Remy: White Lightning

Authorities have a beef with Remy’s latest occupation.


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Selling raw milk remains illegal in many places in the United States, making some feel like modern-day moonshiners.

Parody written and performed by Remy; video produced by Austin Bragg; music tracks, background vocals, and mastering by Ben Karlstrom

Well in North Carolina way back in the hills
Lived my old pappy and he sold him some milk
He'd brew White Lightning till the sun went down
and then he'd fill up a jug and he'd pass it around

Mighty, mighty pleasing, pappy's cow squeezing
Ooh…White Lightning…

But the G-Men, T-Men, revenuers too
Were searching for the place pappy made his brew
They were looking trying to book him
But my pappy kept not-cooking

Ooh…White Lightning…



Well the next time you're out shopping maybe take a look
Some people like fresh food better than cooked
Food's sold raw, it happens all the time
Though I'll concede there is a milk that should be a crime

Cloudy for some reason, largely unpleasing
Ew…just frightening…

In a truly free society
There are some potentially dangerous activities
If you think our jails are crowding maybe we should be allowing
Ooh…White Lightning…

NEXT: U.S. Billionaire Wealth Would Fund Government For Just 6 Months

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  1. “Hey, what are you arresting me for?”

    Cultural appropriation, obviously.

    1. Especially for chocolate milk.

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  2. I have to admit, I couldn’t guess what this one was going to be about from the title.

    1. I hate to use this phrase, but I do fear that Raw Milk is a Cosmotarian issue, even more than cocktails. I’m for people being able to drink the White Devil, but I must admit I never, ever, ever think about it when I think of the state of politics today.

      1. Sure, if raw milk were the only thing gub’ment was doing wrong then we should be focusing on it. But while it’s not the only problem, it still IS a problem. Running yet another article about the ROADZ or END TEH FED isn’t going to gain any new converts. It’s just pandering to the edgelord choir.

        Food issues appeal to foodies, and bringing them up might just be a way to get our message to them. Because like it or not, most people just go to sleep when you scream ROADZ and END TEH FED at them. Reason isn’t here to validate your priors.

        I have a very progressive Portland friend. To him “libertarianism” was just those crazy Ron Paulistas and Randroids. He paid no attention to us. Then… he became a foodie and his perspective changed. He was buying raw milk cheese illegally, in contact with a network of raw milk cheese enthusiasts, knew where to get it, when to get it, and the code words needed to get it. Suddenly libertarianism wasn’t so alien to him. He started to understand that people should be free to live their own lives. Raw milk producers should be able to sell raw milk and not be shutdown (or overly taxed) for it.

        We never know what that issue it is that is going to get someone’s attention. I could be illegal children’s lemonade stands. It could be arcane export controls on technology. It could be refugee children in cages. So Reason should NOT limit it’s story coverage to just those issues the Commentariat demands. Because like it or not, the Commentariat is not the target audience.

        1. Yep, and I’m fine with it. (secretly I do get bored of the Marijuana articles, but I get it).
          I meant this purely as a concurrence that I wouldn’t have guessed this was about raw milk from the title.

    2. There’s lots of white stuff talked about in the Hit & Run Communts, so the confusion is fully understandable.

  3. We love you Remy. Hope you’re still playing MtG.

  4. My Dad grew up on a farm in the 40’s and 50’s. He said that raw milk tasted like a cow smelled.

  5. Remy should run the DOJ.

    1. Remy should be president

      1. Nonsense, we’ve never, ever had an entertainer for President.

        1. Every president has been an entertainer.

          1. Some have been more entertaining than others. I don’t know about y’all, but when I want to be entertained, I don’t go to a comedy club. I turn on the TV and see what they guy with the nuclear football is saying.

            1. The last few days have yielded a treasure trove of laughs.
              See clips from SleepyJoe at the townhall.

  6. I prefer my milk pasteurized, but you do you.

    1. The problem isn’t that pasteurization is bad. It is that you might have a valid reason for wanting whole milk.

      My sister’s ex makes cheese. It’s a weird hobby, but why not? To make cheeses you need milk with all the enzymes in it, and pasteurized milk doesn’t work as it kills them. You have to add them artificially, which is supposedly not as good. I believe him, his cheese is tasty.

      I’m sure there are other reasons, but my brother outlaw’s is just one I know first hand. So I guess it really is emblematic of the sledge-hammer nature of generic regulation. Regulators lack the imagination to know what peripheral use cases they are curtailing, or the empathy to give a shit if they do. “Who needs to make cheese at home? Just buy it in the grocery store.”

      1. The problem isn’t the raw milk in cheese. Most raw milk cheeses are just fine (despite gub’ment still cracking down in it). The real health issue are the young raw milk cheeses. They haven’t aged (or cheesed) long enough to be safe.

        1. Everything must be “safe”.

        2. In my experimental college days, I once bought some Baby Brie, something I had never tried. When I got it home and cut it open, I smelled it and then dry-heaved my way to the restroom! When I got myself together, I ran to the store and returned it for my money back. I told them that if that was Baby Brie, I shudder to think what Grown-Up Brie was like!

          Years later, I bought some Brie again, thinking maybe I “just hadn’t found the right one yet.” While I didn’t heave up like I did in college, I still didn’t like either the smell or taste and gave it to a friend who liked it instead.

          This experience alone would put me off of even thinking about eating rew milk cheese. *Bleech!*

      2. I’m more than willing to let other people buy and sell raw milk and it’s products. I just don’t personally want any.

        1. Same with me. Personally, I have no need or desire for raw milk.

          Don’t care if someone else does. Let them buy it straight from the farmer if they like. Who am I to know what you (or anyone else) want and need?

      3. I guess these people think like The Presidents of The United States of America (both the band and the literal ones:)

        “Peaches come from a can.
        They were put there by a man.
        In a factory downton.”

        1. Downtown, that is. Not a reference to Downton Abbey.

  7. lol dm’ing Trevor Bauer

  8. I’m troubled by the distinct lack of masks in this video. Only the people drinking milk should’ve been unmasked. Pappy needs to cut a hole through his mask if he wants to smoke.

  9. Meh, this one kinda sucked. Maybe it was the music. Remy should do one about the anti-vaxxers.

  10. I understand that this is a libertarian site.
    And that means maximum freedom for individuals.
    Raw milk can transmit disease.
    Especially Listeria.
    Listeria causes miscarriages in pregnant women.
    So requiring pasteurization of milk seems like a good public health measure.
    Pregnant women do not know it is dangerous and will drink it and suffer consequences.
    I guess labeling of raw milk might help reduce this problem, but requiring pasteurization seems like a tiny loss of freedom for a large gain.

    1. So what you are saying is that it’s almost like there is a legitimate reason why pasteurization is required? I hate to break it to you, but the people that post here do not think that a tiny loss of freedom for a large societal gain is worth it.

    2. Labeling is a solution for you problem. Let people KNOW they are buying raw milk. Otherwise it’s their choice. You are not their decision maker.

      Pasteurization is good, but you don’t need to mandate it through the use of police and guns. Pasteurization is good and people will buy pasteurized milk without needing any cops with guns to force people to buy it.

      A whole bunch of “tiny losses of freedom” start adding up to a whole bunch of freedom losses. So we limit the tiny losses of freedom to the truly important things. And pasteurization just isn’t a big enough issue to justify the nation state.

      1. What about the right of the Amish to label their milk however they want?

        1. Technically it’s illegal to label raw milk as milk, the fda requires vitamin d to be add in order to be labeled milk

          1. Now there is the real problem.

            All the pedantic-a-philes raising a fuss over soy milk and nut milk are the reason why we can’t know whether the stuff on the shelves is raw milk, so that those who like can partake and those of us who like modernity and health can pass it by.

        2. “Sorry, Yacob. Full disclosure to ‘The English’ or it’s no-go on the buggy trip to the farmer’s market.”

      2. You are so correct. And as I pointed out below, the loss of freedom can be bad for your health too.

    3. Should we ban Celery? That has more lysteria outbreaks than dairy

    4. Or, you could just let people know that raw milk can transmit listeria, let them know the relative risks, and suggest Pasteurized milk is the best choice.

      Public Health measures sound like a good thing. But a rule so draconian not even someone who has a specific understanding of the risks and a specific reason to want raw milk can buy it is the perfect first step on the slippery slope. What else has a risk of personal harm that can be banned for a “tiny loss of freedom” to save someone from themselves? And how “tiny” is that loss of freedom, really? Especially when determined by a nameless bureaucrat with a blanket rule for hundreds of millions of people living in very diverse communities and geography?

      In other words, it isn’t just about milk.

      1. Maybe there should be an anti-raw milk PSA made out of the “Francis and Buzz” episode on FOX’s Weird TV. This is where the gruesome hand puppet drinks spoiled milk he found in the trash and starts hallucinating. 🙂

    5. seems like a tiny loss of freedom

      It always starts out tiny. Hard pass.

      1. Have you tried rubbing it up and down?

        1. And rubbing it up and down on a partner? As long as you don’t fall off the bed or slip in the shower, frottage is the safest sex there is.

    6. I agree with Pasteurization and I equally agree with an individual’s right to do with their mind and body what they want, even if it is dumb, unhealthy, and dangerous. They can both exist in the same mind and in the same society.

      I agree with Brandybuck that the key for both to co-exist is Truth in Advertising.

      Let Raw Milk be labeled and sold a Raw Milk and let Pasteurized Milk be labeled and sold as Pasteurized Milk and like they said on the Bloom County comic strip: “By golly, Let Reagan be Reagan!”

      Pop-Up Video Factoid: Louis Pasteur did his research to prove the Germ Theory of disease not with milk, but with beer. He noticed in his microscope that beer that went bad had microbes in it and subsequently found that heat killed off the microbes.

      Had the Prohibitionist Movement made its way to France, that reasearch may have never occurred and millions could still be dying senselessly from all kinds of diseases.

  11. I will be thinking about this as I buy booze and cigarettes’? Both of which cause cancer.

    1. Though when consumed at the same time it just causes a party.

  12. For those who don’t know, here is the original by the great George Jones!

  13. A few years ago I took a trip to New Hampshire, scoping it out as a place to retire (Free State Project!). On a back road near Keene I passed a farm with a sign that said it sold unpasteurized milk. It was an honor store. I bought a half gallon of it, just because I had always wanted to try it. I drank all I could, and then poured the rest out, because I had no way to keep it cold. I couldn’t tell the difference between that and pasteurized milk.

    What I really took away from that experience was the greatness of NH. Unpasteurized milk at an honor store. Where I’m from, you’ll never see either of those things, much less both together!

    1. Maybe it wasn’t really raw milk then, because raw milk definitely has a different flavor.

      1. So much for that being an “honor store.”

        By the way, there have been lots of “honor stores” all over the nation since George Floyd. They’ve just been stores where Antifa, BLM, and other thugs “honor” the store with their presence.

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    1. Selling raw milk online?

  15. raw milk is likely to have a variety of nasty germs in it, but y know, your body, your choice.

  16. Hey! I resemble that crack about Skim Milk! I like Skim Milk. I also like Non-Fat Dry Milk and keep it on the shelf with my emergency SHTF provisions.

    A small medicine bottle of dry milk and a water bottle come in handy in riot-prone, civil distrubance-prone areas. Just mixx the two and wash your eyes out in the event of meeting a cloud of Pepper Spray.

  17. A small medicine bottle of dry milk and a water bottle come in handy in riot-prone, civil distrubance-prone areas. Just mixx the two and wash your eyes out in the event of meeting a cloud of Pepper Spray.

    قصة عشق

    1. What I said…except for the foreign lingo.

  18. I’m for people being able to drink the White Devil, but I must admit I never, ever, ever think about it when I think of the state of politics today. Albuquerque Flooring Installer

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