Microsoft Spartan browser joke contest

What would Leonidas say? (Thanks to Wikipedia user Praxinoa for the image.)

Ars Technica (Peter Bright) reports that Microsoft's Windows 10 will have "a new browser codenamed Spartan." Your mission, should you choose to accept it: Provide us with Spartan-related gags, the greekier geekier the better.

Beware of Spartans bearing gifts? Go tell the Spartan, ___, that __? Will the browser have a minimalist interface? Will it be laconic? Can you do something with Bill Gates and Thermopylae? Heck, I'll even take Michigan State jokes, though I tend to prefer more classical material. Winners will get eternal glory.