Keep Watching the Skies


The object first appeared on the radar screens at Reagan National Airport at 10:40 on Wednesday morning, and looked to be only 20 miles from DC. By 10:55, President Bush was "in an underground bunker at the White House and Vice President Cheney was escorted off the White House grounds to a secure location," the first time since the 9/11 attacks that such measures had been taken. Additionally, "armed, uniformed Secret Service officers took position around the executive mansion."

The object continued "moving through restricted airspace at about the speed of a helicopter," and all major security-related agencies were quickly alerted via the Domestic Events Network. For a time, the object dropped off the radar screens. Suddenly it appeared again, this time only seven miles away, "stirring serious concern among Customs and Border Protection officials." Three different agencies dispatched helicopters to the scene.

What did they find? This.

NEXT: Like Texas, Only Without the Christians

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  1. Thank God it wasn’t a stolen stealth aircraft. As any Fox viewer now knows, the ground crews in Air Force hangars don’t ask any questions when some guy that they’ve never seen before shows up and claims to be the pilot.

    Sorry, I’m just bitter over how awful this season has been. It was great until the terrorists got their hands on a magical remote control for every nuclear power plant in the US. Right…

  2. Why do clouds hate America?

  3. George W: Oh come on Laura, you said the same thing about the cloud insurance…look at them up there, waiting for their time to strike…

  4. And that’s why all the chuckleheads at the Weather Channel should immediately be replaced with some of those Arizona minutemen.

  5. Yes, but clouds of what? and what do you mean there were no mushrooms? Seriously, it’s good to know radar can confirm the spot of the detonation.

  6. thoreau – everything will be fine when Palmer takes over

  7. We shouldn’t be so quick to poke fun. It could be a very dangerous cloud:

  8. I guess the UN (or Nicolai Carpathia) has stopped using black helicopters, what with their cover having been blown so bad.

  9. G”eorge W: Oh come on Laura, you said the same thing about the cloud insurance…look at them up there, waiting for their time to strike…”

    Haha…Nice “Family Guy” reference. It’s pretty much the best show ever. (New episodes start tomorrow night…Hell yes!)

    Now you all laugh, but Matt’s right, I think the Feds should be concerned about those menacing clouds:

    Peter: That’s what you said about that cloud insurance. Look at them up there…plotting.
    (cut to a scene of two clouds with mouths)
    Cloud 1: So Bill, we attack tomorrow.
    Cloud 2: Yes…tomorrow
    Cloud 1: I mean it this time.
    Cloud 2: I do too!

    -another matt

  10. Hilarious religious possible interpretations abound:

  11. Laugh now, but before long they’ll have radars that can track every one of you libertines, clouds or no clouds.

  12. I’ve heard the term “jumping at shadows” before, but never clouds. It’s probably just me, but it looks like terror is ahead 2:1.

  13. Holy Chickadee, the sky is falling!

  14. “Just a cloud?”

    That is exactly what “they” want you to believe.

  15. I advise everyone to cease this discussion immediately. Nothing out of the ordinary is happening. There is nothing to interest you here.

    PS: I am an ordinary Earth human, much like yourself.

  16. James Earl Carter, thou art avenged!

  17. The clouds hate our freedom.


    I cannot help but laugh at the implausibility of many of Jack Bauer’s predicaments…but, c’mon, if you’re looking for plausible scenarios, then 24 has never been the place to look.

    On a related note, the always laudable Karen Kwiatkowski wrote an interesting piece on how “libertarian” 24 is. Granted, it’s obvious, from the simple fact that she referred to CTU as “CTS” in the original article (it has since been corrected), that she hasn’t seen much of the show, but, an interesting take nonetheless.

    Though, if Karen thinks that 24 is libertarian, I daresay a cursory viewing of Deadwood would blow her fucking mind…

  18. I cannot help but laugh at the implausibility of many of Jack Bauer’s predicaments…but, c’mon, if you’re looking for plausible scenarios, then 24 has never been the place to look.

    There’s a difference between implausible and completely insanely ridiculous. One guy as badass as Jack Bauer vs. a bunch of thugs whose main qualification is fanaticism rather than special forces training? OK, I’ll buy it. It’s just TV.

    But a remote control for every single nuclear power plant in the country? No frickin way.

    And while I’ll grant Kwiatkowski that the show has many layers to it, and that one can extract a variety of lessons, it’s hardly a libertarian screed. It’s more one of those things where you can successfully see whatever you want to see.

    If you go to the 24 forum run by Fox, the politically charged response to the villains this season is hilariously predictable. When the Middle Eastern villains first showed up, some of the posters were like “Alright! About time that Hollywood showed us how evil the Muslims are!” (Because, you know, Hollywood has never before done a TV show with Muslim terrorists.) And some other posters were like “This is racist! I can’t believe they’d do this!” (Because, you know, it had never been done before. Or something.)

    Then some white villains showed up. (e.g. that dude whom Audrey recognized, and who later got killed by the sniper, or the executives who thought they could make themselves look less suspicious by setting off an EMP and killing a federal agent) And some of the posters would start whining “24 is going PC and betraying America by showing white guys as the villains!” And other people would be like “About frickin time that we see that not all terrorists are Muslim!”

    I found those “debates” amusing to watch, in a sick sort of way.

  19. if the roswell crash was a weather ballon? this is consistent!

  20. “24” was identified as high fantasy from the first season, when everyone, feds and terrorists alike, had Apple laptops. (How many Apples exist in the various levels of government? Not many!) This was one unintentional source of comedy.

    Ever since Bauer “died” and was revived in a previous season, I have considered him the federal zombie, which explains many of his super-heroics. He can only be stopped by beating and burning. (Or, perhaps, by whacking his head off with a Highlander-style sword — Hey Tony! Stand by to catch that quickening! Don’t let Edgar get it!) How appropriate, then, that zombie-Bauer’s adversary this time around is “The Mummy.” Indeed, my secret title for the show is, “‘I was a middle-aged Federal Zombie’ Meets The Mummy.”

    Yet still, I watch.

  21. James-

    I think that Jack is actually an Immortal, not a zombie. Remember in Highlander, how he didn’t realize he was immortal until he “died” but came back to life?

    I also think Marwan has superpowers, given how many times he’s escaped. His first escape was interesting (he stole a CTU uniform) and his most recent one was interesting (bureaucratic incompetence gave him a head start) but the escape from the other building several hours ago was dumb (he just gets through the perimeter mysteriously), as was his escape in the desert.

    Perhaps he has invisibility powers.

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