Now Where's That Cake?
If you've been seeing more differently-waistlined Americans rolling along the sidewalk in scooters, the cause may not be a wave of disease and injuries. It might just be laziness.
The power scooter is an increasingly ubiquitous sight, with an estimated 1.2 million in use nationwide. But while the $1,000-plus vehicles have been hailed as a boon for the infirm and the elderly, they are now finding a new constituency: able-bodied people who simply don't feel like walking. In addition to theme parks like Dollywood and Minnesota's giant Mall of America, the scooters are popping up everywhere from Las Vegas casinos to grocery stores. When scooter demand outstrips supply at Wal-Mart, greeters "evaluate the situation" and make sure that people using the scooters can demonstrate a legitimate need, according to a company spokesman.
The Wall Street Journal's Ellen Gamerman rounds up a regular gallery of sloth for her survey, including a guy who admits he uses his scooter to get casino seats "right in the mezzanine with the handicapped people."
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I believe the "Hail Satan Network" sketch from Mr. Show may have been among the first to address the growing epidemic of laziness. (Also, the desire to see bestiality performed.)
I remember seeing a 400lb, gender-undetermined, monster rolling over a broken sidewalk in one of these scooters. The violently jiggling neck fat was high comedy.
I, for one, welcome our new scooter-riding overlords.
Can brains in a vat be that far off? I think not.
How soon until we can bet on arena fights between captured humaoids of this sector of the galaxy?
I remember seeing a Mad magazine bit from about 40 years ago that predicted a proliferation of scooter use, followed by a stage of evolution in which human legs would atrophy and asses swell until we all look like punch-me dolls.
So far, so good.
Anyone ever see the movie "Waking Ned Devine" Towards the end, the nasty old woman of the village who drives around in one of these scooters, battery dies and gets out and starts walking. Thoughout the movie you thought she was handicaped and it turns out she is fine. I guess future generations who watch that film won't get that joke.
Seriously, this is pathetic.
Fifty quatloos on the fat newcomers!
Those 'sloth sleds' seem to be used almost exclusively by obese people. If you are really disabled, you have your own device from home.
My apologies to the morbidly obese readers, but wouldn't burning a few calories walking around the store actually help out a little?
"I remember seeing a Mad magazine bit from about 40 years ago that predicted a proliferation of scooter use, followed by a stage of evolution in which human legs would atrophy and asses swell until we all look like punch-me dolls."
There is a reason why magazines like Mad and the Onion are not funny anymore; they are too close to the truth these days. You just can't parody this stuff.
Homer: Hey, what's Lucky joined up to?
Woman: It's a machine that breaths for him.
Homer: And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker. And how come everyone
has a bed pan and I have to walk all the way other there!
Umbriel,
Unfortunately Lamarck was quite mistaken about inheritance of acquired characteristics, so that wouldn't happen in real life.
Dune. Baron Vladimir Harkonnen.
OTOH: Those 'sloth sleds' seem to be used almost exclusively by obese people. If you are really disabled, you have your own device from home.
Beg to differ. My mother had emphysema. She could walk from the car into the store, but could not make it through an hour of standing to do the grocery shopping. My cousin just had her hip replaced and is doing pretty good with a cane. But again, not for an hour. And the carts made shopping much easier for my wife in the ninth month of her pregnancies.
Not all mobility problems are wheelchair-or-nothing.
Riding on a scooter instead of walking = lazy
Riding in a car instead of walking = practical
Dan seems to have missed the distinction between walking a few hundred yards indoors (scooter) and driving for miles outdoors (car).
Heck, Larry A, why didn't I think of that one? Yeah, suspensors to hold up a fat guy--that's the Baron Harkonnen all the way. Fat Atreides-hatin' bastard.
Dan T.,
Have a nice twenty mile walk to work. And back. I'm not betting any quatloos on you 🙂
Dan seems to have missed the distinction between walking a few hundred yards indoors (scooter) and driving for miles outdoors (car).
Right, because when looking at someone in either a scoooter or car, you can instantly tell exactly how far they'll be traveling and what their health condition is.
Or at least you sanctimonious folks can.
"Can brains in a vat be that far off? I think not."
If they're cooked in HFCS and dusted with salt, Americans will totally eat that.
Trollin' Trollin' Trollin'
Keep postin', postin', postin',
Though they're disapprovin',
Keep them trollies postin' Maw-wide!
Don't try to understand 'em,
Just emote and blow at random,
Soon we'll be getting high and laid.
Enjoy my hearty ad hominem
My statements all be dictum, be waiting at the end of my tirade.
Move 'em on, head 'em up,
Head 'em up, move 'em out,
Move 'em on, head 'em out Maw-wide!
Set 'em out, post 'em in
Post 'em in, let 'em out,
Cut 'em out, post 'em in Maw-wide.
Trollin', Trollin', Trollin'
Trollin', Trollin', Trollin'
Trollin', Trollin', Trollin'
Trollin', Trollin', Trollin'
Maw-wide!
Dan,
Riding when you could walk is lazy, riding when you can't is practical, whatever the distance. Besides, aren't you the same guy who advocates regulating what restaurants may sell to strike a balance between "health, liberty and security"?
Dan,
Riding when you could walk is lazy, riding when you can't is practical, whatever the distance. Besides, aren't you the same guy who advocates regulating what restaurants may sell to strike a balance between "health, liberty and security"?
If they're cooked in HFCS and dusted with salt, Americans will totally eat that.
joe, you win the award for best post of the day.
The Blues Brothers are the runners up.
The truth is once you get a certain size it is not "laziness". Your lungs and heart just cannot take standing/walking for longer periods of time. Even your feet cannot handle the weight.
And I also beg to differ on who uses these devises. They have been a life saver for those with spine defects (such as my mother--who is not overweight).
It has also been an improvement over the standard wheelchairs for those people with chronic arthritis.
Larry A., that's why I used the word almost in the first sentence. My second sentence was wrong - my bad.
Dan T., I'm actually starting to like you. That car analogy is hilarious.
Don't feed the Dan T[roll]!!!
Hmmmmmmmmmm, sweet-and-sour live brains in a vat.
"The truth is once you get a certain size it is not "laziness". Your lungs and heart just cannot take standing/walking for longer periods of time. Even your feet cannot handle the weight."
Truth is that once you get to a certain size it is either because you are mentally ill and have some kind of compulsive food consumption or just don't give a shit anymore and are a fat lazy slug. Either way you need help more than you need a scooter.
As far as people like your mother or with arthytis, they are legitimately handicapped instead of fat and lazy and should not be the subject of derision.
If all instances of riding on something should be judged the same, then:
Sleeping with your own wife = good
Sleeping with Dan T.'s wife = just as good, according to his logic
Hmmmmmmmmmm, sweet-and-sour live brains in a vat.
thoreau, covers are rarely as good as the originals.
Downward, that assumes that someone with as lame, inconsistent and constant an argumentative style as Dan T. could even attract, much less keep for any period, a spouse.
Check your premises.
Yeah, I was just desperate to find a way to post about sleeping with DanT.'s girl. Pretty sophomoric, but felt good at the time. In the future, I will refrain from such humor, and I won't play fast and loose with the premises upon which my logic is deduced.
Did I say fast and loose? Like DanT.'s mom? whasssaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Yeah, I was just desperate to find a way to post about sleeping with DanT.'s girl. Pretty sophomoric, but felt good at the time. In the future, I will refrain from such humor, and I won't play fast and loose with the premises upon which my logic is deduced.
Did I say fast and loose? Like DanT.'s mom? whasssaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Truth is that once you get to a certain size it is either because you are mentally ill and have some kind of compulsive food consumption or just don't give a shit anymore and are a fat lazy slug.
I must admit that I prefer libertarians to conservatives.
You guys are judgmental as hell, but at least you don't pretend to be compassionate.
Remember, it's only laziness when it's somebody else riding around.
How 'bout a racing series for them? Instead of racing for a checkered flag they race for the free samples in the back corner of the store. We have a standing start in the parking lot. The pile up at the door should be spectacular and once inside I'm thinking Blues Brothers in the mall type hilarity.
Free diet advice for all: once you've finished adolescence and have grown as tall as you'll ever be, it is no longer normal for you to outgrow your clothes every year. If size issues force you to replace your wardrobe more than twice, this is your body's way of telling you to put down the goddamned Twinkie and get some exercise.
I seem to recall a Seinfeld episode where George gets a scooter and fakes being handicapped. Maybe this is where they got the idea. I think he got found out when he picked the scooter up and ran with it.
When I go to Walmart, I often see a 300+ pounder. When I'm riding my bike to work, I've never seen anybody who is 300+ pounds walking to work, or walking to the bus, or walking to the store, or just walking. There are plenty of obese people, but the mere act of getting off your couch usually ensures that you aren't going to get too fat. Especially as you pack on the pounds, you start burning a lot more energy just to move yourself.
There are obviously people who need these scooters. But I don't have a lot of sympathy for most of the really fat people who use them. Sure, they may have problems getting around, but when they get the handicap hang tag and go around the store in a scooter, they are just making their problems even worse.
I'm glad the scooters are available for those who really need them, but they are a little bit dorky and uncool.
Personally, I'd rather ride around in a sedan chair borne by a squad of busty Amazons clad in sports bras and bicycle pants. Also, this would create jobs.
PS: Whoever "Blues Brothers" is, I salute you.
Stevo,
All I know is that they are on a Mission from God. "Do you seeeeee the light?" Hey!
I'm with Stevo on this one... I can just see myself, occasionally shouting "Excorio mihi unam Twinkie!"
Not sure about the wardrobe choice for the Amazons, though... might have to "customize" that aspect of it a bit.
That whole one-breasted Amazon thing was a myth. They had two. If they had spoken Latin, you could always have said the following to check: Monstra mihi tuum mammis.
It's not dirty if it's Latin 🙂
I remember seeing a Mad magazine bit from about 40 years ago that predicted a proliferation of scooter use, followed by a stage of evolution in which human legs would atrophy and asses swell until we all look like punch-me dolls.
That reminds me of the other great Mad transportation invention, the human hamster ball. Which, fortunately, does not result in atrophy, but might result in a concussion if used near stairs.
And I also beg to differ on who uses these devises. They have been a life saver for those with spine defects (such as my mother--who is not overweight).
I'll take this opportunity to point out that sometimes the illnesses that lead people to use scooter chairs either cause weight gain in themselves, or are treated with medications that cause people to plump up or gain weight. My dad, who is normally very trim (and does not use a scooter at all), suffered a bout of severe pericarditis three years ago that brought on congestive-heart-failure symptoms such as extreme water retention. Normally an avid walker, he could not walk out to his own mailbox without stopping for breath. He put on 50 lbs of water weight within a few weeks and outgrew his clothes practically overnight. A normally wiry cancer patient friend of mine is likewise experiencing a lot of bloat from prescribed steroids. It's not always a simple equation of "big fat slob = lack of dietary self-control and exercise."
If they're cooked in HFCS and dusted with salt, Americans will totally eat that.
Considering that I saw "Hannibal" not too long ago, your comment succeeded in creeping me out.
And there's severe thyroid disease. But that's rarely the problem, since hypothyroidism is treatable.
I loved seeing the fat acceptance movement types picketing against "bigoted" government health standards a few years ago. The majority of them were on scooters as they could not bear their own weight.
Whenever I see the topic turn to excessive weight, it makes me realize what a bunch of jerks you are---not just a few of you--but the vast majority of you, and not simply collectively, but individually and personally as well.
Lucky ones at that, because it would appear that the worst suffering you have endured is having some unaesthetic flesh in your line of sight, or, worse still, having to actually observe a suspected lazy person on a scooter. Oh the humanity.
(Oh by the way--the guy on the scooter "who admits he uses his scooter to get casino seats 'right in the mezzanine with the handicapped people' " is actually 81 years old.--I am curious: is he old and fat? Do ugly disgusting fat guys actually live to 81, feeding on all the food that otherwise would be available for "the children", elbowing their way into areas reserved for charming and slender handicapped people who have earned their way there? I mean--even if the guy had a stroke, it's probabkly his own fault, right? And if he hadn't stuffed twinkies into his puffy face all those yeasr, he wouldn't need that cart to support his big fat ass. In any case, his ass hangs so low off the seat that it drags along the ground as it is--he has to replace his tent---uh pants--every month. hahahahahahaha. at taxpayers expense prollly. hahahahaha. Wouldn't want him to have to cut in on his jellybean money. hahahahahaha. )
It would seem that the one heroic thing that most of you have done is to not gain weight...perhaps it is the only meaningful accomplishment in your lives. This certainly seems to be the case from the tenor of your words. You are a bunch of pietistic, self-satisfied church ladies, never missing an opportunity to dance your superiority dance.
Oh, BTW, if this makes me a troll, then I am one and proud of it. I embrace my trollhood, especially insofar as it serves to distinguish me from you, because you believe in your crap with such certaintly that you are not worth the effort to persuade. You are where you are forever. You people are truly pathetic.
"Riding on a scooter instead of walking = lazy"
"Riding in a car instead of walking = practical"
And riding your mom = fun!
wow, that was a great, heartfelt soliloquy. I too think the rhetoric has been turned up too high on this subject. I think something needs to be said. jimmyboy, I think I speak for everyone here when I say the following to you: Shut your pie-hole, fatso.
"Lucky ones at that, because it would appear that the worst suffering you have endured is having some unaesthetic flesh in your line of sight, or, worse still, having to actually observe a suspected lazy person on a scooter. Oh the humanity."
What a load of crap that is. It is one thing to fight your weight. Few people are lucky enough or have enough discipline to be an ideal weight. But, if you allow yourself to get so fat that you cannot walk anymore, any suffering involved in that is self inflicted and I have no more sympathy for you than I do for someone who manages to get themselves hooked on crack. To compare someone eats themselves to 400 lbs with someone who though no actions or fault of their own gets a horrible disease is just beneath contempt. If there is a jerk here it is you.
wow, that was a great, heartfelt soliloquy. I too think the rhetoric has been turned up too high on this subject. I think something needs to be said. jimmyboy, I think I speak for everyone here when I say the following to you: Shut your pie-hole, fatso.
Well. I'm certainly sympathetic to individuals who get themselves into any non-evil trouble, whether it's weight, drug use, too much television, whatever, but I'm still comfortable bemoaning what I see as deficiencies in our culture. Laziness and failing to do something about ones problems is a little distressing. Those labels can't be placed on everyone who has serious weight issues, but I don't think anyone can seriously contend that they don't apply to a great many of the (truly) obese.
Also, I'm not aesthetically objecting to fat people. I'm truly concerned that it's bad for them individually and bad for us as a society. And I bet that's the view of most of the posters here. In fact, I'm sure that all of us have someone that we care about that has some personal problem that's ultimately his/her fault, but that doesn't take away from the fact that we care and would do quite a bit to help them out--even if they should've behaved differently, once upon a time.
Obesity, like most "problems" people have is complicated. Its causes are sundry and diverse (redundant?). Maybe its just real bad depression that makes someone eat themselves to 500 pounds. Does that make it less legit? When you see someone who is fat on the street, how the hell do you know whats up?
Come on kids, we can be nicer than this.
Well. I'm certainly sympathetic to individuals who get themselves into any non-evil trouble, whether it's weight, drug use, too much television, whatever, but I'm still comfortable bemoaning what I see as deficiencies in our culture. Laziness and failing to do something about ones problems is a little distressing. Those labels can't be placed on everyone who has serious weight issues, but I don't think anyone can seriously contend that they don't apply to a great many of the (truly) obese.
Also, I'm not aesthetically objecting to fat people. I'm truly concerned that it's bad for them individually and bad for us as a society. And I bet that's the view of most of the posters here. In fact, I'm sure that all of us have someone that we care about that has some personal problem that's ultimately his/her fault, but that doesn't take away from the fact that we care and would do quite a bit to help them out--even if they should've behaved differently, once upon a time.
Ok, but most people here seem to be purveying derision, not sympathy. Also, "individually and as a society": the first is their business, not yours, and the second doesn't even exist, at least not for libertarians.
As far as "laziness . . .distressing" goes, you cannot possibly be serious. Unless you are a nannystate-libertarian, of course.
Why exactly do people assume that being overweight is due to "laziness"? Especially when it's reported that Americans work harder and longer hours than our slimmer European counterparts.
neilpaul,
I'm not following your reasoning. I never said that the government should do anything about people's behavior. All I said is that I think obesity is a bad thing. People can go to hell in a hand basket if they want to, but I can feel sorry for them and regret their choices. And the effect those choices have on our society. Just as I regret that so many people tolerate (mostly) unlimited government, etc.
I also don't understand your statement that libertarians don't recognize "society". That's simply not true. Most libertarian literature talks about "limited" government not "no" government, and the concept of "civil society", where people cooperate to accomplish goals without government involvement or coercion, is mentioned with approval quite often in the same sources.
"It would seem that the one heroic thing that most of you have done is to not gain weight...perhaps it is the only meaningful accomplishment in your lives. This certainly seems to be the case from the tenor of your words. You are a bunch of pietistic, self-satisfied church ladies, never missing an opportunity to dance your superiority dance."
um. I've gained a ton of weight in the last three years, but the rest of the description you portray holds. good call. I'd say that the most meaningful thing I've done is lose the cup but then win it back. Now THERE was glory!
And I'm probably a little taller than you, so there's another differentiation point betwixt the two of us! And I'm not from Buffalo. And I make a good Blunzngroestl. So besides my smugness, there are a coupla differences.
Do you really go to D'Youville College? Wow. That one practically writes itself. It'd be better in Philly, tho. D'Youze Kolledge.
(signed)
VM, the corpulent Moose
I am consistent in that I have no sympathy for either group. That said, I think the pro fatties on this thread could make a good point in that many of the posters on this thread who see no problem with someone shooting meth or snorting coke to the point of it destroying their health are so quick to condem someone eating bon bons and krispy kreams until they can't walk anymore. In some ways, the morbidly obeese are just sensualists who have chosen to enjoy the blessings of food to excess and the alter states of consciousness associated with diabietes and food comas. Looked at that way, perhaps the libertarians here should be aplauding them.
my reasoning is as follows. Sure society exists, but bad things happen to individuals, not to society as a whole. Thus fat people by and large suffer for their fatness the most and the non-fat amongst us suffer only our share of the above average costs (if any) that that fat person manages to offload onto government and insurance, etc. "Society" doesn't suffer since its not a concious being only the individuals therin do.
I really don't see what horrors the obese are inflicting on us. Higher health costs? Isn't that outweighed, so to speak, by lower SS payments due to decreased life expectancy. Probably a rail thin person who lives to 95 years old and spends the last 10 in a nursing home with Alzheimers is the one who is really screwing society.
I know many many freedom loving folks who reserve scorn only for fat people. Invariably they try to bring morality into it in a way that they would not if smoking cigaretts was the topic.
If you want to be prejudiced against these people, do it while you still can. I just think people should just admit that fat people turn them off aesthetically and not bring morality or social cost into it, thats all.
As a former fat person (from 300 to 150--with no surgery and my own program), people who have not lost a great deal of weight dont know what they are talking about. Plain and simple.
People give more sympathy to drug addicts.
What business is it of anyone about who uses a skooter...as long as you didnt pay for it. What happned to minding your own business.
And btw, I eat more than what I used to, but what eat is differant.
wow, neilpaul..wishing death on fat people so it lowers the cost of healthcare is a bit much. Yeah, sure, they ain't fun to look at, they smell a little bit, they breath too heavy on elevators and generally have a piss poor attitude because they are unbeleivably self conscience....but damn, I'm not mean enough to wish death like you.
People give more sympathy to drug addicts.
Or on libertarian blogs, addicts are generally free from unsolicited advice about how to live their lives. The general argument goes, "It's their life, they can fuck it up if they want to."
But fat folks are magnets for advice: "Hey! Put down the Twinkie, get off the couch, and take a walk!" As if this were some sort of revelation.
Maybe it's because fatties are more massive than waifish druggies that advice is drawn to them.
gnat,
in case you are serious,
not blaming people for driving up my costs through their behavior and wishing death on them are not the same thing. Its close, but not quite the same.
All I am saying is if these folks are not screwing me or "society" through their behavior, then I am not going to spend all day resenting them or their choices. And, if I don't like someones looks, I'll say so. I mean, rather than pretend I have some moral high ground to claim to justify my dislike.
A huge number of people are on disability because they are obese. They're jerks that screw society. Just like the drug addicts on disability. If you want to be fat or get high, do it on your own dime and I'll have no problem with it. Use the government to steal from the productive to subsidize your choices, you're an asshole, fat or thin.
My diet plan: go to the all you can eat buffet restaurant once in a while (I prefer the Chinese variety). Observe the morbidly obese personages waddling around carrying plates that have a mound of food taller than the diameter of the plate. The really impressive ones make several trips.
-poof- I am no longer hungry.
hope that helps
Jcavar, I think the differance is that in our society a habit is acceptable IF NO ONE SEES IT. We are a society that bases our opinions of people on the way they look.
If you are fat, then you are obviously lazy, dumb, and stupid. If you are a drug addict or an alcholic, you are not--as long as you LOOK ok on the outside. Because in our society the outside is what matters.
And assuming that fat people are the drain on medicine is also not accurate. When I lost weight, I went on a hike..and got Lyme disease. I may be thin, but I am more of a drain now that ever before. But you see, it is ok...because I LOOK healthy.
neilpaul, I wasn't serious.
I recall the Mad magazine bit was about Americans who were going to get fat by riding motorcycles even in their houses, and be pushovers for the lean & hungry Soviets. Maybe it should be changed to skinny Arabs.
Right now I'm in southern Taiwan, where people ride their scooters everywhere, and while the people tend to be slimmer than Americans, they are getting fatter. But it's probably diet as much of lack of exercise.
The culprit is modern medicine. Without medical intervention, nature culls out the fat, lazy fucks. The real victim of progress is our species.
Come on kids, we can be nicer than this.
No we can't.
I rode one of these contraptions for the first time a few weeks ago. Pulled muscle left me unable to walk, and I had a trade show to cover. If you're someone like me, you'll find out very quickly how to jigger things for more speed. And you'll find the various handicapped ramps quite a blast.
When you come blaring down the aisles, people get out of your way. Sweeeet. Why didn't I discover this YEARS ago?
I gained weight during years I got plenty of exercise in training for rugby or bicycling. It's no panacea.
I've had weight loss during periods of anxiety. It's not worth it.
...many of the posters on this thread who see no problem with someone shooting meth or snorting coke...are so quick to condem someone eating bon bons and krispy kreams until they can't walk anymore...
People give more sympathy to drug addicts.
Maybe it's because fatties are more massive than waifish druggies that advice is drawn to them.
Obese people are disgusting to (the bulk of) others. All the similie-ing and metaphoring in the world's not going to change that fact. There's probably a deep-seated reason for it available through one of those sociobiology "just so stories": something like obesity marked gluttons who took more than their fair share of the (scarce) foodstuffs. Regardless, obesity isn't so much a health crisis (is it even a health crisis?) as an aesthetic crisis: can we really degenerate into giant, scooter-dependent naked mole rats?
Last weekend I happened by a pod of Hutts departing the theater after a showing of "[Anorexic] Pirates of the Carribean". Yuck and yuck.
...many of the posters on this thread who see no problem with someone shooting meth or snorting coke...are so quick to condem someone eating bon bons and krispy kreams until they can't walk anymore...
People give more sympathy to drug addicts.
Maybe it's because fatties are more massive than waifish druggies that advice is drawn to them.
Obese people are disgusting to (the bulk of) others. All the similie-ing and metaphoring in the world's not going to change that fact. There's probably a deep-seated reason for it available through one of those sociobiology "just so stories": something like obesity marked gluttons who took more than their fair share of the (scarce) foodstuffs. Regardless, obesity isn't so much a health crisis (is it even a health crisis?) as an aesthetic crisis: can we really degenerate into giant, scooter-dependent naked mole rats?
Last weekend I happened by a pod of Hutts departing the theater after a showing of "[Anorexic] Pirates of the Carribean". Yuck and yuck.