Reason Morning Links: Floods, Guns, Antitrust, and an Indecisive Orangutan

• West Virginia floods.

• Iraq: the everlasting withdrawal.

• Montana and the feds face off over gun control.

• Obama will keep Bush's military tribunals in operation, albeit with more protections for defendants.

• The Justice Department promises more antitrust enforcement.

• Republican senators water down a bill to audit the Federal Reserve.

• With Marilyn Chambers in the grave, Warren Hinckle remembers Dianne Feinstein's battles with the directors of Behind the Green Door.

• Aid officials live well in Afghanistan.

• Ape attains freedom, then thinks better of it.

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  • Kyle Jordan||

    I think I need to start looking for land in Montana.

  • Alan Vanneman||

    If an ape could talk, he'd say "it's 'orangutan,' Jesse."

    via Alan Vanneman, the walking SpellCheck

  • jester||

    "Lost everything, lost my x-box, lost everything"

    Surely West Virginians aren't that shallow. I could see "Lost everything, lost my (first-cousin, sister, chimpanzee), lost everything."

  • Xeones||

    That Xbox cost someone their life savings, jester. Have some compassion.

  • coyote1284||

    At a relief campaign for the WV flood victims, Mike Myers said, "Barack Obama doesn't care about rednecks," much to the surprise of Kanye West.

  • ||

    Karta's zookeeper's are stupid. They think she wanted to escape a life of free food and pooper-scooping? What a silly idea. She wants them to know she could escape any time she felt like it, a big hairy middle finger to the idea that they are her captors as opposed to her servants. Know your place now, Mr. Zookeeper? You're a concierge and little more. Go get her a grapefruit and STFU.

  • jester||

    "Senator DiFi's spouse boasted to him that in her marital intimacies the former mayor and subsequently senior senator from California threw aside the blue-nose inhibitions described above and was a sensual volcano."

    Wow, so she is vesuvial. But it isn't surprising about her War on Sex. Giuliani, another mayor, dressed in drag, but had similar hang-ups with can't-keep-it-in the-bedroom types.

    A pox on both autocratic freaks.

  • ||

    and was a sensual volcano.

    Wow, so she is vesuvial.


    Not anymore jester... after repeated eruptions the magma chamber emptied and collapsed. Her vagina is now a caldera.

  • jester||

    Karta is a metaphor for most people in this world. They could escape the shackles of tyranny, but tyranny throws them a few crumbs, and they sell their souls for security.

    This shows that the human species is not alone in its pathetic underachievement.

  • Jesse Walker||

    If an ape could talk, he'd say "it's 'orangutan,' Jesse."

    When I was little I thought it was "orangutang." Now I know that's the powdered apes they take on space missions.

  • jester||

    SF,thanks for the geological perspective. DiFi and sensual are two words that just don't go well together.

  • jester||

    orang + hutan Malay for 'man forest'. I think we're due for a better word like a clyde as in 'Right turn, Clyde'.

    orangutan is impossible for most people. not just those who pronounce ecalator as 'esculator.'

  • ||

    Jesse,

    Don't let the spelling orthodoxy get you down. The first English book on the ape in 1699 named them Orang-Outang. It wasn't until the 1880's that orangutan was settled on. (OED FTW)

  • jester||

    Anti-trust enforcement? The government must be broken up!

  • Solanum||

    Her vagina is now a caldera.

    Thank you for ruining my breakfast.

  • Jesse Walker||

    SugarFree: I think that's how the word was spelled in Poe, too. I like it. Looks like the name of a postpunk group.

  • jester||

    I can't see why watering down a bill to audit the Fed is a bad thing. Is Congress really capable of such an act (an audit)? I doubt it.

    Can you imagine Barney Frank doing an audit?

    Abolishing the Fed is one thing, but regulating a regulatory institution is Chinese boxes shit.

  • jester||

    Were you eating cottage cheese, Solanum?

  • ||

    Kyle, let me know if you find anything nice. I'm considering Big Sky Country myself. Gotta be better than the aptly named Empire State.

  • Jabari||

    smart move Karta. don't be like me.

  • jester||

    antitrust never sleeps

  • ||

    Today's Brickbat: An Afghan court has sentenced Ghows Zalmay to 20 years in prison for blasphemy. His crime? He translated the Quran into Dari. Religious experts testified it was an accurate translation, but it didn't include the original Arabic text, and the court found that blasphemous.

    No death for blasphemy? Oh, those liberal Afghans...

  • Cabeza de Vaca||

    "Senator DiFi's spouse boasted to him that in her marital intimacies the former mayor and subsequently senior senator from California threw aside the blue-nose inhibitions described above and was a sensual volcano."

    I alson heard she & another stripper had a 3 way with Michael Phelps.

  • Jack Thread||

    Chávez seizures fuel Venezuela oil fears
    By Benedict Mander in Caracas

    A fresh round of expropriations in Venezuela has raised fears that the Opec producer's already declining oil output could sink to its lowest level in the past 20 years.

    Troops were mobilised over the weekend to assist Venezuela's state-owned oil company, PDVSA, in seizing the assets of some 60 oil service companies, after a law was approved last week that paves the way for the state to take increasing control over its all-important oil industry.

    "To God what is God's, and to Caesar what is Caesar's," said Venezuela's President Hugo Chávez, as he presided over the expropriation of at least a dozen rigs, more than 30 oil terminals and some 300 boats.

    More at:

    http://www.ft.com/cms/s/0/b332e432-3d54-11de-a85e-00144feabdc0.html

  • libertarian democrat||

    Go Montana!

    Seriously, there needs to be as much challenging of the BS overuse of the commerce clause as possible.

  • deathrace||

    planet of the apes vs. Skynet.... who will get mankind first?

  • ||

    Seriously, no more Dianne Feinstein fanfiction please?

  • ||

    planet of the apes vs. Skynet.... who will get mankind first?

    Who says we have to choose?

  • ||

    SugarFree,

    Gozer the Gozerian does.

  • ||

    Seriously, no more Dianne Feinstein fanfiction please?

    ...on the third hard pull of the reel, the gas-powered menorah multi-dildo sprang to life. Its noxious exhaust quickly filled the cramped room. Dianne watched with rapt attention as all seven jiggly jelly junk jammers gyrated spastically as the masked man gunned the engine. Volume three of the California penal code hung from a crude steel post pierced through his frenulum.

    As he advanced on her, she exclaimed, "I been wet for seven days!" He mumbled something behind his mask, but it was drowned out as the machine began its work.

  • Warty||

    SugarFree, fuck you very much.

  • ||

    Wow, talkin about a huge WASTE of taxpayer dollars!

    RT
    www.privacy-web.net.tc

  • ||

    SugarFree, you need help.

    But not yet, please. I want to read the next installment.

  • ||

    Warty,

    Don't leave yet! SugarFree is working on the next chapter, which highlights the natural love between two women: Feinstein and Pelosi.

  • Warty||

    ProL, is this involved?

  • jester||

    Pelosi is a definite GGILF.

  • jester||

    and don't forget that Maxine Waters is one of the Golden (St.) Girls.

  • ||

    Iraq: the everlasting withdrawal.

    The estimate by Gen. Ray Odierno, at a Pentagon briefing, was the most specific yet for the extension of American combat operations in Baghdad and Mosul. American combat troops have largely moved out of most other urban areas in Iraq, General Odierno said.


    J sub D, May 4, 2009, 9:06am

    I soooo wish I was wrong.
    Fuck, fuck and fucking fuck!

  • ||

    "Oh, Nancy," Dianne exclaimed as she writhed on the blood-warm waterbed. It had been stripped of its sheets and the two of them where coated in a thin layer of GMO-free soybean oil. Nancy lifted the pudding-filled sweatsock of Dianne's breast from her armpit and lightly bit the coarse hairs surrounding the ragged aureole.

    Dianne scrambled to find Nancy's dessicated labia, lapping oil from the bed to provide enough elasticity so that her clitoris wouldn't break off and crumble in her hand. Nancy slipped a lubed finger in Dianne's anus and began to massage her perineum in lazy circles with her thumb. "Oh, Nancy," Dianne exclaimed again, "Harder, like the doula when Katherine was born!"

    In their ecstasy, either could see the red LED of the camera or hear its soft whir in the dim chamber.

  • ||

    Oh, my.

    So who is filming it?

  • ||

    In their ecstasy, either could see the red LED of the camera or hear its soft whir in the dim chamber.

    Nor could they have guessed that LoneWacko was filming their responses...and going to upload them to YouTube.

  • ||

    "either" is supposed to be "neither." Stupid deleted n.

  • ||

    SugarFree, I just hate it when I try to throw up in my mouth, and it goes up my nose because I'm laughing.

  • phalkor||

    ewe, baah, just ewe

  • Gorgeous Gus the Wonder Dog||

    What ever happened to Suki?

  • Solanum||

    SF, Massachusetts has just issued a warrant for your arrest. Until your arraignment, please stay at least a 1000 ft away from nursing homes and Old Country Buffets.

  • Hugo Chavez||

    "In their ecstasy, either could see the red LED of the camera or hear its soft whir in the dim chamber."

    Let me in to the chamber! Let me in! Let me in!!!

  • ||

    I just hate it when I try to throw up in my mouth, and it goes up my nose because I'm laughing.

    Should that be called a Pelosi or a Feinstein?

    Either one is fine, but the unused name should be the term for when old lesbians have their once-a-decade sexual encounter which inevitably leads to their wrinkles interlocking and trapping them together in one sagging pile. It's the leading cause of death for lesbians over 60, you know.

    So, I submit to you, solons of the Reason-verse: Is Pelosi nasal vomit or lesbian wrinkle death?

  • Alan Vanneman||

    When I was little I thought it was 'orangutan.'

    No, when I was little, well, Tang hadn't been invented. We had to squeeze our own damn oranges! And eat the seeds!

    I like the orang-outang spelling as well. It means 'man of the forest' in Malay, which is cool too.

  • ||

    I'm surprised there wasn't an orangutan in SugarFree's bestselling novel.

  • ||

    There is, but all its scenes are behind a pay wall. Guy has gotta eat.

  • Mike Laursen||

    The Justice Department promises more antitrust enforcement.

    Thank goodness! I can't imagine living in a world where Whole Foods is allowed to continue to oppress twenty-something, nose-ring-wearing vegetarian non-union employees, and middle-aged, yuppy, organic food consumers like me.

  • ||

    Fair enough.

  • ||

    "SugarFree: I think that's how the word was spelled in Poe, too. I like it. Looks like the name of a postpunk group."

    There is a surf band called the Orangu-tones.

  • ||

    When I'm appalled, you know NutraSweet has gone too far. Horrid old woman sex = WIN

  • wingnutx||

    Nancy lifted the pudding-filled sweatsock of Dianne's breast from her armpit

    Sweet Baby Jesus, I almost suffocated laughing at that one.

  • Syd||

    Marta was just taking a bathroom break.

  • han||

    That will not mean a major influx

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