Who Wants to Ban Sex Toys, Chocolate Milk, and Golf Lessons?! (Nanny of the Month, 5-14)


This month busybodies are itching to ban unlicensed golf lessons, yank chocolate milk from school cafeterias, and one Georgia town has decided to deprive citizens of sex toys (unless consumers can provide a doctor's prescription or scientific reason why they would need such naughty, naughty products).

93 seconds.

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Nanny of the Month is written by Ted Balaker (@tedbalaker), and produced by Balaker and Matt Edwards (@MattChrisEd). Edited by Edwards. Opening graphics by Meredith Bragg.

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  1. They should ban men who can’t satisfy their women.

  2. Firs….




  3. The answer to the headline is
    Anyone who’s ever been to Warty’s basement.

    1. Well he did take 3 strokes of my game.

  4. This month busybodies are itching to ban unlicensed golf lessons

    I usually just watch youtube videos, but alas, I am still not very good.

    Will someone please ban these videos so I stop watching them?

  5. 1. Golf Lessons – Silly, but it bothers me less than the others because it only applies to city-owned golf courses and not private ones. Stupid, but I’m not sure it’s nanny-ish.

    2. Chocolate Milk – Patently ridiculous. But you missed a huge chance in this one. Should’ve used Michelle Obama’s picture instead of the generic nanny picture in that last line.

    3. Sex Toy Ban – Ah, “small government” southern SoCons. There’s a reason Team Red is the stupid party. Also, could that woman’s husband had lookd more unfomfortable than he did in that news report?

    1. 1. Golf Lessons – Silly, but it bothers me less than the others because it only applies to city-owned golf courses and not private ones. Stupid, but I’m not sure it’s nanny-ish.

      It’s nanny-ish because it isn’t private property. It’s my property.

      “You can’t be here, this is public property!”

      1. Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here… this is the war room.

    2. The sex-toy ban should be struck down on plenty of other reasons, not just because people might need them “medically”.

      Warty, for instance, uses them in his dungeon basement for his dark rights. So there’s a religious exemption too.

    3. Ah, “small government” southern SoCons

      I’m sure they had a hand in it, but I don’t think Team Red hyper-religiousness is/was the impetus. The co-defendent not mentioned in the video puts dildos in his art and wants to sell/display this art on his property and more publicly. He has some pretty whacko claims about his art and the ban makes specific exceptions for all kinds of reasons… except art.

      It’s Still nannies generating unintended consequences by law and arguably trampling free speech, but I have to say I’d be pissed if my local zoning board and judge couldn’t find a way to ban my neighbor from making his dildo-art clearly visible from the property line. I’d probably feel the same way if he had a van with Jesus airbrushed on the side too.

      1. Quite the freedom lover, aren’t you?

  6. They should ban golf lessons. Maybe once the current players die off (which should take about 6 months), we can be rid of the national scourge that is golf.

    1. I support a future where golf is safe, legal and rare.

      1. It will be rare soon. At the rate courses are closing, you will only have your back yard and wiffle balls to play with.

        1. I tell you, Wang, golf courses are the biggest waste of prime real estate.

      2. I don’t understand chasing a ball around with a stick, but I guess golfers don’t understand sitting on a motorcycle open and exposed cruising down farm roads at 50 MPH.

        To each his own, I guess. Which is why I’m on a Libertarian site, rather than Newvine or the Blaze.

        1. I do and understand both. Each has its appeal.

    2. I like playing, but I have no idea why people voluntarily watch it on TV.

      1. it is a holistic cure for insomnia

      2. That’s how I feel about bowling and pool.

      3. Beats doing work. I used to watch baseball as a kid for that reason, but baseball sucks even worse than golf.

        1. Don’t knock baseball. It cures my insomnia quicker than a bullet to the head.

  7. Speaking of bans, Seattle moves ever closer to ‘historic’ $15 minimum wage vote on monday.

    Smart money sez we’re getting a $15 minimum wage, because make a sentence with the following words:

    wall seattle to progressives wall is.

    A special committee of the Seattle City Council on Thursday unanimously approved a $15 minimum-wage ordinance, setting the stage for a historic vote Monday by the full council.


    1. Please do it, and Chicago too.


    2. Laboratories of democracy. That includes the stupid stuff too, but it’ll be a great example for others.

      1. Like California isn’t?

      2. What’s the over/under on how high their unemployment rate will go?

        1. I can’t wait to see the people with BAs lined up to take the remaining positions at AutoMcDonalds. Are there any exemptions in the bill at all?? WA state min. wage is already one of the few without a tip credit.

          1. It will also be amusing to watch their heads explode as every mom’n’pop, independently-owned retailer in the city is replaced with either a Starbucks, a chain drugstore, or a Subway.

            1. What makes you think the chain druggists or Subway would pay their staff that? No, retailers will be replaced by concierge services that’ll take your diverse shopping list, buy the items at retail outside the city if need be, and deliver them to you.

              1. I was thinking that only big korporashuns can absorb the extra cost but I like your idea too. Except by then you might as well just ditch the space and have residents order everything online. Turn the abandoned shops into condos.

                1. Condos? More like low income housing.

        2. Well, you have the Amazon/Microsoft limitation. At some point, paying people $15/hr to get a latte seems worth it when you have a big pile of money and little time. So it will work better for them than almost anyone else.

    3. Progressives wall Seattle to wall. I didn’t need the “is”.

  8. OT: Shinseki has just resigned over that phony scandal that’s actually Bush’s fault.


    1. Now if we could just get Obama to retroactively accept Reno’s resignation, we’d be getting somewhere.

    2. Do Bush’s clutches know no bounds that they require the brave men and women of this administration to oversee failure and scandal and forces them to resign?

      Damn you Bush. DAMMMMNNN YOUUUUU!

    3. Once Obama survives this, I hope his Chief of Staff decides to accept the resignations of about a dozen others.

  9. Here in Connecticut our shitty democratic legislature passed a bill to reduce sodium levels in school lunches. It had the unintended consequence of banning chocolate milk because of the sodium content. Luckily Governor Malloy vetoed it. Yes, he’s a democrat but I credit him with having some common sense on this issue.

    1. Progressives hate chocolate milk too, so they must be double-pissed at the governor.

  10. Chocolate milk is awesome after a long bike ride.

  11. Seattle meet Detroit.

  12. They should ban men who can’t satisfy their women.


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