Internet

June Is National Internet Safety Month

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Over at Tech.Blorge.Com, David Cassel (who also writes at 10 Zen Monkeys), notes that, thanks to senators such as Joe Lieberman (Ind.-Conn.[*]) and Barack Obama (D-Ill.), June is National Internet Safety Month:

Does Joe Lieberman hate the internet? Is Barack Obama trying to scare you? Welcome to National Internet Safety Month. Its sole purpose? Reminding America how dangerous the internet is.

I'm not kidding. That's the gist of an official resolution, quietly signed by 18 U.S. Senators in both parties at the end of May (including Senators Obama and Lieberman). Senate Resolution 207 specified that the month of June provides Americans an opportunity to "learn more about the dangers of the Internet." Got anything positive to say about the net? Save it for July, pal. June is for commending organizations which "promote awareness of the dangers of the Internet."

They might as well call it internet-is-dangerous month. But let's look at some of their examples. What constitutes a danger? If someone puts a filter on your computer to censor it—it's dangerous to disable it! You can say this about America's youth—more than 3 out of 10 can de-activate censor-ware, according to the Senators' own statistics. Congratulations, kids! Whoops, I'm sorry—I mean…danger!!….

So now you know. Your tax dollars paid for a bunch of techno-phobes to pass congratulatory resolutions about mom, Apple Pie, and the need to keep teenagers off MySpace.

More here.

[*]: Corrected Vinegar Joe's non-party affiliation from Democrat to Independent, thanks to reader El Destiny.

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  1. I quickly scanned the headline and initially thought it read as follows:

    June Is Nutritional Internet Safety Month

  2. It has been statistically proven that 85.7% of all teens looking to hook-up via the internet are in fact 42-year-old law enforcement agents. The only people who don’t seem to know this are are the twisted freaks trolling my space looking to score some young stuff.

  3. Anxiously waiting for Dan T’s response…

  4. Strange. My calendar says that it’s Government is Dangerous Month.

  5. Pro Libertate,

    Does it label every month similarly?

  6. You need to put down skid-proof mats on your web site, Reason. The internet cane become slippery if it becomes wet, and create a fall hazard.

    Make sure you wear a life jacket when surfing the internet.

    If you are building a web site, make sure you wear a hard hat.

    With a little common sense, internet-related injuries can be kept to a minimum.

  7. Is there any grant money available for this? I’d like to study whether, as is my hypothesis, the majority of internet related accidents occur as a result of one-handed typing. (Needless to say, I’ll also need many volunteers for this study.)

  8. You caught me, Grotius. Every month is Government is Dangerous Month!

  9. Pro Libertate,

    You mean it doesn’t mix it up at all? I mean, why not a Government Sucks Month or a Government Covered-Up Roswell Month?

  10. Well, July has a day marked as Revolt Against Government Day.

  11. When he writes “quietly signed” does he mean the pens they used made no noise? Because a quick search of Murkowski’s website pulls up a press release touting this resolution’s passage.

    I don’t know what it is with reporters acting like everything Congress does is cloaked in secrecy. These people are actually proud of this bullshit, and they want to make sure you know it.

  12. and don’t wear Heelys while serphing teh Intertubz: hier

    DAR: when batin, I type with one hand. It only tkaz longer to finish… the typing that is.

    Just don’t “submit” too soon or el

  13. ewww, you guys are gross

    What if some kid was surfing the Internet and found this thread?
    Surely this is the danger they’re referring to?

  14. Gah! Oh, God, no!!!!

  15. Now people, you have to realize why Congress is concerned about this issue. Now that I can check voting records, download proposed legislation, scan archived Congressional quotes from 2001, etc, they have good reason to fear the Internet.

  16. Hello, there, “Impressionable youth.” As a Congressman, I’m here to protect you from the smut that awaits you on the Internet. Instead of surfing the Web, where you might be exposed to material of an explicit nature, why not become a Congressional page or intern?

  17. I agree with the esteemed Congressman. Impressionable youth, come to my Senate chamber in Washington. I’ll do my best to get you on my staff right away.

  18. It’s nice to get a paycheck for something I’d be doing anyway.

  19. We must have the government step in and prevent The Children from the horrors of “internet bullying”. We can’t let hapless victims who can’t find the “x” button in the upper right corner be ridiculed and scorned online for their obviously correct views on the need for more government intervention on any topic imaginable — especially if they’re me.

  20. How did I know that my asshole senators drafted this resolution. Jebus, is there anything that Murkowski and Stevens won’t do “for the children”? Between this thread and the Finger Flipping Young thread above my state is just shining with morons today!

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