Child Protective Services Investigated Her 4 Times Because She Let Her Kids Play Outside
A mom who trusted her kids to play outside ended up under repeated investigation.
Parenting expectations are often unreasonably high—and so is the number of people who believe that kids can't handle anything on their own.
Passersby too often see an unsupervised child and assume they are unsafe. So they call the authorities, who also often share those super-sized fears. Then parents get investigated simply for trusting their kids with some age-appropriate, location-appropriate independence.
Because of this frustrating cycle, I frequently get letters like the one below. When people ask why I spend so much time trying to pass Reasonable Childhood Independence laws, it's for people like Emily Fields and her children. Fields is a mom in small-town Virginia who responded to my nonprofit Let Grow's call for parents willing to speak to child protective services about why such laws are necessary. (Virginia unanimously passed its Reasonable Childhood Independence law in 2023.)
This letter is presented as a stark example of how little trust our country has in its parents and children anymore—and how misanthropic neighbors can weaponize the state at will.
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Myself, my husband, and our three children (currently aged 12, 11, and 9) moved to southwest Virginia in 2017 when the kids were 4, 3, and 7 months. When my youngest began walking, I would let the three of them play in the backyard in our small, rural community while I would garden or read outdoors. There are no forested areas, and four unfenced yards all meet together with ours. Our new neighbors said the kids were welcome to play in their yards as well.
In spring 2018 (our kids then aged 5, 4, and 18 months), we received our first visit from child protective services (CPS). A neighbor called to report that my children were unsupervised and that I was allowing a baby to climb the front porch steps by himself. I laughed and gestured at my toddler and said, "Yes, he is allowed to walk up the steps, I admit it!" That one did not result in a formal investigation being opened, but they did investigate our home for food, bugs, toys, etc.
In late 2019 (the kids now 6, 5, and 3), we had our second visit from CPS, again alleging that the children were inadequately supervised because they were allowed to play in our yard and in the yards of our neighbors. This one did result in a formal investigation, and I was told people would be driving by our house periodically to make sure I was supervising the kids as they played.
During that visit, I was told that children could never be left alone, inside or outside the home—EVEN IN THEIR OWN BEDROOMS—until they were 13 years old. Social Services said specifically that I had to be in each room with them at all times until they were 13. That investigation ended without incident.
Our third CPS visit happened in May 2021 (ages 8, 6, and 4). This one was the result of a specific (adult-supervised!) incident, with a bitter neighbor trying to make our lives hard by using the government as a weapon. She again alleged inadequate supervision, claimed the children were allowed to wander all over the neighborhood, and said they tried to enter strangers' homes. She included an accusation that we permit the children to abuse animals.
During this visit, the social services worker acknowledged that our home was clean, that the children were happy, well-fed, polite, and well-spoken, but said the children had to be supervised 100 percent of the time when outdoors. When I asked what constitutes supervision, she said that I had to be visible to my neighbors when the kids were outside, regardless of whether or not I could see the children. I asked where that was found in the Virginia law. She replied that it isn't in the Virginia law, but that Social Services has its own set of rules.
They came up with a written action plan and required all adults in the house to sign it (which included my sister at the time), saying that the children would be supervised. My husband and sister were very frightened that the situation would escalate due to small-town politics (the person who reported us had previously been a law enforcement officer and was well known in the community), so we all signed. This investigation was again closed.
That last visit was when I knew I had to get involved with Let Grow to change the laws in Virginia. I was already familiar with their work, which is partly why we had these run-ins with CPS. I was practicing "masterly inactivity"—watching from a distance and letting my kids make decisions and learn how the world works, intervening only when necessary to keep them safe. I believe my children have a right to independence. They have never been seriously hurt and have never hurt anyone (or anything) in their practice of independence. But their right to practice it was challenged over and over again.
One afternoon shortly after getting in touch with Let Grow, my children were playing outdoors on our neighbors' hill, a place they are allowed to play. Another neighbor (who does not own the hill) stopped in the street and called them over to her. She told them they couldn't play there and that they had to go home. The children told her they did not have to go home and that they had their parents' and the property owner's express permission to play there.
She was immediately upset that they were talking back to her and asked if she was going to have to "call the police and get your parents in trouble." This obviously scared the children, and they began to walk home, in tears. Meanwhile, I was standing at the kitchen window watching the kids talk to a neighbor, not understanding what was happening until I saw one child visibly upset. I immediately walked out of the house, and the neighbor (who, coincidentally, is a social worker) drove off without speaking to me about her concerns.
Since that time, even with the legislation we helped to pass, my kids are hesitant to exercise their independence. Few people know that parents have the right to decide what their children are capable of handling. I have equipped my kids with a "license" that they keep on them when they roam our small, rural neighborhood. It says across the top in big, bold letters "MY PARENTS KNOW I'M HERE" and includes information about SB1367 (Virginia's Reasonable Childhood Independence law) as well as my name and phone number. My children have been stopped by neighbors, produced their license, and thankfully were then left unbothered.
As they age, their confidence and understanding grow, and they venture further and further out with the assurance that they have the right to walk and bike the streets of our neighborhood just as much as the adults they see exercising every day. My children and their friends benefit greatly from being allowed independence and from organizations that fight to protect that right.
