The Fifth Column

Black Votes Matter: The New Fifth Column

Comedian Andrew Schulz joins to talk race, Gary Johnson, and other unmentionables


So good. ||| Thomas Libertee
Thomas Libertee

One of my very favorite comedians on the Red Eye circuit is Andrew Schulz, co-conspirator of The Brilliant Idiots podcast. In the continued truancy of Hollywood Mike Moynihan, Schulz filled out the Triangle of Truthiness in the latest edition of The Fifth Column. He talked about getting turfed by Jerry Seinfeld, comedying about race as a New York white boy, and getting jumped on the Upper East Side back before the Big Apple was the safest big city in America.

Other questions addressed this week: Did Gary Johnson blow his chance? Why and when did the black vote go 90 percent Democratic? Is it possible to talk for 15 minutes about a racism documentary I've never seen? Will Kmele Foster find some way to criticize that ballyhooed Saturday Night Live sketch? I also do some ranting about James O'Keefe's latest duck video, Schulz disputes the pharmacological sameness of meth and Adderall, and various swear words are uttered and pondered. Listen heah:

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  1. No they don’t. The illuminati decided who was going to win months ago.

    1. That Illuminati ceremony was rigged by by the Lizard People who STOLE OUR DEMOCRACY. Sad!

    2. That’s exactly what joos WANTS you to believe.

  2. Will Kmele Foster find some way to criticize that ballyhooed Saturday Night Live sketch?

    Of course he will.


  3. Why did Schulz leave/get booted from RedEye?

    1. He was fired for not sexually harass Gretchen Carlson. This Schulz is a different Schulz, though – not all white guys with Jewey last names are the same person.

      1. In fairness Gretchen took it pretty hard when men refused to sexually harass her. Fox had to make sure that men didn’t refuse to harass her or she would end up so distraught it was impossible to get her on the air.

      2. This Schulz is a different Schulz, though – not all white guys with Jewey last names are the same person.

  4. Black votes only matter if they can be changed. If black votes continue to only go to Democrats, they will not matter.

  5. Why did you cut the podcast when it was beginning to get interesting? /adjusts tinfoil hat.

  6. That poor black guy with the alien grabbing onto his head sure is taking the situation calmly.

  7. One of my very favorite comedians on the Red Eye circuit is Andrew Schulz…

    The term ‘misfire’ is tossed around a lot these days…

  8. Why and when did the black vote go 90 percent Democratic?

    The stock answer is usually some horribly misconstrued interpretation of the Civil Rights era, references to LBJ and 200 years, Racist Republicans etc. Lefties love to believe that there was some sea-change in the Democrat party and that all the Republicans became racists and all the Democrats became good guys after the early ’60s.

    I think it has more to do with machine politics

    Also, can you smoke Adderal? Asking for a friend.

    1. The last Republican to get more than a quarter of the black vote was Nixon in 1960. Understand, he only got 30%. So, the idea that blacks suddenly all went Democratic after Johnson is a bit overblown.

      The big shift in the black vote happened under FDR. Ironically FDR’s agriculture policies put tens of thousands of black sharecroppers out on the street. His economic policies were racist to the core. I am frankly unfamiliar with how FDR still managed to get the black vote but he got 71% of it in 1936,.

    2. I mean, I don’t see why you couldn’t, grind it up put it in a pipe apply heat and inhale.

      1. Or just heat it up and liquefy it and then mainline it. There is always that.

      2. I’m no chemist, but setting chemicals on fire that are normally supposed to be ingested and diluted… doesn’t always work like you might assume

        1. I think I would consult Groovus before doing any of that.

        2. You asked if it could be done, not whether heat destroys the molecules or even potentially turns them into something else that may be really harmful to you.

          I’d go with the assumption that if you can’t find evidence easily that people do it, you probably shouldn’t do it. Just looking at the molecule makes me leery about it because of the amide group. It may or may not be able to be released from the molecule to form free ammonia, which would be unwise to inhale. I’m not a chemist either and wouldn’t even say I was particularly good at organic chem, so don’t put much stock in that answer.

    3. Way back in Reconstruction, Democrats (who had fought like mad to keep blacks in slavery and away from the ballot box) began to say that “black people should vote for us because we know them and they know us – after all, we’re the party of plantation owners and who knows black people better than benevolent plantation masters?” (I’m only slightly exaggerating here). Out of the other side of their mouths, of course, the Democrats said that black people should be disenfranchised and denied equality under the law.

      So at the time, black people generally didn’t buy what the Dems were selling, and tended to stick with the Republicans.

      Since that time the Dems have been working on their “benevolent plantation master” schtick, changed their terminology around, ditched some of the more embarrassing encrustations of overt racism, and told a story of a benevolent state caring for black people – you see, it’s not that the government as such is untrustworthy, it’s that the government simply needs to be run in a more caring way, bailing out its clients – oops, constituents – and never mind the long-term viability of the system.

      1. Once big government came along, government jobs were the key to creating the black middle class. If and when the day comes that big government finally goes tits up and runs out of other people’s money, it will be devastating for the black middle class. So a small government message is never going to be popular in the black community.

        1. Even if they’re in the private sector, the black middle class has to deal with an ideological climate like what Conor Cruise O’Brien described in Irish Catholics in the era of the Troubles – the radical minority set the tone, since the radicals were deemed more authentic even if their ideas and actions were awful, while the non-crazy, non-radical element has to justify itself and prove it’s not selling out.

          1. “So you founded a business – I sure hope you haven’t forgotten your community.”

            “Ooh, you blockaded a highway – I wish I could be idealistic and daring like you!”

            1. No, you can be a hard nosed nasty capitalist and still be fine. You just have to vote Democrat and maybe pay off the radicals a bit.

              1. ie, remembering your community.

          2. Yes. And that is why black people vote overwhelmingly Democratic even though their actual views and values are very diverse and often completely at odds with the Democratic Party. Voting Democrat is how the black community deals with the divide between the radicals and everyone else. The compromise is that as a black person you can be as conservative as you like just so long as you vote Democrat. Many blacks serve in the military, are strong religious conservatives, or have views on the police and law and order that would make Rudy Guilliani blush. What keeps the peace between them and the radicals is the fact that everyone votes Democratic. The days blacks break away from that and start voting based on their values and interests, it will rip a massive hole in the black community.

    4. Also, can you smoke Adderal? Asking for a friend.

      Would not recommend for a variety of reasons. These people seem to be more enlightened on the subject, though…

      Yeah i freebased it out of a light bulb like you would meth polloloco001is rightit tastes terrible and the smoke is harsh and produces less effects but it still worked but id rather take them orally

      1. freebased it out of a light bulb

      2. Enlightened is not how I’d describe them, but sure.

  9. I also do some ranting about James O’Keefe’s latest duck video

    Can someone summarize this part for me?
    (I can’t listen right now.)

    1. Me either. I would be curious what he says. I would really like to believe the rant won’t be about how horrible O’Keefe is and instead will be about how horrible the corruption O’Keefe has uncovered is. I am not however optimistic about that. Come on Matt, surprise me just this one time.

    2. Probably some version of “Fake Skandullz!”

  10. The conversation about jaywalking is pretty interesting (54:35).

    An observation I’ve made about it: white people and blacks/hispanics jaywalk in completely different ways. Whites look to make sure they’re not going to get hit by cars and to make sure they’re not seen by cops. They quickly cross perpendicular to the road and nobody hassles them.

    I’ve lived in areas with lots of blacks and hispanics and they tend to do something that I can’t help but be really confused by. Some of them walk in the middle of the street, or pretty far from the sidewalk right down the road. I’ve driven up behind groups of kids specifically doing this and if it’s a mixed group, the white kids scatter straight for the sidewalk. The black kids especially will turn and look at you, see that there’s a car coming up behind them, and continue walking right down the road. I don’t know what this is. Is it racism? Do they see me there and think “fuck you, whitey, I walk where I want.” I’m a calm driver. Even this shit, annoying as it is, is not enough to make me angry, but I can’t help but feel that it’s the whole point of it.

    I’ve watched a lot of videos where the police are caught on tape victimizing blacks where stop was for walking right down the street, not even caring that it was the police coming up on them when they look back.

    (Ready to accept my ‘racist’ badge now for observing racial differences in jaywalking.)

    1. I will note an exception: college students on campus jaywalk every possible place and have no sense at all about dangerous jaywalking, and race doesn’t figure into it at all. College students having a deathwish while jaywalking seems to be equal-opportunity.

    2. Ha, it’s true, we’re so lame

  11. Discussion on how racists got into the Republican Party vis-a-vis Goldwater is excellent. A pro-choice, pro-gays in the military anti racist got associated with racists because they glommed onto his stand is worth paying attention to, and the rules of the game haven’t changed.

    To this day, if you’re skeptical of the administration’s broad application of executive power and bullying by issuing legal “guidance” and creating new interpretations of existing statutes, you’re a yokel who’s afraid your wimmens are going to be traumatized by penises in the wrong bathroom.

    1. As long as they avoid talking about Trimp they are interesting. Moynihan and Welch get insane when Trump is mentioned. They must have too many SJW friends they don’t want to lose.

  12. Really hate when guests scream on podcasts. Modulate your damn voice. Schulz is pretty funny when I’ve seen him on Red Eye and elsewhere but didn’t really dig the appearance here. Expect more highfalutin chatter from We the Fifth than where this went.. I mean, was there even a goddamned book mention? (Okay sort of kidding about this).

    On a side note, caught a few episodes of Vice News Tonight and the dulcet tones of Michael Moynihan voiceover is surprisingly soporific.

    1. This, Schultz was awful.

  13. Goofy, funny, non-libertarian Schulz was good. But wtf Moynihan? Remember, be nice to people on your way up; you’ll meet them on your way down.

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