Robert Mueller's Russia Report Is Finally Done, and We Still Know Nothing

At this point, making assumptions would be stupid.

Carlos Barria/REUTERS/Newscom

At long last, Special Counsel Robert Mueller has completed his probe into Russian meddling in the 2016 election. And surprise! We still know nothing.

Mueller has finished the investigation and submitted a report to Attorney General William Barr, according to Politico. "I write to notify you…that special counsel Robert S. Mueller III has concluded his investigation of Russian interference in the 2016 election and related matters," Barr wrote to Congress, adding that he's "reviewing the report, and anticipate that I may be in a position to advise you of the special counsel's principal conclusions as soon as this weekend," USA Today reported.

It's important to emphasize that there's currently no confirmed information regarding the report's contents.

Comments

[Diane Reynolds (Paul.)]

The net is closing.

[Deconstructed Potato]

It's still almost just about nearly #MuellerTime, perhaps.

[OpenBordersLiberal-tarian]

This is the tipping point.

[Ken Shultz]

The net is closing, but it has huge gaping holes in it.

[JesseAz]

God damnit... we should have used a plastic net instead of a biodegradable paper net. Mother tucker. We would have had him too.

[Agammamon]

Well, if not for those meddling kids . . .

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[Ken Shultz]

They can impeach him because of the wall, right?

It was always about the wall.

[Longtobefree]

It will soon be about up against the wall

[Gary Trieste]

The net is closing . . . around nothing.

[MSimon]

The evidence can't be denied.

[Dillinger]

>>>At this point, making assumptions would be stupid.

eleventy-million people have made a killing making assumptions on this nonsense every day since 2016

is OBL throwing a watch-party?

[Derp-o-Matic 6000]

You realize OBL is a parody account, right? The effectiveness of the parody is definitely subject to debate, but still...

[Deconstructed Potato]

Throwing an actual or imaginery party would be commitment to the bit, though. I'd appreciate that.

[Frank White]

How can you tell?

[ElvisIsReal]

Because he's way more "reasonable" than actual progressives.

[Derp-o-Matic 6000]

You seriously can't tell? Jesus F. Christ, this place has gotten retarded since the Rexit.

[0x1000]

What if? what if Russia tampers with the report between now and when it's delivered? That would be quite dastardly, but at this point looks increasingly likely.

[a ab abc abcd abcde abcdef ahf]

Or at least likely to be claimed, by all sides.

[Deconstructed Potato]

Homeland season 6: "it was the Russians!"

A clip of that line just on it's own would get a lot of mileage on the Reason commentses.

[Nonstopdrivel]

With 90 percent of the report likely to be classified top secret and everything else heavily redacted, who knows what lurks behind those mysterious streaks of Magic Marker?

[Nonstopdrivel]

Come to think of it, it would be pretty freaking hilarious if Russian hackers managed to leak an unredacted version of the report. Talk about word porn . . .

[Sevo]

Where's Assange when you need him?

[ozzy]

WikiLeaks is trying to raise $1 million to pay somebody that will leak report early.

[Gaear Grimsrud]

Trump gets his coded marching orders from RT, his direct line to Putin. This thing will be 90% redacted.

[Fist of Etiquette]

He gets off on being withholding.

[Mot?rSteve]

Spoiler: Meuller wakes up next to Suzanne Pleshette, revealing that the past 2 years were all just a dream.

[Ken Shultz]

+1

[Colossal Douchebag]

You win the interwebs

[markm23]

Waking up next to Pleshette as she looked in 1978 is far, far better than Mueller has ever deserved. OTOH, stuffing him into her grave and re-closing it _may_ be excessive cruelty.

[soldiermedic76]

Considering Mueller's history of prosecutorial misconduct, I think it's completely fitting.

[AlmightyJB]

Their coming to get Trump. It's time for him to call in the generals.

[Wearenotperfect]

Even if there wasn't any collusion, Drumpf is still the bigliest douchebag that has ever held the presidency, right?

[Gaear Grimsrud]

Not to mention he's a big poopyhead.

[sparkstable]

Sure... I mean, after LBJ (his quotes on getting blacks to vote D forever and his crude nature of taking meetings while on the shitter), Wilson (an ACTUAL rascist sob), FDR (who DID put people in camps), and... (insert any other answer here)...

So yeah... other than nearly every other person to hold the office, sure, he's the bigliest douchebagiest douche McDoucherson poopstick that ever served as president.

[markm23]

Jerry Ford, Jimmy Carter, Calvin Coolidge, and Millard Fillmore may have been less douchebaggy than Trump.

[Palatki]

How long before it's leaked?

[dantheserene]

If there was anything of substance, that most certainly would have been leaked as soon as it was found. No way these clowns could *not* leak something damaging.

[MSimon]

No way they should do that. It makes the report difficult to read.

[OpenBordersLiberal-tarian]

The real conspiracy theorists are the ones who think Mueller has investigated the 2016 election this long and failed to uncover anything more substantial than some "dank memes." I promise you, Russia's interference goes much deeper than that. Putin's Puppet literally colluded with a hostile foreign power to win a hacked election.

You'll see in the coming weeks I've been right all along.

#TrumpRussia
#ItsMuellerTime
#Impeach

[Jerryskids]

What if Mueller was colluding with the Russians? There should be an investigation into the investigation just to clear the air on this issue of collusion.

[Derp-o-Matic 6000]

RUSHA HAKKED THE SPESHUL COWNSUL!!

[JesseAz]

Cant wait for obl to switch to the new ukranian investigation of their politicians trying to help Hillary.

[Ken Shultz]

It's here! It's here! It's finally here!

OMG! OMG! OMG!

lol

[Ken Shultz]

Breaking News:

*Special Counsel Is Not Recommending Any Further Indictments: Senior Justice Official

(Article Below Will Update)

http://www.wsj.com/articles/ho.....553288563?

Why is so hilarious every time progressives are sure something will happen and it doesn't?

I think it has something to do with their weird sense of consensus--as if once everyone in the media agrees something should happen, that means it's happening. From 'Hillary's gonna win' to 'Hate speech isn't free speech', they try to push their consensus on us as if it were reality--and when reality bites them in the ass again, it's like Charlie Brown thinking that this time, Lucy's gonna hold the ball steady.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-RghziC5GME

[Gaear Grimsrud]

Yeah and as I understand it, the special prosecutor statute does not allow individuals not recommended for indictment to be named in the report. For obvious reasons. That means the Democrat/media cabal gets nothing on Trump. Sad.

[markm23]

Did they change that? Because I can remember when a special prosecutor described Nixon as an "unindicted co-conspirator". But there were actual links between the crimes and Nixon...

[AlmightyJB]

They'll be some last minute "surprise" that has to investigated for another year or however long he's in office.

[Ordinary Person]

And when he leaves office he'll be indicted for his part in campaign finance conspiracy.

[Just Say'n]

Yes and he's likely guilty of campaign finance violation. But, you had to be batshit crazy and insist on Russia Fever Dreams, absent any supporting evidence.

You conspiracists worsened relations with a nuclear power because you were butt hurt after an election

[Just Say'n]

In all honesty, I'm a little disappointed that the prostitutes peeing on him wasn't corroborated because that video would have been hilarious to watch

[JesseAz]

Like Obama was for his 3 million in foreign donations?

[Sevo]

"And when he leaves office he'll be indicted for his part in campaign finance conspiracy."

Does it take tiny hands to grasp at straws that thin?

[Last of the Shitlords]

Certainly tiny minds.

[markm23]

What politician hasn't violated the campaign finance laws? They weren't written to be obeyed. (You all know the quotation from _Atlas Shrugged_.) They weren't written to be possible to obey.

[M.L.]

Get ready for NO COLLUSION!!

Democrats are on suicide watch.

The liberal media will never recover.

[Last of the Shitlords]

They're all sputtering about trying to prosecute him in NY now.

[Nonstopdrivel]

It turns out that the Special Counsel will be not recommending any further indictments. No one could have seen that coming! And so this sprawling investigation, which ends not with a bang but a whimper, proves to be nothing more than a big, fat nothingburger.

Shocker.

[Nonstopdrivel]

Just in case it was not abundantly clear, I was being ironic.

Incidently, I love how CBS just called the two-year investigation a "so-called witch hunt."

"And now Washington waits," intones Sharyn Alfonsi, as if anyone inside the Beltway?or anywhere else, for that matter?seriously believes there are lurid bombshells buried within the bowels of that bloated pile of paper vomited out by the office of the Special Counsel.

[Jerryskids]

At this point, making assumptions would be stupid.

Baseless speculation, on the other hand, would be journalism.

About all you need to know is that the report was delivered at 5:00 on a Friday evening, the proverbial Friday afternoon news dump where bad news gets buried, so it's a good bet that this report is bad news. Not for Trump, of course, but bad news for all the people who have been hoping for bad news for Trump.

Although I'm sure there will be a long list of "we found no evidence to support the allegations that...." which will be seized on as evidence that they found no evidence to refute the allegations, either, so the truth of the allegations is still an open question, isn't it? Prove that Trump wasn't on the grassy knoll that day in Dallas.

And I sure am curious to hear whether or not Jim Comey believes a reasonable prosecutor might find mens rea regardless of whether or not he found a crime.

[68W58]

5 p.m. on the Friday when the NCAA tournament is going on, it'll get as little attention as possible.

[Nardz]

There will be 48 games played this weekend.
16 today.
Opening weekend.
Truly the perfect weekend to dump

[Last of the Shitlords]

Well I just took a three pounder.

[M.L.]

Soon the media will need to ask:

What do the Russians have on Robert Mueller?

[postlarval]

If there's nothing against Trump in this report, the libtards will turn on Mueller like a pack of rabid wolves.

Popcorn!

[Rockabilly]

I predict that if Mueller says Trump is not Putin's puppet, the libtards will claim that Mueller is being controlled by Putin and that both Trump and Mueller are Putin's puppets.

[TJJ2000]

I doubt it; But that would be hilarious to see after Mueller nit-picked and indicted every offense he possibly dig up on any member of the Trump Campaign personnel. Talk about a witch-hunt! I'm surprised someone wasn't imprisoned for spitting on the sidewalk.

[Rockabilly]

Who spat on the sidewalk? Must report to Mueller !!!

[Sevo]

It's somebody who knows how to spell Trump's name! Do I have to connect the dots for you?

[Rockabilly]

Thanks for the info. Will report to Mueller ASAP!!!

[Benitacanova]

This just in -- Trump being investigated for breaking his mother's back.

[Just Say'n]

"Mueller was compromised by Putin. It's the only explanation."

- John Birchers (aka CNN) tomorrow

[Rockabilly]

And now we shall find out if Putin blackmailed Trump with compromising photos of him partying with Russian trollops.

And with the blackmail, Putin unleashed Russian robots on Facebook to brainwash Americans into voting for Trump so he can be Putin's puppet.

So with the release of the Mueller report, we shall find out if Putin is really the President of the US.

[TJJ2000]

Wrong person; Bernie has photos of him partying with USSR.

[Rockabilly]

Thanks for the info!!

[Quality Beef]

"At this point, making assumptions would be stupid"

Tony - "Hold my Assyrtiko"

[Frank Thorn]

My guess- the report recommends additional investigations.

[Derp-o-Matic 6000]

At this point, making assumptions would be stupid.

Challenge Accepted! /CNN

[Just Say'n]

Doesn't that Thai sex worker already know the truth? Or are we not playing Alex Jones anymore?

[Ordinary Person]

Manafort was Mr. Give the Russian Oligarchs Special Access For Money and he didn't get indicted so that says something.

[Just Say'n]

LOL

[Just Say'n]

Denial is the first step in recovery.

[Ordinary Person]

You're in denial if you think Manafort wasn't working for Russian oligarchs this past decade. Where do you think those millions Manafort was indicted for tax evasion and failing to register as a foreign agent came from? Answer that question.

[Sevo]

Easy! They came from that other man on the grassy knoll!
Your tin-foil hat's on crooked.

[Ordinary Person]

God damn. I guess that's why you're a Republican. Dumb as dirt.

[soldiermedic76]

You're the one grasping at straws and resorting to whataboutism and guilt by association. BTW Manafort was convicted of tax evasion and failure to register, so that is all we need to know. Fuck you're calling others stupid after insisting for 2 years that this will be the end of Trump. And what did we get... A big fat nothing.

[Ordinary Person]

Trump was under criminal investigation and still may be. The part is a fact motherfucker. Trump used his office to avoid answering questions. That's also a fact. Fuck you.

[Nardz]

It's ok, OP
Let the tears and spittle flow

[Sevo]

"Trump was under criminal investigation and still may be."

He was never under criminal investigation, you lying piece of shit.

[soldiermedic76]

If it is fact could you tell us what crime he was being investigated for? And since Mueller has stated there are no more indictments coming how could he still be under investigation? Logic isn't your strong point is it?

[Just Say'n]

You're believed in an apeshit crazy conspiracy theory pushed by military hawks and we're the partisans?

[Ordinary Person]

Just answer the question.

[Sevo]

"Just answer the question."

OK: I don't know, don't care, and it affects the witch-hunt over Trumps affairs not one whit. So STFU and get lost, you pathetic piece of shit.

[Sevo]

Ordinary Person|3.22.19 @ 6:51PM|#
"God damn. I guess that's why you're a Republican. Dumb as dirt."

You pathetic piece of shit, I voted R once in my entire life; a mayoral candidate in SF.
I guess why we know you're a D; a bag of rocks is smarter.

[Ordinary Person]

You're a Trump fan and that means you're a Republican whether you admit it or not.

[Sevo]

"You're a Trump fan and that means you're a Republican whether you admit it or not."

A stunning bit of"logic"; exactly what we've come to expect from a fucking lefty ignoramus.

[Ordinary Person]

Whatever Sevo. You're a right winger and a Trump fan. It's the same fucking thing.

[Sevo]

"You're a right winger and a Trump fan. It's the same fucking thing."

I'm certainly to the right of lefty shitbags like you. Plus Trump has done some wonderful things, like not appointing another lefty to Scotus.
Good enough to keep.

[Sevo]

"You're a right winger and a Trump fan. It's the same fucking thing."

I'm certainly to the right of lefty shitbags like you. Plus Trump has done some wonderful things, like not appointing another lefty to Scotus.
Good enough to keep.

[Sevo]

Man, the skwirrls waited quite a while for THAT double post. Musta been on a lunch break.

[NotAnotherSkippy]

They came from the same place as the hundreds of millions in donations to the Clinton Foundation.

[Gaear Grimsrud]

Yeah he and his partner in crime Tony Podesta. Where do you think his millions came from? Schilling for foreign governments is a bipartisan business opportunity. If you think Manafort is unique you're in denial.

[Last of the Shitlords]

Maybe he was. Almost as much as the Podestas and the Clintons are.

[Sevo]

Yeah, it says you're an idiot obsessed with Trump.

[JesseAz]

For fucks sake. You got corrected last week dumbass. Manafort worked with Ukrainians. Not Russia. The same country who just opened an investigation to effect the American elections to help.... Hillary. you fucking retarded piece of shit.

[Ordinary Person]

Manafort was working for a Russian oligarch to help a Russian backed Ukrainian President. When that President was kicked out of office the Russians invaded Ukraine and stole their land. Manafort was an agent of Russian soft power.

[JesseAz]

He was working with ukranian oligarchs you dumb fuck. The same one multiple democratic think tanks worked with including the Podesta group. You really are an idiot.

[Ordinary Person]

Manafort was working for a Russian named Deripaska.

[Rev. Arthur L. Kirkland]

He was working with ukranian oligarchs you dumb fuck.

Oleg Deripaska of Russia was among Manafort's most prominent clients, you bigoted, uneducated, anti-social right-wing rube.

The silver lining to your stupidity is that it is among the reasons Republicans and conservatives have been getting their deplorable asses kicked by better Americans for more than a half-century.

[NotAnotherSkippy]

Hard to ague with success.

[Sevo]

"The silver lining to your stupidity is that it is among the reasons Republicans and conservatives have been getting their deplorable asses kicked by better Americans for more than a half-century.

Aw, poor, poor asshole rev; here's your hat, what's your hurry?

[Sevo]

"At this point, making assumptions would be stupid."

Except for one:
If there was a smoking gun found, one which clearly affected the outcome of that election, we would know about it. To withhold it would be dereliction of duty on Mueller's part.
So it's a pretty good guess, like the convictions for some parking tickets, he's found the smoking pea-shooter.

[Derp-o-Matic 6000]

Yeah, if the Trump presidency or the 2016 election were some treasonous conspiracy on the part of The Donald, posing an existential threat to the Republic...well, Mueller certainly took his damn time, didn't he?

[Rockabilly]

Oh, Mr Mueller, will you disappoint the dying old peoples?

Elderly Trump Critics Await Mueller's Report ? Sometimes Until Their Last Breath

https://tinyurl.com/yyqpnkd5

[SIV]

Should hold off on releasing until the last American veteran of the Spanish Civil War croaks.

[Hattori Hanzo]

Jack and Jill went up the hill both with a buck and quarter. Jill came down with $2.50.

[SIV]

Libs were pwned.

[Ken Shultz]

MAGA!

[JesseAz]

We know there are no more indictments... how is that nothing?

[Just Say'n]

This is a tough day for cosmos give them a break. They made common cause with neocons, while anti-war people on both left and right mocked this conspiracy from the get go. They've exposed and humiliated themselves

[Ordinary Person]

You haven't even seen Mueller's report but here you are so fucking sure of yourself. You've had a closed mind from the beginning.

[NotAnotherSkippy]

Whereas you, convinced of his guilt with no evidence, did not.

[Longtobefree]

I just want to know if there will be an appendix with the expenses detailed - - - - - -
What was the cost per year sentenced for all convicted of anything in any year?
What was the cost per collusion conviction? Error 245, attempted divide by zero.

[Derp-o-Matic 6000]

You already know the answer to that first question

[Gaear Grimsrud]

Have to subtract direct payments from Putin to Mueller for this obvious cover up. It's all about the Benjamins baby!

[Ken Shultz]

There were two main reasons for Mueller to choose "nothingburger".

1) The charges against Trump were a nothingburger.

2) Nothingburger was less embarrassing than charging Trump with bullshit.

How embarrassing for Democrats, the news media, TDS victims everywhere . . . ?

I hope they learn nothing from this. I hope they just keep on going.

[Ken Shultz]

This will be the first time I've watched CNN since election night.

When you see the look on their faces turn from triumph to pants-shitting as reality sets in . . .

Priceless.

[Ken Shultz]

They're fucking delusional.

They're saying that just because Trump didn't do anything that rises to the standard of criminal behavior doesn't mean Putin didn't throw the election for Trump in collusion with the Trump campaign.

Hillary Clinton sucked, and they're a bunch of crazed conspiracy theorists. They're making Bircher's look sane at this point.

[Ryan (formally HFTO)]

It'll move to the NY DA's office stuff next. They'll dig as far back as they can to find dirt, then try to get people to lie under oath so they can flip people to give up more dirt.

It'll be the build up to Trump Season 4, stay tuned!

[Sevo]

"They're saying that just because Trump didn't do anything that rises to the standard of criminal behavior doesn't mean Putin didn't throw the election for Trump in collusion with the Trump campaign."

So: 'We can't find anything, but we know it anyhow!!!'
Remember, these folks represent 'the party of science!'.

[Ryan (formally HFTO)]

The walls are closing in!

[Sevo]

It's the tipping point!

[Sevo]

It's the beginning of the end!

[Naaman Brown]

Relax. All we need to do is take a boat out in Lake Michigan, play locust mating calls over the loudspeakers, and the giant locusts will swarm into the lake and drown themselves.

[sparkstable]

95% of scientists all agree in Russian-made Trump Electioneering! Why do you hate science? I fucking LOVE science!

[Rich]

Mueller has finished the investigation and submitted a report to Attorney General William Barr

Ah, but is it *The Report*?

[Ken Shultz]

The five stages of grief:

1. Denial & Isolation.
2. Anger.
3. Bargaining.
4. Depression.
5. Acceptance.

They're still in Denial & Isolation. We know they're graduated to anger when they start demonizing Mueller, I guess.

[Last of the Shitlords]

No, anger will be when they're rioting in the streets with no end in sight. Don't sell progressives short. They're a violent raging mob at heart.

[Longtobefree]

Remember to lead a running target - - - -

[NotAnotherSkippy]

Old and tired: We have no evidence of anything, but we should be very concerned that RUSSIA RUSSIA RUSSIA stole the election because unnamed sources have cited unnamed evidence. In fact, investigations are a good thing because they can prove innocence.

New hotness: Just because the report is out and recommends zero additional indictments, we shouldn't engage in any speculation. There might still be a "there" there.

But hey, at least you got the pederast director back this week, Joey.

[Derp-o-Matic 6000]

The budget just wasn't big enough and the scope of Mueller's orders just weren't brought enough. If we appoint a second special counsel, give him unlimited times infinity money and allow him unimpeded authority to investigate every detail of the lives of all persons real or fictitious, THEN WE'LL NAIL HIM FOR SURE!

[NotAnotherSkippy]

Well an ostensibly libertarian publication would be calling for a second special counsel to investigate the rampant corruption at DOJ and FBI and the deeply concerning evidence of criminal abuse of power from the FISA courts to interference in the criminal investigation into Hillary to entrapment.

And then there's reason.

[sparkstable]

I still would like to know what, if any, role Obama had in all this. He is reported to have been in some pretty high level meetings with FBI heading into the election, IIRC. And in those meetings they were discussing Trump and all the (still unproven and quite likely completely made up) allegations about Russian collusion.

[Derp-o-Matic 6000]

Agreed. It's inconceivable that the President of the United States wasn't fully apprised of what was going on

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[Eddy]

NO I DON'T FEEL LIKE IT

[Ryan (formally HFTO)]

This gave me a good chuckle....

So True

[Thaddeus Kosciuszko]

Actually, we've known everything right from the beginning.

"My gut sense and concern is there's no big there there." - Peter Strzok text message to Lisa Page, May 18, 2017

[Eddy]

"At long last, Special Counsel Robert Mueller has completed his probe..."

[Sevo]

Almost as enjoyable as 11/9/16. Has anyone caught the tears of the CNN commies for a vid?

[loveconstitution1789]

I don't watch maintstream news but I see other news outlets commenting about CNN staff crying.

[Last of the Shitlords]

I would love to stand in for t of those douche bags. Pointing at them and cackling gleefully.

I love to kick progtards when they're down.

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[Rockabilly]

Good morning !

[MSimon]

The new line is already out.

"There is no proof that Trump isn't working for Russia."

John Dean: Mueller Probe Conclusion Doesn't Resolve Whether Trump Russian Agent

[Sevo]

"There is no proof that Trump isn't working for Russia."

I've looked and I'm damned if I can find proof that John Dean doesn't fuck chickens in the local school yards.

[Red Rocks White Privilege]

Come on, we all knew this goal-post moving was inevitable. They're expecting Trump to prove a negative because ORANGE MAN BAD, ORANGE MAN VERY BAD!!

Meanwhile, the actual report indicates no new indictments, no new sealed indictments, and the summary indicates that there was no evidence of collusion between the Russians, Trump, Don Jr., his associates, the guy that sold Trump a bucket of KFC three months ago, and especially Barron, the true power behind the throne.

It really was all a scam narrative set up by Hillary as a stop-gap in the event she did lose.

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[loveconstitution1789]

Mainstream media, celebrities stunned as Mueller report filed with no new indictments planned

MSNBC host Chris Matthews seemed livid that neither President Trump, his children, nor his "henchmen" would face any criminal charges from the special counsel.

Maddow kicked off by telling her viewers she was reporting live from Tennessee because she felt she needed to interrupt her vacation to address the breaking news. She appeared to be holding back tears.

CNN's chief legal analyst Jeffrey Toobin offered rare favorable commentary for President Trump, calling the end of the Mueller probe "really good news" for the commander-in-chief.

In Hollywood, "Real Time" host Bill Maher expressed disappointment but doubled down on his negative views of the president, whom he has often called a "whiny little b----."

We do know that many in the media had a sad.

[Last of the Shitlords]

Imagine how apoplectic they will be when he gets re-elected. Mass suicides maybe?

[Longtobefree]

We can dream - After people buy lottery tickets at 300 million to one.

[Longtobefree]

After all . . . .

Those odds are the same as getting an edit function, I guess

[Trollificus]

Yeah, after they clean the squirrel infestation outta the code...they need to hire a journalist to fix that, amirite?

[Trollificus]

Yeah, after they clean the squirrel infestation outta the code...they need to hire a journalist to fix that, amirite?

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[AD-RtR/OS!]

Nothing to report because there was NOTHING there.

[Fancylad]

Setyon knows that too, but, dishonest fuck that he is, he'll ignore that fact so that he can continue to make bad faith innuendos.

[Trollificus]

It's not like REASON still has, like, journalistic standards or anything.

Editor: "What's clickey, and rhymes with "bait"?"
Seyton: "Any product of our new headline policy?"
Editor: "Man Finds Truth in Own Ass! (flashlight, search party not needed) Now you try it."
Seyton: "Mueller Finds Nothing, Dems Demand Investigation of Investigation!!"
Editor: "Not bad, but you still have to avoid making them sound insane...how about "Dems Ask: Did Russia Whitewash Mueller Report?""
Seyton: "Wow.