Be All You Can Be—With Bigger Breasts, Smaller Noses, and Thinner Thighs

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Reader Russ A. Dewey points us to a whole new meaning for term "public teat":

The New Yorker magazine reports in its July 26th edition that members of all four branches of the US military can get face-lifts, breast enlargements, liposuction and nose jobs for free—something the military says helps surgeons practice their skills.

"Anyone wearing a uniform is eligible," Bob Lyons, chief of plastic surgery at Brooke Army Medical Center in San Antonio told the magazine, which said soldiers needed the approval of their commanding officers to get the time off.

Whole story here.

No wonder wars cost so much more these days.

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  1. http://www.nationalreview.com/thecorner/04_07_18_corner-archive.asp#036365

    Read this for a breath of sanity:

    – Military personnel get plastic surgery less often than the general population.

    – Most of this surgery is occuring in military teaching hospitals, where students must do a certain amount of surgery to get their MD.

    – Most of the surgery is either medically necessary or socially necessary, like a soldier injured in combat receiving plastic surgery or a woman receiving breast reconstruction after a masectomy.

    – Even “frivilous” surgery increases the skill of our military doctors in dealing with real combat injuries.

    Just because the military is spending money does not necessarily mean the money is being wasted.

  2. Janine-

    I don’t think anybody on this forum is complaining, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have some fun with it nonetheless.

    My brother-in-law was an Air Force dentist. I’m sure that whenever there was a dearth of tooth injuries from training accidents or equipment malfunctions he probably whitened some teeth that didn’t really “need” it. I have no problem with the fact that the people making the world safer for democracy got a prettier smile in exchange for their troubles.

  3. I object to the headline. When I imagine women with pretty faces and ample bosoms in fatigues, they have big, powerful thighs.

    Don’t take that away from me.

  4. Hmm.. given the quality of care we got when my dad was in the service I’m not sure I’d trust Air Force doctors with plastic surgery. You might go in for a nose job and come out with two different size breasts.

  5. You see, they’re soldiers in this country’s declared war on fat (and presumably ugliness as well; you ugly people better watch out–you’re next).

  6. Now you too can look like Catherine Bell of “JAG.” Oooh. Catherine Bell.

  7. Be all that you can be.

  8. I guess there’s a need for an attractive military as well as a battle ready military. What would Islamic fundies know of a beautiful female body? Maybe if our ladies in uniform look busty & svelt there might be a change of heart among the mullahs and they will redirect all that misogynist infidel hating energy into good old western lust. Al Goldstein, get ready for a mass mailing of Screw magazine to the Middle East.

  9. This program is used for training military doctors. The same kinds of programs can get you free dental care at many dental schools.

  10. Talk about recruitment benefits!

  11. Oh, I wonder how long it will be before Michael Jackson and Cher enlist?

  12. This is NOT as silly as people think it is, for reasons I’ve already laid out here.

  13. Hmmm… I guess I’m wondering why this is being reported as tho it were somehow a scandalous rip-off of the tax-paying public. A friend of mine was in a horrendous and disfiguring accident early in his military career. He’s quite normal-looking now, and likes to joke that he’s one of the few military officers who has a better hairline now than when he joined.

    I think the bottom line is exactly what the docs say – they’ve got to practice somewhere. Besides, how much does surgery actually cost? It’s mostly labor – anesthesia and some blood from the blood bank, electricity and running water, and sterile supplies. The tools and the surgeons are already there and on the military payroll.

    The labor of these salaried military surgeons, doctors, nurses and physical therapists is going to be paid for whether they’re operating or not. Why shouldn’t military folks benefit?

  14. “Join the Army today for free “factory seconds” from the plastic surgery command”

    I shouldn’t be so flip – my wisdom teeth were extracted by a former Air Force facility chief of surgery who had 30,000 enlisted teeth of experience before he got to mine. He claimed he did studies over these 30,000 teeth to determine how to perform the extraction with minimum pain and recovery time. Glad I wasn’t “Airman Controlgroup”.

  15. Abiola,

    I didn’t send the link in as an example of “omigosh look at the waste”. I was just amused that if someone’s getting breast enlargements on my dime, I think I’m entitled to visitation rights.

  16. Well, they used to say, “Join the Service. It’ll be the making of you.” It can now be the remaking of you, too.

    I wonder what the requisition form looks like?

    “Breasts, (2), encapsulated saline.
    Size: 34C …. Color: Clear …. Shape: perky.”

    I rather doubt any of our Amazons will be fitted with Chesty LaRue equipment, as that might make it hard to make it through an obstacle course.

    Kevin

  17. I this is so, why were all the soldiers in Abu Garib so ugly, especailly the England chick?

  18. So Jessica Lynch *will* be in Playboy after all?

  19. But they won’t provide tubal ligation for women in the service. Or abortions. Both of those would give doctors practice too, wouldn’t they?

  20. Delagar-
    I guess the theory is, make women pretty enough that guys’ll want to fuck ’em, while at the same time ensuring that the women must suffer the potential pregnancy consequences of their actions.

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