Humanity Is Beautiful. People Suck.

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Reader Ari Spanier sends in a new Onion OpEd from everybody's least favorite Utne reader. This joke is at least as old as Mrs. Jellyby from Bleak House, but The Onion gets some fresh laughs out of it:

"Where The Fuck Is Diane With My Fair-Trade Coffee?"

NEXT: Hayek? She was awesome in Frida!

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  1. This was my fave of the day.

  2. Reader Ari Spanier sends in a new Onion OpEd from everybody’s least favorite Utne reader. This joke is at least as old as Mrs. Jellyby from Bleak House, but The Onion gets some fresh laughs out of it: “Where The Fuck Is Diane With My Fair-Trade Coffee?”

    Jesus Christ, dude….. What the FUCK are you talking about? What are you trying to SAY??? I have sat here and read this post at least 10 times, over and over, trying to figure out even the general ballpark you’re working in.

    Seriously….. could you please translate this to plain English for the 99.9% of us out here who aren’t Tim Cavanaugh?

  3. Sometimes it’s the simple things that get you:

    “Second Amendment Advocate Shoots His
    Mouth Off”

  4. K. Hanna: Try clicking the links.

  5. Agreed, one of the most apt (aptest?) Onion articles I’ve seen in a while. Good show!

    Nice post as well, Tim 🙂

  6. Heh heh – go down one level…

    … heh heh – go down another level…

    …heh heh – down to another level..

    … heh fuckin heh…

  7. I have to agree with K. Hanna. I couldn’t figure out what the hell you were talking about either. I read the Onion piece, pretty funny. But what is the joke you’re referring to?

  8. I get it now, the joke is “Humanity Is Beautiful. People Suck.” But I still don’t get why you said it was from Utne reader.

  9. Mrs. Jellyby was a Dickens character who denied milk to her own children so she could contribute to the African Childrens’ Milk Fund. Ergo, a ‘Mrs. Jellyby’ is anyone who forgets that charity begins at home.

  10. To the confused:
    The subject of the Onion story reads the UTNE Reader, a magazine that collects stories from small, left-of-center publications. Hence, he is a UNTE Reader reader.
    The post becomes clear when you click the links.

  11. Well I thought the post was pretty simple, but since this is the second time in as many weeks somebody has bellyached about not understanding something I wrote, here it is in Special English:

    “A person named Ari Spanier reads Reason. Ari Spanier used Reason’s ‘Hit And Run suggestions?’ link. He used the link to alert us about a story. The story is in ‘The Onion.’ ‘The Onion’ is a satirical newspaper. Satire is a literary work in which human vice or folly is attacked through irony, derision, or wit. The person ‘The Onion’ satirizes reads ‘The Utne Reader.’ ‘The Utne Reader’ is a socially progressive or left-of-center magazine. The person in ‘The Onion’ story is not an amiable person. An ambiable person is friendly and agreeable in disposition. The concept of a disagreeable person who is also socially progressive is humorous. This particular joke, however, did not originate with the story in ‘The Onion.’ The joke has been used in other forums and media. One of the other forums is a famous book by Charles Dickens. That book is called ‘Bleak House.’ Although the current satire in ‘The Onion’ is not completely original, it is funny. In case there is any ambiguity left in anything I have written, here is the title of ‘The Onion’ article.”

  12. I don’t think the “Onion” has done such a right-on-destructive-jape in quite some time. Bravo.

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