Protecting the Homeland from Fleshbot

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Last Thursday, two men walked into a Maryland library, announced that viewing porn was forbidden, "challenged an internet user's choice of viewing material," and asked the man to step outside. The source of their authority? The Wash Post reports:

The men looked stern and wore baseball caps emblazoned with the words "Homeland Security."

The officers, who hailed from the security division of Montgomery County's very own Homeland Security Department, have been "reassigned."

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  1. Let me get this out of the way:

    Those surfers didn’t RESPECT their AUTHORITAH!

  2. I hope “reassigned” is a euphemism for “fired.”

    But probably not. These tools are undoubtedly still sucking down tax dollars and abusing their authoritay somewhere else in the system.

  3. America – What a country

  4. Whoever the fuck is responsible for this buffoonery needs to be kicked hard.

  5. */ kicks pebble.

    (hey – the best i could do.)

  6. But probably not. These tools are undoubtedly still sucking down tax dollars and abusing their authoritay somewhere else in the system.

    Don’t FBI agents have this authoritay? Isn’t this an accurate reflection of our security state, and thus shouldn’t be laughed off just because it involved to local yokels?

  7. I wish we could start up a civil liberty abuser shitlist, a la the sex offender and abortion provider lists that circulate on the internet so that we could harrass these morons for a while and maybe embarrass their superiors into doing more than just reassigning them.

  8. A larger issue, how did the “officers” find out about the alleged porn, from an NSA data stream tapping program issuing an alert to local authorities?

    No one could find out, it is all top secret. Biden says even senators with clearance have not been informed.

  9. I hope they were reassigned to changing elephants’ diapers or fluffing Jabba the Hutt.

  10. “The men looked stern and wore baseball caps emblazoned with the words “Homeland Security.”

    I knew I should have bought that “Freelance Gynecologist” tshirt when I had the chance!

  11. Spoken like a true geek, never got any, never will.

  12. “Couldn’t happen here”… they said.
    “We’re not like those other countires”… they said.
    “We know better”… they said.

    “Trust us”… they said.

    Yeah, RIGHT!

    It’s not that the Homeland Security footsoldiers were “wrong” in what they did, they were just premature in their actions. They must have gotten the memo too soon.

  13. “Spoken like a true geek, never got any, never will.”

    *yawn*

    amazingdrx, where do you buy your insults? K-Mart?

    Because honestly, that’s so lame that I’m not even going to attempt to think up an original comeback.

    To wit:

    Perhaps you should ask your mother about my relative level of sexual virility before making baseless accusations.

  14. I swear I would have punched at least one of them.
    When questioned by authorities later I would have claimed that I thought they were terrorists trying to pass themselves off as HS officers, but their cheesy hats gave it away. I would site all the signs and public service messages we see telling us to be vigilant and to report all suspicious behavior, and raising your voice in a library certainly qualifies. As my eyes begin to tear up with chest-thumping patriotic pride, I would whisper “never forget” repeatedly, then break into a loud rendition of God Bless America.

  15. http://lowbagger.org/fivehundredthbison.html

    “U.S. Homeland Security agents have been escorting the country’s native wild bison to slaughter facilities in Montana and Idaho, some as far away as 500 miles.”

    Did they waterboard these terrorist bison first?

    Bushed land security in action.

  16. And yet the story had a happy ending.
    The officers were humiliated.
    Nobody was shot.
    Reason prevailed.
    Not bad news. Good news.

  17. Maybe you should have put a little more thought into it. Just a suggestion, don’t take it personally.

  18. 1) I didn’t put any relative thought into my rebuttal because you’re an idiot and there’s no use wasting good wit on someone who seems to aspire to the level of a mental invalid.

    2) I didn’t take it personally. I’m simply pointing out that you lack any sort of creativity. Your insults, much like your talking points are tired retreads of stuff I got bored with in 7th Grade.

  19. Well that’s very different then, never mind.

  20. Mediageek:

    it sounds as though someone is taking out the hand cramp on you. bummer. and i’d guess that he’s just M1, and the shift key broke on his computer (or caps lock – since he probably types with one hand)

    haven’t seen that t-shirt, however. have you seen the obscenely pink t-shirt that reads “don’t laugh. it’s your girlfriend’s nightshirt”? and another “i taught your girlfriend that thing you like”

    time to repeat the DW treatment?

  21. “…hand cramp”

    That’s a shame.

  22. hope your mom gets cancer mediageek

  23. amazingdrx is Dave W.!

  24. Ww can only wonder if the outcome would have been so happy if the offending pictures had been of the Reason Pillow Girl and the accompanying anti-government articles found here at H&R.

  25. hope your sweater pills up and you can’t get the little balls of sweater off it, amazingdrx

  26. ladies ladies stop youre both pretty

  27. Government thugs!

  28. I wonder pornography has to do with homeland security? Is John Holmes banging out secret messages to al Qaeda in some sort of pelvic morse code?

  29. “At most public libraries in the Washington area, an adult can view pornography on a library computer more or less unfettered. ”

    Hell. I like to be tied up while I’m pornsurfing.

  30. DHS is the new ATF.

  31. Is John Holmes banging out secret messages to al Qaeda in some sort of pelvic morse code?

    In ancient times, oracles would try to divine the future by looking for patterns in tea leaves or chicken guts. In our more sophisticated era, Homeland Security determines future threats by studying patterns in porno money shots.

  32. Too bad there are no tests in existence to screen out these power-hungry, FBI wanna bes.

  33. David,

    John Holmes? You’re talking 1970’s. Remember Annette Haven? She was my fave. Cute, classy. smart…

    http://tinyurl.com/dwer9

  34. BUDGIE muses: I wish we could start up a civil liberty abuser shitlist, a la the sex offender and abortion provider lists that circulate on the internet so that we could harrass these morons for a while and maybe embarrass their superiors into doing more than just reassigning them.

    SH: Well, it’s tangential, but here’s a start

    http://www.whosarat.com

  35. Sorry, Rick. I’m not quite that old but I may have seen some of her scenes when I was too young to be looking at porn. I was just looking for a name people might recognize.

  36. SteveinClearwater–
    Yup…that’s the spirit.

  37. Leave it to amazingdrx to harsh the buzz on a perfectly good porn discussion. I bet he farts at orgies, too.

  38. “In our more sophisticated era, Homeland Security determines future threats by studying patterns in porno money shots.”

    The message hidden in bukkake: “The enemy is everywhere.”

  39. *snerks*

    You are a bad man, isildur.

  40. Of course these yutzes weren’t fired. They’re public employees protected by union goons.

  41. Carry on jeff, the more you geeks wallow in porn the lower your birthrate. Natural selection or intelligent design? Who cares, as long as you don’t reproduce.

  42. amazingdrx is a troll. No, I mean it. A literal troll from Norway or someplace. Look:

    http://amazngdrx.blogharbor.com/blog/Photos/_archives/2005/2/24/369560.html

  43. Amanda Hugginkiss,

    Once I stop laughing, I will have to think of a good riff on that photo.

    Thanks, bb

  44. What a fargin icehole!

  45. Fuckers just doubled my assessments to pay for these jackasses.

    Don’t even get me started on the way they protect me from snipers.

    ‘Least I get to watch Doug Duncan’s political career go up in a can of greasy smoke.

  46. “Carry on jeff, the more you geeks wallow in porn the lower your birthrate. Natural selection or intelligent design? Who cares, as long as you don’t reproduce.”

    HAHAHAHAHA

  47. Remember, I’m still watching you guys and adding you to my database.

  48. amazingdrx is a troll. No, I mean it. A literal troll from Norway or someplace. Look:

    http://amazngdrx.blogharbor.com/blog/Photos/_archives/2005/2/24/369560.html

    Once I stop laughing, I will have to think of a good riff on that photo.

    “Preccciousssss! My preccciousssssssss!”

  49. “It burrrnnnsssss! It burnnsesssss usss!”

  50. Wow 59 hits from that link. You dweebs are infecting a popular site!

  51. 59 hits?

    Must suck to have that many people laughing at you.

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