Marijuana

N.J. Cops Say Someone Might Distribute Marijuana Edibles on Halloween

But won't tell us where to go to get them!

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MERI SIMON/KRT/Newscom

Police in Gloucester County, New Jersey, are warning parents to be on the lookout for marijuana edibles and cannabis-laced candy that could be handed out to children on Halloween. And at least one local news channel in Philadelphia is getting high on the fear.

Philadelphia's Fox 29 published an entirely uncritical account of the warnings, telling parents and families to be "extra careful" about the possibility of marijuana-infused candy ending up in their kids' bags this Halloween. Apparently we are supposed to be particularly worried about gummy candies. Why? Because "there is a significant presence of marijuana candy and other edible forms in New Jersey and other nearby states."

The rest of the story goes along much like that, with no explanation for why drug dealers might want to secretly give away their expensive products to children they don't know and no effort to get cops to explain why they might want to do that. There's not so much as a single sentence admitting how little evidence there is of this inexplicable activity occurring on Halloween to support the annual law enforcement warnings.

Instead, there is vague, scary language like this:

"Marijuana candy is illegal in the state of New Jersey and contains THC, the main active ingredient that causes a high." Did you know that marijuana candy contains marijuana? Spoooooky!

"The candy often imitates other hard or gummy candy or chocolate." Yep, marijuana candy, the master of disguise and winner of the best costume award!

"Because of the similarities between marijuana candy and brand name candy, it is often difficult to distinguish the difference based on appearance alone." Sure. But it will smell and taste awful funny, or it will look homemade or have come from a state where edibles are legal and will, therefore, say that right on the label. Actually, it's not such a good imitation of real candy after all.

Parents should take reasonable safety measures on Halloween. Despite growing up at a time (the distant era of the mid-1990s) when kids weren't bubble-wrapped at all times, my parents always did a quick inspection of my Halloween candy haul. That was fine by me.

But scare tactics like this don't make any sense. Pot edibles are not on sale for $4.99/lb this week at Walmart. And if a drug dealer is making their own edibles or importing them from somewhere else, that's a heck of a lot of time and money spent to get random kids high.

Unfortunately, this sort of reefer madness is probably going to be with us for a while. A new Gallup poll found that 64 percent of all American adults and 51 percent of Republicans think "the use of marijuana should be made legal." As more states legalize the drug for adults to use recreationally, you can bet the drug warriors will retreat to the redoubt of "What about the children?" Halloween is the perfect time for it.

Here's a quick round-up of Reason's best Halloween marijuana scares from the recent past

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  1. Maybe if Filthadelphians learned the value of mellowing once in a while the city wouldn’t be exclusively populated with a-holes and the eastern end of Commonwealth of Pennsylvania would be less terrible. (Jerksey is a lost cause.)

    1. Middle Jersey is fine. That area between the Asphalt North and Trumpland in the south. About three or four counties that feel like may have once been New England but drifted a bit south.

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    2. Assholes keep the suburbanites out. It’s strategic.

    3. Except for its retarded city government and prog dimwits who vote for them, Philly is a fine city. The TV station that produced this story I’m sure aimed it at the suburban soccer moms and grannies who still watch local news and freak out about stuff like this. The soccer moms could probably benefit from a good high themselves.

        1. That’s how far the bar has fallen. Back in the day, you had to mention throwing a federal judge in a woodchipper to be put on a…..

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      1. And also benefit from a good deep dicking.

  2. I know a lot of guys who want to make gummies out of kind bud and then give it away to strangers.

    If you believe this stuff happens, you need to be struck firmly upon the skull with a tack hammer.

  3. None of this is new. How many decades were we worrying about razor blades in candy? I’m glad we’re on to a new bogey man. Fact of the matter is — if someone wants to fuck up your kids, there’s probably nothing you can do about it. They can just skip the middle man and answer the door with a shotgun. You run a risk every time you go outside. It’s called life.

    “The candy often imitates other hard or gummy candy or chocolate.”

    — and it usually doesn’t do it well. Your kids will probably ask why their candy smells like Uncle Steve.

  4. My great fear growing up was that some old coot with sneak Ex-Lax into my bag.

    1. That’s awesome. Now that I’m a coot, I want to try something like that. Anything to keep those damned kids off my lawn.

      1. Though they might shit on it.

    2. How fortunate was my own childhood in the Age of Innocence! All my parents worried about was pins, needles, shards of glass and maybe a little rat poison or roach bait.

  5. We need to warn parents that sometimes chocolate is poop.

    Poop has been linked to multiple diseases, including STds and polio.

    Because of it’s often brown coloring and odorless nature when dry, it can frequently be mistaken for candy.

    I am urging all parents to be watchful this Halloween, and make sure you learn to taste test the difference between chocolate and poop. For the children.

    Also, we have special poop-trained dogs that can be called in, if any parents suspect a house is handing out excrement instead of candy, just for the fuck of it.

    Happy Halloween!

    1. And remember to keep the youngsters away from an Antifa activities on Halloween night-they have been known to throw poop, which the little ones might think is chocolate.

    2. NEVER eat a Baby Ruth ‘candy bar’ !!

  6. This is brilliant. Can you think of any better scheme to motivate parents to inspect their kid’s candy?

    1. Nothing beats government by urban legend.

  7. Of course the reporters would not ask NJ police for any clarification about why someone would just give away pot to random kids who come to the door. It’s because they buy into the Jeff Sessions idiocy on marijuana being a highly addictive gateway drug.

    The dumb cops and the even dumber parents assume that dealers just want to get the kids hooked early on, creating a market for their products in the same way that food companies will sometimes have free product samples available at Costco, except without the old ladies wearing hairnets and disposable gloves.

  8. Sonny Jesus on a flaming pogo stick, but I am tired of the annual “Somebody will do something awful” Halloween scare.

    It. Hasn’t. Ever. Happened. At least that I can find. No pins in candy. No poison. No nothing. Thousands of man hours in local hospitals wasted on x-raying candy to no purpose. Tons pff home-made goodies thrown out, and now nobody even DOES that anymore, because some paranoid nitwit started a scare back in, what, the 1950’s?

    Now the Prohibition Agents, in a desperate attempt to stave off having to actually WORK for a living, are reading scare stories about Those Evil Pot Smokers.

    I’m 50. I confidently expect that before I die, ONE PERSON will try this. And it will turn out to be a family member who wanted to kill the kid.

    1. I’m nearly as old as you are and the scary clown panic last year was probably the most freaked out I have ever seen anyone since the Tylenol scare in the early 80s. There always seems to be a constant level of paranoia, but some years are worse than others-pot edibles are the new thing. Anyone remember the SNL skit where John Belushi (II think) hands out packs of cigarettes and mini booze bottles to trick or treaters? Would be the end of his career if he tried that now.

      1. His career ending that way these days would still probably be a happier ending than the real one.

      2. Did you not know that humor is both fascist and privileged?

      3. I believe that was another actor handing out fried chicken embryos and beer.

  9. where can I get some of this candy?

  10. Nobody is giving away their weed candy to strange kids.

    1. Exactly. Not a cheap candy to give out.

  11. Is there any lingering doubt whatsoever that news media is totally fucking stupid?

    If so there shouldn’t be. If we succeed as a Democracy/ Constitutional Republic is will be in spite of the fourth estate. Jury still more or less out on the fifth but it’s not looking good.

  12. Someone might do this.
    Someone might set off a small nuke at a Halloween party.
    Someone might publish a news story that cites multiple reliable, named, verifiable sources.
    Someone might pass a balanced federal budget.
    Someone might repeal Obamacare.
    But I doubt it.

  13. The county where I live, of course.

    Police didn’t say this. A County Freeholder did. He’s up for re-election in November, and he’ll sail through with no problem. Every single freeholder in Gloucester is Democrat.

  14. “But scare tactics like this don’t make any sense.”

    I don’t know, I think it makes perfect sense. This is an evil, Satanic holiday, and every good, God-fearing man, woman, and child KNOWS that Satan will be out and about trying to harm and/or kill all our Christian children. Satan doesn’t need to be reasonable. If he wants to kill our children, he will force all those devil worshipers out there to spend all their money on expensive, deadly candy. I mean, DUH!

  15. It’s true. Someone might.

    It’s also true that a cop juiced up on steroids might kill you in NJ too.

  16. I really don’t understand how stories like this get any traction. Why the fuck would you waste a perfectly good pot brownie on a kid who won’t even be around long enough to laugh at, if that’s your thing. Its the kind of story only this special Olympian I know might find plausible, but he was also into Bernie last year.

  17. Oh yeah! I’m gonna take my marijuana edibles, that I paid a whole bunch of money here in New Jersey to get, cause they’re illegal, and give them away?

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