Go to Heaven, Bloomberg

The meddling ex-mayor thinks he is on a mission from God.

If Michael Bloomberg is going to heaven, as he recently assured The New York Times, does that mean I am going to hell? The former New York mayor and I do not agree about much, especially when it comes to his two biggest passions: gun control and "public health," both of which involve restricting people's freedom for no legitimate reason.

Bloomberg told the Times he plans to spend $50 million this year against politicians who oppose his gun control agenda. According to the Times, the billionaire busybody's main goal is to "expand the background check system for gun buyers both at the state and national levels."

That may sound unobjectionable, until you realize that the whole point of the "background check system" is to strip people of their Second Amendment rights, often for trivial reasons. The Gun Control Act of 1968, for instance, bars gun ownership by "unlawful user[s]" of "any controlled substance."

Bloomberg, a former toker who as mayor of New York presided over a crackdown on pot smokers featuring illegal arrests for "public display" of marijuana, now wants to make sure cannabis consumers never exercise their constitutional right to armed self-defense. That one rule would disarm more than 30 million Americans, according to the federal government's survey data.

And no, it does not matter why people consume cannabis. The state of Illinois, which is implementing a medical marijuana program, initially said participating patients would not be allowed to keep their guns. Last week, in response to objections from medical marijuana and gun rights activists, Illinois reversed that position. But under federal law, which Bloomberg wants fully enforced, those patients will be committing a crime by owning firearms.

If the gun grabbing that Bloomberg supports proved controversial in Illinois, a state that historically has not been friendly to gun rights, how will it go over in places with long traditions of defending the Second Amendment? The Times said Bloomberg "seemed unaware of, or unwilling to acknowledge, the ways in which his own persona—of a billionaire, Big Gulp-banning former mayor of New York—could undercut his efforts, especially in rural, conservative states."

Nonsense, Bloomberg said, bragging that he is treated like "a rock star" wherever he goes, with "people yelling out of cabs, 'Hey, way to go!'" Evidently it has not occurred to Bloomberg that the views of cab riders who are moved to shout congratulations at him in Manhattan may not reflect opinion in Montana.

Or heaven. "I am telling you if there is a God, when I get to heaven I'm not stopping to be interviewed," Bloomberg said, citing his support for restrictions on guns, soda, and cigarettes. "I am heading straight in. I have earned my place in heaven. It's not even close."

According to the Times, Bloomberg said that "with a grin," so maybe he was kidding. But probably not. Bloomberg displayed a similar self-righteous certainty when he reacted to a judge's 2013 decision blocking his 16-ounce limit on servings of sugar-sweetened drinks.

"We have a responsibility as human beings to do something, to save each other, to save the lives of ourselves, our families, our friends, and all of the rest of the people that live on God's planet," he said. "And so while other people will wring their hands over the problem of sugary drinks, in New York City, we're doing something about it." 

Bloomberg wanted the public to know that the decision overturning his big beverage ban "was not a setback for me." Rather, "this is a setback for the people who are dying." He added, lest there be any misunderstanding about his paternalistic motives, "In case you hadn't noticed, I watch my diet. This is not for me." 

For Bloomberg, who sees protecting people from their own unhealthy habits as "government's highest duty," helping those who do not want his help is not only the best form of altruism. It is the key to heaven.

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  • LiveFreeOrDiet||

    For someone who is so anti-gun, Bloomberg sure hires a lot of them to follow him around.

  • prolefeed||

    If you're that anti-gun-for-others, you need to be packing heat to protect yourself from those who take umbrage about your attempts to disarm them.

  • WTF||

    See, if he could just ban guns for everyone else, then he wouldn't need them either.

  • Doctor Whom||

    We should defend politicians with cops holding signs saying, "This is a gun-free zone."

  • Rich||

  • UnCivilServant||

    Nonsense, Bloomberg said, bragging that he is treated like "a rock star" wherever he goes, with "people yelling out of cabs, 'Hey, way to go!'"

    I somehow seriously doubt that is what was being shouted at him, knowing New Yorkers. If they yell something loud enough to get your attention, it won't be flattering, and has a better than even chance of being unprintable in most publications.

  • Swiss Servator, Käse, Käse!||

    'Hey, way to go!'

    I suspect it was "Hey go to Hell".

    Prince George: "Just today I was riding in my carriage and they shouted, we hail Prince George, we hail Prince George!"

    Blackadder: "We hate Prince George. We hate Prince George."

  • Doctor Whom||

    To you, Mayor Bloomberg, the Renaissance was just something that happened to other people.

  • MJGreen||

    Are you saying "boo" or "Boo-urns?"

  • Loki||

    Either that or it was sarcastic and he's incapable of recognizing it.

    "Hey, way to go! Thank you sooo much for saving me from my own fat worthless self by banning large sodas! And thanks for making it nearly impossible to defend myself, too! You're truly doing God's work, Mayor Bloomturd!" /biting sarcasm

  • x4rqcks3f||

    the billionaire busybody's main goal is to "expand the background check system for gun buyers both at the state and national levels."

    That may sound unobjectionable

    Imposing conditions on free association under the threat of violence is unobjectionable?

  • Another Phil||

    Selective quotation, poor reading comprehension, and knee-jerk moral outrage. Yeah, you've covered all the bases here.

  • sarcasmic||

    “Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.”

    ― C.S. Lewis

  • Jerryskids||

    I've been praying for ten years that Bloomberg would go to heaven, I have a list of people he should take with him.

  • Pro Libertate||

    I think Jesus was speaking specifically about Bloomberg when he talked about how much harder it is for rich people to get into heaven.

  • ||

    It is easier for a camel to pass through the straw of a 48 oz. Mountain Dew...

  • UnCivilServant||

    Does said camel need to be alive and intact?

    Because if we pureed it, and thinned it down with some water, we could force the resultant paste through the small diameter opening.

  • ||

    A loophole arises...

  • RJ The Terrible||

    All things a possible with god

  • Scruffy Nerfherder||

    +1 HFCS

  • DJF||

    """I have earned my place in heaven""'

    Jews don't believe in heaven, that is a Christian thing. So what is a nice Jewish boy doing in heaven with all those Christians?

  • Pro Libertate||

    He's building his own.

  • ||

    That's not entirely true. Jews just don't share the Christian view of the topic.

  • Rich||

    If Michael Bloomberg is going to heaven ..., does that mean I am going to hell?

    Pretty sure that The Noble Qur'an assures us *both* of you are going to hell.

  • ||

    Pretty sure that The Noble Qur'an assures us *both* of you are going to hell.

    That's bogus man!

  • Austrian Anarchy||

    Classic!

  • ||

    "Please hit me for my own good!"

  • Austrian Anarchy||

    I wonder if he was a frequent visitor to The Nutcracker Suite in NYC (Asa interview starts about half way in)?

  • Doctor Whom||

    "In case you hadn't noticed, I watch my diet. This is not for me."

    Self-ownership for me, but not for thee.

  • Tim||

    Welcome to Heaven! Here's a list of rules from Lord Bloomberg.

  • Loki||

    "Are you sure this is heaven? And if so, can I go to other place instead?"

  • Austrian Anarchy||

    So he didn't catch the word that no person on this earth decides who gets in, no matter how good you think your deeds are? Sounds like he skipped as many Sunday School lessons as Constitution lessons in his long life.

  • Austrian Anarchy||

    Perhaps "Sunday School" was the wrong phrase there.

  • RJ The Terrible||

    Yeshevah?

  • Austrian Anarchy||

    Yeshiva? Close, but a bit too formal. What is the word for Torah studies before/after Temple, plus that thing all the Jewish kids went to on Wednesdays, I think, and got to skip government school those days.

  • Gorilla tactics||

    Don't Calvinists KNOW they are getting in? I mean that's what nanny statism is right? A secular form of puritanical Calvinism (redundant maybe).

  • The Late P Brooks||

    "Please hit me for my own good!"

    After the spankings comes the oral sex.

  • chmercier||

    In new Bloomberg developments:

    Bloomberg got a papercut on Sunday, leading to a new group to stop paper production.

    Slipping on ice causes lots of injuries - Bloomberg supports ice bans and legislating the solid state of matter. "God made a mistake with that one!" Bloomberg was reported as saying.

    On his new, "The music is too darn loud" campaign, Bloomberg refused to turn the volume dial down, opting instead to ban volume knobs altogether. "When the dial is there, a person is tempted to turn it all the way up and they will. If we eliminate that option, then people will not be hurt. They have the choice to save their ears."

    In a seemingly related Skype conversation between Lucifer and Vladimir Putin on Monday night, Lucifer asked "How's Mikey doing?" Putin reportedly laughed while dining on bacon and smoking a cigarette.

  • KDN||

    Ice is the solid state of water. You've just legislated for more ice.

    Note: this mistake is one Bloomers would definitely make.

  • Loki||

    Yes, but the reason why ice is slippery is because of the thin layer of water between the ice and your feet, so technically it's the liquid form of water that needs to be banned.

  • AlgerHiss||

    This Bloomberg character has got to be the world’s best example of what Duece Bigalow called a “mangina”.

    Wussy….sissy….feminine…coward….weak...

    He’ll no doubt be the first male (alleged) to succumb to ovarian cancer.

  • Eric Bana||

    It's such a shame to think about the billions of dollars spent on political ads.

  • C. S. P. Schofield||

    He'll get to what looks like heaven to him, and nobody will pay him the least attention.

    Heh, heh.

  • RJ The Terrible||

    Hell for Bloomberg is being stuck in a room full of cigarrete smokers guzzling 48oz big gulps, eating potato chips with extra salt - all of whom are packing heat. Both open and concealed carry.

  • Rev Match||

    Bloomberg told the Times he plans to spend $50 million this year against politicians who oppose his gun control agenda.

    I thought all the money was on the OTHER side...

    Ps.
    Bloomberg, Fuck You. That is all.

  • OneOut||

    ""We have a responsibility as human beings to do something, to save each other, to save the lives of ourselves, our families, our friends, and all of the rest of the people that live on God's planet," he said. "And so while other people will wring their hands over the problem of sugary drinks, in New York City, we're doing something about it." "

    Lord please save the world from those who wish to save the world.

    Is Bloomberg the new Kochtopolus ?

    Is his money as evil and disruptive to the will of the people as the Kochs ?

    For some reason I believe he will fit in that narrow slot of Liberal approval much like Soros.

  • craiginmass||

    Mr. Soror uses a lot of his money to support "libertarian" causes - such as pot decriminalization. Look it up.

    Also, he heads the Open Society Foundation:

    "The network of Open Society Foundations (OSF), formerly the Open Society Institute (OSI) until 2011, is a grantmaking operation founded by George Soros, aimed to shape public policy to promote democratic governance, human rights, and economic, legal, and social reform. On a local level, OSF implements a range of initiatives to support the rule of law, education, public health, and independent media. At the same time, OSF works to build alliances across borders and continents on issues such as combating corruption and rights abuses.

    One of the aims of the OSF is the development of civil society organizations (e.g., charities and community groups) to encourage participation in democracy and society."
    ---------
    Do you find those types of peace and freedom advancing measures insulting?

  • Vulgar Madman||

    It takes a lot to make up for being a nazi collaborator.

  • jay_dubya||

    I think you missed the bit of irony in OO's comment, big guy. Better luck next time. You might have better luck on a site where people give a shit about partisan nonsense.

  • ~Knarf Yenrab~||

    That one's a sock.

  • Hittman||

    Heaven might not not be what he's expecting, though.

    http://www.davehitt.com/blog2/.....to-heaven/

  • jmomls||

    *"I am telling you if there is a God, when I get to heaven...I am heading straight in. I have earned my place in heaven. It's not even close."*

    Yeah, because this God that you obviously don't believe in, if he exists, is totally down with infidels gettin' into the VIP room of his club.

    Where do they make these people and when can we bomb the factory?

  • ~Knarf Yenrab~||

    Why is it that the most reprehensible people are always trying to claim (or, worse, actually believe that they hold) the moral high ground? That whole interview is the most extraordinary display of narcissism on display that I've seen since the last Charles Manson interview.

    It's been my experience that most libertarians/classical liberals came to our political stances due to a conscientious personality type and years of reflection and debate, but I have to wonder what sort of mind is capable of earning $25 billion, yet can't understand why using the violence of the state to ban sodas and self defense is morally repugnant. I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like to be Bloomberg for a single hour and not be troubled by any qualms over his endless bullying.

    To some degree I can understand/empathize why a sadist would enjoy bullying others or why a greedy shit like Harry Reid would aspire to power, but Bloomberg legitimately seems to think that he's a great guy, which is considerably more disturbing (and dangerous. Same goes for Krugman, who may very well be the most dangerous man in America due in large part to an unearned sense of moral authority that would shame the Ayatollah Kolamola.

  • OneOut||

    Psychopaths do not even consider the effects of their actions on others.

    The effects of their actions on others does not factor into the equation of whether to do something or not.

  • ~Knarf Yenrab~||

    It would be easier to understand if he were a psychopath, but he's not. Like Clive Staples says, he's driven by a dumb, irrational, inane moral impulse rather than a selfish one. You can reason with pelf-motivated assholes, but not with zealots.

    Hizzoner is an old-fashioned progressive busybody who, had he been around 100 years ago, would've been buying hatchets for Carrie A. Nation and funding eugenics programs.

  • Gorilla tactics||

    reread that CS Lewis quote posted above. And of course because "FUCK YOU THAT'S WHY"

  • craiginmass||

    So you consider the Kochs, who own this site, the CATO institute and hundreds of other front groups, to be enlightened in this sense?

    They have moral authority since they are trying to hurt, rather than help, the largest mass of people?

    That's fantastic.

  • crm114||

    What's the road to hell paved with again?

  • jay_dubya||

    douchbag liberals

  • craiginmass||

    You are probably going to hell if you are working at a Koch owned or influenced publication and taking money for "thinking" a certain way.

    Hope that helps...

    Both the Kochs and Bloomberg are putting their money where their mouths are...BUT, the Koch hide vast amounts of it through shell groups and astroturf. Also, if you look closely, the Koch policies (less regulation, easier resource extraction, lower taxes on billionaires, etc.) tend to do real harm to human beings which Bloombergs, whether ill-informed or not, are attempts to improve lives and health.

    If you believe that ethics and morals do exist, then there is a difference. Money put toward forces which turn back efforts of public health, etc. differs from those which advance mankind.

    Sure, the Kochs and Reason try to wrap it up in a palatable "libertarian" format. But that's a pretty thin cover. By your works we shall know thee.

  • politicsbyothermeans||

    Jesus Christ you're boring.

  • Rev Match||

    ...BUT, the Koch hide vast amounts of it through shell groups and astroturf. Also, if you look closely, the Koch policies (less regulation, easier resource extraction, lower taxes on billionaires, etc.)...

    Are there any more buzzwords you would like to add?

    Also, this:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hfYJsQAhl0

  • jay_dubya||

    fuck ... this ... guy ...

  • jay_dubya||

    so ... much ... hate ...

  • jay_dubya||

    can only express ... through ee cummings ... trailing dot ...

  • Vulgar Madman||

    "I have earned my place in heaven"
    Imagine this is said by a character on an episode of the twilight zone.

  • REMant||

    It might be more useful to ask how it is that His Honor doubled his wealth in 2009.

  • craiginmass||

    How much did he lose in 2007-2008?

    Heck, I doubled my wealth in the last few years in mostly index funds.

    Why do you need to ask this? Are you against people who know how to earn money?

    I doubt he invests in heavy resource extraction, if that's your take.....

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