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Cops Question Family for Cooking Mushrooms

"I figured a police officer would know what illegal drugs looked like."

Morel mushroomsAleksandar Milutinovic / DreamstimeSometimes the people hallucinating are not the ones taking the mushrooms, but the ones seeing them on Facebook.

After a couple in Maryland posted photos of the yummy morel mushrooms they had discovered, they got a call from the cops.

OutdoorHub reports that

John Garrison posted a series of photos with his girlfriend, Hope Deery, on Facebook showing off the couple's morel mushroom find while out hunting for the sought after fungi one afternoon.

"Mountain Morels!!! About to sautee them with brown sugar and cinnamon and see how that turns out," his Facebook post reads.

While that does indeed sound like something you would only eat while high as a mountain goat, a revolting recipe is not what got them in trouble.

Garrison claims a few hours after eating the mushrooms, a police officer showed up at their door and questioned the couple about posting pictures of psychedelic psilocybin mushrooms.

But the police officer had made a mistake.

"We let them in and as soon as the police officer walked in he asked us why we were eating mushrooms and posting about it online."

That would be pretty dumb. But the cop was dumber. As Garrison wrote on Facebook: "He thought he was on the biggest bust of his career thinking we were having a magic mushroom party before I explained to him that Morels are a native choice edible mushroom similar to truffles."

The non-stoned truffle-maker had to rummage through the trash to find evidence of his non-crime. But the cop was still skeptical, which surprised Garrison because psychedelic mushrooms look nothing like morels. "I figured a police officer would know what illegal drugs looked like," thought Garrison, wrongly.

It wasn't until a more gourmet cop showed up and identified morels as tasty, not trippy, that the couple was released. But first the cops proceeded to "process their IDs."

Why? Because even non-events are events once the cops are involved. That is the (ahem) morel of the story.

Photo Credit: Aleksandar Milutinovic / Dreamstime

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  • ThomasD||

    Stupid of them to put sugar and cinnamon on a mushroom.

    Even more stupid of them to play along with a badged idiot.

    "Hi, can I help you?"
    ...

    "No, you can't come in, I'm done talking with you, so you need to leave now. "

  • Juice||

    STOP RESISTING!

  • Citizen X||

    +1 police dog up you

  • Cy||

    *proceeds to beat police dog for not "signalling" on command*

  • Juice||

    STOP RESISTING!

  • Juice||

    I hit the button once.

  • Citizen X||

    The repetition made it accurate.

  • Juice||

    I hit the button once.

  • Jerryskids||

    Button mushrooms aren't psychoactive either, no matter how many 'hits' you take. They do, however, probably taste just as nasty if you sauté them in brown sugar and cinnamon. Who the hell would do that to a mushroom? No wonder the cops thought they were tripping balls, posting some crazy stuff like that online.

  • Citizen X||

    ALWAYS saute your mushrooms in butter with garlic and a splash of wine.

  • ||

    ALWAYS saute your mushrooms in butter with garlic and a splash of wine.

    Button yes. Morels and chantrels, coat them in flour first but leave the wine in a glass. Salt and pepper to taste. I wouldn't give up bacon entirely for this but if forced to give up bacon entirely, this would be my fallback.

  • Longtobefree||

    If forced to give up bacon entirely, revolution would be by fallback!

  • Sometimes a Great Notion||

    But a button of peyote will get you high as shit.

  • Citizen X||

    +2 knees on your kidney and spine

  • Citizen X||

    But the cop was still skeptical, which surprised Garrison because psychedelic mushrooms look nothing like morels.

    Yeah, well, how does Garrison know what psychedelic mushrooms look like, huh? SHROOM KINGPIN BUSTED.

  • Bubba Jones||

    No warrant, no entry.

  • croaker||

    Demand a warrant, get dragged through the front door, slammed to the porch, and shot dead.

    goo.gl/kkJqXR

  • GlenchristLaw||

    Seems to me "the (ahem) morel of the story" is that there are still a whole bunch of morons out there who simply cannot process, "You do not enter this house without a warrant."

  • Fist of Etiquette||

    "I figured a police officer would know what illegal drugs looked like," thought Garrison, wrongly.

    Even if he was properly trained, which he obviously wasn't, a hero can't be expected to correctly identify the crimes he's paid to investigate once all the blood has rushed to his authority boner, regardless of size.

  • Occam's Woodchipper||

    +1 inch

  • Bubba Jones||

    To the cop's credit, one of the top recipes on google that includes mushrooms, cinnamon and sugar is a psychedelic tea.
    http://mycotopia.net/topic/351.....hroom-tea/

    But maybe they were trying this one:
    http://cookpad.com/us/recipes/.....amon-sugar

  • Citizen X||

    It seems unlikely that the cop looked up mushroom recipes on his phone on his way to the house.

  • Sometimes a Great Notion||

    Perhaps he didn't need to look up because in high school he overheard the cool kids talking about eating shrooms w/ cinnamon & sugar and simultaneously thought I really wish they would let me hang out with them and when I get older I will ruin everyone else's fun time.

  • ThomasD||

    I have it on good authority that magic mushrooms taste unpleasant. At least the ones found in Florida cow pastures.

  • I'm Not Sure||

    ""I figured a police officer would know..."

    Well, there's your problem right there.

  • ThanksForTheFish||

    "We let them in and"

    And there was the other problem.

  • Pro Libertate||

    He's not a cop. He is part of the Federal Foodie Patrol.

  • juris imprudent||

    Whereas if the cop was a certified drug recognition expert, he could have seized their home and not even be worried about failing to make a bust.

  • This Machine Chips Fascists||

    I hope they seized whatever dirty cash the skells had on them. Freedom isn't free.

  • Inigo Montoya||

    Maybe those SJWs are on to something with their condemnation of "cultural appropriation." What kind of self-respecting red-blooded Murican cooks at home with exotic mushrooms?

    Unless you're a beret-wearing French guy, you have no business messing with gourmet-style cooking! No wonder the cops came knocking!

    This couple should have stuck to eating normal American food like hotdogs and hamburgers. If they wanted something with mushrooms, they need to stick with good old-fashioned Campbell's Cream of Mushroom soup!

  • Unicorn Abattoir||

    Now THAT should be a crime.

  • This Machine Chips Fascists||

    The first time I was exposed to magic mushrooms a friend of mine was eating them on a pizza.

  • LynchPin1477||

    What kind of self-respecting red-blooded Murican cooks at home with exotic mushrooms?

    Foraging is a great tradition in rural areas. They aren't exotic when they grow in your back yard.

  • Inigo Montoya||

    Very true.

    Guess I will add a sarcasm tag next time.

  • Longtobefree||

    Never mind; if they can't tell it's sarcasm, they won't get it, tag or no tag.

    PS. How's your dad?

  • Longtobefree||

    Well, foraging in rural areas usually involves a sack and a chicken coop owned by someone else.
    My great-grandmother's recipe for chicken soup starts with "first, steal a chicken . . . "

  • Cy||

    Mushroom hunting in the PNW is a great way to get in some exercise and good cooking!

  • This Machine Chips Fascists||

    This is no way to win the Friday nut punch chicken dinner. Even Brickbats did a better job. Hell, just go to Google US news feed and search "officer rape". Seriously, if I had to choose between an idiot cop and an evil cop to punch me in the nuts, I'm picking the idiot every time.

  • ||

    So, if I post photos of psychedelic mushrooms on facebook and say I'm going to cook them up and eat them, that's a crime? What if I just post pieces of a Lewis Carroll novel?

  • Longtobefree||

    Plagiarism, and most likely cultural appropriation.

  • LynchPin1477||

    Damn. I didn't find any morels this year.

  • ||

    I didn't find any morels this year.

    I'm taking this as indicative that you didn't have or take the time to look.

  • LynchPin1477||

    I've never had luck in my area. The more experienced mushroom hunters around here also tend to have a harder time with them. Apparently they are abundant in the northern part of the county but I haven't gone up there to look.

  • ||

    Apparently they are abundant in the northern part of the county but I haven't gone up there to look.

    Ah, yeah, if you're limiting yourself to one part of one county, (no judgements) you're not investing the time. Certainly not a bumper crop, but they were everywhere I expected them to be.

  • Longtobefree||

    I think they either meant 'morals', or perhaps 'morsels'.

  • Longtobefree||

    "We let them in"

    First and only mistake.
    Only live in places with a fence and a gate with a 'no trespassing' sign. Anybody knocking on the door is a criminal trespasser.

  • Cy||

    It's what rich people do.

  • majil||

    Perfect example of why you never let the Coppers in your house or on your property .
    Tell them to "pack sand "

  • Longtobefree||

    Tell them that in a respectful voice, they are already packing heat.

  • General_Tso||

    Anybody that would cook morels with brown sugar and cinnamon probably deserves to be hassled by the cops.

    The story was OK, but it could have used flash-bangs and police dogs.

  • Tony||

    I just wanna know what cops will select to be cumchuggling cunts about should US law ever permit people to consume even psychotropic plant foods without harassment.

    If they pick hedges, you know the ones that block your line of sight at intersections, I might even give them a break, because that's just annoying.

  • Inigo Montoya||

    "If they pick hedges, you know the ones that block your line of sight at intersections, I might even give them a break, because that's just annoying."

    Whoa, it seems we can agree on something. I damn near got clipped recently turning left at a stop sign, thanks to a very tall hedge that completely blocked the line of sight for cars coming the other way, which do not have a stop sign.

  • Tony||

    It's a plague on my entire neighborhood.

  • UnrepentantCurmudgeon||

    Actually it's a good basis for a lawsuit against the public entity if it leads to an accident.

  • Cy||

    So, cops can just make up drugs to harass people about? I'm sure the Judiciary will happily back them up on this one.

  • shortviking||

    Cops have no morels.

  • UnrepentantCurmudgeon||

    The true takeaway from all this is: stay off social media.

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