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Reason Morning Links: Floods, Guns, Antitrust, and an Indecisive Orangutan
• West Virginia floods.
• Iraq: the everlasting withdrawal.
• Montana and the feds face off over gun control.
• Obama will keep Bush's military tribunals in operation, albeit with more protections for defendants.
• The Justice Department promises more antitrust enforcement.
• Republican senators water down a bill to audit the Federal Reserve.
• With Marilyn Chambers in the grave, Warren Hinckle remembers Dianne Feinstein's battles with the directors of Behind the Green Door.
• Aid officials live well in Afghanistan.
• Ape attains freedom, then thinks better of it.
Alan Vanneman|5.11.09 @ 8:35AM|#
If an ape could talk, he'd say "it's 'orangutan,' Jesse."
via Alan Vanneman, the walking SpellCheck
jester|5.11.09 @ 8:36AM|#
"Lost everything, lost my x-box, lost everything"
Surely West Virginians aren't that shallow. I could see "Lost
everything, lost my (first-cousin, sister, chimpanzee), lost
everything."
coyote1284|5.11.09 @ 8:42AM|#
At a relief campaign for the WV flood victims, Mike Myers said, "Barack Obama doesn't care about rednecks," much to the surprise of Kanye West.
|5.11.09 @ 8:43AM|#
Karta's zookeeper's are stupid. They think she wanted to escape a life of free food and pooper-scooping? What a silly idea. She wants them to know she could escape any time she felt like it, a big hairy middle finger to the idea that they are her captors as opposed to her servants. Know your place now, Mr. Zookeeper? You're a concierge and little more. Go get her a grapefruit and STFU.
jester|5.11.09 @ 8:56AM|#
"Senator DiFi's spouse boasted to him that in her marital
intimacies the former mayor and subsequently senior senator from
California threw aside the blue-nose inhibitions described above
and was a sensual volcano."
Wow, so she is vesuvial. But it isn't surprising about her War on
Sex. Giuliani, another mayor, dressed in drag, but had similar
hang-ups with can't-keep-it-in the-bedroom types.
A pox on both autocratic freaks.
|5.11.09 @ 9:03AM|#
and was a sensual volcano.
Wow, so she is vesuvial.
Not anymore jester... after repeated eruptions the magma chamber
emptied and collapsed. Her vagina is now a caldera.
jester|5.11.09 @ 9:03AM|#
Karta is a metaphor for most people in this world. They could
escape the shackles of tyranny, but tyranny throws them a few
crumbs, and they sell their souls for security.
This shows that the human species is not alone in its pathetic
underachievement.
Jesse Walker|5.11.09 @ 9:06AM|#
If an ape could talk, he'd say "it's 'orangutan,'
Jesse."
When I was little I thought it was "orangutang." Now I know that's
the powdered apes they take on space missions.
jester|5.11.09 @ 9:09AM|#
SF,thanks for the geological perspective. DiFi and sensual are two words that just don't go well together.
jester|5.11.09 @ 9:14AM|#
orang + hutan Malay for 'man forest'. I think we're due for a
better word like a clyde as in 'Right turn, Clyde'.
orangutan is impossible for most people. not just those who
pronounce ecalator as 'esculator.'
|5.11.09 @ 9:15AM|#
Jesse,
Don't let the spelling orthodoxy get you down. The first English
book on the ape in 1699 named them Orang-Outang. It wasn't
until the 1880's that orangutan was settled on. (OED
FTW)
Jesse Walker|5.11.09 @ 9:23AM|#
SugarFree: I think that's how the word was spelled in Poe, too. I like it. Looks like the name of a postpunk group.
jester|5.11.09 @ 9:23AM|#
I can't see why watering down a bill to audit the Fed is a bad
thing. Is Congress really capable of such an act (an audit)? I
doubt it.
Can you imagine Barney Frank doing an audit?
Abolishing the Fed is one thing, but regulating a regulatory
institution is Chinese boxes shit.
|5.11.09 @ 9:27AM|#
Kyle, let me know if you find anything nice. I'm considering Big Sky Country myself. Gotta be better than the aptly named Empire State.
|5.11.09 @ 9:29AM|#
Today's Brickbat: An Afghan court has sentenced Ghows Zalmay
to 20 years in prison for blasphemy. His crime? He translated the
Quran into Dari. Religious experts testified it was an accurate
translation, but it didn't include the original Arabic text, and
the court found that blasphemous.
No death for blasphemy? Oh, those liberal Afghans...
Cabeza de Vaca|5.11.09 @ 9:34AM|#
"Senator DiFi's spouse boasted to him that in her marital
intimacies the former mayor and subsequently senior senator from
California threw aside the blue-nose inhibitions described above
and was a sensual volcano."
I alson heard she & another stripper had a 3 way with Michael
Phelps.
Jack Thread|5.11.09 @ 9:40AM|#
Chávez seizures fuel Venezuela oil fears
By Benedict Mander in Caracas
A fresh round of expropriations in Venezuela has raised fears that
the Opec producer's already declining oil output could sink to its
lowest level in the past 20 years.
Troops were mobilised over the weekend to assist Venezuela's
state-owned oil company, PDVSA, in seizing the assets of some 60
oil service companies, after a law was approved last week that
paves the way for the state to take increasing control over its
all-important oil industry.
"To God what is God's, and to Caesar what is Caesar's," said
Venezuela's President Hugo Chávez, as he presided over the
expropriation of at least a dozen rigs, more than 30 oil terminals
and some 300 boats.
More at:
http://www.ft.com/cms/s/0/b332e432-3d54-11de-a85e-00144feabdc0.html
libertarian democrat|5.11.09 @ 9:41AM|#
Go Montana!
Seriously, there needs to be as much challenging of the BS overuse
of the commerce clause as possible.
|5.11.09 @ 9:47AM|#
planet of the apes vs. Skynet.... who will get mankind
first?
Who says
we have to choose?
|5.11.09 @ 10:02AM|#
Seriously, no more Dianne Feinstein fanfiction
please?
...on the third hard pull of the reel, the gas-powered menorah
multi-dildo sprang to life. Its noxious exhaust quickly filled the
cramped room. Dianne watched with rapt attention as all seven
jiggly jelly junk jammers gyrated spastically as the masked man
gunned the engine. Volume three of the California penal code hung
from a crude steel post pierced through his frenulum.
As he advanced on her, she exclaimed, "I been wet for seven days!"
He mumbled something behind his mask, but it was drowned out as the
machine began its work.
|5.11.09 @ 10:13AM|#
SugarFree, you need help.
But not yet, please. I want to read the next installment.
|5.11.09 @ 10:14AM|#
Warty,
Don't leave yet! SugarFree is working on the next chapter, which
highlights the natural love between two women: Feinstein and
Pelosi.
|5.11.09 @ 10:31AM|#
Iraq: the everlasting withdrawal.
The estimate by Gen. Ray Odierno, at a Pentagon briefing, was the most specific yet for the extension of American combat operations in Baghdad and Mosul. American combat troops have largely moved out of most other urban areas in Iraq, General Odierno said.
J sub D,
May 4, 2009, 9:06am
I soooo wish I was wrong.
Fuck, fuck and fucking fuck!
|5.11.09 @ 10:36AM|#
"Oh, Nancy," Dianne exclaimed as she writhed on the blood-warm
waterbed. It had been stripped of its sheets and the two of them
where coated in a thin layer of GMO-free soybean oil. Nancy lifted
the pudding-filled sweatsock of Dianne's breast from her armpit and
lightly bit the coarse hairs surrounding the ragged aureole.
Dianne scrambled to find Nancy's dessicated labia, lapping oil from
the bed to provide enough elasticity so that her clitoris wouldn't
break off and crumble in her hand. Nancy slipped a lubed finger in
Dianne's anus and began to massage her perineum in lazy circles
with her thumb. "Oh, Nancy," Dianne exclaimed again, "Harder, like
the doula when Katherine was born!"
In their ecstasy, either could see the red LED of the camera or
hear its soft whir in the dim chamber.
|5.11.09 @ 10:47AM|#
In their ecstasy, either could see the red LED of the camera or hear its soft whir in the dim chamber.
Nor could they have guessed that LoneWacko was filming their responses...and going to upload them to YouTube.
|5.11.09 @ 10:54AM|#
SugarFree, I just hate it when I try to throw up in my mouth, and it goes up my nose because I'm laughing.
Solanum|5.11.09 @ 11:05AM|#
SF, Massachusetts has just issued a warrant for your arrest. Until your arraignment, please stay at least a 1000 ft away from nursing homes and Old Country Buffets.
Hugo Chavez|5.11.09 @ 11:08AM|#
"In their ecstasy, either could see the red LED of the camera or
hear its soft whir in the dim chamber."
Let me in to the chamber! Let me in! Let me in!!!
|5.11.09 @ 11:11AM|#
I just hate it when I try to throw up in my mouth, and it
goes up my nose because I'm laughing.
Should that be called a Pelosi or a Feinstein?
Either one is fine, but the unused name should be the term for when
old lesbians have their once-a-decade sexual encounter which
inevitably leads to their wrinkles interlocking and trapping them
together in one sagging pile. It's the leading cause of death for
lesbians over 60, you know.
So, I submit to you, solons of the Reason-verse: Is Pelosi nasal
vomit or lesbian wrinkle death?
Alan Vanneman|5.11.09 @ 11:41AM|#
When I was little I thought it was 'orangutan.'
No, when I was little, well, Tang hadn't been invented. We had to
squeeze our own damn oranges! And eat the seeds!
I like the orang-outang spelling as well. It means 'man of the
forest' in Malay, which is cool too.
Mike Laursen|5.11.09 @ 12:00PM|#
The Justice Department promises more antitrust
enforcement.
Thank goodness! I can't imagine living in a world where Whole Foods
is allowed to continue to oppress twenty-something,
nose-ring-wearing vegetarian non-union employees, and middle-aged,
yuppy, organic food consumers like me.
|5.11.09 @ 12:22PM|#
"SugarFree: I think that's how the word was spelled in Poe, too.
I like it. Looks like the name of a postpunk group."
There is a surf band called the Orangu-tones.
|5.11.09 @ 1:39PM|#
When I'm appalled, you know NutraSweet has gone too far. Horrid old woman sex = WIN
wingnutx|5.11.09 @ 5:08PM|#
Nancy lifted the pudding-filled sweatsock of Dianne's breast
from her armpit
Sweet Baby Jesus, I almost suffocated laughing at that one.
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