Mr. President, Can I Have A Hall Pass?

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These poll questions, via Chris Bowers, simply rule:

Q21. Which of the presidential candidates would…

A) Make the best high school principal?
Clinton: 20%
Giuliani: 16%
Obama: 14%
McCain: 9%
Gore: 8%
Edwards: 6%
Gingrich: 4%
Romney: 2%
Biden: 1%
Huckabee: 1%
Other / Unsure: 19%

B) Be the best contestant on dancing with the stars:
Clinton: 19%
Obama: 18%
Edwards: 9%
Giuliani: 9%
Gore: 6%
Romney: 2%
Gingrich: 2%
McCain: 1%
Biden: 1%
Other / Unsure: 31%

C) You trust the most to babysit your children or children you know:
Clinton: 21%
Edwards: 12%
McCain: 9%
Obama: 8%
Giuliani: 7%
Gore: 6%
Romney: 6%
Gingrich: 3%
Brownback: 1%
Other / Unsure: 28%

As Bowers points out, people seem to want to watch Obama dance but won't let him near their kids. Hey, he is black!

The true answers to these questions are:

Best high school principal: Ron Paul. Show up in class, don't get pregnant, and otherwise do your thing. Will the security guards stop you from toking up in the boys' room? Of course not—the Constitution doesn't allow for security guards!

Best contender on
Dancing With the Stars: It's a contest where you need to change styles and pretend that you're an expert at every one? Obviously, Mitt Romney.

Best babysitter: Obama'll have the best bedtime stories, but Giuliani will be the best disciplinarian. Two words: toilet plungers.

NEXT: Encased Meats for Freedom

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  1. .. and you trust Teddy K to drive them home. You take them to Natalie Wood’s swimming school. They take driving lessons from Jessica Savitch.

    The Manson Family fun center is for recreation.

    (who, after the accident, looked much better on the radio… and the steering wheel. the dashboard…)

  2. Best high school principal: Ron Paul

    What are you talking about? Homeschooled kids don’t have a “high school principal.”

    It makes a difference if we are talking publik skoools or private ones. Hillary would have made an excellent Mother Superior at a Catholic H.S., IMNSHO.

    Kevin

  3. Yeah, but if Clinton was the pricipal, you’d also get the whole village thrown in for free. That’d help out a ton!

  4. A) Make the best high school principal?

    I’ll buy Clinton, if it is Bill. Otherwise, Rudy.

    B) Be the best contestant on dancing with the stars?

    Edwards. C’mon, the guy is cute as a button.

    C) You trust the most to babysit your children or children you know?

    This has to be Romney. Mormons always have like a dozen kids. There is nothing he hasn’t seen.

  5. I wouldn’t let a danged politician within 1,000 yards of my kids. In fact, I’m going to go get a restraining order against all of them.

  6. Best high school principal?

    I think the people polled assumed the pollster was asking about Bill Clinton.

    After all, he’d be the one in the bathroom toking up.

  7. Edwards is the clear choice for dancing with the stars. He would get to poof his hair, bat his eyes, wear makeup, some glitzy rhinstone encrusted outfit, he would be perfect for it.

    Hilary would be the principal from hell. Can you imagine anyone more joyless than her? Guiliani would make a good principal, as long as it was a school for delinquents, otherwise no thanks. Gingrich would be a good principal for some magnet school for geeks. Obama would probably make the best principal for your typical suburban school.

  8. You trust the most to babysit your children or children you know:
    Clinton: 21%

    How interesting. That number matches exactly the percentage of people who don’t have a daughter over 15 years of age.

  9. I think everyone running for President ought to have to paricipate in like a six month long reality show where each of them have to go out and earn a living at some mundane job like being a high school principal or selling clothes at Macy’s and the like and actually live on their salary. You could have them all share a house, like The Real World, and then put cameras everywhere. Then at the end of six months, they all could go back to their real lives an start campaigning.

  10. I know I’m a Rudy defender, but do the people who voted in the survey know that you’re not allowed to shoot unarmed students?

  11. John,
    That is the most flipping brilliant idea I’ve read on H&R this year.

  12. Actually, Gingrich would make the best principal for purposes of instilling some sense of the love of ideas in students, but if we’re talking your typical high school, McCain knows the most about concentration camps.

  13. If a reality series is to become part of the campaign process, I want them to use the one where you have to eat live worms and stuff.

  14. HS Principal: Gingrich
    The principal is just the cruise ship captain. Newt can lay down the jovial BS to parents, teachers, their union, and the school board, while screwing them all.

    Dancing with the stars contestant: Obama
    Hey he is black.

    Babysitter: Gore
    He’ll spent the whole time (harmlessly) reading “The Lorax” in monotone. Your kids will ignore him and amuse themselves, but you can still count on him to put out fires and rush to hospital if there’s a real emergency.

  15. Two words: toilet plungers.

    Oh, that is crass. Kudos, Mr. Weigel.

  16. Oh, that is crass. Kudos, Mr. Weigel.

    Kudos, Mr. Weigel!? KUDOS!!?? WTF Jennifer. How come David gets a pass?

  17. A better question would be:

    Run the most profitable Long John Silver’s franchise? (Vote for that person.)

    I also endorse John’s idea, but would use the Big Brother format rather than the Real World format.

  18. Two words: toilet plungers.

    Weigal is shilling for Big Sphincter.

  19. How come David gets a pass?

    Innuendo, Warren. You can be as raunchy as hell and still qualify as a gentleman if you use innuendo.

  20. Huckabee could be the head counselor at Fat Camp.

    Kevin

  21. Jennifer,
    I see. In point of fact I do use innuendo. My subtly implied meaning is actually far more repugnant than the plain language 😉

  22. I really like John’s idea at 4:10 PM.

    I’d like to see Edwards trying to get by on a Walmart greeter’s wage.

    Obama would probably survive best on a working stiff’s wage.

  23. The categories are education, dancing/performance, and child care.

    And the only woman in the poll won all three. Thoughts?

    Let me go first. Hillary Clinton is not generally described as a particularly nurturing person, nor as a graceful person, nor as an entertaining figure.

  24. Edwards would do fine. Every year he takes Elizabeth to Arby’s for the anniversary (where they had their first date). How cute is that?

    Every night would be like their anniversary. It’s totally adorable.

  25. “And the only woman in the poll won all three. Thoughts?”

    cuz, like, snort snort, she’s hawt?

  26. joe,

    Hillary’s staff took a break from planning dirty tricks against Obama to vote many, many times. Heck, I don’t think Chelsea would vote for her mom in any of those categories.

    de stijl,

    If he gets a Beef ‘N’ Cheddar, potato cakes, and a shake, I’ll vote for him. No variations allowed, however. He has to eat the sandwich with excessive amounts of Horsey and BBQ sauce, too.

  27. Now’s the time at Reason when we dance!

  28. “cuz, like, snort snort, she’s hawt?” Let’s put Moose’s theory in the Maybe pile. Maybe people really do think of Hillary Clinton as the naughty teacher type, want to see her in a skimpy dancing outfit, or think she looks like a teenager. But I remain unconvinced.

    Pro Lib, I’d buy that if it was a internet poll, but Reason doesn’t run that stuff as headlines.

  29. Hill would lose on DWtS. She’d keep trying to lead.

    Kevin

  30. What I love about this is that in two out of three categories, the leading candidate was still beaten handily by “Not Sure”. Or were those just Idiocracy fans?

  31. Whenever I am canvassed about a political candidate, the first question I always ask is: “has ever held a real job?” I then go on to explain that I mean a job where the main goal was profit, where they had to adhere to deadlines, hew to a budget. Not a research gig, not public administration. Working for oneself is fine as long as they were actually supporting themselves with it.

  32. I vote based on whether I think the candidate as ever killed anyone before.

    Okay, I’m just kidding, but it’s been such a serious Friday so far.

  33. Whenever I am canvassed about a political candidate, the first question I always ask is: “has ever held a real job?”

    What, you have a problem with people who devote their adult lives to seeking power public service?

  34. Wouldn’t “Skating with the stars” have been a better choice?

  35. innuendo

    And what better place for a plunger?

  36. innuendo

    And what better place for a plunger?

    To paraphrase Chico Marx, romance runs out the door when the plunger comes innuendo.

  37. What? A post by Mr. Weigel about the presidential race without any Fred Thompson hysteria?

    Apparently happy hour began at lunch 🙂

  38. These poll questions, via Chris Bowers, simply rule:

    Actually they’re very silly ‘n’ pointless questions unless you think U.S. citizens should be treated like children.

    A far better question would be “To whom would you loan money?”

  39. I think the people polled assumed the pollster was asking about Bill Clinton.

    I think Hillary Clinton would make the best possible principal for Stepford High School.

  40. I think the people polled assumed the pollster was asking about Bill Clinton.

    I’m not sure how the cheerleaders would feel about that.

  41. “Mr. Huckabee” sounds alot like “Mr. Weatherbee”.

    Thus, he will keep Archie, Jughead, Reggie, Betty, Veronica, Moose and Big Ethel in line.

    And he won’t sexually harass Miss Grundy.

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