Texas Woman's University 'All-Inclusive, Multicultural' Holiday Party Guidelines Are the Opposite of That

Happy end of fiscal year.

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Holiday
Dmitriy Shironosov

Texas Woman's University would like to help you plan your Christmas party. Er, sorry, your holiday party. Wait, sorry again, your "end of fiscal year" party. There we go. That's better.

The university put out a press release citing the advice of Mark Kessler, a professor of multicultural women's and gender studies at TWU, on proper party etiquette in these culturally sensitive times.

"Consider naming the party, if it is scheduled for December, without using the word 'holiday,'" says TWU. "'Holiday' connotes religious tradition and may not apply to all employees. For educational institutions, a December gathering may instead be called an 'end of semester' party. For a business office, an 'end of (fiscal) year' party may be more appropriate."

I don't mean to go full War on Christmas here, but yikes.

The guidance continues:

  • Try to assemble and include a diverse group of employees in the planning of the party. This would include, as much as possible, non-Christian employees of Muslim, Jewish, Hindu and other religions, as well as non-believers.
  • Avoid religious symbolism, such as Santa Claus, evergreen trees or a red nosed reindeer, which are associated with Christmas traditions, when sending out announcements or decorating for the party. Excellent alternatives are snowflakes, snowmen or winter themes not directly associated with a particular holiday or religion.
  • Avoid playing music associated with a faith tradition, such as Christmas carols. Consider a playlist of popular, celebratory party music instead.

So it's bad and wrong to involve religious tradition in party planning? Okay. But:

  • Plan a menu that does not symbolize a particular religious holiday (for example, red and green sugar cookies shaped like Christmas trees). But don't forget to consider menu items that reflect dietary preferences and requirements of non-majority groups in your organization (e.g., halal or kosher).

Wait a minute. I thought we were supposed to pretend religion doesn't exist at all during the planning of this party. Halal and kosher are dietary restrictions that pertain to certain religious groups. Aren't we suddenly violating the strictly secular nature of our party? Why must we put kosher items on the menu, but leave off Christmas cookies?

Come to think of it, our multicultural holiday party no longer feels very all-inclusive. It actually seems targeted to include certain religious groups and dis-include others.

Perhaps it makes more sense if you have a PhD in multicultural women's and gender studies.

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  1. Perhaps it makes more sense if you have a PhD in multicultural women’s and gender studies.

    There’s that equivocation we know and love!

    1. That’s the reason why I pretended to donate less money that I normally would have pretended to donate!

    2. That’s not even good trolling on Robby’s part. Usually he’s far more subtle.

    3. Well, I guess that’s one way to read that. Instead of as a sarcastic jab at the guidelines like it was probably intended. You read in a equivocation, I read snark.

      1. That’s how I read it too.

        Citizen X’s comment is of similar tone and intent.

    4. Yeah it was snark. Of the “maybe I don’t have a journalism degree from Columbia, but…” variety.

      1. Don’t explain it, Robby! Gosh!

      2. Citizen X is just jealous of the you-know-what

        1. Are you saying Robby has big….hands?

          1. Yuge!

      3. DAMNIT i made my comment before reading yours…I thought i was being original with my degree joke…

        YOU RUINED MY DAY RICO!!!!

        1. The bouffant sneers at your pain.

  2. I am sick of snowflakes and snow and that shit being pushed for winter themed events. I live in Arizona. Winter here is cactus and old people.

    1. It’s not our fault that your climate is objectively wrong for this time of year.

      1. It’s Eurocentric. There are more climate zones than just temperate, you racist.

        1. Not if global warming has anything to say about it!

        2. Would it be climate racist? And is it a micro-geo-aggression?

    2. Everyone must have a Germanic Christmas.

      It is kind of funny how most of the popular symbols of Christmas (in the English speaking world, that I am familiar with) are really specific to northern Europe and for the most part have very little to do with actual Christmas stuff.

      1. As far as I’m concerned, Christians built their holiday atop of the ancient Germanic yuletide holiday. So it’s Christianity shit that doesn’t have to do with actual “Christmas” stuff.

        1. IIRC, historical Jesus was probably born in the Summer and they moved the date of the holiday to winter so they could co-opt Yule.

        2. I mean stuff that actually has to do with commemorating the birth of Christ. Obviously.

          It is all Germanic? I thought a lot came from Roman stuff as well.

          1. It is all Germanic? I thought a lot came from Roman stuff as well.

            Santa has some vaguely Christian origins (see legend of St Nicholas), but Christmas trees, mistletoe, evergreen wreaths, the ornaments and lights (used to be candles), the gift giving et cetera, is pretty much all Germanic. Hell, I bet ugly Christmas sweaters are Germanic too. (I kid)

        3. This!!

          God Yule everyone!!

          1. Yuletide greetings to you as well, good sir.

      2. I thought “SALE” was the most popular Christmas symbol.

    3. I lived in Hawaii for many years. The spray frost on the windows and foil snowflakes dangling everywhere were quite amusing.
      They do get snow in Hawaii, but only on the top of Mauna Kea and sometimes Mauna Loa and Haleakala. A friend of mine was (fo’ real, as they say there) a member of the Hawaii Ski Patrol, since there’s skiing on Mauna Kea some years.

      1. I have to remember to do that next time I’m in Hawaii. Make sure I ski early in the morning, then get to the beach in the afternoon, and have dinner and watch the sunset in Kona.

        1. The snow is manky crap though. Maybe with the right wax it can be skiable corn.

    4. Its also summer to people in Argentina and Australia. These hemospherist bastards need to learn to CHECK THEIR PRIVILEGE!!1!

      1. Definite micro-geo-aggression.

    5. Winter here is cactus and old people.

      My thoughts and Christmas prayers are with you.

  3. Earlier this week I was behind a C.U.V. that had four – yes four – “Keep Christ in Christmas” bumper stickers attached to its rear door.

    John Gibson was right!

    1. What is a CUV? Cuck Utility Vehicle, you cuck?

    2. I want so badly for someone to make bumper stickers and lawn signs for “Keep Thor in Thursday!”
      I’d probably give them out as ‘end of the year celebration party’ gifts.

      1. How dare you disrespect Tiw, Wotan and Frigga.

      2. I’m kind of amazed Disney hasn’t licensed these for promotion of their Marvel movies.

      3. I’m stealing that, Shirl.

      4. There are actually a few of us out there who really do keep the Thor in Thursday ( and yes Sparky, the Tiw (Tyr) in Tuesday, Wotan (Odan) in Wednesday, and Frigga/Freya in Friday)!!

        God Yule!

    3. Bah! What’s with all this “Christmas” stuff anyway. Saturnalia or bust!

  4. I’ll bet the Christians LOVED hearing how Santa and red-nosed reindeer are symbols of their religion.

      1. It is if you make a good enough eggnog.

        1. I find equal parts rum and cognac a nice addition. Bourbon if you’re a purist.

          1. I get rave reviews using Alton Brown’s recipe. Bourbon or bust.

            1. Don’t get me wrong, I love bourbon, but variety is the spice of life.

              1. Fair enough, but during the holidays I gravitate towards tradition. And bourbon is straight up ‘Murica.

            2. Alton Brown’s recipe is the balls. I made 3 quarts on Sept 1. Drank the first in mid-Oct, the second around Thanksgiving. Saving the third for actual Xmas.

          2. That does sound pretty good.

            1. I think the three of us can agree that eggnog without alcohol is an affront to man and god alike.

              1. I guess my opinions don’t matter, just because I didn’t express them, and you don’t know who I am.

                Politics, man.

              2. With the exception of kids 13 and under.

              3. Correct. But, damn if it isn’t a treat with.

  5. “Avoid playing music associated with a faith tradition, such as Christmas carols. Consider a playlist of popular, celebratory party music instead.”

    How about

    -Straight Outta Compton

    -Killing an Arab

    -Funky Cold Medina

    1. It would be a sad day not to include “Christmas with the Devil” from Spinal Tap as part of the seasonal sounds.

  6. ‘Holiday’ connotes religious tradition and may not apply to all employees

    Brits and Canadians visiting the Caribbean will be surprised to hear this. So will anyone talking about the Thanksgiving holiday, Memorial Day holiday weekend, Labor Day holiday weekend, 4th of July holiday….

    1. Holiday literally means holy day. It’s still stupid, obviously.

    2. It’s etymologically based on “holy day”. Which is a problem for sanctimonious liberals.

      Oh wait, I can’t use ‘sanctimonious” for the same reason. hmm…

      1. And virtually every religion has a December holiday.

        1. no, they don’t.

      2. I assume sanctimonious progressive won’t name their kids Christopher. Or Christine. Or Christina.

        I wonder if Jes?s is OK?

        1. It might be the Prog Perfect Future Tense problematic, or the Prog Perfect Post-facto Tense problematic, but never a Prog No True Scotsman Tense problematic, because that’s just a whole new bag of problematic.

      3. I can’t use ‘sanctimonious” for the same reason.

        secumonious?

      4. Lots of words have meanings different from what their etymology or original meaning suggests. “Holiday” is definitely one of those.

    3. So, um, what are we supposed to call people named Christopher? Xopher?

  7. Enjoy it while it lasts Cucks, because starting next year everyone will be saying “Merry Christmas” every day all year long. #makechristmasgreatagain

    1. [Trump_Hotels_Happy_Holidays_Advertisement.jpg]

  8. ‘end of semester’ party

    WHAT ABOUT PEOPLE ON QUARTERS OR TRIMESTERS!!!!!!!!! STOP OTHERING THEM WITH YOUR SEMI-ANNUAL ACADEMIC CALENDAR!!!!!!!!!!!

    ‘end of (fiscal) year’ party

    OUR FISCAL YEAR ENDS IN OCTOBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! STOP OTHERING ME WITH YOUR CALENDAR-YEAR BASED FISCAL ACCOUNTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  9. We had a taco bar potluck and then had the students beat the hell out of a chili pepper pinata with a mini-baseball bat while wearing welding goggles.

      1. Exactly. His brother Jose too.

    1. a taco bar potluck

      “bring whatever you want, as long as they’re tacos”

      1. I think you bring taco ingredients to those things, which leaves a bit of leeway in what can be brought.

  10. red and green sugar cookies shaped like Christmas trees

    Those cookies are baked with more hate than a swastika cake!

  11. Special Day school play composed by Philip Glass.

    1. Just one day?

  12. religious symbolism….evergreen trees or a red nosed reindeer

    The story of Rudolph delivering a fir tree to Bethlehem is my favorite Biblical story.

    1. And I love the story of how Odin Saint Nicholas loved the baby Jesus so much, he brought gifts to all the good Germanic tribal girls and boys.

      1. But what about when Jesus chopped down Yggdrasil? Or when Joseph and Mary kissed under the very same piece of mistletoe that killed Baldr.

        Good stuff there.

  13. as well as non-believers

    I prefer the term “denier”.

      1. three times before the rooster crows?

        1. btw, I always read your name as “Florida Hitler”

          1. Excellent…
            *places finger tips together*

            I might change my handle to that, but Playa would scold me for handle hopping.

            1. Yeah, handle-hopping is bad. Bad.

              1. Leave me alone Junior! Shouldn’t you be out tricking Tonio again?

                1. That’s a PM Links thing.

                  BTW are you a Florida Hipster because you don’t wrestle alligators during a meth binge, or do you only wrestle them while on hand-crafted, locally-sourced, eco-friendly, organic artisanal meth?

                  1. I was florida man for a time and crusty convinced me I have hipster tendencies, so I’m came to terms with being half redneck and half hipster.

  14. This is not a game you can win!

    1. The only way to win is to not play the game.

  15. For a business office, an ‘end of (fiscal) year’ party may be more appropriate.”

    Except for the fact that only some businesses end their fiscal year on 12/31. This entire thing is a ridiculous charade. If you’re having a party in mid-December, everyone knows what it’s about. Calling it a “Mid-Winter Celebration” or whatever the hell you want to go through the pretense of relabeling it doesn’t change that. And virtually every religion has some sort of Holiday in December. Wishing people have a good time isn’t some act of insult.

    1. Technically mid-December is pre-winter, late fall

      1. Fair enough. Then substitute “Whatever Ridiculous Label Celebration” for “Mid-Winter Celebration”.

        1. I prefer to not celebrate anything because inviting people over to eat your food and drink your liquor and leave a mess sounds atrocious.

          1. I’m kind of the opposite. I usually much prefer hosting a party to going to someone else’s party.

            1. Me too. I usually have a party a month. I never go to work parties.

            2. I am an asshole, I think I am the only one capable of throwing a party I am willing to attend.
              I have done all of the following:
              Roasted Crown Rack of Lamb
              Beef Wellington
              Kulibjaka (from scratch and by myself mind you)
              Vinted 12 gallons of wine
              Brewed 10 gallons of beer
              at most (at one time) 9 different appetizers
              Three smoked pork bellies
              Plastic cups are for the kids, Only glass for adults.
              Pelmenie (not quite by myself but mostly)
              Bielashi (meat donuts…these things are awesome and very and for you)

              I find a cheese tray and bucket of bud lite the same as hitler.

              1. Don’t forget the scotch (Laphroig, Lagavulen, Balvenie Doublewood) and cigars (Padron 4000, Oliva Serie G) afterwards.

                1. Looks like someone is angling for the Upperclass Twit of the Year Award.

                  1. Nope, i get drunk and these things, hurt myself and spew vulgarity in a boorish way.

                    My parties are usually not well attended…

                    1. I’ll come. Sounds good.

                    2. Reminds me of an old joke:
                      “ther’l be drinkin”
                      ok
                      “ther’l be some fightin'”
                      ok
                      “ther’l be some fukin'”
                      alright, who all will be there?
                      “just you and me”

        2. Winter Kickoff party

          You could go with Solstice Celebration but that might be problematic since the Solstice is both an areligious astronomical phenomon and the center of most neopagan religions religious calendars.

      2. Technically it’s the dry season.

      3. Pedantic Asshole Party

        1. don’t smear them Sug

    2. And virtually every religion has some sort of Holiday in December.

      Yeah, but it’s still “the holidays” because of Christmas and the feast of the circumcision. Sure, there are some other religions’ holidays in there, but most really aren’t that big of a deal. As I understand it, Hanukkah only gets as much attention as it does because of its proximity to Christmas.

      1. And Christmas got put in December because of Saturnalia. I’d suggest that it’s pretty natural to want to have one last hurrah before the winter truly sets in. In warmer climates, it’s probably not as big a deal and in the Southern hemisphere, I wouldn’t be surprised if there were a festival associated with the summer solstice.

        But, even if you’re not from a culture that has a winter festival, so what? The underlying premise of the festival is an expression of goodwill. No one is inviting Buddhists or Muslims to their holiday party because “fuck them we want to rub their noses in it”. They’re inviting them because they want to share a good time with the person. I’ve had a perfectly lovely time at Hanukkah parties and would probably have no problem whatsoever going to a Muslim’s party to celebrate his or her religious feast.

        1. Muslim’s party to celebrate his or her religious feast.

          Pst. They don’t have booze at their parties. FYI.

          1. No booze?! Cripes! Well, at least they can make up for it if they have some good bacon treats.

            1. Bacon wrapped scallops.

            2. There’s the old story about when pagan Kievan Rus (Russia) was looking for a new religion and invited members of the major Abrahamic faiths. Vladimir rejected the Jews because they had lost their holy land, and it was seen as a failure of their god. Vladimir was very interested in Islam, until they got to the part about no alcohol.

              Christianity it was.

        2. would probably have no problem whatsoever going to a Muslim’s party to celebrate his or her religious feast

          Yeah, right up until the ‘sacrifice an infidel on the altar of Allah’ part.

          /bad joke

        3. Yes, I agree with all of that. Christmas is as popular as it is because it is so inclusive and just because it’s nice to have some fun at the darkest time of year (in the northern hemisphere). An awful lot of people celebrate Christmas in a mostly or completely non-religious way, so it’s hardly as if it’s a case of a dominant culture shoving their religion down everyone’s throat, or anything like that.

          1. This whole post is so Christ-normative it’s disgusting. You should be ashamed.

          2. I was in Singapore just before Christmas a few years back. Orchard Road, one of the main streets in the city, was decorated more spectacularly than anywhere I’ve ever been in the US or Europe.

            According to Wiki, Singapore is only about 19% Christian. Nobody was protesting the celebration.

        4. An Iftar is a beautiful thing if you’re in a Muslim country and haven’t eaten all day because all the cafes and restaurants are closed. And they can be lavish. The one we had in Damascus was fucking amazing, IIRC (it was in 1993, for cryin out loud – don’t ask me what we ate! I know it was way better than the falafel sandwiches we had be subsisting on).

          1. An Iftar is a beautiful thing if you’re in a Muslim country and haven’t eaten all day because all the cafes and restaurants are closed.

            I’m sure. But, you can be damned sure I wouldn’t go around in a huff because they didn’t have any ham available.

            1. Yeah, they more than make up for the lack of pork products with delicious, delicious baby sheep.

              1. Having lived there for six years, I speak with authority that there is no good substitute for bacon.

                Or Italian pork sausage.

                But, yeah, the New Zealand lamb you get there is good.

              2. Lamb beats ham any day.

  16. It actually seems targeted to include certain religious groups and dis-include others.

    Personally, I think this guy is just trying to make himself more relevant in some clique by one-upping his friends on the outrage-meter

  17. Can you imagine being the kind of person that can’t have fun and be merry and enjoy free food & drink because something is labeled “holiday”, or “Christmas”? I’m an atheist, and I’ve had wonderful times at Christmas parties and Iftars.

    1. And my atheist Pa got married (the 2nd time) in a real, honest-to-dog, Christian church and we all had a nice time and did not explode in flames of outrage.

      1. Yeah but you’re not interested in using collective guilt-tripping as a bludgeon against your enemies and a tool for enforcing conformity of thought among your followers.

    2. Some people just love to make themselves miserable. I’m also a non-believer and I quite enjoy Christmas. I might even go to church this year.

  18. Someone without a journalism degree from Columbia stands no chance of grasping the nuance. Sad.

  19. As an atheist, let me say to Dr. Kessler “Go Fuck Yourself.”

  20. Isn’t calling it an end of the fiscal year party discriminatory against those whose fiscal years end in October of July?

    1. Don’t different cultures use different calendars? It may be a beginning of the year party for some people.

      1. X-mas is January 7th

        1. it’s kinda cool, i get two in my house…the tree takes a beating though.

          1. That’s quite a festive euphemism.

        2. I keep thinking that I should start celebrating Orthodox Christmas instead. Then you can do all your shopping and preparation when everything is on sale and the crowds are gone.

    2. Or March. I think a lot of Japanese companies do that, including the one that I work for.

    3. There’s so much more, too. Non-Western calendars. It’s not even fucking December in China, or anywhere else that doesn’t speak English and use the Christian calendar. Or that tons of religions go by lunar calendars, so their holidays don’t fall on the same (colonialist Christian /sarc) dates every year. If Ramadan happens to fall during Christmas season, then what do you do about the fact that they shouldn’t eat between sunrise and sunset?

      These people are literally incapable of lighthearted fun because they’re so afraid of offending someone.

      They remind me of this douche, played by douche Jesse Eisenberg.

      1. Before I read these comment, I never considered how Eurocentric and Islamophobic the celebration of New Year is.

        Obviously such celebrations need to be banned as well. Perhaps that is why Professor Kessler said they were celebrating the “end of the (fiscal) year” even though it coincides with the end of the year as it was defined by Pope Gregory XIII it in October 1582.

  21. Thou shalt not use religious symbolism in your decorations, especially not St. Randolph of the Red Nose.

  22. I never really got why the secular Christmas stuff is religious symbolism for people. Yeah, it’s history, day it’s on blah blah. But for what 30+ years that’s been treated more like a coincidence. I don’t remember any Santa Claus stories about how santa just wants to celebrate some dead guy’s birth. It’s just trees, decorations, eating and gift giving. I was raised Lutheran and I don’t remember the pastor even going on about Santa Claus being part of Christianity.

    You want to celebrate a secular holiday for the holiday season at work? Then Christmas seems like a good choice. Santa, trees, sugar cookies they aren’t in the Bible and aren’t part of Christianity.

    1. Far more likely you will see Christian Fundamentalists being offended by Santa Claus and Rudolph as being secular appropriation of their religious holiday.

      I grew up in a Fundie church and every year we got a sermon on the evils of Santa Claus and the official position of the church was that Santa and Rudolph and all of the other secular trappings of the holiday should be shunned, gift giving was ok as long as it was not the focus of the holiday, supposedly because it emulated the 3 wise men’s gift to Jesus but Santa was right out.

      1. the official position of the church was that Santa and Rudolph and all of the other secular trappings of the holiday should be shunned

        *giant eye roll*

        They wouldn’t know good marketing if Jesus descended from Heaven and hit them in the head with it.

      2. Far more likely you will see Christian Fundamentalists being offended by Santa Claus and Rudolph as being secular appropriation of their religious holiday.

        Let the fundamentalists know that their religious holiday is an appropriation of a pagan celebration.

        1. I think they know that and are trying to purge the pagan stuff as much as possible.

          1. Though they are still stuck with the date and the inconvenient fact that a whole lot of the Jesus story is awfully similar to some pagan gods’ stories.

    2. Exactly why the Puritans hated Christmas and banned its celebration.

    3. I was raised Lutheran and I don’t remember the pastor even going on about Santa Claus being part of Christianity.

      My aunt and uncle don’t do the Santa thing because they think it muddles the purpose of Christmas for their kids.

      OTOH, my wife is a big Santa lover, and the Christian and Santa aspects of the season are all mixed together for her (and will be for our kids). I agree with my aunt and uncle to an extent, so we’re gonna celebrate the entirety of Advent with our kids so that it’s not all Santa and presents.

      Growing up, we did the Santa thing for a few years, but Christmas was mainly about traditions. Tree went up on Thanksgiving day, Christmas Eve service at the church we on-again off-again visited, It’s a Wonderful Life after, open gifts Christmas morning and have a lazy day. I stopped believing in Santa somewhere around 6 or 7, but I had much younger brothers (7 and 8 years behind me), so I played along to let them have fun.

      1. For completely non religious reasons we minimize the number of gifts that come from Santa and which are from us.

        That way in years when the budget is tighter the kids don’t get the impression that Santa gave them less stuff because they were bad. They’ll still get the one or two gifts from Santa they always get and we can explain that mom and dad won’t be getting them quite as much stuff because of other reasons ahead of time.

        1. We do the same thing. Santa gives 3 gifts to each kid every year. The number for the rest can fluctuate year to year.

          I’m guessing this will be the boy’s last Santa-believing Christmas anyway as he’s almost 9. Someone at school will spill the beans before the year is over.

          1. Someone at school has already spilled the beans. The kid is just getting one last hurrah before it’s socks and underwear.

            (I know; I did the same thing when I was llittle)

            1. My (almost) 7 year old told me the other day that he thinks mom and dad are Santa/Tooth Fairy/Easter Bunny. I told him he may be right but not to tell his mom or it would break her heart and definitely don’t tell his little brother. He still wrote a letter to Santa though.

          2. I don’t know we managed to keep my twins believers till they were 11 and maybe 12 (not sure if they were just humoring us that last year but they definitely had it figured out at 13)

        2. The great lie.

        3. When I was a kid, Santa did the stockings and that was it. I think that was a good way to do it. I’ve always thought that having all the presents come from Santa made the whole thing a lot less plausible. Kids are going to notice pretty early on that some kids seem to get a lot more from Santa than others.

      2. Santa never wrapped gifts. That’s how I’d know which gifts came from Mom & Dad and which gifts came from Santa.

        But I didn’t mind. Santa gave the better presents – like the bikes and the model train sets . . .

  23. Avoid religious symbolism, such as Santa Claus

    Uhm… which religion is Santa Claus from again? I get that the whole “St. Nick” thing is loosely based on a Christian dude who was known for punching heretics, but which religion believes in a fat bearded guy living in the Arctic wearing Victorian era clothing, drives a 19th century sleigh with flying reindeer, employs dwarf slave labor to make toys for children, and sneaks into their houses one night a year to leave gifts for them?

    1. Which religion? The Church of Beavis Christ, of course. Don’t be silly.

    2. Uhm… which religion is Santa Claus from again?

      The Democrats.

    3. And don’t forget – NORAD tracks him . . . .so it must be true

    4. employs dwarf slave labor

      A true Libertarian.

    5. The Church of Coca Cola, of course.

      1. Actually if you’re looking for a bearded old one known for sneaking in & out thru a narrow passage, trading gifts for refreshments, coming from the far North, and with a magic animal for conveyance, Odin’s your guy.

  24. Avoid religious symbolism, such as Santa Claus…

    December 25th is his birthday. Get over it.

  25. Doc Kessler probably supports Festivus, with its airing of grievances. (Probably not too much on feats of strength, however.)

  26. You could call it and nearing-the-end-of-football-season celebration… no, wait, that’s a religion, too.

  27. The whole idea of a party is offensive to those with social anxiety disorders. Thus, I propose an hour of secular silence and isolation for everyone.

    1. OMG YES

  28. End of a fiscal year p-end arty? Isn’t December. A fiscal year-end would be September 30th (for government) October 31st (for Applied Materials) . . .you get the idea.

    A calendar year-end is December 31st.

    1. I think Prof Kessler is trying disassociate the office party from the end of the calendar year as defined Pope Gregory XIII, who introduced it in October 1582.

      Because that would be Christian and Eurocentric, or something. However, I’m sure there’s nothing wrong with celebrating Eid al Fitr, Rosh Hashanah, or Ves?kha.

  29. I was pressuring our devout, hijab-wearing junior accountant to head the Christmas party planning committee.
    She said crude words at me.
    “The Muslims are attacking me.”

  30. This whole thing is very triggering to me.

  31. snowmen

    I can’t. even.

  32. Wow. A troll or virtue-signal free Robby article. Well done!

  33. Halal and kosher are dietary restrictions that pertain to certain religious groups. Aren’t we suddenly violating the strictly secular nature of our party? Why must we put kosher items on the menu, but leave off Christmas cookies?

    Because nobody’s religion says they can’t eat anything but Xmas cookies.

  34. So my company can’t have a party until end of March now? That’s when our fiscal year ends.

  35. Why is it “snowmen”?? Aren’t all Snow Individuals gender fluid?

  36. Consider a playlist of popular, celebratory party music instead.

    Oh, fuck. Yet another party where they play bullshit like Celebration, the Macarena, and the Electric Slide.

    I mean, shit. Let’s make every party bland and pointless. What a fucking world; whatever happened to the liberals who wanted to shock those stuffy conservatives?

  37. Consider yourself lucky you’ve never had to visit this campus. This is par for the course; we’re talking a soulless, humorless place that makes the Gulag seem like a viable and exciting vacation resort. I mean, I love my sister, even if she is a joyless, humorless, self-righteous liberal, but man, the rest of that school made my wet-blanket sibling seem the life of the party!

  38. I promise you, Mark Kessler and others of his ilk just sit back and chuckle condescendingly at the fact that they can put out such drivel and people will not only listen respectfully but virtually worship the BS they put forth.

    Then they smoke a few doobies at their weekly Gaia Group meetings and invent even more outrageous crap. For these people whatever concessions they receive will never be enough. NEVER.

  39. They’ve gotten rid of the press release. Did anyone save it?

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