Campaigns/Elections

Gingrich Finally Comes Begging for My Help

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The Republican National Congressional Committee urgently needs my help. Or so says Newt Gingrich, in an election-eve appeal for money I received today. Can they really cash my check fast enough to hire an extra get-out-the-vote worker tomorrow? Or is the desperate begging just a way of encouraging Republicans to vote? "The battle for the majority is in your hands," says Newt. I wish. He continues:

If the Democrats gain control of Congress, ultra-liberal Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi will become Speaker of the House. This left-wing Congresswoman will be third in line to the presidency if she becomes speaker. The prospect of Pelosi bringing San Francisco values and a foreign policy attitude of weakness, appeasement and surrender would be a disaster for the country….If the Democrats win the majority, our country's top leaders will be men and women who will miss-represent their constituents in Washington.

Don't the folks at the RNCC know how to spell misrepresent? Or is that a clever allusion to the fact that Pelosi has a vagina? In that case, given her San Francisco values, shouldn't it be ms.-represent? Am I miss-ing something?

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  1. Uh, is Newt really in a position to criticize the any Speaker of the House?

    Pot, meet Kettle.

  2. Jacob, you’ve clearly miss-underestimated them.

  3. Nothing to say here except “LOL small government conservatives.”

  4. Does the phrase “San Francisco values” really make a difference? Grumpy old men who yell at the evening news, then switch over to Fox to yell some more are never going to vote Democrat. They simply have too much hate. But for the rest of the country, don’t we view San Francisco as America? Didn’t Americans repudiate Bill O’Reilly’s assertion that San Francisco can’t rely on the Federal Government to defend the city in the case of an invasion? Isn’t San Francisco still America, making San Francisco values also American values?

  5. We’re watching you, Newt. Making your life a living hell.

    Signed,

    The Libertarians Living Under the Seats at the Next GOP Convention

  6. “Vote Republican: We Can’t Even Spell Miss-representation”

  7. Another typo: the correct term is San Fagcisco values.

    I was going to vote straight, uh, party-line Democrat until I heard some obscure politician is from some city I’ve never been to but I’m told is really bad for some reason.

  8. “But for the rest of the country, don’t we view San Francisco as America? ”

    i think that’s the point. the nyc/sf axis of teh gay is untrustworthy and unamerica.

    a lot of residents in both towns would agree with the original inferrence, though for different reasons.

  9. Lamar,

    My thoughts exactly. The latent-hippedom/homosexual-haven caricature of a spectre that is invoked by the GOP to scare people into voting ‘publican is only likely to ring true with ignoramuses that are already voting for the GOP out of fear of “catching the gay”.

    “If the Democrats win the majority, our country’s top leaders will be men and women who will miss-represent their constituents in Washington.”

    Wait just a damned minute, Newty boy. First of all, how is a democratic majority voting their choice of representative into office anything other than the embodiment of representative democracy? If the majority of voters decide to kick you assholes out of the house, then that’s the will of the voters.

    Second, the GOP is the last group of jagoffs that should be chastising anyone for “miss-representing” their constituency. In the past 8 years, the GOP has took the biggest dump in history all over every single traditional conservative value except hatin-the-gays. Talk about misrepresentation. Somehow I doubt that the folks who voted you “conservatives” into office expected you to spend more money than any administration since LBJ. Somehow I doubt that any voter with any knowledge of core conservative values could be happy with the fact that you asshats snuck the biggest welfare giveaway in american history past congress in the middle of the night amidst lies and deceit. So, please, spare us the “democrats will misrepresent their constituency” tripe.

  10. The Little Woman and I were recently vacationing in SF from Sinincincinnati.
    In addition to it being a beautiful city, there were zillions of other tourists from all over the world. (Far more than Sinincincinnati) I guess they were like the Little Woman and I: Seeking some of that special San Francisco values stuff.
    We brought back a couple of cans of it as souvenirs.

  11. I’m sure the message will be lost, but Newt’s little speech is one of the best arguments for limited government. Why should someone elected from somewhere else be making incredibly important decisions concerning your life? An alternate phone call from Newt might go like this: “we created a monster! Don’t let the enemy get control of it!”

  12. dead_elvis,

    Which begs the question of just whom the enemy is. I’m pretty sure I’d lump the GOP and the Democrats into my “Enemies” bucket, at least as far as political enemies are concerned. With a precious few exceptions, of course.

  13. Congress! Ah, I recall my last visit there and the magnificent smell of men enjoying themselves.

  14. If Newt disagrees with “San Francisco values” and Nancy Pelosi is going to “miss-represent” her constituents, doesn’t it necessarily follow that Newt should be backing Pelosi?

  15. “i think that’s the point. the nyc/sf axis of teh gay is untrustworthy and unamerica.”

    this label might start to become a marketing tool for these locations. visit nyc! reactionary free! san francisco: where newt won’t go!

    there may also be an inversely proportional relationship between a location’s american-ness in the eyes of the right and the pleasantness/coolness of the location.

    if i were in charge of a city’s tourism bureau, i’d try to get newt to publicly ridicule my city.

  16. Pro Libertate — Please allow me to show my esteem for you by pointing out that the nominative case (e.g., “who”) follows forms of the verb to be.

    Which begs the question of just who the enemy is.

    Who is the enemy?

    The enemy is I.

  17. I notice that the TV ads in the last couple of days swung over the scare tactics (“San Francisco values,” “Best Friends with Bush”). I guess we’re firmly in the GOTV phase now. Nobody’s trying to actually convince anybody at this point, just getting ’em riled up. Personally, I’ll be glad when all this shit’s over on Wednesday and we can go back to talking about humanity’s nano-robotic future around here.

  18. “Personally, I’ll be glad when all this shit’s over on Wednesday and we can go back to talking about humanity’s nano-robotic future around here.”

    man, i agree. aren’t there any pretty missing students anywhere!

  19. This is simple electioneering hyperbole, Pelosi credentials as a limo lib notwithstanding.

    You should see some of the fund raising material my favorite politcal organization sends out.

  20. What Lamar and Evan! said. Insulting electeds is par for the course, but insulting the electorate is a desperate, guaranteed-to-be-unsuccessful ploy.

    And if he thinks that anyone is actually buying the “Republicans are for limited government” line, then he further demonstrates his miss-understanding of his true situation.

    Pathetic. I’d burn money before sending it to someone so arrogant of power, and so lazy they don’t bother to use a spell-checker.

  21. Lord Coke,

    Thanks for the correction. I’m good with who/whom distinctions in formal writing, but I get a little sloppier in this forum. I’ll do some penance later today.

    I must note, though, that one who spells his name “Coke” and pronounces it “Cook” shouldn’t throw rocks 😉

  22. “If Newt disagrees with ‘San Francisco values’, and Nancy Pelosi is going to ‘miss-represent’ her constituents, doen’s it necessarily follow that Newt should be backing Pelosi?”

    Yes, it does necessarily follow, good point. The one thing your can trust any politician to do is lie to you.

  23. there may also be an inversely proportional relationship between a location’s american-ness in the eyes of the right and the pleasantness/coolness of the location.

    downstater, I think you’re really on to something. I’m pretty sure it would come as a shock to the millions of us living within 50-100 miles of the Pacific coast to find out we were viewed as not actually “American” by the people who are picking our tax pockets. I pray every day for the secession! LOL!

  24. Personally, I’ll be glad when all this shit’s over on Wednesday and we can go back to talking about humanity’s nano-robotic future around here.

    Yeah, but first there will be at least a few days of some mix of complaining, exulting, pointed statements of staunch apathy, and generally mockery of whatever nonsense the punditocracy spews. Not to mention that if the result is divided government, anybody who advocated it will be shown examples of all the bad things that the other side wants to do.

    And if there’s a recount in a major race, oh boy!

    Still, yeah, I figure that in 2007 this forum will mostly revert to form and we’ll have a lot of techno-optimism and in-jokes, as well as sexual innuendos from such fine commenters as Stevo Darkly and Pro Libertate.

  25. Pelosi has a vagina

    It’s true. I’ve seen it.
    In my nightmares.

  26. I like how they say Democrats have would have a foreign policy of weakness. I guess sending our troops to die for a people that hates us is a sign of strength.

  27. Sexual innuendos? Moi?

  28. PL-

    Si, senor. That’s what we love about you!

  29. “I guess sending our troops to die for a people that hates us is a sign of strength.”

    What I want to know is when doing that stopped _being_ a plank in Democratic foreign policy?

  30. “What I want to know is when doing that stopped _being_ a plank in Democratic foreign policy?”

    Probably after Vietnam, which raises the question: Why is it still in the GOP platform?

  31. Who knew? I blame linguist. Wherever she is. And Katherine “Tracts of Land” Harris–damn her to hell for her campaign of sex and violence!

    Incidentally, I’ve already voted, so I have no more interest in the 2006 elections. Wake me up when it’s over. I predict a Libertarian landslide, but, mysteriously, the War on Drugs will continue unabated.

  32. I’d rather get Miss Represent than Miss Information.

  33. The comment about San Francisco Values vs the rest of America’s Values makes me think of some of the fine Cannabis Clubs I’ve been to in that charming city. Once you get past the big guy at the door, the better ones are libertarian/hippie heaven. Eat your hearts out, the rest of America!

  34. Republicans:
    1) Against nation building. See Iraq.
    2) The party of fiscal responsibility. See The Bridge to Nowhere, deficits.
    3) The party of limited government. See gay marriage amendment, Terri Schiavo, Flag burning amendment, Online poker ban, etc.

    I hope the republicans get their asses handed to them on a platter tomorrow.

  35. Re: San Francisco Values

    According to Wikipedia, Pelosi is still married to the same man she married out of college and had five children with, while Gingrich, well:

    “Gingrich has been married three times. He married his first wife, Jackie Battley, in 1962, and divorced her in 1981. Gingrich married his second wife, Marianne Ginther, in the fall of 1981.[2] They divorced in 1999, after revealing that he had been having an affair with a House aide, Callista Bisek.[3] Gingrich and Bisek were married the following year.”

  36. There’s a pretty clear consensus in the Bay Area is that we’re getting nothing but abuse out of being part of the United States. Most people around here would love to secede from the union.

  37. Sort of like people want to force Florida to secede?

  38. Lamar,

    Why not? Free Florida! We can’t be stopped, either, because everyone knows that, along with Walt’s frozen corpse, there’s an ICBM built into the Cinderella Castle. America will bow to the might of the Floridian Empire.

    Maniacal laughter.

  39. …there’s an ICBM built into the Cinderella Castle.

    Yeah, but we’re relying on Palm Beach voters to punch the cards for launch codes.

  40. Holy cow, what did I just do?

  41. Grumpy old men who yell at the evening news, then switch over to Fox to yell some more are never going to vote Democrat.

    Hey! I didn’t know you knew my father.

    Probably after Vietnam…

    You mean about the same time the GOP picked up the Southern-fried Ku Kluxers and Bible-beaters who left the Democratic Party?

  42. Holy cow, what did I just do?

    You abused your HTML privileges. No tags for you, one year!

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