Brickbat: Stirring Things Up

Sussex, England, police officer Steven Green has been given a formal final warning for misconduct after telling a female member of the department's staff that he stirred her tea with his penis. Green also barged in on the woman as she showered and attempted to give her a massage without permission. A disciplinary panel upheld a total of nine allegations of misconduct against Green.

Comments

[Adans smith]

Tea and spotted dick, how British.

[m4019597]

lol

Nicely done

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[Inigo Montoya]

He’s an asshole, but he’s lying.

You pour boiling or near boiling water to make tea. If he had really stirred the tea with his schlong, his screams of pain would have been heard throughout the police station.

[SQRLSY One]

Penis tea hot,
Penis tea cold,
Penis in the tea,
Penis getting old!

(Needs moah Viagra).

[Rich]

"Of *course* it hurts! The trick is to not mind the pain."

[MatthewSlyfield]

It wouldn't just hurt, you are talking second and third degree burns on a very sensitive part of the body. It could well do irreversible damage.

Maybe he wanted to be the first person to win a Darwin award without ending up dead.

[markm23]

It's too late for that. There was a Darwin award for a guy who replaced a blown fuse in the dashboard of his pickup truck with a .22LR round. Without a gun barrel, the bullet wouldn't get much velocity and wouldn't kill - but IIRC, it bruised a pair of very sensitive organs so badly they had to be removed.

There are also examples from before the Darwin awards existed. Robert A Heinlein told of two drunken men fooling around in the 1950's, one riding on the hood of a car while the other drove. The driver hit the brakes, and the other guy slid off over the hood ornament - and left the family jewels on it. And there were Christian fanatics in the 2nd and 3rd Centuries who castrated themselves to avoid sin. Most of this stopped when a church council decreed that only "whole men" could become priests.

[Dillinger]

pain reminds us we're alive.

[Malvolio]

That is your complaint, that he is a liar?

Imagine two guys told you they had stirred your tea with their dicks, would you be angrier at the one who was lying, or the one telling the truth?

[Fist of Etiquette]

I'd hate to get a formal warning of misconduct. Sounds scary.

[Utkonos]

“I didn’t realize it was that serious!” (Are You Bring Served?)

[Quo Usque Tandem]

Oooooh, that's it! One more time, we're not kidding you! Next time you step into a shower with a naked police woman [who didn't invite you, by the way] that's it. Not kidding!

[bobby oshea]

[Does it again.]
Alright. That's it! You've given us no choice. We're going to reassign you to another unit. You dirty SOB. Make sure to pay your dues before you head out today.

[Brandybuck]

Formal final warning. So he's still working there, right? Even in Merry Olde England you can't fire a bad cop.

[buckleup]

Stirring his tea with his penis sounds like a euphemism that only Tony could love

[SQRLSY One]

Stirring your tea with your wanker, washing your underbrella, puking on your goat, simultaneously shooting the moon AND the sun, and bartering with your landlady... These, and more, can ALL be VERY fun!

(But PLEASE do NOT ask me about that story about me and the chickens, the dwarves, the green paint, and the parole officer... THAT story has been forever purged from the records!)

[mad.casual]

So he stirred without teabagging it, so what? Brits are gonna British about their tea etiquette, I guess.

[The Encogitationer]

She's saying: "Ooooh! It's so BIIIIG!"

Would. Without tea. And use her braids as stirrups.

[mad.casual]

The only thing that comes to mind when looking at that photo is "Mind the gap."

[The Encogitationer]

Which one? There's three of them. (Just three, right?)

[Bobster0]

There have been no prior cases of "penis stirred tea", so there is no possible way he could have known it was "wrong" to do so. Case dismissed!

[Its_Not_Inevitable]

If he had known that sort of thing was frowned upon he would never have done it.

[mad.casual]

Swizzle stick does sound like something that would get lost in translation to British slang. You know, come to think of it, my grandmother always used to go into fits searching for a swizzle stick before going to tea with the ladies.

[Rev. Arthur L. Kuckland]

He should identify as a woman then all the people that complained would be written up as transphobes

[Its_Not_Inevitable]

And this time we really mean it!

[ragebot]

Strongly worded letter to follow.

[wapexclusive]

(But PLEASE do NOT ask me about that story about me and the chickens, the dwarves, the green paint, and the parole officer… THAT story has been forever purged from the records!) https://wapexclusive.com