Police in Schools

School Goes into Lockdown, Calls Cops on a Student for 'Making Basketball Type Moves'

New category of violence


Eugene Onischenko

Oh no, he's making "basketball type moves," somebody stop the madness!

Such was the thinking at Hamden High School in Hamden, Connecticut, where police officers were called to the scene to deal with a potentially dangerous situation: a student pretending to dunk a basketball.

Principal Nadine Gannon placed the school in lockdown and notified the authorities after a staff member said someone had run toward her in a threatening manner, according to WTNH:

Further investigation revealed that the student was running in the hallway, "making basketball type moves". When the staff member turned around, the teen was "making believe that he was dunking a basketball", according to a news release from Hamden police.

The lockdown was lifted by 8:00 a.m., and some students returned to classes. Crisis averted, I guess.

Is there any disciplinary matter a school feels comfortable handling by itself these days? Is it always necessary to go into full panic mode and call the cops, even when the "incident" isn't really an incident at all? Schools have somehow lost the ability to distinguish between rowdy behavior and domestic terrorism. Now they're just wasting everybody's time: the cops' and the kids'.

NEXT: Meet Statie the Police Elf

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  1. Guess we now know what happened to the Huskies program.

  2. One famous movie where a character dunks a basketball was Space Jam. The song played at the end of the movie was “I Believe I Can Fly”. “I Believe I Can Fly” is something that might be said by somebody on drugs. As we all know, drugs lead to violence. Therefore, the school was perfectly right in calling the cops.

    1. That dope fiend perp is lucky to be alive.

    2. https://m.youtube.com/results?q=helen hunt drug freakout&sm=1

      Helen Hunt on crank can attest to this.

      1. Bah! SF’d the link. One sec…

        1. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rEpyLzHeozY

          So anyway, Helen Hunt on crank can’t fly.

    3. that’s nonsense of course. we all know “i believe i can fly” leads to peeing on underage girls.

  3. furtive ball handling

    1. These euphemisms

  4. “Is there any disciplinary matter a school feels comfortable handling by itself these days?”

    I think all discipline makes them uncomfortable, since it invites lawsuits, investigations for “racism” if “too many” of one group of students gets suspended, harassment from outraged parents who KNOW that their kid didn’t do anything and if he did everyone’s overreacting.

    And *failure* to discipline means they’re ignoring the next school shooter and failing to stop him in time.

    So, yeah, call in the police and let *them* deal with the hassle.

    1. We really need to start outsourcing our education.

  5. C’mon, man – “basketball-type moves” is code. The real offense was “driving the lane while black” and we all know it.

    1. The teacher should have stood in front of him and taken the charge.

      1. don’t forget to flop.


          1. Nahhh……Vlade Divacs……and he’s still alive! If you can call being Vice President for Basketball Operations for the Sacramento Kings living!

      2. You can’t take a charge under the hoop.
        /Metaphor nitpicker.

        1. Yeah, but the lane isn’t just right under the basket, is it not? Driving the lane could be anywhere in the paint driving towards the rim, and I think it’s only like within 3 or 4 feet of the basket that you can’t draw the charge. I could be wrong though, I don’t watch as much basketball as I do other sports.

          1. If he elevated from outside the lane and the defender took the charge there, yes, it’s a charge. It’s a stupid rule anyways. They put it in to get more dunks and “facials”.

            1. They put it in to get more…”facials”.


            2. The kid needs help, ladies and gentlemen’s
              The kid needs someone to stand beside him
              He needs, he needs someone to set a pick for him at the free-throw line of life
              Someone he can pass to
              Someone to hit the open man on the give-and-go
              And not end up in the popcorn machine
              So cheerleaders, help him out

    2. ‘Making Basketball Type Moves’


  6. My wife’s best friend & said friend’s husband are both teachers & talk about this all the time. The administrators may believe some of this nonsense, but it’s primarily CYA. If anything at all were to happen & it did turn out to be a kid with a knife or something, they could be sued for not taking appropriate protective measures. Same reason you can’t have a teacher haul a kid out of class on their own anymore – it has to be a cop. That way the district can avoid liability.

    In loco parentis combined with a litigious society is a helluva thing.

    1. Why get whipsawed between getting sued for civil rights/ racism violations on the one hand, or failure to prevent the next Columbina/Newtown on the other hand?

      Just let Officer Unfriendly do the necessary headcracking, and if anyone bitches about it, at least it won’t be the teachers and administrators who have to take it.

      1. Yep. I have some sympathy for them – they’re damned no matter what they do. Handle it themselves with what most of us would call “common sense”, and wind up paying out multi-million dollar settlements. Avoid that noise by always overreacting and involving the cops, get called fascists. The schools themselves are in a no-win situation.

        The problem isn’t administrators, teachers, or even ambulance-chasing lawyers & the parents who hire them. The fucking problem is a legal system that looks at these things and says, “Yep – you had a legally enforceable obligation to prevent any random student from revealing themselves to be a murderous maniac. Now the district must PAY!”

        1. Indeed. Don’t hate the players, hate the game.
          It would be funny if they got sued anyway because someone construed it as racist.

        2. You give them too much credit. There’s a sympathetic plaintiff and a deep-pocketed defendant. Apparently the court exists to transfer money from the latter to the former regardless of other factors.

        3. The fucking problem is also public and mandatory schooling.

          1. Well sure, I should have put the SLD on that. I meant, in the situation as it exists given the predominance of public schooling.

    2. but it’s primarily CYA

      Basic rule of bureaucracy. CYA is Job 1. Job security is the only performance metric that matters.

  7. at least they aren’t rapey like lacrosse moves.

  8. “It’s the killer crossover!”

  9. I think we all remember when Charles Barkley did the Choas Dunk. Stopping this shit is important.

  10. Today it’s minor basketball moves tomorrow it’s full NBA Finals. This kid is going for the Larry O’Brien. They’re hoping to stop him before he has full blown MVP.

  11. Hamden High School in Hamden, Connecticut
    Explains it all.

  12. The pants shitting shall continue unabated.

  13. Hopefully at least the perp was cited for traveling.

  14. Better watch out for this “Gannon”, kids. Just when you think she’s defeated, she’ll morph into her final, terrible form.

  15. Connecticut is full of retarded monkeys. What did you expect?

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    1. Is spambot’s grammar and punctuation improving or is this just a one off?

  17. “Is it always necessary to go into full panic mode and call the cops, even when the “incident” isn’t really an incident at all? Schools have somehow lost the ability to distinguish between rowdy behavior and domestic terrorism.”

    And heaven fucking help you if you try to exercise on the track at the local junior high. Fucking fascist janitor is on radio asking the office for a tactical air strike because I’m on the track

    1. I did security for a short stint. I worked for a property management company that leased one of their properties to a public school. During school hours the property was pseudo-public. After school hours, private property, track field and all. I uncomfortably had to explain this and enforce it, many times. Not that I wanted to. It was what the property management hired the security for.

      So not all public school properties are public. I didn’t know that, until I did that job.

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