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Webathon

Donate to Reason, Because Who Else Will Protect Your Right to Show Unicorn Masturbation Scenes While Serving Alcohol?

Think how many times you've said to yourself, "only in Reason...." There's a reason for that. (DRINK!)

Matt Welch | 11.29.2017 9:10 AM

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Even though we've already had a Facebook Live mini-telethon, a Reason TV retrospective, a grand kick-off, and already around 200 donations here in the first 24 hours of Reason's annual webathon—in which we ask all of you, our very favorite readers and viewers and commenters, to contribute some of your traditional or crypto currency to the 501(c)3 nonprofit that makes all of our journalism and commentary here possible—the most persuasive if unintentional argument for our work this week just might have come from conservative commentator Matthew Walther. Writing in The Week about how "Conservatism is dead," Walther uncorks this fastball to the backstop:

Reason magazine thinks that the rights of pornographers and white supremacists are in need of safeguarding.

Why yes, yes we do. Libertarians believe that rights for all people need safeguarding. It's kind of the point.

This is the best @reason webathon pitch yet.

— Michael J. Green (@Close_watcher) November 28, 2017

Granted, this is confusing to people who need to fit everything into boxes marked "Team Red" or "Team Blue." For instance, watch The New York Times torture political adjectives in a piece last week about the Koch brothers (one of whom sits on Reason's Board of Trustees) gearing up to participate in the purchase of Time Inc.:

Their foundations have helped fund organizations affiliated with conservative media outlets, including the libertarian Reason magazine and the Daily Caller website.

Um, sure.

The misuse and abuse of "libertarian" is one of the few examples of journalistic legerdemain that is even more egregious than the misuse of "neocon."

— Jonah Goldberg (@JonahNRO) November 18, 2017

This is why we're gathered here today, to get through this thing called life, liberty, and the pursuit. This is why we hope you will donate to Reason right the hell now. Because in your heart, you know there's only one publication ready to serve you headlines like….

"First Amendment Protects Cinema's Right to Show Unicorn Masturbation Scene While Serving Alcohol, Says Judge"

"D&D Creator Gary Gygax's FBI Records Make Him Sound Like a Badass"

"The War on Goat Yoga"

"How a Blue Butterfly Stamp Brought Down One of the Dark Web's Biggest Marijuana Vendors"

"Deported for Giving a Handjob?"

And, obviously, "Young Louis Farrakhan Sings a Calypso Song About Transgender Surgery"

It's not because we're all closet yoga-goatherders or even D&D players here (though I understand there's an office Slack channel I need to be more aware of), but rather that edge cases are often where case law is made, and precisely where loyalists of one of the two dominant-if-eroding political tribes will turn their backs on, depending on the perceived virtue of the affected class. So yes, bikini baristas and gene-editors and body-sculptors and even armless droids—we've got you covered. And should ever the government get enough in your business that you feel the need to march on Washington, we'll be there with cameras.

The world might not fully get it, but dammit, you do. Won't you donate to Reason today?

Start your day with Reason. Get a daily brief of the most important stories and trends every weekday morning when you subscribe to Reason Roundup.

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NEXT: Matt Lauer Fired for Sexual Misconduct, Supreme Court Considers Cell-Phone Privacy, Even InfoWars Is Condemning Trump's Latest Tweets: A.M. Links

Matt Welch is an editor at large at Reason.

Webathon
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Editor's Note: As of February 29, 2024, commenting privileges on reason.com posts are limited to Reason Plus subscribers. Past commenters are grandfathered in for a temporary period. Subscribe here to preserve your ability to comment. Your Reason Plus subscription also gives you an ad-free version of reason.com, along with full access to the digital edition and archives of Reason magazine. We request that comments be civil and on-topic. We do not moderate or assume any responsibility for comments, which are owned by the readers who post them. Comments do not represent the views of reason.com or Reason Foundation. We reserve the right to delete any comment and ban commenters for any reason at any time. Comments may only be edited within 5 minutes of posting. Report abuses.

  1. Fist of Etiquette   8 years ago

    I've had to click the NO THANKS THE WORLD WILL BE FINE WITHOUT REASON so frequently now I'm starting to believe it.

    UNINTENDED CONSEQUENCES

  2. Fist of Etiquette   8 years ago

    First they came for the pornographers and white supremacists and I did not speak out because I won't admit to being either.

  3. Brandybuck   8 years ago

    Unicorn masturbation? Just goes to show that there's a niche for every body.

    1. BestUsedCarSales   8 years ago

      That's not a niche. That's an entire subculture.

      1. Citizen X - #6   8 years ago

        BUCS got a lifetime ban from FetLife for being too outre, so he would know.

  4. Unlabelable MJGreen   8 years ago

    Boy, I'm feeling a lot of love from the staff this week. Still, parting with my money goes against every instinct I have...

  5. Unicorn Abattoir   8 years ago

    What happened to Lobster Girl? Is she now pass

    1. Citizen X - #6   8 years ago

      She's now a mid-level marketing exec at Koch Industries in Wichita.

  6. Robert   8 years ago

    I'd like to see a unicorn serving liquor even while it's not masturbating! Do they pour it into their horn?

  7. Mitsima   8 years ago

    First we make Net Neutrality a thing, then we get a special subsidy carved out just for Reason so they can tell the world why it's wrong to have done so.

    This is how we get things done (and create jobs!) in Washington.

  8. Alan@.4   8 years ago

    If American Citizens living there, citizenship used to be a requirement for voting, is it still, are less than happy with this situation, they can correct it on Election Day, or at least give fixing a try. Can't be bothered with voting, perhaps you deserve the crap reined down on you.

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