Government Spending

Border Patrol Finishes in Middle of Pack

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If you're annoyed that the U.S. Post Office sponsors a team in the Tour de France, then avert your gaze from Nascar, where the U.S. Border Patrol is now in the pits:

The U.S. Border Patrol, seeking to recruit 6,000 new agents by the end of 2008, has emblazoned its name on a NASCAR Busch Series car in an attempt to rev up its ambitious hiring plan.

The agency is teaming with Jay Robinson Racing for a 25-race sponsorship of the No. 28 Chevrolet that will run through the remainder of the 2007 NASCAR Busch Series season. The green-and-white Border Patrol vehicle made its debut May 11 at the Darlington Raceway in South Carolina during the Diamond Hill Plywood 200—won by Denny Hamlin in a Joe Gibbs Racing Chevrolet. The Border Patrol-sponsored car finished 25th out of 43.

I'm sure that's a great use of taxpayer money, but can you spare us the sanctimonious, rah-rah bullshit like this:

The NASCAR vehicle represents "what CBP Border Patrol is attempting to do with its hiring and recruiting efforts; it is fast, diligent and precise," U.S. Customs and Border Protection Commissioner W. Ralph Basham said. "This partnership is exactly what we needed to rev our recruiting and hiring into high gear."

More here.

In "It's Our Job To Stop That Dream," from our April issue, Malia Politzer detailed "the endless, futile work of the Border Patrol." Read it here.

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  1. Let’s shoot some brown skins, yeeeee haaaawwww

  2. I am afraid I am not clear here. Are you upset because..

    1) they spend any money on recruiting?
    2) they recruit in this particular way?
    2a) you don’t think it will be effective?

    I mean I’m as pro-open borders as they come but for the life of me I don’t see what about this particular situation you are finding especially irritating?

  3. Let’s shoot some brown skins, yeeeee haaaawwww

    You must be referring, in a cutely oblique manner, to the two BP agents who were jailed for shooting the drug smuggler… those naughty white racists named Jose Alonso Compean and Ignacio Ramos. Yawn.

    “Crying racism is the first refuge of the moron.” – ‘Across Difficult Country’

    And that sums up my opinion on Reason’s coverage of immigration issues.

  4. I am irritated that my tax-dollars are going to pay for this shit.

    You can’t have government programs without advertising for the employees to administer them. So there will inevitably have to be some money spent on advertising for employees.

    I am not sure why this particular manner of advertising irritates me, but it does, above and beyond my irritation at wasting money on a worthless thing such as a border patrol.

  5. Mr. F. Le Mur,

    Does racism and nativism exist in the “anti-immigration movement?”*

    *Labels obviously may vary.

  6. I worked for a major financial institution that toyed with sponsoring a race car for consumer advertising purposes. Our conclusion was that it wasn’t as cost-effective as other options. I think that conclusion would be even more true for a government agency running ads for employment purposes.

  7. ProGLib:

    ‘cept they capture the demographic with the highest yield.

    (and since when do costs matter? It’s not like they’ll run out of our money)

    🙂

  8. I think that USPS no longer sponsors a pro cycling team (I think the Discovery Channel took over). Is that true?

  9. VM,

    Which was my point. The government does silly things like this because it has too much of our money to waste. I prefer my government to eat Ramen noodles, not truffles with gold leaf.

  10. Ethan,

    Yes, they ended sponsorship of the team in 2004.

  11. F Le Mur,

    If they wanted knowledgable, tolerant recruits, they’d be looking at recruiting from colleges, universities, military academies. By promoting at Nascar events, they’re obviously looking for gun toting good old boys, hence my comment. But maybe I just hate NASCAR.

  12. Hell, all they have to do is advertise a 12-pack of beer for everyone who visits their website. They’ll have to beat all them people back!

  13. jimmy,

    but which 12 pack would give the greatest yield, Bud light, miller lite, coors light or natural light?

  14. Fellow Moose,
    That was my thought exactly. I wonder how M. Gillespie missed observing something so obvious and comical

  15. I’d use tequila. Tequila drinkers are more prone to violence.

  16. The U.S. Border Patrol, seeking to recruit 6,000 new agents by the end of 2008,

    Whenever i need extra help with my landscaping or general contracting business, i can always pick up a dozen guys at the local Home Depot. They’re reliable and work hard. Why doesn’t the USBP try that?

  17. Abdul,

    They are, building the fence on the border.

  18. Why not sneak across the border and pay Mexicans to patrol it from their side? We could probably buy some Federales for not much more than the cost of the standard Mexican citizen.

    Problem solved! Or would that be another case of outsourcing vital American jobs?

  19. The U.S. Border Patrol, seeking to recruit 6,000 new agents by the end of 2008,

    Perhaps if these 6,000 people did something useful for society, like landscaping, it would mean 6,000 fewer immigrants would seek employment here for a halfway decent job like, say, landscaping.

    Big government = massive immigration.

  20. “Problem solved! Or would that be another case of outsourcing vital American jobs?”

    lol!

    *packs everything up. ProGLib wins the day.

  21. Pro Lib,

    That was actually a proposal by Kinky Friedman. Too bad nobody took him seriously.

  22. I don’t see why all the hubbub. To me, it makes sense: a bunch of yahoos running around in circles is the perfect epitome of the Border Patrol

  23. L.I.T.,

    Too bad he didn’t become governor of Tejas then! One would’ve thought with the Jillette endorsement he would’ve been a shoe-in ?

  24. “This partnership is exactly what we needed to rev our recruiting and hiring into high gear.”

    whoa-hoa! Clever bugger, innit he?

  25. Turn left. Turn left. And . . . turn left.

    Don’t forget Miller Genuine Draft. I heard an urban legend once that MGD doesn’t contain the word “beer” because it’s not actually beer. It’s water, dye, soap, etc – malt liquor in other words.

  26. Instead of sponsoring a car, couldn’t they just air ads during NASCAR? Wouldn’t that be more effective, really, and reach a bigger audience than just having their name on a car? They could even make it sound like a contest.
    “The next 6000 WASPs to text message this number will be awarded a NEW JOB, be issued a uniform, and receive undying gratitude and respect from all people of the great old US of A!”
    Surely that ad would only need to be run once to get enough submissions.

  27. PL and BakedPenguin are tied for first place in this thread.

  28. NASCAR is a public relations coup, just ask big tobacco.

  29. If you want the most liquid for your dollar and you’re buying for other people, I recommend Milwaukee’s Best. Just keep them away from open flames. 😉

  30. At least the USBP has their demographic right. This would be much less effective if they advertised on MTV or sponsored a show on NPR.

  31. you’re right Doktor T!

    beautiful! 🙂

  32. If you want the most liquid for your dollar and you’re buying for other people, I recommend Milwaukee’s Best. Just keep them away from open flames. 😉

    I find Natural Light (affectionately called Natty Light) to be more palatable than Milwaukee’s Best, which at best makes it consumable once you get over that nagging gag reflex.

  33. my appologies, that should probably read “lite” not “light”

  34. As a publicity stunt, I think the Border Patrol should stage a jump of its car over the Rio Grande. Vrrrroooommmmmm!

  35. Ahem, it should be Miller High Life! I, unfortunately, know a few NASCAR fans who swear by it.

  36. The Duke boys work for the Border Patrol?

  37. Yes. Re-watch the whole series with that in mind. The training needed to move from one car to another at high speeds clearly indicates Special Forces’ training. As does their explosives know-how.

  38. I think you’re onto something, VM. If Daisy Duke were to be part of the crew, you’d have droves of Mexicans running towards her instead of away!

  39. I’d use tequila. Tequila drinkers are more prone to violence.

    Hey, wait a minute! I’M a tequila drinker, and I resent your slanderous comment. Take it back or I’ll kick your ass!!

  40. I’ve never understood the appeal of the Milwaukee’s Best/Red, White & Blue/Busch/Old Milwaukee sector of the American beer market. Once upon a time, Miller High Life, Budweiser, Schlitz, etc. were considered “premium beers.” Their cheaper sub-premium stablemates were certainly a boon to schoolboys without much dough and to anybody who needed a lot of brew for steaming brats. But they never did much for me. If I wanted to buy cheap beer, I’d go a little lower on the Great Chain of Brewing. Little Huber Brewing – now Minhas Craft Brewery – of Monroe, WI was always my preferred provider of lawnmower beer. This brewery turned out Augsburger before a larger brewer bought that brand, and also supplied the beer for the Berghoff restaurants in Chicago. They reentered the market a few years ago, replacing the Augie labe with Berghoff. A Canadian outfit bought them, and they are contract-brewing Mountain Creek, a lager as good (or bad) as any of the name canned macrobrews, but without the price-bumping advertising budgets. My neighborhood liquor store sells a 6 of cans for ~$2.40. It’s in the great tradition of other cheap beers from Huber, such as Bohemian Club, Wisconsin Club or Regal Brau. These beers weren’t always great, or even good, but they had character. Try the Huber bock if you ever get the chance. For years it was about the only commercially made American bock, and only available for a few months annually.

    B?llvink?l, “Natty” is properly the nickname for National Bohemian, not those watered-down acorn squeezins from St. Looie.

    Why doesn’t the Border Patrol advertise in Dey Terk Ur Jobz Monthly?

    Kevin
    (A beer snob, but not above slumming.)

  41. NASCAR fans would make excellent border patrol recruits… they all “gots” their own guns already.
    And their own baseball caps and binoculars.
    …and they can spot the “un-american” types a mile away.

  42. kevrob –
    While I have never heard “Natty” refer to anything other than Natural Lite, I think if you venture to a college town in Pennsylvania and go to a beer store and ask for Natural Lite, they’ll have to think a minute before realizing what it is you’re asking for.

  43. kevrob,

    Natty-headed brews? Sorry, Kevin, but that’s offensive. You’re fired, and I want you to apologize to everyone. Multiple times.

  44. I’d use tequila. Tequila drinkers are more prone to violence.

    I believe you meant scotch drinkers, jerk.

  45. Natty is a complement, like saying somebody is sharply dressed. Bob Marley’s first album was called “Natty Dread.” It means the opposite of nappy dread, I suppose. Of course, the first time I heard it was the Charlie Hunter Quartet’s remake of the album.

  46. Tsk, tsk, highnumber, I didn’t mean you. I meant the hoi polloi of tequila drinkers, the ones who think a?ejo is a Spanish insult.

  47. Whatever Everett True drinks – that’s what makes a person prone to violence.

  48. What’s Natural Light doing in a beer store?

    I guess it’s a good idea that I didn’t write Natty Bo‘. Who knows what trouble I’d get in?

    If I’m fired, do I get severance pay?

    Kevin

  49. La Migra should advertise during Mexican soccer broadcasts in the US.

    99% of the people watching futbol mexicano in the US speak Spanish and most of them are US citizens or permanent residents.

  50. Four words: Border Patrol Reality Show…

    Everyone will want to sign up…

  51. All your border are belong to us.

  52. jimmy-

    I love it!

    “This week, two teams were asked to design fences on a budget. Team Redneck decided to use razor wire, while Team Xenophobe went for electrified barbed wire. Realizing that it would be tough to do all the wiring before the deadline, they showed some surprising initiative in hiring day laborers to help them. They won the task, but were disqualified on a technicality.”

    “Next week, on Borderline: The tables turn, when Jim Bob’s pursuit of border crossers causes him to trespass on a Native American reservation. Tensions flare up when Jim Bob yells ‘This is our country!’ Plus, could romance be in the works for two teammates? Find out, on the next episode of Borderline!”

  53. Nick,

    It is NASCAR not Nascar. (I rarely get to correct a professional editor 🙂

    As for some of the other ideas up there, yes it does seem that this is a waste of advertising dollars because it seems to prove ineffective.

    Buying commercials, or even ads on the track wall (now THERE is an idea begging for free advertising through media) seems to be a better idea.

  54. Great, T! Now we just need a catchy slogan, like Trump’s “You’re Fired!”

    …You’re Re-Fried!!…???
    …”Hasta la Vista, Baby”…or is that trademarked?

  55. “You’re deported.”

  56. That was actually a proposal by Kinky Friedman. Too bad nobody took him seriously.

    Don Imus took him seriously.

  57. Yeah, and look what happened to him!

  58. By promoting at Nascar events, they’re obviously looking for gun toting good old boys, hence my comment.

    LIT may want to do a little research on the NASCAR demographic before spouting his ignorant prejudices.

  59. As a publicity stunt, I think the Border Patrol should stage a jump of its car over the Rio Grande.

    Going north or south?

  60. Um, south. Yes. It would set a bad example, otherwise.

  61. R C Dean | May 17, 2007, 4:51pm | #

    By promoting at Nascar events, they’re obviously looking for gun toting good old boys, hence my comment.

    LIT may want to do a little research on the NASCAR demographic before spouting his ignorant prejudices.

    Based on some comments made by you in the past, and assuming, based on your comment above, that you’re a NASCAR fan, it would be safe to say that LIT might be onto something…

  62. By promoting at Nascar events, they’re obviously looking for gun toting good old boys, hence my comment.

    Yea, like that Brian Williams boy. I swear his neck is so red it makes his custom collar and silk tie smoke sometimes.

  63. You would think this would put a crimp in NASCAR’s plans for promoting stock car racing in Mexico.

    Wouldn’t you?

  64. You would think this would put a crimp in NASCAR’s plans for promoting stock car racing in Mexico.

    Wouldn’t you?

    Nope.

  65. Yes, but who will have the sticker of Calvin pissing on “La Migra” put on their car?

  66. Awesome.

    I can’t wait to see the US Border Patrol Suffocating, Unventilated Peoplesmuggler Pace Van.

  67. Nice to see all of the folks who want to actually learn a bit about NASCAR, before commenting from an uninformed veiwpoint, are watching Larry Mac’s All-Star cookout on the SPEED channel.

  68. Nick,

    There is a new “Bullshit” out about the American’s With Disabilities Act == Bullshit!

    Sounds like a great story, but I don’t blame you for the way they misrepresented you if you don’t give it any attention.

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