Syracuse University Says Avoiding Others, Telling Jokes Are Bias Incidents and Should Be Reported

Administrators want their students to feel like snowflakes.



Syracuse University wants students to combat hate and report bias incidents to the administration when they encounter them on campus. Given how broadly the university defines bias, it's surprising that students have time for anything else.

According to Syracuse, bias involves "telling jokes," "excluding or avoiding others," using the phrase "no homo" (does anyone even say that anymore?), making comments on social media, and a dozen other things.

Bias means treating someone negatively because of their age, religion, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity, marital status, disability status, political affiliation, or social affiliation. This last one, social affiliation, presumably casts the net wide enough to include anything. (Are you against frat bros and not afraid to say it? Congratulations, you have engaged in bias against a social group.)

Of course, Syracuse's website doesn't even specify that bias needs to include negative behavior at all. The following things qualify:

  • Making comments on social media about someone's disability, ethnicity, race, national origin, gender, gender identity or expression, sexual orientation, religion, or political affiliations/beliefs
  • Writing on a white board about someone's disability, ethnicity, national origin, race, gender, gender identity or expression, sexual orientation, religion, or political affiliations/beliefs

Even if they're positive comments! You could write "congratulations on coming out!" on someone's Facebook wall and technically be guilty of "making comments on social media about someone's sexual orientation," couldn't you?

Over at The College Fix, Jennifer Kabbany points out the absurdity of suggesting that "avoiding others" is necessarily a malicious act. What if you're just shy? And National Review's Katherine Timpf mocks the notion that using blue for boys and pink for girls is evil.

Keep in mind that the university isn't just saying these things are bad or these things are problematic. It's also saying report your friends, neighbors, and classmates to the administration when they do these things. It's all-too-easy to accuse college students of being delicate snowflakes these days, but it's not their fault that university administrators are encouraging them to see themselves as pathetic victims.

NEXT: The Justice Dept.'s Costly Reform Agreement with Baltimore Police Explains Basic Appropriate Behavior

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  1. Avoiding others? Hell I’d get the death penalty.

    1. Appropriately enough, seeking someone out to murder them because you don’t like them as a person doesn’t seem to be covered. However, once you’ve murdered one person, you’ve really got to include everybody.

      1. Avoidance, in certain circumstances, can be even more dangerous than inappropriately deadpan “parody.” While approving the measures taken so far, we would also urge campus officials to ban, under pain of expulsion, any students from possessing or reading the unpresidented “First Amendment dissent” of a single, isolated judge in America’s leading criminal “satire” case. See the documentation at:

        1. Start working at home with Google! It’s by-far the best job I’ve had. Last Wednesday I got a brand new BMW since getting a check for $6474 this – 4 weeks past. I began this 8-months ago and immediately was bringing home at least $77 per hour. I work through this link,

          go? to tech tab for work detail,,,,,,,

      2. It worked for Charles Watson.Except for avoiding people up in the tower.

  2. According to Syracuse, bias involves … making comments on social media

    You mean, like “Fuck Syracuse University”?

    1. Any inappropriately deadpan “parody” emails or tweets in the “names” of distinguished department chairmen should be reported immediately. Surely no one here would dare to defend the unpresidented “First Amendment dissent” of a single, isolated judge in America’s leading criminal “satire” case? See the documentation at:




        Quixote, I recommend whining harder. We find that really attractive in men.

        1. Quixote is a broken record, peddling the same complaint in every thread he attends. I can’t tell if Quixote is a real person or a bot.

          1. I can’t tell if Quixote is a real person or a bot.

            It’s almost the other way around. I’m fairly certain that if it’s in any way human, it’s a bot that just happened to assume a lurker’s credentials.

            1. I had assumed that his complaints against deadpan parody were themselves deadpan parody, and that he really wants such parodies protected, not suppressed. Now I’m not so sure, though I still think it likely. No, I don’t see how he could be a “bot”, there is just enough variation in how he connects various topics up to the Golb case he is focused on to make that implausible. He probably is someone who has some involvement in that case.

              Getting back to the subject of this article, imagine what would happen to a real Don Quixote (or one played “deadpan”) at Syracuse University. How many things could his Dulcinea charge him with?

        2. Tarran: thank you for joining my anti-Troll campaign. This is precisely why I have been arguing that inappropriately deadpan “parody” (assuming an enemy’s identity, even for the purpose of revealing the “truth” about him) should be criminalized on a federal level too, and that the “First Amendment dissent” of a single, isolated judge should be banned from law-school libraries around the country. I am very glad to see that you agree with me that there is no basis for the inappropriate conclusion of this judge that the defendant in this major case was subjected to an “atavistic” assault on his so-called First Amendment rights.

          1. P.s. and let us be clear that inappropriately deadpan mockery issued in another’s “name” is precisely what needs to be criminalized, everywhere in this nation. Even if the purpose is to reveal the perceived “misconduct” of that individual. The “tweets” going out in the names of university presidents around our great nation are an excellent example.

      2. Unpresidented? Do you expect it to have its own president? Or do you mean “unprecedented”?

        1. Dan, thank you for joining my campaign. My understanding is that this is now the preferred spelling of the word, since the Guardian selected it as the word of the year.

          1. Joining your campaign? But thanks for the Guardian reference. I should have known spelling the word that way had something to do with Trump.

            1. Dan, I’ll be disappointed if you don’t join my campaign. Surely you wouldn’t want to defend the indiscreet “First Amendment dissent” of a single, isolated judge, in a delicate case that was so important for prosecutors to win that “neither good faith nor truth” was allowed as a “defense”?

      3. Dear Gawd you are boring. For the record, I believe your prosecution was probably not just. I also believe that if you weren’t such an insolent creepy fuck, the jury would have been more inclined to decide the case in your favor.

        1. Scottsman: How admirable of you to join my anti-Troll campaign. I say we need more decent, courageous men like you on our American juries. You speak with great eloquence, just like the distinguished trial judge in our nation’s leading criminal “satire” case, when she states that the defendant’s “criminal intent brought you a parody over the line.”

          You do seem to be a bit confused and ill-mannered, and in this regard I would have at ye with my spear; but to address only the substance of your comment, surely you are not defending the dangerous “First Amendment dissent” of a single, isolated judge? If you really feel that something is “not just,” then at least remember that sometimes we here in America need to tolerate certain injustices, so that we can jail the provocateurs out there who “twist language” and “stir up controversy,” as the prosecutor himself declared in the case you seem almost to be condemning. In this respect, the situation is somewhat different here than in Scotland, so do try and understand.

          That said, recognizing a small lack of “justice” that needs to be tolerated is a far cry from endorsing an immoral and subversive “First Amendment dissent” that urges the public to believe that the State of New York has engaged in an “atavistic” assault on the “constitutional rights” of an American citizen. I submit again that this opinion should be banned outright from libraries at Syracuse, NYU, and elsewhere in the country.

  3. Hopefully a lot of people will be avoiding Syracuse University.

    1. I spent a night in Syracuse once in my college days. I ended up in this bar the size of a hangar, banged a blonde in the girls room, and woke up in the snow.

      1. D00d, you know how to live. I wanna party with you.

  4. **raises hand**

    What the fuck is a “bias incident”?

    1. I *think* it’s when you’re sewing and get the wrong side up.

      1. I was thinking it had something to do with a classic car getting a blowout

      2. Sounds kind of warped.

    2. A Coke overdose.

      1. God dammit, how did I miss this softball? If only it had been U of MD that established this retarded piece of shit.

        1. Well, you are from Texas, apparently.

    3. When Lennie Bias ODs

      1. Len Bias can play on my team anytime.

    4. When you set the bias on your amp wrong and have to drop $300 on new tubes.

      1. I thought you’re always supposed to set it at 11.

      2. Modeling. Then your amp can self-identify as anything it likes.

    5. Anything they want it to be.

    6. You askin wut kanna fish it is.
      “Assa bias, incident?”.

      1. Not you, but the Royal You.

    7. Isn’t that where you switch your stereo system’s tape selector to METAL/CrO2 when it should be on NORMAL. Yeah, I’m that fucking old.

  5. using the phrase “no homo” (does anyone even say that anymore?)

    No, homo.

    1. I wonder if “Yes, hetero” would be allowed.

    2. I forgot about “no homo”.

      I think the real question is: does anyone say it unironically.

      1. I use it when I’m trying to be funny. That’s funny “hah hah,” not funny queer. No homo.

        1. So, not tranny be funny?

          1. Wot ‘chu tranny tuh say, Willis?

  6. So what happens if you are snitched on, sorry reported, and plead very guilty and what are you gonna do about it?

    1. Well, it’s a private university, so there aren’t any 1st Amendment implications, which means “what are you gonna do about it” is probably “expel your ass”.

      1. There’s a silver lining. Now the girls must listen to your pickup lines.

    2. Whatever happened to snitches being scumbags that were terrified of actually snitching because they’d get the shit kicked out of them? Maybe this is just a product of being from a close-knit community rife with drug addicts, but known snitches? They’d end up having an ‘accident’ involving a truck or baseball bat.

      1. Whatever happened to snitches being scumbags that were terrified of actually snitching because they’d get the shit kicked out of them?

        The numbers game, they won it. Political Correctness owns bigger, meaner people than the would-be snitch-kickers. Also, when the snitches are hot wimminz, or just wimminz in general, they tend to get a pass.

        “It’s good to be The Queen King!”

  7. Name names! All the cool kids are doing it.

    1. Nothing says “cool” like ratting people out for not liking someone else.

    2. You know, Adults used to discourage tattle-tailing and the other kids used to kick your ass for it. This really has to stop. These kids are gonna grow and “denounce” their neighbors.

      1. The people in power see nothing wrong with this.

      2. See something, say something.

  8. “Making comments on social media about someone’s disability, ethnicity, race, national origin, gender, gender identity or expression, sexual orientation, religion, or political affiliations/beliefs”

    So someone saying “Fuck Republicans” on Facebook would technically be a bias incident under this definition?

    1. No, shitlord. Republicans aren’t a protected class like blacks and gays and women.

      1. I know you’re mocking them, but none of those are political affiliations or beliefs. I’d really love to see exactly what groups fall under the political affiliations/beliefs category in their minds.

        1. Any that are made fun of by a member of a fraternity (excluding black fraternities) would be my guess.

          Just kidding, their answer is “we will know it when we see it.”

        2. I’d really love to see exactly what groups fall under the political affiliations/beliefs category in their minds.

          “Free Palestine!”
          “Global warming is the biggest threat to humanity!”
          “Chavez lives!”

          Those would be some of the political beliefs I’d assume are not to be commented negatively on.
          For affiliations, Sociallist, Green, Social Democrat, Communist, Revisionist Marxist are some.

          1. No no no. You don’t understand. Those are not political beliefs. Those are simple common-sense truths uttered in the public interest.

            Only right-wing, libertarian, and anti-government beliefs are political. Liberal, Progressive, Green, Social-Democrat, Marxist, and similar centerist views are inherently apolitical.

        3. Well, I hope someone has the nuts to test it.

            1. *digs through underwear*
              no homo

                1. I was expecting porn. Now I’m disappointed.

    2. No that’s speaking truth to power

    3. I need to go back to school and bait one of these idiot universities into a lawsuit that will reward me in the millions. Giving me a small fortune, and teaching them a valuable lesson. Everybody wins!

  9. It’s a good point that the adults enabling this shit are probably more culpable than the snowflakes.

  10. It’s all-too-easy to accuse college students of being delicate snowflakes these days, but it’s not their fault that university administrators are encouraging them to see themselves as pathetic victims.

    Pathetic victim is the highest social class there is. They’re just teaching these kids to work hard and think outside the box to achieve their goals, that everyone has the opportunity to be a pathetic victim if they want it bad enough.

    1. Bingo. Victims are the new proletariat.

      1. Really it’s just the generalization of the concept

  11. According to Syracuse, bias involves “telling jokes,” “excluding or avoiding others,”

    Further proof that introverts are regularly oppressed by shitbag, obnoxious extroverts.

    1. Pretty soon, bias will be determined by blinking too much, or too little, or i the wrong way. It’s all about thought crime.

  12. OT (but very important): The Patriots have a Trump problem – The Patriots have the closest connection to the Republican president-elect of any NFL team. And many of their fans in liberal Massachusetts are having trouble reconciling their love for the team with their dislike of the man.

    It concludes:

    No matter how anyone feels about the team or the president-elect, the two have become as woven into each other’s histories as Trump’s hair is to his head. The difference is that while the rest of the country doesn’t really have a stake in this connection, Patriots fans in liberal Massachusetts who find Trump abhorrent have to grapple with the emotional implications. Patriotism in the age of Trump, it turns out, is a tricky thing to navigate.

    1. SBNation has some excellent blogs in its family, but the main site is as progderpy as you’d expect of a Vox production. I gave up on it years ago.

      1. Is it progderpier than Bill Simmons’ last 2 sites. His current one is irredeemable

        1. I haven’t subjected myself to his new one, but SBNation is definitely worse than Grantland, which had some genuinely interesting sports analysis in among the dreck.

          1. Nothing is worse than Deadspin. The litter their “sports” feed with hot stupid takes from The Concourse.

      2. Agreed. This story involved Pats fans whining about Trump’s connection to their coach, quarterback, etc, so it was a fun read. And by read, I mean skimmed through and laughed at the pictures.

        1. Complain about ESPN wasting time having Obama on to do an NCAA basketball bracket, and people would recoil in horror screaming bloody racism.

    2. Yeah dunno, whatever, surely we all know the characterisation. By contrast, I remember some of his biggest early rallies were in stadiums in places like Worcester, packed to the brim with hooting apes.

    3. Wait, so these last 8 years I wasn’t a patriot because I don’t love 300 million strangers, I was being ‘right wing?’ And now I’m back to being a commie freedom-hater? Such confusing times

  13. Writing on a white board about someone’s disability, ethnicity, national origin, race, gender, gender identity or expression, sexual orientation, religion, or political affiliations/beliefs

    Maybe it’s just me, but when I was in college we never wrote on the board. Even the teachers only used it to mark down due dates.

    1. So somebody writing “that crippled slant-eyed chink faggot tranny buddhist Bernie-bot can go suck an egg” is right out?

      What if they write it on a blackboard?

      1. Apparently it only matters on an Orange board.

      2. What if they write it on a blackboard?

        Are there even such things anymore?


      3. It might incense them more if you call it a jiggabooboard.

    2. I guess it depends on the subject. All of my math classes were nonstop writing on the board.

  14. It’s all-too-easy to accuse college students of being delicate snowflakes these days, but it’s not their fault that university administrators are encouraging them to see themselves as pathetic victims.

    Fuck this shit. When I was 18 and in high school, I was cock-sure I knew more than the admins and my parents. Are you telling me the youth of this country has regressed to the point they let college admins tell them how they’re gonna interact on a daily basis with each other and they accept it without question even though they disagree? Sorry,but no way. This is almost assuredly led by some groups of students and the admins are granting them their wish.

    1. Ah, yes. Remember “underground newspapers”? You’d probably be imprisoned for that stuff today.

      1. A lot of shit happened in high school that would undoubtedly have ended with a lot of people getting arrested today. Underground newspapers and ‘Zines being the least of it.

      2. A Lenny Bruce appearance would cause campus riots.

        1. Lenny Bruce could never speak at a campus these days, so no riots.

  15. Over at The College Fix, Jennifer Kabbany points out the absurdity of suggesting that “avoiding others” is necessarily a malicious act.

    Freedom of association doesn’t protect you from not associating. It’s right there in the BoR.

    1. Hmm, so if one were to grab a coeds pussy and drag her by it to your room and she resisted, one could report this to the proper authorities and seek recompense?

  16. Making comments on social media about someone’s disability, ethnicity, race, national origin, gender, gender identity or expression, sexual orientation, religion, or political affiliations/beliefs
    Writing on a white board about someone’s disability, ethnicity, national origin, race, gender, gender identity or expression, sexual orientation, religion, or political affiliations/beliefs

    They can’t make “Jappy” jokes anymore? My goodness.

    1. There’s a certain slant to what kind of humor they’ll allow.

      1. You might even say they’re biased about it.

      2. Jappy…Jewish-American Princess. It used to be a stereotype that S.U. had many Jappy students.

          1. Thank you. I am glad there is one other respectable commenter about.

        1. Yes, I remember the JAPS at my SUNY school. They always traveled in a pack and wore stretch pants and sweaters down to their knees. As far as I know they never took their outfits off.

        2. That was a thing at my SUNY school (UB) too. For most of us locals, it was the first time we had ever seen anyone from downstate up close.

    2. They’re going to nip those jokes in the bud.

      1. No more Kung Fu movies on campus, that’s for sure…have you see how the Japanese are portrayed in those movies?

      2. Its been a wrong time since I’ve seen that one.

      3. Those college students should sue their schools for getting gypped.

      4. Nah, just start them on the bunny slope, identifying chinks in the armour of humour.

    3. “But my name is ‘Jappy’!”

    4. Is this a Jew joke or an Asian joke?

      1. Why can’t it be both?

  17. Did they just make the boycotts against Milo whathisname a hate-crime?!?

    1. No way. The double standard is the standard, tarran.

    2. No. Bias will be determined by a panel of experts.

      Like obscenity, they’ll know it when they see it.

  18. The student loan bubble needs to burst…now.


    Obama ends Cuba one dry foot rule. Waiting for pro open borders Reason to notice.

    1. “To be sure, more restrictions on immigration are hardly an ideal outcome. But, as long as the laws exist, there should be no politically-motivated exception to them. Optimally, of course, there would be no such limitations for anyone, and it’s important for the Cuban community to realize they should work with libertarians to make this a reality.”

    2. Thanks for bringing that up, hadn’t seen this yet.

      The end of the “wet foot, dry foot” policy, which allowed any Cuban who reached U.S. soil to stay but returned any picked up at sea, is effective immediately. Cuban officials had sought the change for years.

      The Department of Homeland Security also ended a parole program that allowed entry for Cuban medical professionals. That program was unpopular with Havana because it prompted doctors to leave, sapping the country’s pooled of trained health workers.

      Of retarded reasons invoked by US politicians to tighten immigration rules, “Pleasing socialist dictatorships” has to take the fucking cake. Should JFK have built the Berlin wall for the East Germans, to improve relations?

  20. *scans article*

    What is the r-word?

    1. Robby?

      *** ducks ***

    2. So you can file anonymous complaints on their website.

      I know what I’ll be doing during my layover.

      1. Sorry, not complaints…. reports of bias incidents.

    3. RACIST!!!

    4. RETARD.

      The r word is RETARD.

      1. Well that’s retarded.

      2. Here’s my question. If “retarded” isn’t the right word to use for intellectually disabled people, then why can’t it be re-purposed to generally refer to ordinary stupidity?

        1. Somebody’s been watching Southpark.

          1. Actually, Rick and Morty did it.

        2. Saying the word ‘retard’ can’t possibly be offensive.

          Anyone who is ACTUALLY retarded wouldn’t have the first clue what you’re talking about.

          it has always meant “the deepest kind of stupid that everyone can potentially be, but which some people are a lot more of the time”

  21. Kabbany points out the absurdity of suggesting that “avoiding others” is necessarily a malicious act. What if you’re just shy?

    Or if the person you’re avoiding is a piece of shit?

    1. Or has BO?

      1. I would avoid Michelle at all costs. I want to keep all my limbs.

        1. Well, it IS advisable to let the wookie win.

  22. Why are religion or personal beliefs considered different things? All religion is is a belief system, and it is open to criticism just like anything else. You can’t fucking wave the religion wand and use it to shut down opposition you fuckin pieces of shit.

    Religion, Politics, Social Circles, etc, are a choice. They aren’t your sex or race or disability which you have no control over

    1. You can’t fucking wave the religion wand and use it to shut down opposition

      Citation needed.

      1. Does the wand look like an AK-platform rifle? Cause seems to me those are very, very efficient wands.

        1. +1 thing that goes up.

    2. They aren’t your sex or race or disability which you have no control over[.]

      In our postmodern world, is that really true?

      1. As I’ve told progs who have tried to say that, since I’m an evil white male oppressor: You can’t just will yourself to be a different race, sex, disability, etc. If you can, there’s no need to have any law protecting you since it’s a choice.

        Yeah, I have cerebral palsy and I’ll just identify as not having it. That’s how that works

    3. All religion is is a belief system, and it is open to criticism just like anything else. You can’t fucking wave the religion wand and use it to shut down opposition you fuckin pieces of shit.

      Considering they are SJW types, I would assume they don’t mean ‘religion’ when they say religion. I assume they mean Islam. Christians can probably go *expletive* themselves.

    4. Well, to a religious person they are different because religious beliefs are God’s beliefs, not personal beliefs.

      1. Actually, I’d say it’s precisely the opposite. To, say, a Christian, Jesus being God isn’t a ‘religious belief,’ it’s just the truth, like 2+2=4. Arguably, belief in a deity could be entirely rooted in one’s beliefs about cosmology rather than ‘religion’ (for example, to a non-religious deist). What makes a belief ‘religious’ as opposed to ‘philosophical’, like what makes a belief ‘political’ rather than ‘scientific’, is determined not by the nature of the belief itself but by the cultural context in which is expressed and how the imaginary lines happen to be drawn between different ‘realms’ of thought.

    5. You can’t fucking wave the religion wand and use it to shut down opposition

      Gaia-ists, like Michael Mann, disagree. As does any adherent of the SJW Colour Wheel Religion who worships The State.

    6. Religion is not a choice for most people.

  23. It goes without saying, but Fuck ‘Cuse!

    Q: Why do they teach sex ed and drivers ed on the same day in Syracuse? A: To give the moose a break.

    1. What terrible college did you go to? Georgetown or UConn?

      1. Hoya Saxa baby!

        Except our basketball is trash this year…

        1. Hey, ours too! *cries*

          1. And we still beat y’all!

            And didn’t lose to St. John’s…at home…by 35…

  24. Oooh. I’ve got an alumni event to go to in a couple of weeks. May have to make a choice comment or two.

    1. See if you can’t get them to drop “alumni” from the event. It’s pretty SEXIST!

  25. I was surprised to read that weight wasn’t a protected class, with the body positivity movement and everything. BUT DON’T YOU DARE MAKE ANY COMMENT ABOUT ANYONE’S BODY.
    Seems like avoiding interaction with others would be the solution, not the problem.

    1. They’re eliminating that solution. Any solution that does not involve them telling you how to act, think, breathe, exist… is unacceptable.

      1. You could almost say they are moving towards a…Final Solution

        1. You know who else…

          1. ….could almost say…..

  26. “political affiliation,”

    Ha ha ha. Yeah right.

  27. Father’s day, the most confusing day in the ghetto.

    I guess this is a good place to post these. Because you know, I’m mature:

    Why can’t you play Uno with a Mexican? They steal all the green cards.

    Why is there cotton in pill bottles? To remind black people that they were cotton pickers before drug dealers.

    How can you tell when the Mexicans have moved into your neighborhood? The Blacks get car insurance.

    What did the little Mexican boy get for christmas? My bike.

    I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, “Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!” I said, “Wow!” Then her friend said, “She means 666-3629.”

    1. A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”

      1. Reporter: “Excuse me, may I interview you?”
        Man: “Yes!”
        Reporter: “Name?”
        Man: “Abdul Al-Rhazim.”
        Reporter: “Sex?”
        Man: “Three to five times a week.”
        Reporter: “No no! I mean male or female?”
        Man: “Yes, male, female… sometimes camel.”
        Reporter: “Holy cow!”
        Man: “Yes, cow, sheep… animals in general.”
        Reporter: “But isn’t that hostile?”
        Man: “Yes, horse style, dog style, any style.”
        Reporter: “Oh dear!”
        Man: “No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch.”

        1. I’m on a troll roll:

          Q: Why do black people hate country music?
          A: Because when they hear the word “hoedown” they think their sister got shot.
          – See more at:…..IyJco.dpuf

          /downs ‘nother shot of bourbon.

          1. You have to stop. I’m getting the vapors.

            1. Did you mean to link to Truly Tasteless? But instead, linked to your favorite song?

              1. Yes, and no.

                My favorite song right now is this

        2. Why do they call camels the ships of the desert?

          Because they are full of Arab Semen.

          1. Wow, Zebulon, you do have a sense of humour! I’m glad to see you cleared that hump….

    2. *reports Rufus to Bias Action Team*

    3. Why are black people so fast? All the slow ones are in jail.

      There’s a Mexican and a black guy in a car, who’s driving? The cop.

      But my favorites are the Hellen Keller jokes.

      Have you ever seen Hellen Keller’s house? That’s OK, neither did she.

      Why couldn’t Hellen Keller drive? She was a woman.

      How did Hellen Keller burn her hands? Trying to read the waffle iron.

      How did Hellen Keller’s parents punish her? By rearranging the furniture and putting a plunger in the toilet.

      1. What did the homeless man get for Christmas?

        What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for his birthday?

      2. True fact: Recently they were selling Helen Keller brand sunglasses here in Taiwan. The sign came down after about a week.

        1. This is from 1999, but it’s a classic.

        2. Isn’t Taiwan where they had the Nazi themed costume party?

          I’m beginning to like the Taiwanese.

      3. Can’t remember who, might have been Jonah Goldberg, made the following observation: You know, a lot of people don’t realize that Helen Keller wasn’t just blind, she was color blind as well.

  28. It is not enough to say you love big brother, you actually must come to love big brother.

  29. It seems like the act of reporting a bias incident would qualify as a bias incident. Can you report yourself for that?

    1. I’m sorry comrade, but you have been arrested for Crimethink

    2. All bias incidents recursively report themselves on the “anonymous bias incident reporting tool” at Robby’s link.

      I (and probably about half of Syracuse students) am trying not to waste the rest of the night trolling the living shit out of whoever is on the other end of that tool, btw.

      Right thread.

  30. So… excluding students from participating in the social ritual of communal intoxication on account of their age is a bias incident?

    1. All bias incidents recursively report themselves on the “anonymous bias incident reporting tool” at Robby’s link.

      I (and probably about half of Syracuse students) am trying not to waste the rest of the night trolling the living shit out of whoever is on the other end of that tool, btw.

  31. using the phrase “no homo” (does anyone even say that anymore?),

    That depends. How does this video make you feel?

    1. I think you crossed links.

      Gilmore is cross eyed.

        1. Please, Hammer….

        2. He is capable, believe it. Lemon juice in the eye is painful.

  32. Punishable by bite from Obama’s dog.

  33. 12-year-old boy demands chicken nugget at gunpoint

    “It wasn’t all bad:”

    The girl smacked the gun away from her head and told the boy to leave her alone. Police took the boy into custody on Wednesday after the girl reported the incident to school officials.

    1. No name or picture. The kid’s obviously not white.

      It’s sad we think that, but it’s true. Like whenever there’s a crime by a muslim migrant in London it’s immediately covered up or not apparent who it is. But the second it’s a white guy you know.

      Whenever there’s a scandal, if it’s a Republican, you know 10 times in the article that it was a Republican. If a Democrat, they may not even mention the party at all

    2. The girl smacked the gun away from her head and told the boy to leave her alone.

      now i understand why crime has dropped so precipitously in NYC.

        1. “Don’t make me assume my ultimate form!”

  34. What should Sean King’s new name be?
    I suggest Talcum X.

    Saw that in a youtube comment. I larfed.

    1. Discussed in a previous thread by Gilmore. Yes, that name wins the internet.

  35. The Syracuse Standard. Would make a good acronym.

    1. Acronyms are pronounced as words. SS would be an initialism or an abbreviation. Unless you pronounce it “siss”.


      1. That explains why people look at me funny when I pronounce “FBI”.

        1. I get weird looks sometimes when I refer to them as Famous But Incompetent.

          1. I need one of those Federal Booby Inspector shirts

            1. It’s a deadly job, but somebody’s gotta do it….

              1. Where do you find this stuff, doc?

  36. Are the Lewd Allegations Against Trump Just a Prank by 4Chan Trolls?

    Allegations of connections between Russia and Donald Trump published by Buzzfeed have gone viral, especially the unsubstantiated calumny about Trump allegedly paying prostitutes to have a “golden shower” party in his posh Moscow hotel room.

    But some on the Internet are now saying that this wild story was all started on the Troll site 4chan and sent as a prank to GOP strategist and outspoken Trump-hater Rick Wilson.

    On November 1st one 4chan user wrote, “So they took what I told Rick Wilson and added a Russian spy angle to it. They still believe it. Guys, they’re truly fucking desperate ? there’s no remaining Trump scandal that’s credible.”

    “Because I told them the source was the GOP coup,” answered the first user. “I never even hinted at where they had gotten from. The Russian spy shit is 100% organic extra layered bullshit they themselves thought up. I still can’t believe how retarded these people are.”

    1. The media have had this stuff for… what, months and months?

      It seems it was all opposition-research done by this guy on behalf of democrats (and before that, competing republicans in the primaries)

      Apparently after Trump won the primary he shopped it around to everyone who might be interested, and no one would bite because it was just too baseless and stupid. But apparently all it takes is someone from the “intel community” to say that they looked at it and acknowledged its existence that it suddenly finds a method to see ‘validated’.

      1. * and i think that NPR story (shocker) is remiss on some of the facts as well.

        GG @ the intercept sums everything up

        Back in October, a political operative and former employee of the British intelligence agency MI6 was being paid by Democrats to dig up dirt on Trump (before that, he was paid by anti-Trump Republicans). He tried to convince countless media outlets to publish a long memo he had written filled with explosive accusations about Trump’s treason, business corruption and sexual escapades, with the overarching theme that Trump was in servitude to Moscow because they were blackmailing and bribing him.

        Despite how many had it, no media outlets published it. That was because these were anonymous claims unaccompanied by any evidence at all, and even in this more permissive new media environment, nobody was willing to be journalistically associated with it. As the New York Times’ Executive Editor Dean Baquet put it last night, he would not publish these “totally unsubstantiated” allegations because “we, like others, investigated the allegations and haven’t corroborated them, and we felt we’re not in the business of publishing things we can’t stand by.”

        1. Don’t read the comments.

          1. They’re usually “not terrible”

            an example =

            January 12 2017, 6:15 p.m.

            Drumpf is NOT duly elected. He only “won” the election because of the electoral college, which got created to maintain slavery.

            The talking orange may offer lip service to better relations with Russia, but you can bet money that he’ll anger Moscow almost immediately (never mind that he endorsed the invasion of Iraq).
            ? Reply

            Doug Salzmann ? Lee
            January 12 2017, 6:20 p.m.

            Just let us know which other provisions of the Constitution you find fatally flawed and we’ll erase them for you.

            Sheesh. ;^)
            ? Reply

            Silly ? Doug Salzmann
            January 12 2017, 7:47 p.m.

            lee: “screw that whole piece of paper”

            ? Reply

            AtheistInChief ? Lee
            January 12 2017, 7:53 p.m.

            You’re the kind of person that’s going to ensure that the democrats lose again, and again, and again.

            Accept your loss. Come to terms with the fact than an Orangutan beat your Queen, whom you wanted to anoint. She lost because she’s the worst politician under the sun. She lost because she has no connection whatsoever with the average person.

            It’s not difficult for me to say that Trump is a total idiot. But Hillary is even worse. She’s dumber than sand.

            Take your medicine. Stop crying.
            ? Reply

            basically, for every gibberish spewing lefty, there’s 2-3 people telling them that they’re the reason Trump got elected. And they’re right.

      2. My local news drones are still reporting this as straight news.

    2. Just went to 4chan to see what it is. The aesthetics are awful, but this made me laugh.

  37. If you’re going to be boarding a private jet with a bunch of important clients, and if that private jet has no bathroom (save for a tiny toilet underneath one of the seats but still inside the main cabin), be very, very sure that your bowels are completely voided before boarding.

    1. It’s the damn coffee.

      1. I wonder if the cabin altitude doesn’t have a lot to do with it. Most commercial passenger jets are pressurized to about 8000 MSL, and I know some high-end private jets are pressurized to a much lower altitude. But if you’ve got a gut full of pressurized Dinty Moore straining against your sphincter, you want all the ambient pressure you can get.

    2. I was on a very small private jet once. (cabin seated 4 and the rest was all luggage) It had an enclosed toilet cabin

      sounds like someone translated an urban-myth story i heard in the 1990s about “awkward situations where you really need to shit”. The one i heard was about a guy who goes out to eats sushi on a hot date, then goes back to her place and realizes he’s having a bowel emergency, and has nowhere to go except her tiny 1 br toilet…. yadda yadda yadda

      in fact, wasn’t that a seinfeld episode?

      1. in fact, wasn’t that a seinfeld episode?

        I can’t remember, as I never got into the show that much, but there was a movie a few years back with Ben Stiller and Jennifer Aniston with a scene similar to that (though I think they’d gone to an Indian place).

        1. Ghandi’s Revenge…

          1. He still wound up getting the girl, as I recall, so Ghandi was foiled 🙂

            1. Aniston? Yechh…. Talk about a Booby Prize indeed….

              Only with a shovel and a garden rake, that one.

              1. Aniston? Yechh

                You are dead to me, sir!

      1. Interesting if true.

        Probably not true, but still funny. I will never, ever outgrow bathroom humor.

    1. That was pretty funny.

  38. My wife has been painstakingly drilling my daughter on her tennis project for French class for the past hour. All I hear is my nonchalant kid drive her disciplined mother nuts with her odd humorous commentary.

    As I walk into the kitchen she spots me and breaks into an imitation of Trump giving the presentation and says, ‘help me make tennis great again.’

    I love that kid. My wife is not impressed with me at the moment.

    1. I was going to ask “Who the hell wants to learn French?”, but then I saw who was posting this comment.

      1. He has to – in Quebec you can abort a pregnancy up til the age the fetus learns French.

  39. Syracuse. The city in New York that EVERYONE avoids. I can see why they have such an inferiority complex about that. That and they can’t play sports. Someone needs a wedgy.

    1. Jim Boeheim?

    2. Had a girlfriend from Buffalo when I lived in Denver. She’d always tell people she was from NY. Of course I’d say, “Yeah, she’s from Buffalo.” She fucking HATED that. Should’ve been a red flag but her big titties blinded me to her being such a lying cunt. She was fag hag that loved hanging out with the gay guys at work so it was a bit odd that she dated a metal head like myself. Anyways, it was one of her male gay friends that I hardly knew that pulled me aside one day and told me about her extracurricular activities.

      1. Least you got to play with her boobies

        1. Only because he tricked her into it….

          1. Nice:)

        2. True. And I’m sure they look like Grapefruits in a pair of nylons today.

  40. Maybe when I retire, I’ll go back to college and get all the administrators fired for micro-aggressions as a hobby.

  41. “Yiannopoulos appearance at Cal jeopardized by security-fee spat”
    “”If it were Bernie Sanders and it was happening in the same place at the same time, the cost would be exactly the same for the host organization,” Mogulof said, adding that the campus may not set fees with the intention of blocking the event.”…..854504.php

    I have no idea whether they are playing games or not.

    1. Something tells me they would find a way to accommodate Sanders. Maybe bake the security fee into his speaking fee. I rather doubt the university is coughing up money to pay for Yiannopoulos’ time.

      Then again, it’s difficult to imagine that Bernie engenders anywhere near the same threat from those scumbag campus lefties.

    2. I guess the reporter could have gone through records of past appearances by lefty celebrities and seen what the security fees were.

      But would the security people actually anything against disruptors, or would they be like at some other campuses where the disruptors got on stage and messed with the speakers while the security people sat around pounding their puds?

    3. My security fee is .357

  42. “Obama moves to protect California coastal wilderness areas”
    “I have sought to build a more inclusive National Park System and ensure that our national parks, monuments and public lands are fully reflective of our nation’s diverse history and culture,” Obama said.”…..854440.php

    “Protects”. I think that means ‘you can go there’.
    I’m ignoring his clap-trap about ‘diversity’. That’s typical proggy crap; ‘agree with me and you’ll be included in ‘diverse’.

    1. I think that means ‘you *CAN’T* go there’.

  43. According to theDaily Mail, ‘Sworn Donald Trump enemy John McCain admitted Wednesday that he passed the dossier of claims of a Russian blackmail plot against the president-elect – calling it ‘what any citizen should do’.

    1. Missing the comment, I read that somewhere else. Have to wonder if the old fart is beginning to lose it.

      1. Beginning!?

      2. He lost it a while ago.

        1. I see I’m behind the curve, here.

    2. Yeah, he passed it to the FBI. Someone inside passed the “dossier” on to others. He’s still a scumbag.

  44. “Vegan woman denied Swiss citizenship ‘for being annnoying'” (sic)
    “Town authorities reportedly wished to grant Holten citizenship, but 144 of 206 residents voted against it, citing her blatant disrespect of cultural customs. Holten has actively protested the tradition of pig-racing, as well.”…..854310.php

    1. Obtaining Swiss citizenship is difficult, with 20 percent of citizens being foreigners. Local residents often have a say in granting citizenship, rather than the federal government.

      Anti-Federalist teabagging Swiss.

      1. Mixed feelings; when does ‘shunning’ turn into coercion?

        1. Ask Syracuse.

        2. Mixed feelings for me, too. Welfare state, taxes, freedom of movement, etc. The local tyrant is preferable to the distant tyrant. Usually.

      2. The eye gaze narrowing test usually washes out many of the applicants.

    1. Just finished. Wow oh wow was their complaint crushed.

      1. They’re going to owe a lot of fucking money

        1. There’s an interesting tidbit in the comments pertaining to Buzzfeed’s potential liability re: pissgate. IANAL but AFAICT, if the “report” is provably slanderous, Buzzfeed is likewise liable for reprinting if, whatever their hedges.

    2. “Not every statement one can utter is protected by the First Amendment; some statements are genuinely defamatory and outside legal protection.”

      I don’t think A-1 is in any way related to ‘legal protection’.

      1. Sevo’s always getting to the meat of the matter.

        1. Gonna presume my sarc meter is calibrated and this is serious.
          There is no ‘protected speech’ any more than there is a ‘protected press’. “Congress shall make no law..” in no way protects anything; it prohibits government action. Period.

          1. He’s just being saucy

            1. Sevo’s not content rubbing salt in, he has to go for something extra. Maybe it’s just done too well for his liking.

              1. Salt in the wound it deserves.

                1. And a good measure of garlic and rosemary.

                  1. Only on the lam.

                    1. In all honesty I love a good rosemary crust. A bit of horseradish on the side. But primarily a good, bloody bit of steak. That rib roast I did for Christmas turned out superb. The guy was right, bake it to the temperature you like, broil on the crust afterward. Perfectly succulent, ruby red throughout, tender and moist with a caramelized skin. 10/10, would lazily bake again.

    3. I love it. It was a setup from the start.

  45. “Did Mel Gibson and Vince Vaughn Hate Meryl Streep’s Speech? Twitter Thinks So”
    “Fox News host Tucker Carlson called Streep’s speech “the least courageous thing you can do,” because she was simply saying what the room full of “rich Hollywood liberals” want to hear. Carlson must have missed the reactions of Gibson and Vaughn.”…..845110.php

    Yeah, because those two represent a real threat to Streep.

    1. They’re really desperate to find a reason to hate badthinking people, aren’t they. I’m willing to bet Gibson and and Vaughan were just straining to get a look down the blouse of the woman in front of them.

  46. More black on white violence. At the White House, ironically.…..iclerecirc

    1. The attack is out of character for Portuguese Water Dogs, who are usually considered by dog breeders to be good for family households.

      Considering it’s in the Obama household, I’m surprised it took that long for it to snap.

  47. I saw someone thinking bad thoughts AND he was avoiding me. He really hurt me. Sob.

    1. Shut up, fatty!

    2. Yeah, but was his hair perfect?

  48. Its seems that the solution to all these problems at institutions of higher learning could be solved if only they returned to their medieval roots as monasteries-no sex, everyone wear a robe, silence at all times.

    1. if only they returned to their medieval roots as monasteries-no sex, everyone wear a robe, silence at all times

      – 1 Carmina Burana

  49. I assume they meant making disparaging comments on social media, avoiding others because of their other-ness, etc. but they are too shitty at writing to realize they are being ambiguous.

  50. Someone mentioned opera the other day (browser, not Puccini)

    its good. does anyone know if Reasonable or FASCR work w/ it? it said something about being ‘chrome-based’. i tried goin to the Chrome webstore and it say no joy. I presume i could run greasemonkey or some other script host, but was wondering if there’s just an extension that works.

    1. it works w/ Tampermonkey & greasonable

      1. sort of. the html buttons just vanished after refresh. but its probably something i did

        1. Now they’re back again. say hey. ho. hay. ho.

          1. oh, but when i click them, they just submit the post instead of editing text
            (shrug emoji)

      2. Opera, though. Isn’t that mostly a Mac thing? At least I think I used it for awhile when I first bough my iMac back in the day.

        1. . Isn’t that mostly a Mac thing?

          i don’t know. My mac ownership days (~2006-2010) were short lived and unpleasant, to be honest. Gen1 macbooks overheated like a motherfucker.

          i had opera on a phone as an alt-browser for a while. it was ok. this (desktop browser) is better. Its basically like Chrome (and i think its based on chrome) with some slight tweaks to the architecture that make it more intuitive for longtime Firefox users. It also has integrated free VPN for trrnts, native security & adblockers, some other interesting features (like integrated youtube features which would otherwise require add-ons).

          Its also very fast and seemingly light on resources. FF was having occasional memory-leaks on me recently.

          i would like to find some Reasonable/FASCR solution that works. Greasonable seems spotty.

    2. I used it for several years and it works just fine. While I (currently) prefer Firefox, I appreciated the portability of Opera (you could link devices on an Opera account and share things like bookmarks between devices).

      No problems with speed or bugginess.

  51. “Passing driver kills man attacking Arizona trooper on road”
    “My trooper would not be alive without his assistance,” DPS Director Frank Milstead said of the driver who stopped.
    Arizona has a “defense of third person” law that allows someone to use deadly force against another who is threatening or injuring a third person. It was not unusual that the passing driver was armed in this gun-friendly state with loose regulations.”…..852593.php

    “Loose regulations”. IOWs, admitting that A-2 says what it says.

    1. admitting that A-2 says what it says

      Welp, I’ve got nothing to say about that.

    2. I’m not sure what they mean by ‘loose regulations’.

      Guns in Arizona are quite definitively regulated and the regulations strictly enforced. There’s nothing loose about them. They are clearly laid out and there’s not a lot of room for interpretation of their meaning. We don’t have *any* loopholes in our gun laws.

      1. Laws are like corsets, if you can still breathe, they’re too loose.

  52. test



  53. Bias means treating someone negatively. . .

    Your bias is showing.

  54. No avoiding people? If you like someone, isn’t the best thing to do simply to avoid them? How can you be punished for avoiding someone?

    1. Silly rabbit = If rules were so easily understood, they couldn’t be enforced capriciously

  55. So, this means I can report lesbians as being bigots for not sleeping with me, right?

  56. For 299 comments I avoided this post. REPORT ME.

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