'All Options on the Table for Us' With North Korea, Everyone Hates Kendall Jenner's Pepsi Ad, Left-Wing Conspiracy Twitter Getting Weirder: A.M. Links

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  1. “I’m pro-single-payer health care. Is that right-wing or is that left-wing anymore?”

    Obviously depends on the team saying it.

    1. Hello.

      “A high-school journalism class in Kansas successfully unmasked their school principal as an impostor.”

      ARMIN TAMZARIAN!

      1. At least now this principal will have time to write the great American novel, Billy and the Cloneosaurus.

    2. You know who else was pro-single-payer health care?

      1. Churches? Babies? Apples? Gravy? Very small rocks?

        1. I got better. Thanks to single-payer newt insurance.

          1. Leave Geico out of this

              1. If you break a piece of chalk, you’ve got two pieces of chalk. Cornucopia!

          2. Humanity-restoring-from-newt-transmogrification insurance must be very expensive. Or, is that now a required coverage with pre-existing conditions covered? Then it must be cheap.

            1. FREE. WHAT PART OF FREE NEWT INSURANCE DONT YOU PEONS UNDERSTAND.

              1. FREE BECAUSE WITCHES.

                1. Had the Salem witch hunts not ended prematurely, the cost of healthcare wouldn’t be out of control today.

                  1. Right! Because the witches have a great scam going: they turn you into a newt and then charge big bucks to turn you back. And the stupid administrators of the single-payer system cannot see this obvious cycle.

    3. I’m against the AMA/medical cartel team. If it takes single payer then I agree, though I prefer a free market approach. Fuck the AMA. I shouldn’t need a hundred-plus dollar permission slip to buy ten dollars worth of medicine.

      1. Let pharmacists prescribe.

      2. If it takes single payer then I agree

        Dying of pancreatic cancer sure cured my diabeetus!

      3. who do you think is going to be in charge of American Single Payer?

        1. Steve Bannon?

  2. A high-school journalism class in Kansas successfully unmasked their school principal as an impostor.

    And he would have gotten away with it, too…

    1. Dateline: Meddling, Kansas

    2. She you damn bigot misogynist.

  3. “The clock has now run out, and all options are on the table for us.”

    Does this count as a mixed metaphor?

    1. It’s a reference to Ahmed Mohamed

  4. “I’m pro-single-payer health care. Is that right-wing or is that left-wing anymore?”

    I think it depends on whether eggs are good for you or not right now.

  5. “We feel that the clock is very very quickly running out” with regard to North Korea, a senior White House official told reporters yesterday. “The clock has now run out, and all options are on the table for us.”

    So the clock literally ran out in the length of time he took to get out that first sentence.

    1. Hold on. This is merely a reminder that White House Officials cannot feel accurately or efficiently.

      “Parsing, standby.”

    2. Yeah, they must have hired an intern to do nothing but stare at the clock to let them know the moment it ran out. What a happy coincidence that it happened right then!

  6. People really, really don’t like this new Kendall Jenner Pepsi ad, which NBC summed up:

    Insufficient wokeness

    1. No nudity? Not interested.

    2. I was just going to comment that it isn’t intersectional enough.

  7. “I’m pro-single-payer health care. Is that right-wing or is that left-wing anymore?”

    We’re still pretending that Left vs. Right is a meaningful distinction?

    1. How about just plain stupid-wing?

      1. That is the majority party, yes.

      2. Economic illiterate subset of the stupid wing.

    2. Yup. Its not Libertarian to want single-payer, so its the same wing to me- authoritarian.

  8. A 30-foot-long whale was found washed up on the shores of Rockaway Beach, Queens.

    I thought Lena Dunham stayed in Brooklyn.

    1. Big deal. That’s only the length of two Florida pythons.

    2. It’s not hard, not far to reach, she can hitch a ride to Rockaway Beach.

      1. Don’t look! It’s covered in squirrel vomit!
        @reason.com webmaster: Where did you get your credentials?

        1. University of Toronto. Wrote their thesis on “Queer Webmastery and Feminist Logarithmic Functionality’s Intersection in an Online Space.”

      2. Up on the rooftop, down on the street….

    3. It’s not hard, not far to reach, she can hitch a ride to Rockaway Beach.

      1. As long as someone has an empty flatbed going that way.

        1. Ah! So we may more closely observe the nobility of her pain. How kind.

  9. A high-school journalism class in Kansas successfully unmasked their school principal as an impostor.

    Unless they also uncovered a way to call the cops on him, I think they’re still losing in the power battle.

  10. Tweetstorming liberal conspiracy theorists are out of control.

    And here’s why… 1/75

  11. Tweetstorming liberal conspiracy theorists are out of control.

    Trump’s long form tax returns cannot melt steel!

    1. They weigh enough to bend it while cold, though.

  12. Americans in 2017 are more reluctant to share personal information with U.S. counter-terrorism officials than they were four years ago, according to a new Reuters/Ipsos poll.

    However, counter-terrorism officials masquerading as a mobile therapy unit were more successful.

  13. Most recently, Seth Abramson?a Huffington Post blogger, former attorney, and assistant English professor at the University of New Hampshire who once “remixed” mass shooter Elliot Rodger’s last words into a poem?has emerged as the reigning king of diarrhea tweeting. Instead of simply threading his tweets like the rest of us plebes, Abramson has billed them as “mega-threads,” and their repackaging and promotion often take the form of a snake eating its own asshole.

    Mazel tov in your Bolshevism, Mr. Abramson.

  14. “They were not out to get anyone to resign or to get anyone fired. They worked very hard to uncover the truth.”

    Um, what? Why else would you be so determined to find the truth?

  15. Five of the eight justices in the court’s majority were Republican appointees ? a startling development that reflected the dramatic advances of gay rights in the legal system in recent years.

    Or does it reflect the erosion of the conservative ideal of limited government?

    1. Log Cabin Republicans; We’re all about using various lengths of wood to build our home.

    2. What do you expect from people who wear dresses at work?

  16. The Pepsi commercial shows us that capitalism will steal our lives and then find multiple ways to make a profit of our death.
    ? Brotha B (@BlakeDontCrack) April 5, 2017

    *FACEPALM*

    1. “I have signed a deal with Coca-Cola in order to raise awareness of social justice, all while enjoying an icy refreshing Coca-Cola!”

    2. Capitalism sure is anthropomorphized a lot, isnt it?

  17. I just don’t understand the current obsession with “gender identity”. A year or so ago I predicted to friends that it was a fad and would pass soon. Boy, was I wrong. (Er, I mean, not boy… maybe girl?… or..? Where did the idea of starting sentences with “boy” come from? See, it’s proof of the patriarchy!!)

    Anywhoo, I agree that people with gender dysphoria can have a really hard time navigating the world they live in. But people with all kinds of other delusions have a similarly hard time. Why has it been decided that we all must be forced to accommodate this particular delusion?

    1. Go read Heroic Mulatto’s old comments. You were not alone in the belief that this collectivist garbage would MUST sink beneath the surface after a time.

      1. I guess it’s not really that mysterious. It’s just blood-in-the-water lawyers and activists making their move. But what’s weird to me is the immediate acceptance by the “mainstream” press and others to this movement. In non-editorial stories, outlets like the Washington Post use “he” to refer to a female with gender dysphoria. (I’ll just say GD from now on)

        And in a travesty I truly don’t understand, a Texas girl with GD wrestled all the way to state champion in her weight class. However, she was already taking various drugs to cause her to bulk up more like a male. Texas has rules against performance-enhancing drugs in high school sports. That she was able to wrestle while openly taking PE drugs is mind-boggling to me.

        1. Is it really mind-boggling?

          Since time began, humans have exploited the “fear of stigmatization” in others.

          “Bigot, racist, homophobe, intolerant” just replaced “Ungodly, Un-Christian, degenerate, sinful.”

          1. Well, what got me with that case was the brazen violation of easy-to-follow, objective rules. Even in Texas.

            People like to gratuitously bring up 1984, but this really does remind me of that book.

          2. You forgot to mention pothead.

            1. Looks like someone finally shot those squirlz. Must have run out of meat.

    2. Because everyone must have sympathy for victims. That’s why so many are jamming themselves into a constant barrage of newly created victim groups. The winds of change are ablowin’ and the only way to get attention is to be a victim. So, when you’re an attention whore you need to become the biggest victim you can think of.

      The real problem as I see it is that people want to be treated as individuals but don’t know how to be individuals. They’ve spent so much of their lives molding themselves into a particular group identity that they don’t know how to live outside that. They want to be part of a group, but they want to be special too. So they make up a new subgroup which then gets flooded with others wanting to be special which prompts the creation of yet another subgroup.

      1. I pretty much knew what the answers would be, but I just wanted to see people spell them out in a way that would bring me a tiny bit more understanding.

        1. I’m kinda with you. It’s pretty easy to see what is happening, but I’d sure like to have a better idea of why it’s happening too. As far as I can tell it’s just attention whores finally getting their day. I might even blame the retarded Kardashians or Paris Hilton for starting it. Then you add stuff like Twitter on top of that and suddenly everyone thinks that people care about their stupid ideas.

  18. Americans in 2017 are more reluctant to share personal information with U.S. counter-terrorism officials than they were four years ago…

    So they’re deleting social media accounts?

    1. You knocked the lid off the garbage can. Please don’t put it back on, Mr. Furry Fist of Hunger. Within the stale noxious fumes of garbage lies more truth than all our fucking smiling and marbled facades combined emanate. Living things hide things in their shit that is rarely revealed otherwise.

      Americans in 2017 are sharing ever more snippets and digital trinkets of their dabbling, travels, dreams, diseases, wishes, and breakups online- nothing about modern Americans (with tiny enclave exceptions) reflects the disturbing reality they exist as blaring self-exposures.

      1. Agile Cyborg for President 2020.

        1. Don’t jump on the bandwagon just yet; I’m his running mate.

          1. Only if Crusty runs Housing and Urban Development.

  19. Look, embedded Taboola ads feature buxom women displaying lots of cleavage is one thing, but embedded Taboola videos is a bridge way too far.

    If you guys keep this up, you’re going to end up pushing the few remaining regulars over to glibertarians.com who haven’t permanently left already.

    1. The songs are sung of the brave few who weathered the storm and brought the ship to port.

    2. If you guys keep this up, you’re going to end up pushing the few remaining regulars over to glibertarians.com who haven’t permanently left already.

      It’s cute that you believe that. Is there anything we could do to get you to stay over there and stop coming back forever?

    3. Simple Mikey doesn’t know about Adblock. Sad!

  20. Back in my day, Bridget Bardot, Cindy Crawford, and Lauren Hutton were considered supermodels. Now you’re a supermodel if you have a reality show because your skank sisters were pimped out by your mother?

    Where my glamour gone?

    1. The Dumbs were allowed their say.

    2. I get why Ray-J peed on Kim that one time, but why oh why did he have to videotape it? The world could have been spared so much grief, and Armenians could have been spared so much embarrassment.

    3. I suspect the only real difference is who they had to sleep with to get their modeling gigs.

      1. Kendall Jenner has modeling gigs because she is famous, not because of her looks or aura or whatever else.

        1. Okay, so who her sister had to sleep with to get her modeling gigs.

          Po-tay-to, pot-ah-to.

    4. I was just talking about this with a friend the other day, how annoying these unmerited careers are. Kendall Jenner & Gigi Hadid ? reality stars turned supermodels, Cara Delavigne ? actual supermodel attempting to be an actress, Selena Gomez ? actual actress auto-tuned into a singer, etc. etc., I won’t even get anyone here started on Lena Dunham. I wouldn’t go as far as to say they’re talentless, just talentless in their chosen careers.

      I guess there’s really no point to this rant except I think the recent trend of being famous for being famous gets under everyone’s skin and will go the way of the “playing dumb” trend that was popular early-mid 2000’s.

      1. I hope it takes the “creaky voice” trend with it.

        1. That’s called a “vocal fry.”

          1. Ah, yes. Thanks for the reminder. I was not happy using a term that I know already has an established meaning but it was the only thing I could think of.

              1. Tell me about it.

            1. Ha! and the article I linked says they are synonyms… *shrug*

        2. I learned something today.

          The fuck. Talk normal.

  21. Most of my posts, for the last 2 months, just go into the bit bucket.

    You might wonder why H&R comments have plummeted? It could be philosophical, but I doubt that, H&R commenters have been at each other’s throats forever.

    Really, what’s the technical problem.

    1. I would assume it is a pre-check filter for spam, “bad content.”

      All posts are routed to Preet’s phone before they are approved.

    2. Obviously they’ve been spending all this time working with Taboola to provide more crap that nobody wants.

      1. You know that saying about how jury duty is for people too stupid to figure out how to avoid it? Web ads are for people too stupid to figure out how to avoid them.

    3. A problem that has been apparent for years! Fucking YEARS!

    4. Maybe they just don’t like you? I dunno. Since they fixed the last major issue I haven’t had anything get lost. It can take 20-30 seconds for a post to appear after submitting, but that’s the only thing I’ve seen lately.

      1. Twenty – Thirty seconds! Oh you lucky, lucky, bastard.

    5. Most recently, I posted a link to a link that showed that alt right icon Richard Spencer was in favor of nationalized health insurance. No big point to make there that y’all didn’t already didn’t know. But the post got eaten by bit monster.

      1. There is a limit on how long a link can be, you might have run into that. IIRC, it’s a 50 character limit.

        1. I’ve also noticed (though it may have changed) that links with https don’t get automatically truncated, but links with regular old http do.

      2. Lol! I was clicking reply to a post earlier on this page and the comment box filled with something about Richard spencer with a link.

        Odd.

        1. I’ve had this happen a couple times too. Though I’ve never really looked at the content of the pre-filled box.

        2. Hah, that’s awesome. At least that technical fuck-up is weird and entertaining.

      3. I am aware of the limit and used to get a flag on that. If I was persistent I would go to tinyurl for a shorter link. Looking at the calendar here I don’t think long links are going to break the H&R web server.

    6. Today, I’ve noticed that all of my posts appear to go into the bit bucket but after a couple minutes and several refreshes, they show up.

      The squirrel infestation has been so bad recently that I always copy my posts before hitting submit. Or, at least I try to remember.

  22. What’s the difference between Canada and America anyway? They may seem superficially similar, but there are some real distinctions between them, many bearing the weight of a long divergent history.
    First, the language of Canada is “French”. Americans speak English. Each language possesses a distinctive genius (as the term is used among philologists) that infects the whole system of thought developed by the people that speaks it. We can know a lot about the genius of a language by the name. In fact, there is generally a very high degree of concordance between the original sense of a name and what basic properties of the language are preserved as essential, which is what determines the conformation of thought in a community of speakers….

    https://www.patreon.com/posts/canada-vs-8135973

    1. The difference is simple: one is America, and the other is its hat.

      1. Some say comb, some say Mohawk.

      2. One claims to have hockey as its major religion, the other has held that religion’s most sacred relic for a generation since it’s about the 5 most popular sport in the US.

    2. OH WELL I AM DEFINITELY INTERESTED IN SOMETHING YOU WROTE. HEY WOW YOU HAVE A PATREON. YOU WANT MY MONEY? I WOULD LIKE TO GIVE YOU MY MONEY NOW BECAUSE OF SOMETHING YOU WROTE.

    3. Free speech is not legally protected in Canada, at least not to nearly the same extent as in the USA.

  23. What’s the difference between Canada and America anyway? They may seem superficially similar, but there are some real distinctions between them, many bearing the weight of a long divergent history.
    First, the language of Canada is “French”. Americans speak English. Each language possesses a distinctive genius (as the term is used among philologists) that infects the whole system of thought developed by the people that speaks it. We can know a lot about the genius of a language by the name. In fact, there is generally a very high degree of concordance between the original sense of a name and what basic properties of the language are preserved as essential, which is what determines the conformation of thought in a community of speakers….

    http://tinyurl.com/l9ncqjy

    1. Squirrels?

    2. Well, that was humbling and fun!

      When I found out ‘Canada’ was, generally, a Native word for ‘group of huts’ I admit to being demoralized.

      What a stupid name.

      1. I’d always heard that the founders of Canada just pulled random letters out of a sack to come up with a name. “C, eh? N, eh? D, eh?”

  24. I’m curious what kind of military scenarios are being considered with North Korea. I suppose it will be the standard bombing/droning of launch sites and manufacturing facilities. It would probably also be easy to bomb the one or two power plants in the country.

    1. Shovel-ready jobs.

    2. Seoul is the problem. It’s going to get shellacked in the first few hours. It’s hard to see a scenario where we can selectively target and attack. Kim has to respond quickly, or else lose the only card he can play to keep domestic issues in check. That means rapid escalation, which means DMZ fun, which means ground war, which means shelling Seoul, which means 2nd ID is gonna take more than a handful of casualties.

      1. And then there’s China. I’m not up on all the international intrigue that I’m sure will swirl like tornados around all this. Of course, taking the leash off of South Korea and getting the fuck out is not an option.

      2. Michael Malice claims that part of the first response to an attack on NK is a total liquidation of the prison camps. So that’s potentially a few hundred thousand deaths before even considering Seoul.

  25. Damn near 100 comments, on a Wednesday, in the AM.

    “DON’T YOU DIE ON ME!”

    1. Not bad considering Reason is trying to eradicate us.

      Fight! Fight the statists!!

      Or something.

  26. Is John on vacation, or is his boss looking over his shoulder, or did he get fed up and leave? Inquiring minds want to know.

    1. He has been busy cruising for dates on the NAAFA website.

    2. He works for the federal government, so you KNOW his boss doesn’t give a shit what he does during business hours.

      1. I’m sorrry I have a reeal hob, nitwit.

        1. You really are the stupidist person on Earth. I’m sorry but you are.

    3. Every now and then we are treated to periods of bliss when John mysteriously disappears. Unfortunately, he comes back. He always comes back…

      1. The thong aboutt Sparjky is that as stupidd as a bag of dull hamners.

    4. He disappears from time to time. I think he occasionally does actually have work to do.

  27. Hindu Cow Vigilantes in Northern India Beat Muslim to Death

    The vigilantes, who are Hindu and consider cows sacred, surrounded six vehicles carrying cattle on a highway connecting Jaipur to New Delhi on Saturday and pulled out five men, apparently Muslims, and beat them, said Rahul Prakash, superintendent of the police in Alwar, a city about 30 miles from the site of the attack, in Behror.

    Eleven men transporting the cattle were arrested and accused of smuggling the animals. None of the assailants in the cow protection group have been arrested, but a criminal case has been opened.

    The top security official in Rajasthan sought on Wednesday to shift the blame from the cow protection group, saying the victims should not have been transporting cattle.

    1. Transport livestock like a Thug, get beat like a Thug.

    2. Hindu Cow Vigilantes

      I saw their last gig.

    3. Shikha “Dipshit Scumbagetta” Dalmia has already informed us this is clearly Trump’s fault. Shocking, I know.

        1. Simple Mikey still thinks Shikha is Italian, judging by his preferred stupid nickname for her.

    4. If your god cares what people eat, enough that harming another human seems justifiable to you, go kill yourself.

  28. Valerie Bertinelli has a cooking show.

    1. Yes she does. She’s also a judge on a kids cooking show. Patricia Heaton also has a cooking show.

      1. Daytime TV is fascinatingly boring.

      2. Patricia Heaton? Mrs. Heck?

        How ironic.

    2. And she was on Match Game a couple nights ago.

    3. If Valerie knows anything, it’s how to eat.

  29. A high-school journalism class in Kansas successfully unmasked their school principal as an impostor.

    Seems like the whole town of Pittsburg Kansas is an imposter.

    1. Ain’t nobody that can plagiarize the Pittsburgh “h” apparently.

  30. The Pepsi ad seems like a smart bet.

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