Government Spending

Feeding Time

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More excellent homeland-defending from the Department of Homeland Security:

As terrorist targets go, the small town of Ocean View has neither a large population nor an industry that's a potentially catastrophic target, such as a nuclear plant or chemical factory.

But no other jurisdiction in Delaware has worked the complex federal Homeland Security system for grants and gear as successfully as Ocean View.

[…]

"Our little elementary school is more of a target than the White House," says McLaughlin, an animated man who wears a white uniform shirt equipped with the kind of stars given to military generals. "We saw it in the Soviet Union. The Chechens took one. We can't let our guard down."

To "eliminate or isolate the threat," the chief says, Ocean View pursued $111,632 in tactical gear and other equipment from U.S. Homeland Security Department defense grants, about $100 per resident for a quiet town separated from Bethany Beach by the lazy water in Assawoman Canal.

Most of the gear, most of the time, collects dust.

[…]

Police in the tiny Sussex County town of Milton, less than 2,000 residents, got $25,000 to buy heavy-duty body armor, helmets and an $8,500 door-lock system that reads entrants' fingerprints. The even-smaller town of Ocean View, population 1,100, bought a $2,355 night-vision monocular. Clayton and Harrington got large SUVs for their chiefs to drive, a likely violation of Homeland Security guidelines.

[…]

McLaughlin issues take-home police cars to every officer, complete with an assault rifle, shotgun and tactical gear. Officers are not required to live within city limits. The department's bulletproof vests have ammo pouches to carry 30-round magazines for assault rifles, and hardened trauma plates – long sought by troops in Iraq – capable of stopping high-power rifle rounds, plus neck, groin and arm protection.

The entire article is pretty amazing.

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  1. by the lazy water in Assawoman Canal

    Best. Canal. Name. EVAR!

    Most of the gear, most of the time, collects dust.

    Let me Newt that up for ya: Mostly they collect dust. Mostly.

  2. Didn’t Bill Forsyth make a movie about this?

  3. “Our little elementary school is more of a target than the White House,”

    Perhaps — perhaps — the 97,185 elementary schools in the country are collectively more of a target than the White House. Yours? Not so much.

    “We saw it in the Soviet Union. The Chechens took one.”

    It’s called Russia, you twit.

  4. Haven’t we learned any lessons from “Hot Fuzz”?

  5. These grant systems are always inefficient and corrupt. The Feds should either spend it themselves or, better yet, let us yokels decide for ourselves whether our tax dollars should subsidize local LEO’s gun porn fantasies.

    Although, given that this guy thinks the Soviets are still around, maybe they’re just getting ready for a different movie.

  6. What pisses me off the most is that while those trauma plates are capable of increasing the size of Chief McLaughlin’s penis, they are equally effective at protecting our troops from being killed.

    He should give his to a soldier who needs it more than his penis.

  7. “separated from Bethany Beach by the lazy water in Assawoman Canal”

    I just have to ask, is “Assawoman Canal” a joke? Sounds like a bad translation of a German scat flick.

  8. Assawoman? Gowanus!

    Here’s the flick to click: Emergency! Everybody to get from street!

    Kevin

  9. I just have to ask, is “Assawoman Canal” a joke?

    Nope. There’s also Assawoman, VA.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assawoman

    There’s also Penile, kentucky.

    http://www.geocities.com/unusualkentucky/penile.html

    This country is loaded with wacky place names.

  10. The only thing Bethany beach and surrounding environs have to fear is an invasion of the gay from Rehoboth. So it’s good that this chief is surrounding himself with such big manly men who use big big guns.

  11. “Haven’t we learned any lessons from “Hot Fuzz”?”

    Yes. Sacrifices must be made for the greater good.

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