Kurt Loder Movie Reviews

Movie Review: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

Felicity Jones in a galaxy not all that far away…

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Star Wars
Walt Disney Studios

Officially positioned as a stand-alone tale, Rogue One nevertheless accomplishes a nifty thing within the official Star Wars movie canon. The picture fits snugly into the space between the end of the third Star Wars prequel, Revenge of the Sith, and the beginning of A New Hope, the first film in the franchise. So if you've ever wondered where Princess Leia got those Death Star plans from, well, here you go. Hope I'm not spoiling anything.

The movie brings together a number of fine actors—Felicity Jones, Riz Ahmed, Mads Mikkelsen, among others. Unfortunately, it brings them together in this movie, which offers little opportunity for them to flesh out their roles, to draw us to them. The picture has no personality. There are no high spirits, no lovable character quirks or easygoing byplay of the vintage Han-and-Leia or Han-and-Chewy variety. And what with the sometimes gloomy visual design, the movie's not a lot of fun.

Once again we're in a faraway galaxy in which the forces of the Empire are oppressing everybody and the plucky members of the Rebel Alliance are fighting back, although with dwindling determination. There's talk of the Empire working on some sort of super-weapon—the celebrated Death Star, of course—and we're told that it's being designed, under duress, by a tech mastermind named Galen Erso. Galen's daughter, a young woman of vague feistiness named Jyn (Jones) is recruited by the Rebels to, as we eventually learn, find her dad's Death Star plans. (This part of the plot is aimed at solving a conceptual flaw that has bedeviled the Death Star ever since we first saw it, back in 1977. But I'll say no more.)

Jyn quickly finds herself in charge of a team. There's her designated squeeze Cassian Andor (Diego Luna), a Rebel soldier, who might be more interesting if Luna and Jones had some romantic chemistry, which they don't. (And they aren't granted even the most chaste of cuddly moments until the very end of the picture.) Then there's Chirrut Îmwe (Hong Kong martial-arts star Donnie Yen), a sort of blind Zen archer character who is an adept of the Force and can blow away Bakelite-plated stormtroopers literally without even looking. Chirrut also has a hulking buddy named Baze Malbus (Chinese film star Jiang Wen), likewise a butt-kicker, but of humbler, or at least more inscrutable, talents. Also pretty hazy is Bodhi Rook (Ahmed), a defected Empire pilot who's now gone over to the Light Side (or something like that).

Fortunately, this disparate little group is held together by K-2SO (Alan Tudyk), a sort of pre-C-3PO droid, complete with fussy Brit accent, who gets most of the best lines provided by screenwriters Chris Weitz and Tony Gilroy. (Jyn is touched when K-2SO tells her, "I'll be there for you." But then he adds, "The captain said I had to.") Tudyk often seems to be having more fun than anyone else in the movie.

Like anyone, I'm always happy to re-encounter doomy Darth Vader (not least because he always brings with him the voice of James Earl Jones). But I don't think it should take quite so long (134 minutes) for these Rebels to lay hands on the Death Star plans. And I wish the scenery along the way weren't so entirely unsurprising. There's the usual planet travelogue, from Wobani to Yavin 4 to Scarif —the latter resembling a Caribbean vacation getaway (it's actually located in the azure waters of the Maldives). And there's the usual complement of froggy space creatures, and the usual overabundance of very video-game-y CGI. Once again the skies are filled with X-wings and TIE Fighters and their attendant explosions, while towering Walkers clomp around below.

Worse than the movie's lack of fresh excitement is the return of a character from the first Star Wars film: Grand Moff Tarkin. You'll recall that Tarkin was the commander of the Death Star, and that he was played by the English horror star Peter Cushing. You may also be aware that Cushing died in 1994. And yet here he is, digitally resurrected: walking, talking, scowling—a creepily reanimated corpse blithely degrading a much-loved actor. Clearly there are worse things than death: this is one of them.

Director Gareth Edwards (the 2014 Godzilla) knows how to stage action, and he stages a lot of it here. He definitely keeps the picture moving. It's just not going anywhere new.

NEXT: How Ayn Rand-like is the Trump Administration Shaping Up to Be?

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  1. I think this reciew is a little harsh. We were promised a Star Wars war movie and got a Star Wars war movie. And yes, most of those rag tag bunch of fighters tropes come along for the ride.

    Although if you didn’t KNOW what the real consequence and payoff of the stolen plans really was the ending of this movie would feel a lot different.

    1. We were promised a Star Wars war movie and got a Star Wars war movie.

      At this point, that might be the problem.

      1. It is indeed the problem.

        Seriously – if they didn’t say ‘Star Wars’ on the poster, Ep1 would have been considered a throw-away sci-fi movie like ‘Lockout’ and Ep 2,3,7, and 8 have followed that pattern. The only good thing you can say about 7 and 8 are that they are better directed than 1-3.

        1. 8 isn’t even finished yet.

          Was 7 better directed? Take away Harrison Ford, and ease off the member berries, the other actors had zero charisma and chemistry. The only guy working was the emo tard villain and even that was pretty embarrassing.

          1. 4,5,6 were the original. 7 was ‘The Force Awakens’ and 8 is ‘Rogue One’.

            1. The droids had incredible chemistry.
            2. Hamil – yeah, he kinda sucked in the first one. Is pretty decent in the other two.
            3. The whole supporting cast, from Fisher to the the senior military in the meeting with Tarken to Tarken himself to Vader. Even Kenobi does a good job even though Guiness considered it a bullshit movie being done for a paycheck.

            The first three are genuinely good movies – even RoTJ. The second three are not. 7 and 8 aren’t *bad* by modern standards, they just don’t stand out *except* for the Star Wars on the poster. If it weren’t for the member berries, no one would care about these two movies *at all*.

            1. Rogue One isn’t 8 though.

            2. Gotcha, totally agree. I was talking about the terrible, wooden acting of the ‘The Force Awakens”. The prequel trilogy has some genius acting thru out.

              Really the biggest acting change in the original trilogy over all the movies, is Hamil’s performance in Empire, he pulls off two very impressive performances opposite nothing but a puppet or a guy in black face mask. Whole chunks of Empire are solely dependent on his believability in grounding the gimmicks. That’s what Kerschner helped bring, but even thru Jedi with a different director Marquand (who many claim was completely sidelined by Lucas), Hamil does a great job.

            3. As noted by Lost Gen, “Rogue One” isn’t Episode VIII. It’s the first of the “A Star Wars Story” films (hence the title is “Rogue One: A Star Wars Story,” not “Star Wars: Rogue One”), which are intended to tell stories set in the Star Wars Universe, but in different styles than the main, numbered episodes, which are generally referred to as the “Saga” films.

          2. The first half was a third rate star wars flick. The middle was filler. The last part was a by-the-numbers heist film. The rest was just minutiae thrown in for fans.

  2. a Rebel soldier, who might be more interesting if Luna and Jones had some romantic chemistry, which they don’t.

    Somehow the brother-sister romance has been the only thing to catch a spark in the whole series.

    1. I don’t know – Han and Chewie . . .

      And its obvious that Han and Leia boned at least once in Ep4 off-camera. And probably again in 5. That’s what leads to all that interplay between them onscreen – she’s embarrassed to admit that she’s attracted to a lower-class douchebro.

      Side-note – The Princess Diarist comes out and the internet freaks the fuck out because Fisher fucked Ford. Well, duh! It was the 70’s, she was a hot little 19 year old and Ford wasn’t exactly hard on the eyes either (no homo). I’m more surprised she didn’t bang Hamil, Mayhew, Lucas, *and* Baker – at the same time.

      1. +1 Bweee-ooop!

      2. I think there’s a porno cartoon of that somewhere…

    2. Which, if the title options that present themselves every time I browse the free sites are any indication, presaged 21st century porn obsessions by 40 years

  3. Reviewer, tear this movie apart until you find those characters! And bring me all producers… I want them alive!

    1. This franchise’s getting worse all the time…

  4. based on the picture alone, I’m imagining some weird bondage robot sex film.

    1. I imagine that robot thigh gap is triggering for a lot of people.

    2. now that I’d pay to see…

  5. After the election of Trump one of the writers tweeted out the Empire is explicitly white supremacist organization

    1. BOTH of them, actually. Which is why, if I do end up seeing this (very iffy), it will be in an…. shall we say…. unconventional manner.

      1. God forbid that film writers have an opinion….

    2. The empire is strictly a human organization, why you see aliens fighting for the rebellion but no aliens for the empire

      1. Untrue. The Empire uses alien spies as established early on in A New Hope. One on Tatooine reports to a detachment of Vader’s Stormtroopers, thus sending them to Docking Bay 94.

        1. Actually, it is true. And this has been the case from the outset. It’s not some new Liberal plot, either. It was explained by Timothy Zahn in his Heir to the Empire series (which was authorized by Lucas as episodes 7-9 way back in 1992). Essentially, the Emperor is a racist towards humans. The other species are chattel to be used at will, which is why there are all sorts of non-humans in the employ of the Empire, but none ever wear the uniform.

  6. It’s just not going anywhere new.

    Imagine that, a story that everyone knows the ending of having nothing new to offer.

    1. THIS is why Hillary lost.

      1. THIS is why we can’t have nice things…

  7. The picture has no personality. There are no high spirits, no lovable character quirks or easygoing byplay of the vintage Han-and-Leia or Han-and-Chewy variety.

    Of course it has no personality, it’s intended to be mass-appeal blockbuster that is more about audience maximization than actual artistic merit. Donnie Yen and Jiang Wen’s casting screams “we need to maximize profits in China because the last film didn’t do well over there’.

    Lucas’ films (mostly) succeeded because it was a weird universe built around his personal love of pulp scifi. They had personality because Lucas actually gave a shit about his personal vision (that and he actually had people to tell him when something was a bad idea, mostly). He tried to do something similar with the prequels and Roman history, but surrounded himself with yes-men. Now the series is in the hands of The Mouse, and it’s not like they’re making new Star Wars movies to expand the universe or make anything substantial. They’re in it for brand recognition.

    1. Lucas’ film succeeded not just because of his personal love of pulp–sci-fi but (mostly) because of the large number of people who had ahold of his leash when making Star Wars (and then having someone better direct Empire – hell, IMDB doesn’t even give Lucas a writing credit for that one).

      Though honestly – his problem is that he’s far more interested in the *pulp* part of sci-fi than in anything else.

      1. Lucas had more to do with Empire than is popularly repeated. He had less to do with actual on-set directing, but much more control over virtually every aspect of the movie than Star Wars. Also Kerschner worked directly for him, it’s not like he was acting as some rogue director.

        I think Lucas’s problem was spending too much time with Spielberg, dulled his edge helping that sappy, pandering hack churn out movies. If you can find it, there’s a transcription of the meeting where Lucas and Spielberg hashed out the story for Raiders of the Lost Ark. Its pretty illuminating and clear that 90% of the genius came directly from Lucas. It’s not like guy never turned out terrible stuff, but even that last Indy movie, Spielberg deserves more blame for that train wreck. The decision to film on cheesy, well worn Hollywood back lots than go to interesting places? Spielberg. Riding a nuke in a fridge? Spielberg (had been trying to work that idea into a movie since he heard it in the original Back to the Future script). Shia Laboof? Spielberg.

        1. You’re lying. Why go on the internet and tell lies?

    2. I was 14 when “Star Wars” AKA “A New Hope” first came out. It was for us tail-end Boomers and first-wave GenX types what Elvis and the Beatles had been to earlier generations. We didn’t really care that it wasn’t Shakespeare; it was fun, and had happy endings, and had a badass princess. Mostly, though, they were completely new. Fantasy and science fiction were still considered d?class? genre crap read by losers and old hippies. Movies were “Jaws,” “Rocky,” and 5,000,000 Serious Dramas, which have a place, but so do engaging romps. After Star Wars, people noticed that fantasy and sci fi were respectable literature and “fandom” was a place for the popular kids as well as us nerds. Part of the problems with the later movies was that nothing would ever be that new again.

  8. And, of course, the new movie brings to bear the full weight of tedious social justice politics.

    http://acculturated.com/rogue-…..my-future/

    The thing that’s started to strike me is that this crew really has to make the Empire out to be a bunch of racist white guys. Otherwise, it’s hard to see where they’d have much objection, if any to it.

    1. The Empire is racist in the sense that it’s anthrocentric in a galaxy full of various alien species. The whiteness of the cast has more to do with all the Imperial extras being cast in England in the 1970s where there weren’t many actors of color.

      In any case, making Star Wars more diverse looking as far as casting goes is fine. There really isn’t a reason not to cast men and women of different colors in various background roles. But to repeatedly call attention to it completely defeats the purpose of Star Wars as escapist fantasy since racism is a decidedly human problem that’s better dealt with in movies that take place with actual humans from planet Earth (i.e. Star Trek).

      1. In any case, making Star Wars more diverse looking as far as casting goes is fine.

        To a certain point. But, all of the villains in this movie are white men and all the heroes aren’t. Hell, the writers have pretty much said that it was their intent. At that point they’re intentionally pushing a message.

        1. It IS Disney after all. Darth Mouse never passes up a chance to be the corporate equivalent of Harry Reid (a smug, lying, SJW douche with the subtlety of a bulldozer).

        2. At least in the main movies the First Order gets with the program, they have black and even women! Stormtroopers…

        3. To a certain point. But, all of the villains in this movie are white men and all the heroes aren’t. Hell, the writers have pretty much said that it was their intent.

          And I think Grand Moff is wrong to say it should be left out or ignored. If you’re going to introduce the complexities of Justices Of the Peace raising an army to defend the republic/defeat the Empire, racial purity is a fine footnote.

          At that point they’re intentionally pushing a message.

          And I revel in it. I see far more Darth Vaders, Stormtroopers, and Clones at Halloween than I do Jedi. Lucas (among others)did a decent job fucking them over with regard to this. Both of my boys absolutely loved Obi Wan until he cut Jango’s head off right in front of Boba.

          JJ and possibly Johnson unfortunately, it seems, are going to play along much more nicely.

          1. Both of my boys absolutely loved Obi Wan until he cut Jango’s head off right in front of Boba.

            That might be believable except that it was Mace Windu who did the decapitating. Try again.

            1. Bocce Mother Fucker, do you speak it?

          2. At that point? Lets face it mad.casual, you’ve failed as a parent and now your kids are complete pussies with no morality or conscience. At best they are looking towards a future at the DMV or with communications degrees. Better take away their helmets and send them out to go ride their bikes around before it’s too late.

            Jango was the bad guy. He killed a hot queen chick and then a sorta hot chick, that turned out to be a very-not-sorta hot liqard thing in the first ten minutes, not to mention with his own kid/clone standing there, started a fist fight and a spaceship battle with Obi-wan earlier, before bringing the kid/clone to the evil bug planet gladitory coliseum to watch obi-wan, some emo-guy and Thor’s exgirlfriend get eaten by monsters.

            Also like A Frayed Knot explained, you’re a retard.

        4. It’s only a message if you care what race everyone is. If they’re just individuals, then it doesn’t matter.

          Complaining that all the bad guys are white is just as silly as when SJWs complain that the bad guys aren’t white.

          1. Disney, as they did with TFA, is having its SocJus cake and eating it too. Insane SJW audience members can enjoy the identity politics imagery and symbolism of yet another “strong woman” character and muh POC heroes fighting evil white men. Sane people can take the characters as individuals, despise constant reminders of the phoniness of the marketing and ideology-driven diversity casting.

            If you think this isn’t a problem, watch a few more movies with this same setup (all of them coming soon, from Disney and other studios) and tell me the disingenuous nature of it all doesn’t eventually start to irritate you.

            1. I’m sure a lot of it is calculated. Don’t care. All that matters is whether the characters are good.

              My only gripe in this instance is why they had two movies with young British women that look and sound quite similar. It’s an odd choice, and does feel like shooting their corporate-tested wad too early.

              1. It looks boring as shit, like making a prequel to Die Hard about some chick’s issues behind how the bad guy got the intel about the building’s safe. This is how anal-retentive accountants and MBAs create movie plots, an exciting tale about the unauthorized file transfer. Even the ads heavily feature the average MBAs idea of an exotic location… Hawaii.

        5. Right, but they are just following in the footsteps of Lucas. There are no non-humans in the military structure of the Empire. There never have been. This isn’t some new, re-writing of history by the Mouse. The Empire has always consisted of white men and only white men (Brits at that).

      2. but…Jar Jar Binks!!!!

    2. I imagine the writers believe themselves to part of some artistic revolution against the oppressive culture of the moment.

    3. And leave it to those racist fillmmakers to put the evil white guy on death’s doorstep in a black outer casing.

    4. there are no white ‘men’ in Star Wars.

      There are no ‘men’ at all.

      There are aliens who appear to look like humans but aren’t. They are not like us. Anakin’s mother said that there was no father and no one batted an eye–either parthenogenesis is commonplace or hermaphroditism is.

      The lack is in the human looking casting. Show us more alien aliens..

      1. -1 biological convergence

  9. Do they blow up a Death Star, its not really a Star Wars movie unless they blow up a Death Star?

    The whole Empire’s economy is based around building Death Stars and them getting them blown up and then building another Death Stat.

    1. Have you seen how big those Death Stars are? That’s a massive jobs program! I bet the Empire’s unemployment is at a massive low whenever they’re building one of those.

    2. Broken windows taken to the ulitmate extreme.

      Paul Krugman approves this message.

    3. This latest movie is about illicit file transfers, so it should be right up your alley DJF. Accountants in space!

      Also, your point makes no sense. Why would you assume the Star Wars economy worked any different than our own? We both use the Force and whatever magic/superstition to conjure the economic reality desired.

  10. I think KL hits the nail on the head for the early part of the movie. The movie feels both exposition heavy and unfocused in the first half, but it steadily gains momentum. The last 45mins are pretty great.

    Spoilers ahead, you’ve been warned, don’t keep reading if you don’t want to be spoiled!

    I think the bright outside environment in the final battle helps with that, as does the reintroduction of a few familiar characters, like some of the original fighter squadron that attacks the Death Star in Episode IV. I also really like how this movie basically explains why the Death Star had that ridiculous weakness: it was on purpose! And they mostly pulled off the mix of CGI, reprised, and recast roles. The first scene with Grand Moff Tarkin was pretty impressive, and it was great to finally see Darth Vader in his prime kicking some ass.

    End of spoilers!

    This one felt a bit better than Episode VII, because it was not yet another rehash. It had fresh material, and it kept the fan service to a level that it didn’t ruin the movie. I’d like to see more interstitial films like this if they can pull them off.

    1. That sounds great but did many Bothans die? We were promised the deaths of many Bothans! I bet GCI could do a good Bothan face but it would cost…

      1. A lot of spies, assassins, and scoundrels died, but I don’t remember seeing any Bothans. They must have been in the part before the movie started. They’ll have to do another movie to cover that story (and they probably will).

        1. That’s Death Star II you guys.

          1. Yes it was. I remember killing a bunch of them myself playing Tie Fighter back in the 90’s. They were on board three Corellian blockade runners, and I had orders from the Emperor himself to destroy two of them, but let one of them go. You got bonus points if you got the shields down on the last one (because the rebel scum might smell a rat if they got away too easy), but after I would take down the shields, my AI wingmen would blow it up. It took me forever to finish that mission.

            1. Damn I miss that game!

            2. +1 Circle of the emperor tattoo.

    2. I also really like how this movie basically explains why the Death Star had that ridiculous weakness: it was on purpose!

      The thing is, the thermal exhaust port didn’t need an explanation. Of course it was on purpose.

      1. Doylist – its a MacGuffin. It serves no purpose other than to drive the plot forward and needs no explanationexposition beyond that.

      2. Watsonian – its there to dump waste heat. Because of material/engineering restrictions *in-universe* it must be there and can not remain sealed/shielded/whatever. Maybe you can get away without one but it exists because its a cost-cutting feature and considered (by Imperial analysts) to be a non-issue given the tactical dogma they went into their analysis with. Priors can be a bitch.

      If we’re going to say that the exhaust port was ‘a stupid mistake that needs explaining’ then we would also say that the screens of the original death star (designed for anti-capital ship work and penetrable by fightercraft) was a mistake. And not providing a fleet of escorts was a mistake. And on and on and on.

      1. Obviously it was a MacGuffin in the original movie, but it was nice that they came up with a backstory for it that made sense.

        1. ”Yeah because that was really nagging at me, you know? I always wanted some additional explanation when something isn’t universally impervious.”
          -Said no one ever.

          Next up, the dramatic female issues behind the X-wing targeting computer shortcomings!

    3. Are Porkins and Wedge Antilles in the movie?

      1. Porkins is not. Then there is a scene when they are prepping for battle that someone calls out to an off-screen Capt. Antilles but you don’t see him.. Also, the two leaders of Red and Gold Squadron from the original are CGIed in.

  11. Mads is awesome.

  12. “You may also be aware that Cushing died in 1994. And yet here he is, digitally resurrected: walking, talking, scowling?a creepily reanimated corpse blithely degrading a much-loved actor.”

    What the devil?? South Park’s hologram episode was an accurate predictor of the future??

    1. This utterly mystifies me. There are a dozen British actors who would have been amazing in this role, and several that would have added additional nerd-boners to the whole picture (as did Tudyk) – Bill Nighy, Charles Dance, Christopher Eccleston, Iain Glen, Hugo fucking Weaving all leap to mind.

      1. Hugo Weaving bloody well better be on someone’s list for Designated Evil British Accent in a Star Wars movie, and soon.

        1. rumor a couple years ago was that Weaving despised making the Captain America movie and parted on bad terms. I don’t know if it was just that particular film or the character or the studio that was the problem, but it seems unlikely the mouse house would bring him back when there are plenty of other brits available to chew scenery.

      2. Helen Mirren or Judy Dench?

  13. I’m seeing it tonight. I’m not expecting anything brilliant, but I will likely enjoy it. I’ve definitely seen worse Star Wars movies in theaters.

    Not even talking about Menace. I saw the Clone Wars animated movie in theaters. Now that was an abortion and a half (even though its spin-off show ended up being quite good).

  14. I don’t care what you say I’m going to see this movie just to watch Ip Man kick some ass.

  15. This movie is for people who fucking love science

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    ??????? http://www.Nypost55.com

  17. Looks great (as in, the visuals look on-point), and I am down for a ‘dark’ SW movie. I expect them to fumble the ensemble, and I am afraid the reshoots were about making Jyn more heroic and inspiring (why is this “I rebel” criminal talking about hope and trying to cheer up the idealists?), but it’s got dogfights and stormtroopers and Vader and stuff. And everyone seems to be saying that the climax is enjoyable, so I think I’ll be happy.

  18. Loder is being too much of a cinema snob on this. If you enjoyed the first trilogy for what it was, a space opera Saturday serial, they you will totally enjoy this as what it is, a Dirty Dozen style ’60s war flick. This movie has so much epic Star Wars porn in it.

    1. Agreed.

      The idea that A this should have been some homage to the relationships of the original trilogy character interplay defeats the entire intent.

      This is not a “great” movie, in the cinematic sense, but it is a great Star Wars story. It has some fundamental flaws in that it a bit desperately tries to explain the reasoning for the characters beyond the main 3 Jyn, Cassian and K2SO, but then again it is challenging in a movie that was a one off to not have some flaws of this nature.

      Unlike a serial mini-series such as Band of Brothers, where in an episodic way you peel back the layers of each soldiers character, you have to do it in sprint mode in a movie that is forever designed to be stand alone.

      1. ” forever designed to be stand alone.”

        People keep saying stuff like this.

        This movie directly feeds into ‘A New Hope’.

        It is the ONLY actual prequel.

        It does not ‘stand alone’. It is–quite literally–what we would have seen the week before had Star Wars been an actual serial. The hurrah! ending is only a hurrah ending because we’ve seen the next part and aleready know that Leia gets the plans to the rebels.

  19. What Loder is missing is that this is a story of chaos, desperation and the forgotten people.

    Juxtapose Rogue One and how the plot plays out for the core of protagonists, to the original Star Wars which ends with medals being adorned around Luke Skywalker and Han Solo.

    A big heroic celebration, and yet, those that allowed it, are all but forgotten.

    If you are not a Star Wars fan, this movie will make utterly no sense.

    Much like the strange brew haha about Force Awakens and social justice casting, it is pretty freaking hard to swallow the shallow cries for it here. Luna and Jones do quite well given the shackles of the reality of the script (they were all doing something we knew happened in the fantasy world, just not who they were).

    The story could have been a little tighter, the Rogue One crew perhaps could have been lighter or at least less examined in terms of multiple character depth, but it would be hard to raid an imperial fortress without at least a couple of dozen people realistically.

    It does feel like you can painfully see the re-shoots splicing a bit. Probably could have had a bit more Vader and maybe confronting the key characters, but it was a fun star “wars” movie.

    1. Forgotten people? Go fuck yourself with a sharp stick.

      How about the whole planet of people the Death Star destroyed? None were more oppressed than they, no one suffered more than Alderran. The people who stopped actual genocide got medals from that planet’s surviving princess, who happens to be the adopted minority kid on planet Jimmy Smits. Better call the prog help desk, you’re gotten yourself into a Rainbow Conundrum!

      The ethnic strife is obvious manufactured PC tripe. It also looks really desperate and stupid in a universe full of totally sentient but enslaved robots. Also white people are clearly the minority in the Star Wars universe, and like minorities of our our reality, they are just heavily employed by the government, or Empire in this case. This alone means your SJW analogy doesn’t overlay with Jediville.

      See that up there? Mmm, yeah.
      That’s me fucking the shit out of your stupid premise.

      1. planet’s surviving princess, who happens to be the adopted minority kid

        Well, I guess Leia is half-Jewish, does that make her a minority?

    2. It is a very engaging movie that tells an untold story about the forgotten heroes. I agree.

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  21. Everyone’s fighting certain doom and K-2SO provides most of the comic relief. But it makes sense everybody’s taking it more seriously and not goofin’ around like doofs.

    I loved the tone of the movie… less so, the tone of this review.

  22. Empire Strikes Back has a bit of reputation in Asia for traumatizing young viewers (at the time) when they watched Vader slice off Luke’s hand. Not even the 90’s update edited out Luke’s scream of agony. The iconic “I’m your father” exchange has so much more emotional weight because of that. I watched that film before the advent of youtube and that scene stopped my heart even though I sort of knew it was coming.

    Most Hollywood CB action films now are just adult power ranger shows. No one is in any real danger. Every conflict in resolved in the action set pieces of third act. There’s no suspense, no intrigue, no fun.

    It’s sort of remarkable how, in this age of CGI and more advanced movie technology, the new Star Wars film just endlessly rip off the old ones. ESB had those cool 4 legged tanks and Return of the Jedi had cookies and hover bikes. Is it that hard to come up with a new doomsday device other than the death star?

      1. snowflake

    1. Uh, why would a film that’s specifically about stealing the plans for the first Death Star need to feature a new doomsday device?

  23. Are you kidding me??… did this dipshit writer even SEE the movie before typing this nonsensical drivel???…

    1. I with that I had thumbs up capability on this site. Though dipshit is a little over the top. I agree with your sentiment. It is far better than he reviewed. It is almost like he didn’t see it.

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  25. I disagree with the review. This is in the top 20% of movies. I would say the top 10% of SciFI. It is not great or near great which may be disappointing to Star Wars fans, but it is better than half of the Star Wars Movies and far better than most of what passes for entertainment. It is very good. 3 of 4 stars 3 1/2 of 5 maybe 4 if I am not allowed half stars.. It is the best one since Episode 3. It is not building a cast of characters that we follow. It is meant to tell a story about the forgotten people that we don’t follow. It is the untold story. I enjoyed it very much.

    In spite of the fact that the story is longer than it needs to be, it flowed well. The acting was solid. The story was engaging. The 3 D effects were better than average. If it were the first exposure to Star Wars stories that I had, I would come back for more. It is so much better than Episode 1 which I feared would ruin the Saga. Thankfully they recovered in 2 for a somewhat above average movie and hit a home run with 3. Episodes 4 and 6 were the best. Then 3 followed by 5 in my opinion. Of course 3 may have been even better except that we know so much because we already saw the end that the suspense is lowered. My daughter was too young to (now 18) to have seen the original trilogy so I had her watch them in episode order. That gave a different perspective.

  26. Clearly there are worse things than death: this is one of them.

    So I take it you liked the movie, Kurt?

  27. Horrible review. I saw it this weekend……did you even bother seeing it, Kurt?

    It was outstanding, and I’m more of a Trek than Star Wars fan. To me it was the best SW film yet, eliminating most of the bad acting, nonsensical dialog, and disconnects seen in the others.
    Frankly, I read a lot of reviews before seeing it, and I doubt half of the reviewers even saw the movie. Fake News indeed.

    This is what you get when you lock Lucas out of the studio. Bravo.

  28. if someone called me Grand Moff, I’d get me a death star too…

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