Alcohol

Feds Continue to Assert World Jurisdiction

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Federal officials are contemplating "punitive action" against Boston Red Sox pitcher Daisuke Matsuzaka. Seems Matsuzaka endorsed a brand of beer and, in a television commercial, actually took a sip of said beer. That's a violation of (stupid) U.S. alcohol regulations.

Here's the problem: It was a Japanese beer. And the TV commercial aired only in Japan.

Japanese TV execs had better be careful. This, after all, is the age of the Internets. Should U.S. consumers watch Matsuzaka drink beer on their computers, then be lured to demon alcohol, the TV execs could find themselves in handcuffs next time they're laid over at a U.S. airport.

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  1. All your commercials are belong to us.

  2. If we’re gonna police the world, why stop at beer? The amount of thoroughly obscene phrases that appear on sites like Japanese Engrish should be enough to jail the entire culture.

    Maybe we could build camps for them…

  3. I saw that commercial, and now I’m an alcoholic.

    PROTECT ME NANNY STATE!

  4. Sip of beer? He drained a 22 ounce beer in, according to my estimates, two seconds flat. He’s clearly getting prepped to roger an ugly chick. We can’t have that.

  5. I want to see the Dock Ellis commercial for LSD: “I pitched a no-hitter on that shit!”

  6. Yet again Radley is posting pictures to further his agenda. This time it is Big Beer Japan and MLB, rather than the perfectly justifiable war in Iraq!

    Better get our comments in before you-know-who gets here 🙂

  7. This is an obvious attempt to bait Ted Kennedy.

    NEVER bait Ted Kennedy! You FOOL!

  8. Ok, what Eisenhower-era bluenosed fucktard came up with this regulation and why is it still on the books?

  9. The problem, Guy, is that Radley didn’t do a Balanced Job; he showed us a picture of some dude who drank a beer and smiled, without showing another picture of some dude who drinks a beer and then barfs all over himself.

  10. “”punitive action”

    Hmm. Just which fleet is on West Pacific duty right now?

  11. Akira – Captn Holly did. To protect his daughter, obviously.

  12. Ok, what Eisenhower-era bluenosed fucktard came up with this regulation and why is it still on the books?

    I think it is relatively new, has something to do with that MLB anti-trust exemption and makes as much sense as making Winston stop sponsoring NASCAR.

  13. Jennifer,

    The problem, Guy, is that Radley didn’t do a Balanced Job; he showed us a picture of some dude who drank a beer and smiled, without showing another picture of some dude who drinks a beer and then barfs all over himself.

    Ah, thank you. My guy brain was just getting to that part, but I though it was unbalanced because there was not a picture of someone else from the other league drinking Bud.

    Did DW write the “fairness doctrine” or something?

  14. Now that I think about it, Radley’s probably afraid to show us a picture of a guy who drinks a beer and then throws up, because if he does that Nick Gillespie will fire him. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

  15. Now that I think about it, Radley’s probably afraid to show us a picture of a guy who drinks a beer and then throws up, because if he does that Nick Gillespie will fire him. Yeah, that’s the ticket.

    Yea, that secret Big Beer agenda that I hit on earlier!

  16. the TV execs could find themselves in handcuffs next time they’re laid over at a U.S. airport.

    If it is a hot chick with the handcuffs, sign me up! But I refuse to pay extra.

  17. According to Arthur Resnick, director of public and media affairs for the Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau in Washington, D.C., Matsuzaka’s Asahi ad may merit punitive action.

    According to fish, complete non-entity, go fuck yourself!

    The United States ends not with a bang or whimper…..but with high pitched girlish giggling!

  18. Details of the Big Beer agenda can be found in a nifty little book called The Protocols of the Elders of Reason.

  19. Dave W. | February 13, 2007, 1:28pm | #
    To get back to the thread, I think Ty Ziegel’s story is well worth reading when told in words instead of pictures:

    http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/article1294008.ece

    Mr. Ziegel does a great job speaking for himself. He comes off funny, smart and not like anybody’s propaganda device. . . .

  20. I just got back from Japan where I had that very beer. It was pretty good.

  21. I smell a Yankee conspiracy. Steinbrenner must be behind this.

  22. The Japanese make some nasty beer.

  23. Details of the Big Beer agenda can be found in a nifty little book called The Protocols of the Elders of Reason.

    Does it have anything in there about the Elders being able to travel in time, or did the Elders go back and delete that?

    Matt L,

    Does this mean that Radley is secretly promoting a Yankee agenda with his blatant bias?

  24. Beer’s mediocre, but you can get it in vending machines.

    I hope other countries start randomly pulling our CEOs off airplanes.

  25. Hey, I know that the right of Japanese-cum-American baseball superstars to drink beer on American TV is of paramount importance but in case anyone cares about the future of tens of millions of US children, the state of Utah just passed universal school choice. This may-or may not-be the start of a revolution.

  26. I’ll go cross post that to the pooka thread – just for balance.

  27. Since when can our government tell us whether or not we can drink a beer in a commercial?

    Where do we live? China? North Korea..

  28. Mmm… beer. If I drink Asahi I can pitch for the Red Sox! But then I couldn’t drink beer. Nevermind.

  29. Does this mean that Radley is secretly promoting a Yankee agenda with his blatant bias?

    Guy,

    Yes. The evil empire strikes again.

  30. Actually Tupac’s Ghost, the issue is whether the US gov’t can attempt to penalize a foreign citizen who works in the US for shooting a commercial in his own country that would be illegal in the US.

  31. According to Arthur Resnick, director of public and media affairs for the Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau in Washington, D.C., Matsuzaka’s Asahi ad may merit punitive action.

    Does anybody else suddenly picture a government bureaucrat dressed in a moth costume?

  32. I imagine its hard to legislate in a giant bunny suit…

    MOTH!!! IT’S A MOTH!!!

  33. I’ve got dollars to donuts, this story just fades away…

  34. According to fish, complete non-entity, go fuck yourself!

    A Chinese diplomat might have a problem with your unlicensed usage.

  35. How the hell does the US have jrisdiction over a Japanese comercial that was presumably filmed in Japan and aired in Japan only?

    And what diference does it make? What the hell else do you do with beer?

  36. The book explains the real reason Gillespie always wears that leather jacket of his. It’s quite disturbing.

    I’d say more, but I’m too afraid.

  37. Do Hollywood celebrities still go over to Japan to do ads that never get shown here (see Bill Murray in Lost in Translation)? I’m wondering if some of them might have fallen afoul of this rule. You have to admit a similar scandal involving Charlie Sheen would be a lot more entertaining.

  38. The book explains the real reason Gillespie always wears that leather jacket of his. It’s quite disturbing.

    Oh, I know that one, the same reason I wear my sheep skin bomber jacket.

    I’d say more, but I’m too afraid.

    Oh, that’s okay, let me give you a little hug and a fine glass of Japanese beer. Need a ride? I think you need a ride, you are getting sleepy . . .

  39. Just to show that I don’t always disagree with the consensus around here, I concur that the American government should not concern itself with Japanese TV ads.

  40. Let’s be fair.

    Due to the victorious end of the wars on drugs, organized crime, espionage, financial crime, terror, cigarettes, alcohol, pornography, etc. federal law enforcement has been grossly under-employed. Because of the near elimination of serious crime in the United States, these agencies have to seek out new markets abroad.

    You wouldn’t old Resnick and his buddies to lose their jobs now, would you.

  41. Guy Montag | February 13, 2007, 3:00pm | #

    According to fish, complete non-entity, go fuck yourself!

    A Chinese diplomat might have a problem with your unlicensed usage.

    Great, Just Great…now I need to be a credentialed member of the diplomatic mission to tell Arthur to F off!

    Just PNG me right now!

  42. “You wouldn’t old Resnick and his buddies to lose their jobs now, would you.”

    Yeah, actually, I think that’d be kind of nice.

  43. From the comments on tothepeople:

    Those libertarian Republicans…
    yoyo | 02.12.07 – 5:58 pm | #

    WTF?

  44. “” He’s clearly getting prepped to roger an ugly chick. We can’t have that.””

    You mean I’ve been wrong all my life!

    The feds will get squashed before they get out the gate. But it does show the “regulate the world” stance within this government.

    If we keep down this path we will be deserving of a slapdown, and frankly, I don’t like what that implies.

  45. “Do Hollywood celebrities still go over to Japan to do ads that never get shown here”

    I saw some pretty funny schwartzneggar ones on Conan O’Brien a month or so ago.

  46. This may-or may not-be the start of a revolution.
    I’m betting my pinky that it’s the latter.

  47. Jennifer | February 13, 2007, 2:08pm | #
    The problem, Guy, is that Radley didn’t do a Balanced Job; he showed us a picture of some dude who drank a beer and smiled, without showing another picture of some dude who drinks a beer and then barfs all over himself.

    Oh, Jennifer, you call yourself a journalist but you have no interest in getting to the heart of the matter: If Radley posted a picture like that he’d be fired from Reason.

    We need to remedy this. Under my proposed plan, before he posts a picture on the blog Radley Balko would have to consult a psychiatric patient, and ask what sort of picture would provide the appropriate balance. If he couldn’t produce a videotape of the consultation then the presumption would be that he didn’t seek a balanced presentation and strict liability would apply.

  48. Come on, guys. We are the seat of the empire. Of course we have global jurisdiction over every thing that offends our Imperial masters be it internet gambling or beer commercials.

    The entire nation of Japan should apologize profusely and send free Lexus SUVs as tribute now, lest the Great Decider unleash the legions stationed on their soil to punish them for their insolence.

  49. Ain’t that some S@#T! Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer, Beer,

  50. Beer’s mediocre, but you can get it in vending machines.

    You can get beer in vending machines in Germany and it’s good.

  51. “Should U.S. consumers watch Matsuzaka drink beer on their computers, then be lured to demon alcohol, the TV execs could find themselves in handcuffs next time they’re laid over at a U.S. airport.”

    I have to admit that when I was a kid, I wasn’t even a teenager yet, I actually saw some people drinking beer in real life. …with my own virgin eyes.

    I know, it still traumatizes me to this day, but it feels great to get it all out in the open like this.

  52. Radley’s probably afraid to show us a picture of a guy who drinks a beer and then throws up, because if he does that Nick Gillespie will fire him.

    No. If Radley links to a picture of an Iraqi civilian, horribly mutilated by a US bomb, then Nick Gillespie’s boss will fire him.

    That was my contention and it stands because its true.

  53. From Radley’s link:
    “Our jurisdiction runs to false and misleading ads,” said Resnick, who pointed to a 1995 ruling that says the bureau would consider unacceptable any ad “which depicts any individual (famous athlete or otherwise) consuming or about to consume an alcoholic beverage prior to or during an athletic activity or event,” or an ad that states that drinking alcohol “will enhance athletic prowess, performance at athletic activities or events, health or conditioning.”

    David Wells supposedly pitched his perfect game drunk or hungover, depending on which version you believe. If it is false advertising they’re after, Mstsuzaka has never pitched in a Red Sox uniform before a screaming a crowd of people, as shown one of the closing shots of the ad.

    Anyway, if the feds actually did anything to Matsuzaka that would in any way interfere with him throwing even a single pitch for the Sox, you’d be looking at just about the whole of New England (minus CT, shamefully) ready to secede. This might actually serve to get a hell of a lot of people in an uproar about a stupid law.

  54. Ken, you should sue over that trauma.

    But there’s no way that Radley Balko will blog about it, because then he’d be fired.

  55. Regarding the link in one of the posts above:

    http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/article1294008.ece

    Am I the only one that found this paragraph disturbing?:

    “Ty’s sense of humour kept his spirits up through the long months of recovery. His deadpan wit was one of the reasons Renee had fallen for him. She was just 15 when Ty, an athletic, handsome 18-year-old, began working as a mechanic at her dad’s garage. They were barely more than children then, and kept their relationship a secret from Renee’s family. It was more of a flirtation. They would mess around at the garage, both in their greasy overalls and T-shirts.”

    They would “mess around at the garage”…when he was 18 and she was only 15. I am pretty sure “messing around” didn’t end with patty-cake and footsies…and I believe there are laws against that!

    I know it’s a different thread…my apologies 🙂

  56. that certainly caught my attention, too. Good for them on that, I say!

  57. No. If Radley links to a picture of an Iraqi civilian, horribly mutilated by a US bomb, then Nick Gillespie’s boss will fire him.

    That was my contention and it stands because its true.

    But Nick would only know to fire Radley by finding last month’s issue of reason with The National Mall Goes Kitch bookmarked with a Morley cigarette butt.

  58. Overthrow the USA federal government!!!!!

    It is the greatest threat to American’s freedoms in the entire world.

  59. I saw that commercial, and now I’m an alcoholic.

    I just watched it and now I’m drunk and I wasn’t even drinking…I gonna jump in my convertible, drop the top, crank up the Ramones and cruise around at high rates of speed…or not. It’s 13 degrees here in Denver. Hey! Do they have any marijuana commercials?

    Full Disclosure: I’m not really into alcohol at all cept for a little sometimes cuz a little is sposed to be good for ya. If I ever start using dope again, I’m gonna eat it oatmeal cookies cuz I don’t like smoking anything.

  60. Regulate your ass. It stinks.

  61. athletic activities/events that I’m better at after at least 2 beers but less than 4 beers:

    1. Golf
    2. Bowling
    3. Slow pitch softball
    4. Pool
    5. snow skiing
    6. wakeboarding

    The government lies!

  62. The other thing that caught my attention in that article is that Mr. Zeigel’s injuries are not the type I would have expected from a suicide bomber.

  63. >No. If Radley links to a picture of an Iraqi civilian, horribly mutilated by a US bomb, then Nick Gillespie’s boss will fire him.

    >That was my contention and it stands because its true.

    The gauntlet has been thrown down! Let’s see that heartwrenching pic of of an Iraqi soldier injured by an American soldier, Balko.

    Whassa matter? Scared?

  64. As Joe Meice of Alien Crime Syndicate once sang:

    that’s not what I said!

  65. You are mistaken, young Dave…about a great many things…

  66. I also think a movie based on his story would go over big.

  67. Oh right.

    Rads: Make it an Iraqi civilian injured by a US soldier. The more mutilated, the better for your journalistic cred.

  68. *sniffle*

    First Dave takes thoreau under his wing to teach him the evils of corn syrup.

    Then he takes Jennifer under his wing to teach her about journalism.

    I feel neglected.

  69. Actually, I think I had T. on the hook for something about how he was lucky to get better healthcare than most people. I visited the Ghost Of Consumer Choice Past on him many times to show him, back when he was such a freekin’ Luke, that things used to be less consolidated in the med sec.

    Jennifer I teach about the diff. btwn Transubstatiation and consubstantiation. I hope she understands that the former kicks a**, while the latter is a wet squib (I think I got that last bit from Pius X preacher Fr. Williamson).

  70. Wow. Dave W’s fantasy world is really boring. Get this man some shrooms, stat!

  71. What fantasy world? All this stuff really happened.

    Shrooms rock, tho. Srsly.

  72. “stuff”

    should be:

    –stuf–

  73. Jeez… When are these Americans gunna learn that the USA is not the world. U.S laws ONLY operate IN THE U.S.A. If its not illegal to do something in $locale then the US authorities can do jack about it, bit of an ego blow isnt it?

  74. “All this stuff really happened.”

    Please post links to back up your assertion.

    thnks.

    srsly.

  75. Oh, Jennifer, you call yourself a journalist but you have no interest in getting to the heart of the matter:

    And if you read the book you’d know why. Gillespie, man. . . that dude can seriously fuck you up if he wants. You have no idea.

    Don’t read the book. Embrace your ignorance. Keep baa-ing with the rest of the flock, little sheeple. You’re probably happier that way.

  76. I don’t think beer-drinking has anything to do with it. He wore a red sox jersey in a commercial without the expressed written consent of major league baseball. The penalty will be severe.

  77. Jurisdiction? Is that like the part where Matlock speaks to the jury?

  78. The need to also go after Ichiro and Matsui as they are both in Beer Commercials as well. Matsui is sponsored by the same company.

    Feds need to stay out of Japanese Business!

  79. Don’t we already claim international jurisdiction with sex tourism laws? How is this new?

  80. “Would you like some more?”

    Yes, please. I don’t see where you, Dave W. posted in that other thread.

  81. first:

    o. golly. u r right. many other sources may have been splaining to jennifer that stuf.

    second:

    here is what happened when T. hurt:

    https://www.reason.com/blog/show/113258.html

  82. “Ken, you should sue over that trauma.”

    But look at the strapping young buck I am now!

  83. He’s gonna play for the Redsux , they should arrest the whole friggin team. Rammone, get me a beer!

  84. Dave W,

    Check here

    Might be useful to you.

  85. If we’re dredging up old thread posts to score points, let’s not forget This one.

  86. you know, this sort of fun and games is even less funny now that Guy Montag is threatening to kill me on a regular basis. If he ever succeeds, the management of this board is gonna be pretty sad they didn’t scrub Phil’s comments. My survivor’s lawyers will be able to pay a whole lot of rent on the strength of that editorial oversight.

  87. you know, this sort of fun and games is even less funny now that Guy Montag is threatening to kill me on a regular basis.

    Dave W., what part of “I want you to live for a very long time” are you reading as a death threat?

    Must be that doublethink you love to express here.

  88. You want him to live a long time so you can keep killing him, over & over, on a regular basis.

  89. You want him to live a long time so you can keep killing him, over & over, on a regular basis.

    My wife likes Xandir. He’s kinda gay for my tastes, not that there’s anything . . .

  90. Dave W., better not let Burr see you bashing homosexuals like that or he will have a fit and imagine that you called him names.

  91. I doubt Burr likes Xandir either. It would be interesting to know.

  92. Wow!
    Ever since the weekend threads, things are getting weird. Excuse me, weirder.

  93. I for one do NOT welcome our new-ish prohibition-driven overlords.

    OK, I do welcome them.
    But I will frown when I do so.
    Once they turn around.
    And are 4-5 paces away.

    But once they’re out of sight, I will revoke my welcome!

  94. Who is Xandir? Isn’t he the master of the pan flute?

  95. He is in wikipedia. Just like Jessica Lynch.

  96. Just so nobody thinks I am being cryptic, there is a running joke that Xandir has a lot of lives and dies multiple times (eg, the scene where he is repeatedly committing suicide). Robert’s comment brought that scene to mind.

    Doesn’t anybody use “TV Links” anymore?

  97. Just so nobody thinks I am being cryptic,

    I can not speak for others, but I think you are just being nutty when you imagine that I want to kill you.

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