortitude to shoot one’s own dog/horse should it become necessary.

    But strapping a dog to the roof? I just can’t see how that would be a good idea…

  47. How about you stop crying every time someone calls you out on your partisanship and fantasizing that men find you attractive?

    Because both making you look like an ass, and your obvious discomfort, are enjoyable to me.

    We liberals are big on justice. It’s fun to watch people who act like dicks get their comeuppance.

  48. “Fiery the angels fell, burning with the fires of Orc.”

    “Ah, Joe, if only you could see what I’ve seen with your eyes.”

    “Questions.”

    “I don’t have answers.”

    Out here.

  49. “We liberals are big on justice. It’s fun to watch people who act like dicks get their comeuppance.”

    So when are you going to start giving yourself your due? I mean, being a jackass to people from behind the safety of a computer screen isn’t the same as having the stones to run your mouth in the real world, but it still qualifies as the kind of dickishness that deserves your special brand of liberal … um… comeuppance.

    “Because both making you look like an ass, and your obvious discomfort, are enjoyable to me.” – joe

    If you were doing either, then maybe you’d have a point. But I’m too comfortable with who I am for someone as silly as you to cause me any discomfort… You can’t really make me look like an ass, joe, that sort of thing can really only be self-inflicted. You really should hope that you only end up making yourself look like an ass with with that whole “man-crush” thing…

    Worst case scenario? This might be the start of a downward spiral that will have you looking to requite your desire for man-love at anonymous rest stops and steam baths.

    Best case scenario? You finally do resolve the inner turmoil caused by your repressed tendencies and find that it frees your twisted little soul to become a kinder person as well.

  50. BTW, has anyone else noticed how much joe talks about dick, ass, and man-crushes?

    It’s just sad to see someone in such obvious denial of their true self.

  51. Worst. Passive. Aggressive. Flirting. Ever.

    Besides, everybody knows joe is all about the ladies and the ladies are all about the joe. He has a nuanced view of gender relations and owns his own house. Catnip. Rwoar! Probably gets more ass than a bicycle seat.

  52. Someone gives you a calfskin wallet. How do you react?

    “moo.”

    We liberals are big on justice.

    which justice is making you “big?” ginsburg?

  53. test

    OK how about italics and hyperlinks?

  54. italics

    as it happens, i’m eating an insalata caprese right at this moment.

  55. OK, where do we get our “Mitt Romney: dog torturer” bumper stickers? And who names their kid “Tagg”? And why do I think the dark room family meeting thing would make complete sense if it were in a closet? Has Ann Coulter weighed in on Mitt yet?

  56. SugarFree,

    If you add in the fact that I’m married with a child under five, all those other factors don’t amount to much, Rwoar-wise.

    rob, water-torturing your silly smears to death like this is even more fun than just confounding you with one big blast.

  57. “water-torturing your silly smears to death like this is even more fun than just confounding you with one big blast.” -joe

    The angrier you get, the less coherent your posts become. That’s the 2nd post on this thread that was 0% comprehensible. Maybe you should check the dictionary to make sure you are understanding words like comeuppance, confound – and most of all justice – before attempting to use them in a sentence. (Or, as Inigo Montoya would say, “that word, I do not think it means what you think it means.”)

    I’m not religious, but I will continue to pray that you finally do resolve the inner turmoil caused by your repressed tendencies and find that it frees your twisted little soul to become a kinder person as well.

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