The Giraffe's Speech

An address to the American Chemical Society.

On the subject of ChatGPT, per Eugene's post on AI libel:

As an originalist delivering the keynote address to a Common Good Constitutionalism symposium, I mentioned that I felt "somewhat like a giraffe being asked to address a meeting of the American Chemical Society."

I'm aware that giraffes sometimes have trouble composing such addresses on their own, so a few months back I asked ChatGPT for its suggestions, and I wasn't at all disappointed by what it produced:

Ladies and Gentlemen of the American Chemical Society,

While it may seem out of the ordinary for a giraffe like myself to address a prestigious gathering of chemists, it serves as a testament to the boundless curiosity and innovative spirit that you all represent. I may not be a chemist myself, but I believe my presence here is symbolic of the unity that comes from exploring the richness and diversity of life on this planet, an exploration that your field greatly contributes to.

If there's one thing that life has taught me, it's that nature is the greatest chemist of all. From the swirling galaxies above to the intricate networks of life beneath our feet, chemistry is everywhere. As a giraffe, I am a beneficiary of chemistry's fascinating workings, whether it's the complex cocktail of compounds responsible for my spotted coat or the intricate dance of molecules that enables me to digest acacia leaves in my four-chambered stomach.

Through me, you can see the effects of your work. You dissect and understand the natural phenomena that allow life to thrive. You uncover the mechanisms that, for millions of years, have guided evolution's hand to craft creatures as diverse as the microscopic tardigrade to towering creatures like myself.

From my unique vantage point, I also offer a reminder. Every time I stretch my long neck to nibble the highest leaves of an acacia tree, I'm reminded of how delicate our ecosystems are. Each being plays a part, each chemical interaction matters. As chemists, you have the power to ensure that the actions we take today are sustainable and safe for the planet that sustains us all.

I encourage you to continue your brilliant and necessary work, to dig deeper into life's chemical code. I urge you to use your expertise, your curiosity, and your creativity to create solutions that will lead us towards a healthier, more sustainable future. I invite you to not only study the chemistry of life but also to understand and appreciate the life within chemistry.

With each molecule you manipulate, with each reaction you observe, and with every equation you solve, remember that you're not just exploring abstract concepts. You're delving into the heart of life itself. And from up here, it's a view worth appreciating.

Thank you for your time, and keep reaching for those metaphorical acacia leaves. The future of our world and its wondrous creatures depends on your continued efforts.

If you're not impressed by AI's abilities, or think it just copy-and-pastes from whatever it's seen before, I don't know what to say.