Brickbats

Brickbat: The Rest He Wasted

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Drexel University has agreed to pay the federal government $189,062 after a former professor at the school used federal grant money to make iTunes purchases and to visit strip clubs and sports bars. That professor, Chikaodinaka D. Nwankpa, the head of Drexel's Department of Electrical and Computer Engineering, agreed to repay $53,328 to the university and resign in lieu of termination. He was also barred from receiving federal contracts for six months.

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  1. I’ve spent most my money on wine, women and song and like a fool I squandered the rest.

    1. Truer words were never spoken. Wine (and alcohol drinks more generally), women and music could have made an equally good answer to the question posed to Conan. “Conan, what is best in life?”

      1. Everyone knows the answer is: the open steppe, fleet horse, falcons at your wrist, and the wind in your hair.

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  2. This imbroglio is squarely on John Fry – President of Drexel.

    DU has a number of interesting Professors, including one who has openly stated he would like to see all white people die (that guy, a literature professor, was some piece of work). Great engineering school, but has had some bad hiring decisions.

    1. I have a feeling the “kill all white people” guy is himself whiter than white. That’s how it usually is with people like that. They raise projection to an art form.

      1. He is – Reason did a piece on the dude when the controversy over that tweet of his hit a while back.

        1. In which case, my response would be: Are you volunteering to go first?

    2. I did my graduate engineering work at DU (MSEE ’96). I knew Dr. Nwankpa back then, along with many other profs. It surprises me that Nwankpa did this. If some of the others did this, it wouldn’t surprise me.

      Even if you didn’t know him, you knew who he was. 7’6″ tall Ethiopians aren’t a common sight.

  3. If only he said he had been using those visits to the titty bars to prove climate change.

  4. Barred from sucking on the government teat for 6 months. That will show him.

    CB

    1. No shit. The poor baby!

  5. “Your tax dollars, at work”!

  6. With a name like that, imagine him trying to hit on a chick while he’s drunk. “My name? Chickachumbawumba…(drools)”

    1. Chickachumbawumba Nwankypanky N-Wanker, when he is sober!

      (You can call me Wanker for short, butt my Wanker is NOT short!)

    2. Chickachumbawumba gets knocked down, but he gets up again. Nothing’s ever gone keep him down!

      He takes a whiskey drink, he takes a vodka drink…

      You all know the rest.

  7. Chickachumbawumba Nwankypanky N-Wanker will have a SWANKER WANKER than ALL the rest, after he waits 6 months, and then gets MORE “study funding”, and studies some MORE, at the local titty bars! Or were they GAY strip clubs anyway? (Not that I am bi-assed, to be sure!)
    Butt no, sorry, I will ***NOT*** be his SWANKER WANKER YANKER!!!

    Well, it can always get worse!

    Recall the gay Canadian airline steward way back when, spread (just then “going viral” literally) AIDS all over the place? See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ga%C3%ABtan_Dugas … Kaposi’s sarcoma spread all over the place… (As a prominent sign of the new mystery disease).

    Well anyway, hopefully Chickachumbawumba Nwankypanky N-Wanker will NOT be the starring attraction for a bunch of young fan boys, who might otherwise become the spreaders at the nexus of the next horror, known as SWANKER WANKER YANKER CHANCRE!!!

    Greedy capitalists as usual will crank out new drugs to cure it, at VASTLY inflated expenses, backed up by their bankers, so then we’ll have SWANKER WANKER YANKER CHANCRE drug-CRANKER BANKERS!!! Riots in the streets, from the anti-1% folks, I’m a-tellin’ ya!!!

    Conservative newscasters will take the side of the bankers… But one of these newscasters will be caught by a mob of angry anti-1% rioters, some of whom will proceed to PUNISH the newscasters… Said punishment-dishers-outers will be known as…
    SWANKER WANKER YANKER CHANCRE pro-drug-CRANKER-BANKER-ANCHOR SPANKERS!

    There will be those who are squeamish about personal punitive violence, but who still secretly support those with less such squeamishness. When no one is looking or listening, they will privately utter their support of the punitive ones. These more shy and secretive supporters of such things will be known as…

    SWANKER WANKER YANKER CHANCRE pro-drug-CRANKER-BANKER-ANCHOR SPANKER THANKERS!

    There will inevitably be those who will want to play gay hanky-panky with those who secretly oppose the bankers and anchors in this case, and make the often-mistaken assumption that those who merely sympathize with gays, must actually BE gay. Such prospective unwanted-gay-pass-makes will be known as “hanker-pankers”. The recipients of such unwanted passes will be temped to SPANK the makers of unwanted passes! They will be known as…

    SWANKER WANKER YANKER CHANCRE pro-drug-CRANKER-BANKER-ANCHOR SPANKER THANKER HANKER-PANKER SPANKERS!

    (Enough hanky-panky for one day, I will say).

    1. LOL, you really went to town on that one!

    2. awesome. do you decorate Seuss also?

      1. Only on a boat, in a moat, with a goat!

  8. OK, so this guy is swindling the feds and the school for YEARS, confesses, and for all the thieving can pay over $53k?
    And gets to start over next year? No wonder we don’t trust the feds or the universities.
    And exactly why were the strip club visits wrong? It was a Navy grant, right?

    1. I dunno. Even at my horniest I doubt I could spend $53,000 at strip-joints. I mean, eventually my nuts go dumb and I stop stuffing bills up her coochie.

  9. What is shocking is that he found any kind of decent strip club in the Philly area.

    1. ““goods and services” at Cheerleaders, Club Risque and Tacony Club between July 2007 and April 2017, investigators said.”

      1. Delilahs
      2. Risque
      3. Show N Tell

      1. 4. Onyx (out in the middle of nowhere on Delaware Ave).

        1. I am sooo looking you guys up the next time I’m in town.

    2. “Decent” is not what men are looking for in a strip club.

  10. This might actually be the best use of my tax dollars that I’ve heard of in quite some time.

  11. Bring back flogging.

    1. The Prof or his bishop?

  12. When I lived in Florida a friend of mine had a degree in Sociology. As a gag he wrote a grant proposal to study the “Mating Habits of the South Florida Beach Bunny”. He was awarded a $500,000 grant. He asked me what he should do? I told him to hire me as a lab assistant, do the research and write the paper. He panicked and turned down the grant. Damn him.

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