Internet

A Guide to Surviving Your 15 Minutes of Hate

Here's how to navigate America's newest ritual.

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|||Photodynamx/Dreamstime.com
Photodynamx/Dreamstime.com

I am a pro-choice, aqua-haired, middle-aged liberal living in Portland, Oregon. I probably disagree with Nicholas Sandmann on every major issue. But we have something in common. In the last month we have both endured what is fast becoming an American ritual: our 15 minutes of hate.

Sandmann's crime was a smirk while wearing a MAGA hat. Mine was a YouTube series I launched in December with another journalist in which we discussed the excesses of the #MeToo movement. This and the show's name, #MeNeither, inspired an ex-employee of my husband's coffee company to send an email to staff, characterizing the series as "vile, dangerous and extremely misguided" and adding that it "throws into question the safety of Ristretto Roasters as a workplace."

She also sent an email to the media.

Within days, a quarter of the Ristretto staff quit and the company lost major accounts. I was repeatedly called a c*nt and was challenged to at least one fist fight. My husband was told to leave his wife or lose his business.

As someone who covers this stuff, I thought I knew how rough it might be to get dragged in public. It's different when it's tearing up your life.

If you do not think this can happen to you, you have not been paying attention. Here's a guide for how to survive it:

STAY CALM: You will not expect the first strike, and thus will not know why every electronic device you own starts blowing up at once. You will be confused to read something that makes no sense or is presented in a way to make you look like a danger to society. Remain calm. Do not shoot off any responses, and for God's sake don't post anything on social media.

Notice that what at first seemed manageable is now starting to rage.

Inform the people who need to know what is going on. Assure them they are safe. Hope that this is true. Hope the messages left on your cell phone, about how you are a rape apologist and a piece of human garbage, will not spread to anyone else. Now is a good time to let calls go to voicemail and to set your Instagram to private.

Remember you are only human and might get a little panicky. If your spouse says "I just drank five pint glasses of water" and tells you his hands are sweating, like, a lot, assure him that it's anxiety and everything is going to be OK, though it does not feel that way today, and it does not feel that way because it is not.

CALL YOUR LAWYER: Gauge from his reaction how dire your situation is. Apparently not very: He is half-laughing when he says, "So Portland's social justice warriors are at it again?" Appreciate that legal action is futile, that the message is out there, carried with every tweet and text. You can't sue the internet.

ACCEPT THAT REASON HAS LEFT THE ROOM: Do not try to have rational conversations with the masses. They did not know you before this started and have no reason to trust you now. Wonder if you have been this quick to condemn things you knew nothing about. Wonder if you, too, might have hated the monster they are fighting.

This monster is not you. It is a collection of fears and buzzwords and tropes and memes.

Do not read the Facebook posts, the Reddit threads. It will be tempting because you are looking for allies, and you may find a few. Mostly you will encounter anonymous voices shouting about what a despicable person you and everything you stand for are. Really, stay away from the comments.

BUILD A WAR ROOM: If the attack is following script, by Day 2.5 things are frenetic, news outlets calling and emailing and trying to contact you on social media. Decide who will do interviews, who will answer emails, who will stay on top of Google alerts. This last helps when the first major story states that you "could not immediately be reached for comment." Within a minute of it posting, you can call the reporter and say she did not try to contact you, and while she makes the correction, you now know what's it's like to deal with reporters who have different standards of truth-telling than you do, which on top of everything else should not be crushing, but is.

REVENGE FANTASIES: After what feels like being kicked in the throat for a week, do what you swore you would not do: Go online and fight, giving your version of the situation and also, maybe, trying to hurt those you see as hurting you. This will definitely and 100 percent blow up in your face.

Once you have further destroyed the people closest to you, the people you are trying to save, remind yourself that inquiry and civil discourse are the best inoculation against fanatical disagreement. Be willing to both administer and receive it.

PEACE THROUGH STRENGTH: Spend time with friends. They will quickly show you who they are, bringing over pizza and bourbon and staying not a requisite "Are you cheered up yet?" amount of time but five hours. Binge-watch Russian Doll, where the lead character is having a much worse time than you and which makes your spouse laugh, a super-sweet sound you have not heard in a while.

PRACTICE GRATITUDE: Be grateful no one has (yet) shown up on your doorstep. Be grateful your kids are as loving and bratty as always. Cry a little at the message from your daughter's friend, saying, "While I don't agree with everything you state, and as someone who was sexually assaulted, I am thankful you are creating a dialogue, [which] has helped give me a platform to talk about this in a multitude of diverse conversations."

Tell your spouse you are sorry he has a mouthy wife, and that you are sorry that he is on precipice of losing the business he's built for 15 years because of the anger provoked by two women having conversations about sensitive issues. Marvel that not once has he asked you to not keep doing the work you do, not once.

MAKE CONTINGENCY PLANS: Accept your business/reputation might not survive. Understand it's not the initial assault but the markers of radioactivity left behind, so to speak, that do the most damage. Take stock; take a breath. Do your best to believe that while people get swept up in these fights, they're not really committed. More than anything, the campaigns are exhausting and disruptive and don't fix anything. Would it not be better to discuss our differences over a cup of coffee?

NEXT: Jussie Smollett's Largely Overlooked Tweet on Fraud Two Days Before the "Attack."

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    Hate…hate….hate…

    1. Yes, but I hate the haters.

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  4. Solution 1) Quit Twitter. Cold. There is no benefit being there. You’re making money for a company that likely hates your guts and provides little in return for your efforts.

    2) Remember that, apparently, it is STILL OK to insult high school kids for perceived wrongs.

    1. 3) Don’t say stupid shit.

      1. Yeah, well, hypothetically, what if it’s technically too late for #3?

      2. Too late for that. You are in this mess in the first place because you said / did something that someone considers stupid and/or evil.

      3. Youre allowed to say tons of stupid shit as long as it is the favored stupid shit, like men can be women.

      4. How do you do that using current standards and remain true to your principles?

        Perhaps you meant, “Just don’t say anything.”

        1. Dammit, how come we cannot VASTLY simplify this process and all!?!

          We should know on sight, who to hate and not hate!

          From here on in, all Trump supporters (trade protectionists and border wallers) should be required to wear red MAGA hats!

          All anti-Trump, pro-free-trade, open-borders types should be forced to wear blue MALGA hats!

          (MALGA to express the open-border types’ desire to Make America LESS Great Again).

          1. Does our 2-party system allow this?

            I would like to wear a purple MIFFED! hat instead!

            MIFFED! = Make Individual Freedom Freaking Emminent, Dammit!

          2. “We should know on sight, who to hate and not hate!”

            Hate everyone. What could be more simple than that?

            1. “Omnia illa odi. Novit enim Dominus qui sunt eius.”

    2. 2b) Apparently, we still say he smirked, though it is obvious now he did not, and was trying to remain calm in the face of an insane evil old man, and held it together well, though you could tell he was terrified when he told his classmate to stop arguing with another crazy science-hating Injun

      1. Too late. The narrative is set. He confronted an innocent old man. Done and done. Nobody is revisiting that.

        Just like the Pulse Night Club shooting. Omar Mateen was an alt-right Republican who was homophobic because of his own closeted homosexuality. Forget that we have learned that not only was he not right wing, but in fact a muslim extremist who apparently didn’t realize he was targeting a gay club – the narrative is set. Alt-right terrorists shoot up gay clubs all the time. This is known.

        Jussie Smollette is getting tossed under the bus by the media – carefully and slowly – but the narrative is already done. Hate crimes are horrible. We had to pass anti-lynching laws at the federal level to combat this sort of thing. And we all know that MAGA is the rallying cry of today’s Klan. The narrative is set.

  5. Never apologize. Double down and tell haters to fuck off.

    1. Bingo.

      Not just double down, but counterattack and call out their inevitably racist attacks.

    2. Yup. The best lesson to be learned from both leftists AND Trump is to never apologize, and to double down. At least you end up looking principled! Or something.

  6. I’ll add another point to this excellent article. Remember that the only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about. Use the publicity generated by the crisis as an opportunity to connect with a wider audience. I’ve just joined her YouTube page because she is of interest to me when I had never heard of her before.

    1. Or not.

      Something I’ve noticed with even sources I am generally sympathetic to is a tendency to milk controversy into revenue streams, which ultimately morphs into an outrage treadmill and sponsorship deals, and merch to show your support. Charlie Brooker must be creaming in his pants, with Warhol nodding approvingly from the aether.

      The whole has become supremely repugnant, and I can only hope this notion of social media dies a flaming death.

      A pox upon all their houses.

      1. Charlie Brooker

        He’s so cynical, elitist, miserable, judgmental, angry. The man is an acute presentation of symptoms of the postmodern disease. Perhaps I’ve only ever seen him at his worst, but he is constantly seeing only the worst in people. He’s probably immune to his own miserable outlook, or at least all the money and publicity are like a drug that numbs the pain? I don’t know how someone that angry and miserable would survive otherwise.

        1. Who the hell is Charlie Brooker and why should I care?

  7. REVENGE FANTASIES: After what feels like being kicked in the throat for a week, do what you swore you would not do: Go online and fight, giving your version of the situation and also, maybe, trying to hurt those you see as hurting you. This will definitely and 100 percent blow up in your face.

    Get better revenge fantasies.

  8. “But we have something in common. In the last month we have both endured what is fast becoming an American ritual: our 15 minutes of hate.”

    You mean 15 minute of Leftist Hate, of course.

    1. Pretty hard to find any other brand.

      1. An essential difference between right and left is that we on the right (broadly defined), do have strong opinions as to opposing viewpoints and those who market them, but we don’t go on incessant campaigns to drive them out of their careers, destroy the companies they work for, smash their families. The left is never satisfied until all their grudges and anger is vented and blood is drawn. We are adults and move on; the left, like the overgrown children they are, live their lives in a perpetual temper tantrum. Give them a poke and they will still rant about Bush’s win in Florida (not knowing why it happened) or Citizens United (not even knowing what the case was about). This is why there is and cannot be any middle ground.

        1. “We are adults and move on; the left, like the overgrown children they are, live their lives in a perpetual temper tantrum. ”

          IMHO I would add that the left has no basis or let’s say hard data for their claims and that means that all they have is rage. They can’t sit down and intelligently refute the Right’s counter points so they rant, rave and attack.

          I am not saying the that Right is correct about everything, I am saying that most of those on the Right are willing to produce data and say here is why I feel this way. The left has nothing but rage.

  9. Where is Ann Coulter when we need her?

    1. Ok. That is funny. I think she is writing her next book, “how to survive and thrive in the era of outrage.”
      The title needs some work, but still, I am telling you…
      She is gonna shake, shake, shake that money maker. And I don’t mean her flat ass.

  10. Step #0: Do what you can to discourage call-out culture before it comes for you. Can anyone living, working, and building a business in a place like Portland claim not to at least condone some of the new-age nutty thinking that underlies victimhood and hate crime hysteria fans? Did Nancy’s husband not have any clues that some of his employees might be inclined to progressive politics and would someday turn on him as an evil capitalist? Did Nancy herself not find solidarity in the past with some of the very people who later wanted her head?

    1. In such cases, the old adage applies – keep your friends close, your enemies closer.

      1. And whatever you do: never trust a big butt and a smile.

    2. It’s already come for most of us. We need to become able to do unto the bad guys in return. If you don’t believe in doing that, you are a cuck.

    3. Step #0:

      Make the Left live up to their own rules. Provoke and prolong their internal feeding frenzies.

      As in all things, they keep the weapon sharp as long as it is only taking heads on the Right.

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    1. Which step was this?

      1. “Make contingency plans”

        1. Hey at least you don’t even have to leave the house to be a spambot, right?

          1. Ps I do report these but I don’t think Reason has anyone to manage that sort of thing, or if they do they aren’t equipped to battle the spambots.

            1. It’s the intern’s job, when he/she isn’t making cosmos for Nick & Robby, or bourbon neat for ENB.

            2. Sort of like r/therewasanattempt except that there wasn’t.

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  13. YouTube series she launched in December with another journalist, in which they discussed the excesses of the #MeToo movement.

    RazorFist made a great quip about the Smollett situation: This is what happens when the demand for racism exceeds the supply.

    1. ^Brilliant quip I’m stealing it. Just like a racist would do!

    2. “Socialism to the rescue! The State, like, will manage supply and demand of racism on a 5-year plan. Problem, like, solved!” –AOC

      1. Like, totes! #AOCismyBFF

        1. AOC 2032!!!

    3. Smollett knows what he was doing. Now is is likely in line for a slug of $$s from Nike being a member of the “virtually” oppressed.

  14. Don’t use your own name on social media. Problem solved.

    1. Oops.

  15. Media working overtime on this one.

    “[The owner] told me she couldn’t work with someone who was spreading slander about the owner of a company they work with,” says Coddou. “Nancy is the one who engaged in poor behavior, but I guess she thought it was easier to lose me over Ristretto. I’m the dispensable one.”

    But Coddou’s not grieving over the lost job. Instead, she says she feels fortunate to be able to speak out about Rommelmann’s disturbing perspectives?especially when many current Ristretto Roasters staff fear it could cost them their work.

    “As a woman of color in coffee, this is my responsibility to make [this situation] known,” Coddou says. “Consumers have the right to know who they’re supporting.”

    1. I think that’s an opinion blog not a news organization.

    2. Jesus, we really are beyond parody.

      1. What, you thought you were buying just coffee?

    3. Did she mean “a woman of THE color OF coffee”? Inquiring minds want to know

    4. a woman of color in coffee

      Oi.

  16. “I have no comment except this: The current bruhaha over my utterly uncontroversial comments is nothing more than an uninformed internet rage-mob and all reasonable sane people can see that. No further comment. Ever.”

  17. “As a woman of color in coffee

    Black or cafe au lait?

    1. I like my women like I like my coffee; hand-picked in Peru

      1. Passed through the digestive tract of a Civet Cat?

        1. In a stainless steel tumbler

    2. It’s hard to keep up with all the porn genres.

  18. Guide. – get the fuck off social media.

  19. MAKE CONTINGENCY PLANS: learn to code

    1. you can make it in silicon valley with this over you. think california is more accepting

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  22. Lefties explain that they won’t shop at a coffeehouse whose owner can’t keep his wife in line.

    Seriously, I guess I might not patronize a business if the spouse of its owner did something that I strongly disapproved of. I’d watch the video first, though, and I wouldn’t send hate messages to the spouse.

    1. “Lefties explain that they won’t shop at a coffeehouse whose owner can’t keep his wife in line.”

      So they support domestic violence?

      1. They probably just want him to Mansplain the facts of life to her

        1. Do you mean mansplaining like:

          “WRONG AGAIN! LITTLE CONSERVATARD DOESN’T UNDERSTAND THE RULING *SMIRK* READ HELLER PENIS MINUS ONE EQUALS LIBERTY! *SNORT*

          PENIS – VAGINA = ZERO

          I’d love to the see that swarm of socks dropped right into the fray among these ridiculous twitmobs; pure weaponized confusion.

          1. My God, hihn could be such a weapon!
            Brilliant idea.
            Now, can we find a way to unleash it in progressive circles…

  23. Nancy I’m sorry that you had to go through this. Having “been through some shit” albeit different shit, I can empathize to a degree. Stick to your guns and know that you have a great deal of support, even when it feels like the tide of hate might be overwhelming.

    Yours sincerely,
    a pro-life (non-absolutist in event of a doctor making a profound choice in accordance with his/her adherence to the Hippocratic Oath?), brown haired, freedom-loving potato of unspecified age, living $&”@!?, #%$?@

  24. GO FULL HIHN

    Babble incoherently, misinterpret supreme court decisions, CYBERBULLYING create and publish an enemies list.

    STAPLER + SPRITE BOTTLE = ELEVENTY

    1. Did you just look at things on your desk to populate the zero sum insanity equation? Top marks. I think that’s what Mikey usually did, too. He just sat looking at whatever he’d scrawled all over the walls.

      1. That’s exactly what I did. I strive for authihnticity.

  25. You missed one other option, Nancy: Embrace it fully. Become like the Blob or the Borg or the Hulk – absorbing the hate energy directed at you and transforming it to become yet more powerful yourself. Engage them in the debate in as public a setting as possible, where they will proceed to immolate themselves in entertaining ways.

    I lived in SE Portland, in the belly of the beast, for years. Done right, it can be extraordinarily entertaining. Sometimes scary, but as long as you’re packing heat and you’re prepared to handle confrontation calmly, you’ll do fine. Leftie haters are actually cowards. Go bash some Antifa lunatics in the head and you’ll see.

    Change your marketing for Ristretto. There are more sane consumers in Portland than you think, and they’re looking for sane locales to frequent. Make very public examples of recalcitrant leftie employees. Heads on pikes are always good, and excellent marketing. Kind of like wolf skins on the fence.

    Carry on. You’re doing great.

    1. Packing heat? It’s overkill (pardon the expression). Handheld tasers and tac pens will serve nicely and are both readily available online

    2. Change your marketing for Ristretto. There are more sane consumers in Portland than you think, and they’re looking for sane locales to frequent. Make very public examples of recalcitrant leftie employees. Heads on pikes are always good, and excellent marketing. Kind of like wolf skins on the fence.

      Oh, you don’t understand.

      She can’t do any of that.

      See, she’s one of them. She was happy to destroy others–but now it’s bad because it happened to her.

  26. “reporters who have different standards of truth-telling”

    It’s called lying.

    1. “Truth is a social construct of the white supremacist cisheteropatriarchy used to oppress marginalized peoples”

      1. Oh. I knew I was looking at it wrong. Thanks for clearing that up for me.

  27. Her first paragraph spills the beans. She assumes she has no common ground with the teenager wearing the Maga hat, and by proxy, any person not a progressive liberal. She exposes the root of the cancer eating this country without even realizing it.

  28. The irony is stifling.

  29. I just a lost all sympathy for the author after reading this:

    “Saffron Colonial softly opened in early March, and it has been embroiled in controversy … when it announced that it would serve globally inspired food from the height of the British Empire, many Portlanders countered on social media that colonialism shouldn’t be glorified.

    Following the controversy, Ristretto Roasters, a local roaster with three locations, has severed ties with Saffron Colonial Bakery.”

    https://goo.gl/gd5Gvn

    So apparently after participating in the SJW witch hunts, the owners are shocked to become the target of them.

    1. I loves the cries of terror and dismay of those who fed others to the crocodile, hoping it would eat them last, when it finally turns on them.
      Sounds like Justice.

      1. Okay, I see your point. But if we want tolerance and an end to the witch hunts should we not embrace someone who learned the lesson and perhaps now looks in the mirror and approaches the future with a different point of view?

        Should she look in every direction and see hate and spite?

        If the goal is to persuade those who don’t already agree with you, shouldn’t you embrace someone who is now persuadable?

        Don’t you want converts? Or do you just want to gleefully enjoy the suffering of those hoisted upon petards?

        1. But if we want tolerance and an end to the witch hunts should we not embrace someone who learned the lesson and perhaps now looks in the mirror and approaches the future with a different point of view?

          Have they actually learned their lesson? Are they going to make a concerted effort to convince the people who share their ideological views to stop these virtual lynch mobs?

          Because if the answer is “no” to those questions, then they haven’t really changed, they’ve just been temporarily chastened because they were a target at one point. As long as the left continues to indulge in weaponizing outrage mobs, their political opponents are under no obligation to martyr themselves on the altar of “MUH PRINCIPLES”.

          1. “It wasn’t supposed to happen to ME! I don’t wear a MAGA hat!”

        2. I say let their own line them up on the wall… This is the leftist way after all! But I do agree that the leftists purity spiraling is having a positive effect for sane people. There were lots of people that were juuust barely center-left who i think are learning their lesson properly. They may become full on sane people someday. We’ll see.

  30. Meanwhile, let’s check in with the Stephen Colbert audience after his latest nightly monologue . . . shall we?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0KeX5OZr0A4&t=140s

    1. I haven’t the stomach for it. What did he say?

      1. It’s actually a clip from 1984.

  31. So how do you like Portland now ?

  32. Ristretto Roasters, eh? I live by Irving Park, and since The Local Roaster closed, I’ve been in need of a new roaster. I do believe I’ll mosey on over for a pound or two…

    1. Don’t.

      She has been an active part of leftist hate mobs. She has done to others what’s being done to her.

      Don’t waste her suffering— make her learn from it, if she can.

  33. All this might as well have been copied verbatim from SJWs Always Lie. But that book makes clear that the snowflakes who do this stuff are an organized movement, and their opponents had better be one too.

  34. “Sandmann’s crime was a smirk while wearing a MAGA hat.”

    #SmilingWhileWhite

    You only see a smirk if you hate white males.

    1. Well, every other thing Phillips tried to gain attention fizzled so now he’s going for “they were disrespectful”. He’s so bad at this he doesn’t even realize what an ass he’s making of himself. More’s the pity: neither do the fuckwits who are cheering him on.

      1. “they were disrespectful”
        i.e.
        “Whitey got uppity”

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  36. Sandmann’s crime was a smirk while wearing a MAGA hat.

    Except it wasn’t a smirk (a “smile evoking insolence, scorn, or offensive smugness”.) It was a defensive smile – a fake smile indicating “I am not a threat.”

    So one of the other things Nancy needs to add to her list of things to cope with during your 15 minutes of hate, is having your actions mischaracterised not merely by the lefty mob, but also by innocent passers by who read the fulminations of the lefty mob, ad knowing nothing about the reality, believe them.

    A classic example of the Gell-Mann Amnesia effect, from Nancy.

    1. I’m more concerned that Sandmann continues to be name-checked. The kid’s “crime” was being in the wrong place, at the wrong time. It’s everyone around him who was/is a raging asshole.

      He was the calm, cool center of the universe, watching the world burn around him.

      1. Isn’t it enough that he was male? Isn’t it enough that he was white? HE WAS WEARING A MAGA HAT FOR FUCK’S SAKE! (/endsarc)

        1. A *white* male!

  37. If you are over the age of 18 or
    under 70,’you have nothing to fear. Recent events show these radical hateful leftists are only comfortable attacking children, teenagers and the elderly. They do not threaten or
    harrass anyone with the ability to fight back. They are cowards

  38. How about a class action lawsuit, representing all American people of every color and gender, suing the entire American media for their incessant rabid, racist, hate fueled, stereotype driven vilification of whites and/or males. A million apiece should ease the terrible, tragic heartache, unjustifiably burdening every American with oppression, caused by the media’s transformation into a “hate crime,” the obstinate parental refusal to birth all their children in political correct colors and genders.

    1. The Left sows the fear, hatred, and resentment of identity politics with race baiting #FakeNews to divide and conquer us.
      They are societal cancer.
      #EnemyOfThePeople

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  41. Good article. I consider myself a reformed liberal and the behavior of the left has been what has pushed me away. No, repelled me. Today, I am probably center to center right. I may leave some ballot choices blank but I will never vote for another democrat until the party cleanses itself of the far left scum and denounces it.

    The supposed media conventional wisdom is that the right, you know the KKK types, are the more mean hateful ones. This is a complete lie. The vast majority of the hate in the US today is from the left. Sure you have a few far right racists, but in numbers the overwhelming numbers and the home of American hate today is the so-called progressive left. This story is a perfect example, so is story of the the maga hat teen and even the Empire actor that tapped into the hate that the left is dripping with. If you are not left-they hate you. If you don’t live on the coasts or in a far left leaning location-they hate you. If you are left and question anything, like this story points out-they hate you. What is worse they are masters of projection. They project their hate on to you. My change from being a left advocate was not a result of me hitting middle aged or hitting the middle class. It is on principle being disgusted with what the left has become.

  42. I recently reread 1984. I came to the conclusion that the book is no longer relevant. We are living the dream right in the present time. But I don’t doubt for a minute that the left will throw me in prison if I can’t find someone or something to hate enough.

  43. Excellent survival guide.

  44. Most of the comments on this thread are unintentionally ironic.

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  46. The current bruhaha over my utterly uncontroversial comments is nothing more than an uninformed internet rage mob and all reasonable sane people can see that.

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