Insert Fart Joke Here

|

I'm not sure if this is more or less ridiculous than Chuck's UFO story, but it does bring a whole new set of connotations to the phrase "Drop the chalupa!"

Advertisement

NEXT: Keep Watching the Skies

Editor's Note: We invite comments and request that they be civil and on-topic. We do not moderate or assume any responsibility for comments, which are owned by the readers who post them. Comments do not represent the views of Reason.com or Reason Foundation. We reserve the right to delete any comment for any reason at any time. Report abuses.

  1. “State police, Clovis police and the Curry County Sheriff’s Department arrived at the school shortly after 8:30 a.m. They searched the premises and determined there was no immediate danger.”

    Just wait until after home room. A 30 inch burrito is a disaster waiting to happen.

  2. Mmmmmmm…just in time for Cinco de Mayo…

  3. Burritos are starting to get out of hand.

  4. New “Zero Tolerance” addendum in 3 … 2 … 1 …

  5. Look, in this War on Fat you’re either with us or against us. No civilian needs to carry a 30 inch burrito. I might see issuing special permits for the lunchroom workers to handle 30 inch burritors if they’re slicing them into smaller portions for serving. (provided that the portions are small enough to not exceed the government’s dietary recommendations)

    Won’t somebody think about The Children?

  6. Man, that damn thing sounds good!

    Chipotle Grille, tuck your tail between your legs and whimper as you read it and weep:

    “the suspicious item was identified as a 30-inch burrito filled with steak, guacamole, lettuce, salsa and jalapenos”!

    Where’d he get that damn thing!!! Lucky!!!!!!!

  7. Hey, maybe Ah-nuld was right, maybe the government does need to pay closer attention to our school lunches…

  8. At least there’s a kid who will think all adults, especially cops and other authority figures, are all a bunch of idiots.

    Probably wiser than the loser parents who took their kids out of school.

  9. You can get these jumbo burritos all over the southwest. Jeez, I used to live on them during the low budget college years. I would swing by my favorite mission style burrito joint around lunch time, pick one up, cut it in half and eat the first half for lunch, the second half for dinner. Damn they are good!

    Astonishing that the folks in NM could fall for such paranoia!

  10. At least he wasn’t expelled. Seriously, a kid at my public high school was just expelled for having an unloaded airsoft gun in his car. We have government paid “parking attendants” that spend their day foraging around the parking lot, peaking through students’ car windows to find any thing that could potentially resemble a weapon. I should also add that another student was suspended for a week last year for having a (loaded?) super soaker in his car.

  11. I should also add that another student was suspended for a week last year for having a (loaded?) super soaker in his car.

    I remember when those things first came out. Originally adults wanted to ban them because you could get a lot of people really wet with one of them. Now I guess adults are upset over the violent connotations?

    I look forward to the day that discussions of Monty Python are banned in schools. Between the Holy Hand Grenade, the catapult, “let’s not quarrel and bicker over who killed who”, Castle Anthrax, and the killer rabbit, anybody discussing it in the lunch room could be construed as issuing threats. Some lunch monitor overhears a kid say “We have the holy hand grenade!” and next thing you know the whole school will be evacuated. “Welcome to Castle Anthrax” could be construed as a bioterrorist threat.

    Yes, that will be the day when the entire Chess Club is expelled for making terrorist threats.

  12. Won’t somebody think of the colons?

  13. Down here in SW Texas if a man has a buldge in his outter clothing it means he`s endowed with a large chorizo , not a burrito.

    As for the types of farts:
    1. The fizz
    2. The fuzz
    3. The fizzy-fuzz
    4. The ripshit
    5. The tear-ass
    6. The plain old pew.(silent but deadly) the kind
    you want to save for the lines at the post
    office or the DMV.

  14. The consumption of refried beans, pickled quail eggs ,pigs feet and talk glass of warm butter milk produces what we call the “double clutchin E flat high sulfur burn-out”.Don`t try that if you are not experienced, use caution and adult supervision!Have a cell phone nearby with 911 keyed in.

  15. I can see copycats starting soon. They might be laughing now but wait until they see a kid packing a 42 inch philly cheese steak. Yes, this is just the start of the arms race that will see giant gyros and mega muffalettas.

    It’s clear that this is war on fat has started so stock up on the lipase and save yourselves. In the meantime, I’m going in.

  16. I look forward to the day that discussions of Monty Python are banned in schools. Between the Holy Hand Grenade, the catapult, “let’s not quarrel and bicker over who killed who”, Castle Anthrax, and the killer rabbit, anybody discussing it in the lunch room could be construed as issuing threats. Some lunch monitor overhears a kid say “We have the holy hand grenade!” and next thing you know the whole school will be evacuated. “Welcome to Castle Anthrax” could be construed as a bioterrorist threat.

    And then … the oral sex!

  17. WMDWeapon of Mass Digestion

  18. WAD – Weapons of Ass Destruction

  19. There’s just something about the phrase “30 inch burrito” that makes me happy.

    An actual 30″ burrito could make me pretty happy, too.

  20. Back at my old high school, at Pencey Prep — before I got kicked out and all — one of the guys in the room across the hall would eat a jumbo burrito every goddamn day. His name was Ackley. Old Ackley. Ackley kid. Well, anyway, Ackley would alway come into our room whenever my roommate, Ward Stradlater, was out, probably giving the time to some girl. He was goddamn handsome, Stradlater was. I have to admit it. He was always giving the time to some girl. Well, old Ackley kid would just barge in and all, without knocking, and he’d lay in Stradlater’s bed and just fart. Goddamn. You’d think he was going to blow the roof off or melt the windows or some goddamn thing. He smelled bad all the time anyway. He never brushed his teeth, either. It made me a little sick to my stomach. It still does, if you want to know the truth.

  21. “Take the gun. Leave the burrito.”

Please to post comments

Comments are closed.