FAC: Terrorists Breathe Air, Just Like Humans!

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Isaac Chotiner's post about the looming immigration compromise is short enough to quote:

I did enjoy Mark Krikorian's take on the issue:

If the Senate is going to repeat the 1986 "grand bargain" (amnesty up front for promises of enforcement in the future), every senator needs to understand that he is voting to give legal status to terrorists.

The logic behind this claim is simple: If we legalize a lot of people, some of them will likely be terrorists. Anyway, I think Krikorian's logic should be extended to all sorts of public policies. For instance, lawmakers who support clean air laws should realize that they are really just voting for terrorists to breathe clean air!

I'd add that Krikorian's theory was beaten with lead pipes and tossed in an unmarked grave by the two GOP frontrunners at the last debate. John McCain:

My friend, the people that came—that almost attacked us at Fort Dix—thank God they did not—those people didn't come here across our borders, they came with visas that were expired. So we've got to enforce our border. That's our first and foremost priority. But we also have to have a comprehensive solution and it has to be bipartisan.

Rudy Giuliani:

The reality is, we've got to be sensible about immigration. If we do the kinds of things that some of the people here are talking about, this country's going to be in greater danger; it is going to be more insecure; we're going to face a situation in which terrorists like the Fort Dix people, three of whom were illegal, can find a big underground to hide in.

Farewell, "terrorists will sneak across the Rio Grande an' nuke us!" theory. We hardly knew ye.

NEXT: Border Patrol Finishes in Middle of Pack

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  1. Mock this all that you will, but I understand that some terrorists pay taxes. How can lawmakers continue to support taxation?

  2. If Krikorian is going to support war in Iraq to keep America safe, he needs to understand that he supports keeping terrorists in America safe.

  3. Terrorist productivity and short-term memory is also improved since they’re banned from smoking pot. Legalize it, and the next 9/11 dies in the addled mind of Abdul Chong.

  4. those people didn’t come here across our borders, they came with visas that were expired. So we’ve got to enforce our border.

    Wait…what?

  5. Considering the latest screaming about how Cigarettes Are Evil, maybe we should just ship the “terraists” a crate of Marlburos and wait for all of them to die of cancer.

    Just whenever I think I can go back to the Democratic party, the nanny-staters pull something like this and I have to bang my head against the desk again.

  6. What does FAC mean?

    Federal Audit Clearinghouse
    Forward Air Control
    Frequently Answered Concerns
    ?

  7. Hugh,
    I had that same reaction. Shouldn’t the conclusion be that we need to enforce our immigration policies and deport those who have expired visas?

  8. Obviously we need to take away everyone’s air, then. If we make an exemption for the terrorists we make an exemption for everyone, therefore no exemptions.

  9. Grumpy Realist,

    maybe we should just ship the “terraists” a crate of Marlburos and wait for all of them to die of cancer.

    Yes! Like General Tapioca did to the Picaros!

  10. What does FAC mean?

    Frightened Americans Commission.

  11. Hugh,
    You dowdified that McCain quote. Keep reading: That’s our first and foremost priority. But we also have to have a comprehensive solution and it has to be bipartisan.

    Politics based on 30 second soundbites is bad, but politics based on 15 second summaries of those 30 second soundbites is worse.

  12. Wow, I’d never expected a Politician, Republican, or anyone named Giuliani to come up with a response that cogent. I hate the man, but Rudy’s response to this particular question was nothing short of Presidential.

  13. That’s a FAC, jack!

  14. I don’t hate Rudy (Yikes – I just typoed that as ‘rUday’ – I really hope that isn’t precient) as much as some of the other also-rans (anybody who doesn’t believe in evolution gets a ‘dude it’s 2007’ award) but, it is refreshing to hear that kind of sense coming from ANYWHERE in the current gaggle of candidates (and I probably need one more parenthetical remark – there we go).

  15. oops – s/precient/prescient/

  16. Mr. Weigel,

    No foolin’. What the hell does FAC mean?

  17. Or “puissant”.

  18. Wide angle crane shot. Nightime. Heavy rainstorm. Intermittent lightning flashes illuminate the broken and bloody body of the undefined acronym FAC laying in a pool of rainwater mixed with blood at the backdoor of WEIGEL’s warehouse hide-out and undefined acronym stash.

    DE STIJL enters from bottom right, filthy and staggering from the beating he’s just taken. He approaches FAC’s body and slowly falls to his knees and throws his head back into the falling rain throwing his arms out into a anguished Christ-like pose.

    DE STIJL: WEIIIIIIIIGELLLLLL!

    Slow zoom in during scream. Slow fade out.

  19. de stijl: Think typo, not acronym.

  20. SAC? FTC? FEC? FAS? The Knack?

  21. Highway,

    If you mean FAQ, that’s not a typo on a QWERTY keyboard. Q and C are pretty far apart.

    A false homophone then?

    But that doesn’t explain the misusage of a FAQ where you list, you know, questions that many people have asked about the topic before and then provide an answer.

    Q: Are terrorists human?
    A: Terrorists, being terrestrial, breathe air just like everyone else.

  22. think “missing letter”

  23. FACT: de stijl sometimes has a big blind spot.

  24. Q: I heard that illegal aliens are always mean.

    A: Whoever told you that was a total liar. Just like other mammals, illegal aliens can be mean OR totally awesome.

  25. some terrorists pay taxes

    And some collect them.

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