Free-Range Kids

School Forbids Students from Touching Snow

"It only takes one student, one piece of grit, one stone in a snowball in an eye, with an injury and we change our view."


Fcscafeine / Dreamstime

Giving new meaning to the "snowflake" generation, a headmaster in Britain has forbidden all 1,500 of his students from even touching snow.

Ges Smith is the headmaster of the Jo Richardson Community School in Dagenham, East London, and where others see fluffy white flakes of winter wonder, he sees the wide and icy path to hell.

"It only takes one student, one piece of grit, one stone in a snowball in an eye, with an injury and we change our view," he said.

His concern seemed to be that snowflakes are the gateway drug to snowballs. "The rules are don't touch the snow. If you don't touch the snow you're not going to throw it."

You're also not going to taste it, make a snowman or fort, or have any fun at all.

On the talk show Good Morning Britain, host Susanna Reid pushed back, saying, "It's only a bit of fun, let us throw a snowball," according to The Telegraph.

"If it was that simple, I'd let them throw snowballs all day long," the headmaster cryptically replied.

But it is that simple. In fact, it's simpler: You can let the kids touch the snow and not throw snowballs.

Note that snowballs weren't the only problem dancing in the headmaster's head. He also doesn't want kids to get wet, as that would make them unprepared for school. As to whether they will be unprepared for life, well… hopefully the kids will have an opportunity to touch the substance at some point in their childhood.

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  1. As to whether they will be unprepared for life, well… hopefully the kids will have an opportunity to touch the substance at some point in their childhood.

    Sounds like he’s preparing them well for a life of arbitrary rules where a guy with a gun fucks you in the ass if you break it.

    1. So, life in the UK, then.

  2. No way in hell we ever use Great Britain as a model for anything.

    1. Not even a Constitution?

    2. Certainly not if we’re talking about Cara Delevingne. Face freaks me the fuck out.

    3. There is a certain comfort that comes from living in a culture where classism is ingrained. Being aspirational is stressful.

  3. “Snowballs” was my nickname in Ski club.

    1. MeThinks that the Nanny State is rolling down the hill…

      … and SNOWBALLING!!! Welcome to Snowball Earth!

      1. Snowball Earth was so 700 million years ago.

      2. Hardly. Why are we even making a thing of this, when it will be a moot point within a generation due to global warming? Hmmm?

    2. Until Napoleon set his guard dogs on you?

    3. Cold and thrown at random people?

    4. It could have been my nickname after the passion faded with my college girlfriend.

  4. It truly was…

    [dons tinted ski goggles]

    …their darkest hour.

  5. As I’ve said before, there seem to be all too many people in this world who think that the society portrayed in Demolition Man was an ideal society worthy of emulation.

    1. I for one am fully prepared for the three seashells.

      1. One to cover each erogenous zone?

      2. That’s still a problem for me. I’m going to have to curse a lot.

      3. How? The movie never did explain how the three seashells work.

        1. If you don’t know, you haven’t been there.

  6. Enh… this stuff usually stems from liability issues, doesn’t it? Tying the little buggers up in straitjackets would be doing the taxpayers a favor, I think.

    1. New dangers every day. Just close all the schools now, just to be safe.

  7. What does OBL’s cousin Open Chunnel Liberal-tarian think of this measured approach to common-sense snow control?


    1. They did not; we won curling and chick hockey.

      1. Not to mention an epic cross-country relay. And don’t mock curling — it is a great sport in many respects, the main exception being that nobody knocks anybody else down.

        1. It would be great, played beer in hand, like cornhole. As is it’s mildly intriguing at best.

  9. As always, the answer here is don’t put your kids in public school.

    1. In the UK that would mean don’t send them to Eton!

  10. And to think there was once a time when the sun never set on the British Empire. While being imperial is not good, at least they weren’t such pussies.

    1. Apparently it still technically doesn’t; their dependencies are thin these days but spread out enough. Pitcairn (yeah it’s still around, though just barely) is doing a lot of the heavy lifting.

  11. This reminds me of when that stupid schmuck in the Guardian famously wrote that ridiculous article 15 or 20 years ago or so saying that soon “global warming” would get to a point where snow would never fall in the U.K. again.

    1. Watched an FA Cup match today with Hotspur beating Rochdale 6-1 in a reasonably decent snowstorm. Some English manage to suck it up and get it done under adverse conditions.

  12. I don’t know where pent up male rage comes from…..

  13. “You’re also not … or have any fun at all.”

    This is the ultimate goal of shit like this. If it’s fun it’s either bad for you or bad for society.

  14. This headmaster seems all wet! Though I remember rules, which a few teachers occasionally even tried to enforce, about not running, not wearing boots that clattered on the floor, not walking on the grass…and in Virginia the rule is no school when there’s snow on the ground, anywhere, in any case.(That’s not changed.) Sometimes my school was closed when it wasn’t even raining because another neighborhood had a bit of snow…

  15. And with so few precious years left where it’ll actually snow anywhere.

    I miss winter you oil whores.

    1. I hope you’re kidding or you really went back for seconds on the Al Gore Koolaid.

    2. I buy only Cadillacs with their infamous 500ci monster eight cylinders. My goal is to get to 4 mpg. Try though I might,I can’t richen up the carburetor enough without killing the motor.

      I hate winter. Slightly more than than glib assholes that peach how much they miss it and blame everyone for their desire to not bike 40 miles a day for their job.

  16. OK, as Frank Zappa advised “don’t eat yellow snow”. That makes sense. Otherwise, WTF? Let the kids play. I have said that totalitarianism is on the march, disguised by the left as “caring” for whatever segment of the population is to be “protected.” In fact it reminds me of nothing so much as H.L. Mencken’s definition: “Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.”

  17. Clearly the standard definitions of mental illness are inadequate for this teacher to be anywhere near kids.

  18. ‘Giving new meaning to the “snowflake” generation’

    That should have been totally predictable, but I didn’t see it coming, and laughed.

  19. This Headmaster sounds like he needs his meds adjusted, pronto.

  20. I guess I do have to agree with the statement that a stone or a snowball in an eye will probably change one’s viewpoint. It will probably shift it to the left or the right, depending on which eye gets impacted.

  21. Ges Smith as Churchill:

    We shall defend our island (unless grit becomes irretrievably lodged under one of our contacts)-whatever the cost may be-(as long as it doesn’t involve missing the next Game of Thrones)-we shall fight on the beaches (being careful first to remove all the sand particles in our Birkenstocks)-we shall fight on the landing grounds (being careful first to apply at least PA+++ sunblock)- we shall fight in the fields and in the streets (being careful first to bring a bottle of Evian so that we shall remain fully hydrated throughout the duration of the conflict)-we shall fight in the hills (being careful first to bring our Nordic walking sticks so that we can safely traverse the inclined sections)-we shall never surrender (unless the Germans can offer us a considerably better National Health Service plan).

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