Conspiracy Theories

Grand Ole Ones


Attention conspiracy buffs: An article in Hidden Mysteries argues, or at least declares, that the Illuminati, the Scottish Rite Freemasons, the Knights of the Golden Circle, and the Ku Klux Klan are all the same organization. John Wilkes Booth and Jesse James are supposed to be mixed up in the conspiracy as well, and James' grandson is credited with revealing this piece of data:

Jesse James said the Supreme Headquarters for the Knights of the Golden Circle was located in Nashville, Tennessee. The actual address of the Supreme Headquarters was 814 Fatherland Drive near downtown Nashville. You see 814 Fatherland Dr. was the home of Doctor Sylvester Frank James the older brother of Jesse James and high-ranking member of the Knights of the Golden Circle. What this has to do with country music is this. The ORIGINAL home of the Grand Ole Opry is the DIXIE TABERNACLE also located at 814 Fatherland Drive in Nashville.

Whether this is one of the peculiar coincidences of history or if there is a real connection between the Grand Ole Opry who knows?

Only God or Cthulhu can say why the author picked that moment to introduce a little uncertainty to his narrative, but let's go boldly where he refuses to tread: If this ancient occult order controls the Opry, the inescapable conclusion is that THE ILLUMINATI KILLED HANK WILLIAMS. I presume this was a part of their secret Masonic ritual, the Killing of the King of Country Music.

[Hat tip: Paul Krassner.]

NEXT: 'Roids Rejoinder

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  1. Rejected headlines for this post: “My Theory’s Got a Hooooole in It” and “If You Don’t Like Adam Weishaupt, You Can Kiss My Ass.”

  2. So Elvis was killed because he was Osiris?

    Does that make Michael Jackson (his son in law) the Green Man? Was his hair catching on fire an aborted attempt to burn him as the sacrifice?

    It’s funny, I never noticed they are both kings, the King of Rock and Roll and the King of Pop.

  3. I have to say, for a conspiracy essay on a website, that entry is refreshingly brief. Most conspiracy theorists want you to wade through pages and pages of (poorly formatted and colored) text before getting to the punchline.

    By that point, it just isn’t funny.

    Of course, it could just be me. I like my media distilled down to bite-size chunks of delightful, factoid-filled goodness. I’m busy, after all, and if some conspiracy nut can’t be bothered to boil his ideas down to a concise bullet list, or at least draw a chart, then I’m not going to maintain my interest.

  4. The dots are starting to connect in my brain about the Illuminati and their various secret sub-societies

    Too funny.

  5. Incidentally, St. Germaine, is your username a reference to the musiciaon of the same name?

  6. i like assertations.

  7. though apparently i have no love for dictionaries.

  8. And from the Opry I heard the inhuman cry…

    I’ve always suspected a dark connection between country music and Cthulhu: The large iconic belt buckles, the ritualistic line dancing, Shania Twain’s penchant for dark priestess-esque catsuits…
    What lurks in that cornfield from Hee Haw?
    Are there secret vaults beneath Branson?
    And have you seen Dolly Parton lately? That ain’t natural. Like something out of Soundgarden’s Black Hole Sun video…

  9. Just finished Babylon Mystery Religion (wiccan secretary insisted I read it). The author was able to link a bunch of religions back to Nimrod. But I won’t post anymore until this thread takes on its own personality at about post #80. Plus I probably should RTFA.

  10. so…does anyone have any fun david icke stories? what i can’t get a straight answer on is why he doesn’t get some DNA – namely hair – from one of the high profile reptillian shapeshifters and have it dna tested so he can prove that such folks are not actually human.

  11. Did anyone else see the links at the bottom for various books?

    I have to say, The Giza Death Star looks like a whole new level of conspiratorial fun.

    That, and the pyramids evidently have hired the same tweaker a J Lo.

  12. dhex: wouldn’t the lizards have false human hair available from their cannabalistic feasts?

    You’d need a blood or urine sample.

    Hey, no wonder there’s no drug testing for congresspeople and senators!

  13. One question:
    Are they responsible for Stephen King killing John Lennon?

  14. Ia! Ia! Cthulhu ftganan… HOOOOOWDEEEE!

  15. “Incidentally, St. Germaine, is your username a reference to the musician of the same name?”

    I’m quite sure he’s taken it from the Comte de St. Germain, a purported immortal Frenchman who figures prominently in a number of conspiracy theories.

  16. a urine sample then. how hard could it be to get a urine sample?

    i often think of the icke/infowars stuff as the reaction of the emotionally childish upon learning that, gasp, power is maintained through violence and that people do not play nicely with each other. hence the need for drama to cover up normal mammal behavior.

  17. We musn’t forget that the Gospel of Elvis is part of the SubGenius cannon:

  18. hence the need for drama to cover up normal mammal behavior.
    C’mon dhex. Stop making excuses! It’s not normal mammal behavior. It’s reptiloid behavior that we replicate because THEY own our furry, warm blodded asses. If only we were wise enough to break free!

    Ia! Ia!

  19. hmm… dhex… du hexen haas? Oh god! Illuminati Mystery Babylon in our midst!

  20. If Nashville is the hub of the Illuminati then I guess that would make Waylon, Willie and the boys Discordians.

  21. And Johnny Cash was killed for uncovering the Delphi Technique.

  22. Hidden Mysteries’ humor section is really unfunny. Considering their serious work is near hilarious, one would think they would do better than crappy animated GIFs making fun of Slick Willie and Maximum Leader Dubya.

    And their “all the news THEY don’t want you to know” section has a surprising number of links to the Washington Post.

  23. “If that ain’t Country, it’ll hare-lip the Pope.”

    A hidden dig at the Illuminati’s ancient enemy in the Vatican? I had no idea subtelty was a quality David Allen Coe possesed.

  24. I’m pretty sure Jews and gays are involved in all this too.

  25. I don’t think that guy could’ve read “The Golden Bough” in a more wrong way.

  26. Kind of O/T But….

    Does anyone know a good site that aggregates conspiracy theories? I think that would be an entertaining site.

  27. I’m pretty sure Jews and gays are involved in all this too.
    Mr. Senator, I never of you having had it in for the Jews, but you’re not my senator, so maybe it’s because I’m not paying attention to you.

    Are you sure you don’t mean the Israeli government, and that your last name is Barton? You’d probably drop the gay part then.

  28. OMG! Grand Old Opry = GOO. This means GOOgle is in on this.

    GOOgle must be part of the grand conspiracy to rule us all by keeping records of everything. Their database will be used to control us all through the world internet system and international banking!

  29. Mediageek, I’m going to guess “St. Germaine” is a reference to Foucault’s Pendulum.

  30. Wrong tomWright! GOOgle is the foundation for SKYnet an AI independent power in these Struggles. I for one, challenge our robot overlords to debate Jean Gary Hak on French maritime law.

  31. It feels like I’m taking crazy pills.

  32. St Germaine backstory:

    There are also many google-able sites which associate him with vampires.

  33. the Illuminati, the Scottish Rite Freemasons, the Knights of the Golden Circle, and the Ku Klux Klan are all the same organization

    But what about Skull & Bones? The Tri-Lateral Commission? The AARP? SPECTRE? KAOS? And what demonic forces are under the Pentagon?

  34. If the Scottish Rite is in on this, shouldn’t it’s members be seeing some benefit? I mean, I could really use a platinum bidet for my alien-designed, monkey-built hovercar here. Don’t I deserve at least that much?

  35. Chicago Tom: the Rotten Library, in addition to being totally awesome in all other ways, has a cool little conspiracy section:

    Not sure if that’s what you’re looking for, but it will kill a solid two hours of productivity.

  36. Cthulhu doesn’t need to influence human brains anymore…he just lies dreaming in Ry’leth weting himself laughing himself silly.

    I know a great site with lots of conspiracy theories on it…my friends over at Pagan Prattle. Check out their collection of 7/7 conspiracies.

  37. It feels like I’m taking crazy pills.

    The red ones or the blue ones?

  38. i like assertations.

    I don’t think I do?

  39. “In his house in Raleigh, dead Elvis lies dreaming.”

  40. Illuminati, the Scottish Rite Freemasons, the Knights of the Golden Circle, and the Ku Klux Klan

    You left out the Sufis.

  41. Stevo, I just want to say that your comment at 6:58 is one of the most brilliant sentences anyone has ever posted on this site. Thanks very much.

  42. Thank you. The bar is high indeed.

  43. I think I’ll post it on my refrigerator as an inspirational quote.


    That would make a great plot for Kinky Friedman’s next novel…

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