Top Five Republican Celebrity Bios

Whoever writes the terse, one-paragraph biographies of the inevitably hapless Republican celebrities participating here deserves a gold medal, for degree of difficulty if nothing else. Here are the bard's top five opening lines:

5) In 1983, Michael made his first record called the Michael W. Smith Project.

4) After turning the Houston Astrodome into "The House of Pain", Jerry Glanville led the Houston Oilers to three consecutive play-off years.

3) Gracie's inspiring personal story includes surviving a devastating, near-fatal car accident in 1983, resulting in more than 65 operations over the ensuing two decades and costing her the amputation of both legs.

2) With an Ivy league education from Columbia University, Pat Boone is not only educated but incredibly talented.

1) Blonde hair and blue eyes was a formula for success when it came to actress Bo Derek.