As You Prepare for Holiday Travel, Make Sure to Learn All the Words to "My Ding-a-Ling" NOW WITH BUMPER STICKERS!

Come on, everybody! Sing along with The Transportation Security Administration while you're waiting in security lines this holiday season!

Approximately 60 seconds. Produced by Hawk Jensen from an idea by Nick Gillespie.

Slide show courtesy of the Denver Post; music courtesy of here.

Related videos:

44 Ways to Say TSA: What do the initials "TSA" really stand for?

Con Air 2010 (TSA Remix) This holiday season, we're all convicts

Coming to an Airport Near You: Prison-style strip searches?

We're the TSA and You Can Count on Us! (to overreact to tiny threats and ignore big ones)

Visit to download HD, iPod, and audio versions of this and all our videos, and subscribe to's YouTube channel to receive automatic notification when new content is posted.

Nearly immediate update: Here's some hot-off-the-presses bumper stickers:

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  • Rich||

    Ron Paul offers another verse.

  • gnut||

    Quit your whining about being degraded, violated, and molested by airline security.

    When you purchased the commercial airline ticket, you "agreed" to an adhesion "contract" and waived certain rights.

    If you don't like it, you are certainly free to

    (1) hire a private plane and pilot
    (2) take flying lessons and get your own pilot's license
    (3) build a privatized airport outside the jurisdiction of the TSA
    (4) use alternative modes of transportation
    (5) run for public office and change the rules (or at least be exempt from them)

    Granted, the above aynrandtopian arguments may sound silly. In the real world, not all consumer choices are as trivial as changing brands of breakfast cereal or laundry detergent.

    But it's not any more stupid than the conservative/libertarian defense of other government-mandated adhesion contracts I've encountered here.

  • ||

    Your argument would make sense, except airlines aren't free to set the terms of their own contracts, nor are airports. Even if an airport opts out of the TSA program, whatever private security contractor it highers must still maintain the TSA's 'standards.'

  • ||

    Der, *hires.

  • ||

    ""But it's not any more stupid than the conservative/libertarian defense of other government-mandated adhesion contracts I've encountered here.""

    Not quite apt. In that example X = home ownership. If you don't like HOAs you can still do X in roughly the same area, or same town. Not wanting to follow the HOA rules doesn't exclude you from X.

    With the TSA, X = taking a commercial flight. If you do not follow the TSA rules, you can't do X, period. It's not like you can go to another airline. You have no other option to acheive X, but the guy that doesn't like the HOA, does.

  • Amakudari||

    Whoa, HOAs are government-mandated?

  • Old Mexican||

    Re: gnut,

    When you purchased the commercial airline ticket, you "agreed" to an adhesion "contract" and waived certain rights.

    Any contract that violates another person's rights is null and void, or any contract that waives criminal responsibility for a 3rd party is null and void.

    If you don't like it, you are certainly free to[...]

    The "Put Out Or Get Out" argument, used by statists . . . and rapists. But I repeat myself...

  • The Flying Public||

    When you purchased the commercial airline ticket, you "agreed" to an adhesion "contract" and waived certain rights.

    I have never fucking "heard of," much less "read," this "contract."

  • Spoonman.||

    The first one is excellent.

  • Anonymous||

    I think the first one's the only one that isn't terrible. It's excellent, as you said, even on its own.

  • SFC B||

    The third one is pretty nice as well.

  • Anonymous||

    I don't know how I missed that one.

  • ||

    TSA: Feeling for terrorists since 2001
    TSA: Anything to avoid profiling
    TSA: Toddlers could be terrorists, right?

  • ||

    The first and the third for sure; the rest are pretty lame.

  • ||

    The TSA, grabbing more crotches than Michael Jackson since 2002.

  • ||

    There are at least a dozen truly great Rock 'n' Roll songs by Chick Berry, the father of Rock 'n' Roll.

    My Ding-a-Ling was not one of them. Yet, in a shameful testament to the poor musical taste of the American public, My Ding-a-Ling was his only #1 hit.

  • ||

    What is wrong
    With liking a song
    About a dong?

  • Amakudari||

    Once while swimming cross turtle creek
    Man, them snappers right at my feet
    Sure was hard swimming cross that thing
    With both hands holding my ding-a-ling

    Pure artistry right there.

  • Number 2||

    I have heard is suggested that the TSA is purposely making the pat-down searches as abusive as possible so that the full-body scanners seem reasonable and acceptable by comparison.

    That is probably more clever a tactic than the TSA is capable of devising, but it is an interesting possibility.

  • Fat Crack Ho||

    Normally I'd agree that government in general and TSA in particular lack the ingenuity to think around corners like that. But when it comes to establishing dominance and control over people, their creativity is unparalleled.

  • ||

    I'm convinced that they want everyone to be scanned as a primary security measure. The opt-out is just to appease some people until the scanner fears subside.

  • ||

    Me, I'm convinced that they want scanners bought from firms that employ ex-TSA employees, and the gate grope is designed to ensure that more scanners are bought.

  • ||

    Or ex-DHS chief.

  • Rhywun||

    "Don't worry, my hands are still warm from the last guy."

    For some reason that one alone made me laugh out loud.

  • qua||

    Why do we need to make transphobic jokes in order to belittle TSA?

  • ||

    I'm transseuxal myself, and I really don't find anything offensive about jokes that question Lady Gaga's "true" gender. The woman dresses exactly like almost every drag queen I've ever seen. (And yes, there are methods for concealing a penis in a tight leotard.)

    She's a strong advocate for GLBT rights, and doesn't seem to mind the "controversy" at all. If she doesn't mind, I don't mind. Why are your panties in a twist about it?

  • ||

    While the Lady Gaga one was actually funny because it's a huge mystery, don't get the appeal of the Barney Frank one. Is it just because he's the prominent homosexual politician that he gets singled out? Or is Reason now catering to homophobic Rush listeners? Not really trying to be politically correct, just wondering what's so funny about mentioning him specifically over anyone else.

  • Angry American||

    When the shooting starts, don't wonder why.

    Just wonder why it took so long to start.


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