Vampires, Puppies, and Sharknado 2: The Cannes Film Festival's Movie Market


The Cannes Film Festival is known for big stars and big premieres, but you may not realize it is also home to the Marché du Film, the largest film market in the world. Each year thousands of film professionals come to Cannes to buy and sell the films that will appear on theater and television screens around the globe. 

"I am personally here to learn," says Lloyd Kaufman, president and co-founder of Troma Entertainment. "But the Troma team is here to sell our movies, to find distributors, and make some money." 

Filled with a wide range of genre posters, from horror and soft-core porn to animated family features, it is clear that the films on display in the market are very different from those in contention for the Palme d'Or. "You walk through the market and you are going to see titles that you would never imagine in your life," says press agent Gary Springer.  

"I think this is where it becomes apparent that not all movies are destined to have an audience or indeed deserve and audience," explains Charlie Bloye, chief executive at FilmExportUK. "It is important for people out there to realize that there is a winnowing process that goes on where a lot of people are selecting top quality films to present to them and, unfortunately, it means that some people's dreams are dashed at a market like this."

Approx. 2:30 minutes. 

Produced by Meredith Bragg and Austin Bragg. 

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NEXT: Cannes: The Digital Revolution is Changing Filmmaking

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  1. Troma still exists, huh? I think I’ve seen two or three of the Toxic Avenger movies. Maybe I should give one of their more recent films a chance. 2013’s Bikini Swamp Girl Massacre looks intriguing.

    1. Troma is going strong, and producing fine films. Lloyd Kaufman is awesome.

      1. Start working at home with Google. It’s a great work at home opportunity. Just work for few hours. I earn up to $100 a day. I can’t believe how easy it was once I tried it out

  2. Was the first Sharknado so popular they had to make a second one?

    1. Good question.

      I thought Sharknado was basically another Snakes on a Plane: a movie that was fun to hype before its release because of the title, but that ended up being a letdown to actually watch.

      1. Snakes on a Plane was the most overhyped garbage to hit the screen. I was so psyched to go see it, and so disappointed afterward.

        1. For me, that was Promeaningless. Holy fuck, what a smoking turd.

    2. It was a light hearted novelty act (as a matter of opinion), that didn’t take itself too seriously. As for the need of a second one… that’s certainly debatable…

    3. They’re already set to do a third one. The movies are so cheap to make that it doesn’t matter if the second one completely flops.

    4. I thought it randomly exploded on twitter during a showing on Syfy?

      1. This. I wasn’t even WATCHING, and the end of that movie was the greatest 15 minutes ever on Twitter.


        Then I saw the movie. So horrible, as you’d expect.

        Can’t wait for number two!

  3. Coming soon is snakes on the train, and Sharknado does cocaine. Then there is going to be the thriller Steaks on a highway lane.

    If you thought that rubber tire rocked like a funeral pyre, then you’re gonna love part two when it is able to set itself on fire….oh and someone may release a sex tape of Vampire. :0P

    1. Setting the bar as low as possible eh?

      1. Nowhere to go but up from there…

      2. The last one is definitely a blockbuster.

  4. I can recommend the documentary Seduced and Abandoned, even though it features Alec Baldwin.

  5. OT: Recently found this on the FB page of a prog friend. Words just fail me. At least some of the comments point out that some folks besides the CEO do better from the grocery basket to the left in the picture.

    1. Perfect Onion article regarding this philosophy.

      1. So, is the Onion going give up and become a serious news source since they can’t be distinguished from reality anyway?

    2. Yeah, local farmers like Archer Daniels Midland, Cargill, and ConAgra, their kids need dance lessons and mortgage payments a hell of a lot more than those fucking fat-cat fast food employees and franchise owners do… Social parasites…

  6. Sometimes man you jsut have to roll with it.

    1. Roll that beautiful bean footage! And then sell it in Cannes, amirite?

      1. Just call the movie “Lynch the Kochs” and it will clean up at the awards.

  7. Here’s a short video (make sure to turn the noise on if its not) you guys might enjoy too. What do you do when your artificial, government enforced monopoly starts losing customers to a new rival service that is faster, more convenient, never decides to drive away because of where you want to go or because you want to pay with a card, more accountable for friendliness, cleanliness, and correct charging, and cheaper too?

    You stop competing with them so you can block off the street in front of their building instead.

    (If you’re wondering, this is the Boston cabbies protesting in front of the building where Uber has its offices yesterday)

    1. The thing is, the cab companies will lose this war to Uber and Lyft. It’s inevitable. Just like the music companies and the film studios will lose to Netflix, Spotify, and Amazon. Just like the newspapers will lose to HuffPo and Hit & Run. The genie is out of the bottle, and I think the internet will stick around. The internet is how we are going to organize our lives, and entertain ourselves. So, although I find shit like this video extremely annoying in the short-term, I am confident this shit will be over in the long-term. It’s comforting to me to observe the idiots who are wasting time, money, and resources fighting a war that they will lose.

      1. I don’t think expect them to win*, I just find it super obnoxious and entitled for them to respond this way. I’m not surprised though, if they had any commitment to succeeding by offering a decent product they wouldn’t have used the government to setup the monopoly in the first place.

        *In fact, this protest is counterproductive since a big problem people have with Boston cabs is that there aren’t enough and now they’re dedicating about 25 to doing nothing productive, making it more likely people have to find an alternative like Uber.

        1. A bunch of cabbies sitting around and not delivering people to their destination, while protesting a company that does, is exactly the message you would want to get out, so people will continue to use your service. Amiright?

    1. Man, that sure was a privilege to lose all that weight without surgery, right!?

    2. Ugh! Toure uses his kid’s photo for his Twitter avatar. That is fucking lame. Please everybody, use your own photo for your avatars. Not your child, not your dog, not you and your bf/gf, or the logo of your favorite sports team.

      Also, what Toure tweeted was pretty retarded. Looks like the Twitterverse took him to the woodshed.

    3. Yeah, it’s not like the entirety of Europe, and a nation of white supremacists were trying to exterminate *all* of them, because they saw them as subhuman. It must of been because… Palestine..

      1. It’s not about what history is, it’s about how you can distort it to help your agenda.

        How apropos for a holiday aggrandizing the enslavement of millions of young men.

        1. “How apropos for a holiday aggrandizing the enslavement of millions of young men.”

          Yeah, they enslaved and worked (and starved) many of the younger and healthier men to death, but the rest… straight to the gas showers..

          1. So did the Soviets, but we did fuck all about that.

        2. How apropos for a holiday aggrandizing the enslavement of millions of young men.

          derp derp derp derp

          1. Good to know you support slave armies.

            1. Yep. That’s what he’s saying.

            2. Good to know you support slave armies.

              he doubles down on derp, let’s see what he does next.

        3. Yeah, I don’t think modern Memorial Day is aggrandizing the draft.

          I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone say ‘This Memorial Day, let’s remember the glory of forced conscription.’

          1. We’re such a great nation when we get together and force any men of eligible age to fight for our glory, or else!

            1. You’re really really good at putting words in people’s mouths.

              1. Is it a rule that I have to argue against ridiculous non sequiturs in good faith?

                1. Is it a rule that I have to argue against ridiculous non sequiturs in good faith?

                  The only one I see throwing around ridiculous non sequiturs is you.

            2. “We’re such a great nation when we get together and force any men of eligible age to fight for our glory, or else!”

              We weren’t the first, and certainly won’t be the last…

              1. And that makes it OK. Why spend your time here if you believe slavery is moral?

                1. “And that makes it OK.”

                  Never stated that one way or the other..

                  “Why spend your time here if you believe slavery is moral?”

                  Come down off your cross, and explain your point..

    4. Jayvie Canono @OneFineJay

      I still can’t believe Tour? basically told someone to check their Nazi concentration camp survivor privilege.


    5. I hate this Twitter quoting shit.

      So, someone says that someone else said something, posts a screen cap of what they said, and then absolutely no explanation or anything.

      Apparently I’m supposed to chase this thread upstream to the start to figure out WTF is going on?

      Fuck man, Twitter is absolutely *useless* for anything, except as a platform for someone to make a fool of themselves and a hundred other people to try to make money off of it by pointing an laughing.

      1. The only twitter account worth following

  8. So, even AP is finally forced to admit O-care’s a mess:
    “Poll: Sign-ups rise but little love for health law”
    “Forty-three percent oppose the law, compared with just 28 percent in support.”…..ationworld

    1. The more people who sign up, the more people who see how they’re getting screwed. Not everyone gets a subsidy.

      1. …”Not everyone gets a subsidy.”

        My bill went up considerably to cover the pregnancies I’m planning.

        1. Make sure to avoid stepping in front of a bus.

          1. +1 In Metro Fertilization

  9. One more day, one more lie:
    “White House won’t say if Obama kept promise to return 5% of his salary in solidarity with budget sequester ‘furloughs’ ? but his tax return hints that he never did”
    “The president pledged a year ago to send $20,000 of his 2013 salary back to the treasury as a symbolic gesture to furloughed employees”…..oughs.html

    Twenty-stinking-K, and he can’t seem to cover it. I swear, if this guy’s around, you keep your hand on your wallet.

  10. A quick thank you to Archduke von Pantsfan for the Fargo recommendation. I watched the first episode and think I’m going to really enjoy the rest.

    1. Yes, Fargo is pretty good.

  11. Since comments now seem to be working, I’d be interesting in hearing opinions on this piece from programmers/tech people who can get through it.

    Everything is Broken

    1. My thoughts are similar to JW’s, though I did make it to the end.

      On one hand, the article is meandering and unnecessarily polemic, and suffers from a low SNR.

      On the other hand, the gist of it is true. However, I would distil it down mainly to:

      * Your typical computer nowadays is actually an amalgamation of many. For instance, hard drives, SSDs, and SD cards pack computational abilities that put the first few generations of PCs to shame.

      * A lot of critical software is written in C or C++, and in both, it is very easy to make mistakes that could result in large security vulnerabilities.

      * TEH ENCRYPTIONZ (usually) don’t matter if someone gains access to your computer while its running either via malware or physically (or even shortly after it’s turned off; look up “cold boot attacks”).


      No one can protect themselves from 0days.

      is one of those statements that’s true in a narrow sense but practically worthless. Without going into detail, it’s kind of like saying that no one can protect themselves from a broken lock on their front door — rubbish. You can have your valuables in safes, you can have a security system, you can have a moat and drawbridge, you can have booby traps, and you can be sitting in the dark with a gun.

      1. There was definitely hyperbole there, but I found this part interesting:

        As our desires conflict with the IC, we become less and less worthy of rights and considerations in the eyes of the IC. When the NSA hoards exploits and interferes with cryptographic protection for our infrastructure, it means using exploits against people who aren’t part of the NSA just doesn’t count as much. Securing us comes after securing themselves.

        In theory, the reason we’re so nice to soldiers, that we have customs around honoring and thanking them, is that they’re supposed to be sacrificing themselves for the good of the people. In the case of the NSA, this has been reversed. Our wellbeing is sacrificed to make their job of monitoring the world easier. When this is part of the culture of power, it is well on its way to being capable of any abuse.

        Congress is tasked with NSA oversight. They aren’t remotely capable of do anything like an effective job of it. Is the NSA (and other agencies) exploiting the diffused nature of technology to subordinate it to the NSA’s purpose? – whatever that is currently.

  12. tl;dr

    What I did read, I agree, yes, software is incredibly complex and no one, esp. least lay people, have any idea what is going on within it. And yes, it’s imperfect and this technology can be abused by dishonest people to advance their agenda. Welcome to technology. It’s been that way since the wheel.

    That same rule applies to just about everything else anyone uses in a modern economy. I have no idea how to build a hydroelectric dam nor how to fix one if it breaks, but I’m happy to use the electricity that it generates. It increases the value to my life.

    Maybe the author had a larger and more salient point towards the end, but I bailed about halfway through. it came off as just so much pointless bitching about being dependent on inscrutable technology and the larger realpolitik.

  13. “I think this is where it becomes apparent that not all movies are destined to have an audience or indeed deserve an audience,” explains Charlie Bloye

    Who died and made this guy God-Emperor?

  14. Wait, they’re recycling one-year-old material? Even I clean my refrigerator more often than that.

    1. Ha, that’s what I get for not looking at the date 😛

      1. (Obviously I haven’t seen any of these movies…although that Vivica Fox…mmm)

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