Incentives Matter: Red Carpet Edition

The second-best proposal I've seen for improving the Oscars this year, from Bruce Feiler at The Huffington Post:

Any proposal must introduce an economic incentive. In fact, the proper inducement is not to implore winners to shorten their speeches, but to offer them a way to lengthen them. The Academy should introduce a rule: If you insist on giving a laundry list of thank yous, we're going to cut you off after 30 seconds. But if you instead speak from the heart, tell a story, address your inspiration, or even—and how's this for a sure-fire Hollywood hit—talk about yourself (!), we'll let you go on for three minutes. Three minutes in front of a billion people to charm, to enamor, to sell, to "build your brand."

That ought to be enough incentive to leave the thank you list in your cleavage—or better yet, on the web. Which leads us to the ultimate money-maker: The Academy could open a portion of its website for the winners to post their gratitudinalia in the morning, which would have the added benefit of making sure, say, Hillary Swank doesn't leave off her (future) husband next time around. Think of all the hairdressers who would visit!

The best proposal, from the comment thread below Feiler's post:

I want to see Helen Mirren do some one-handed push-ups, mumble unintelligibly, scream "I'm Queen of the World!", then wander the wrong way off stage.