Pirate Party May Soon Lead Iceland, Clinton Aides 'Wanted to Get Away With' Private Servers, Libertarians Sue Over Selfies: A.M. Links

|

Follow us on Facebook and Twitter, and don't forget to sign up for Reason's daily updates for more content.

Editor's Note: We invite comments and request that they be civil and on-topic. We do not moderate or assume any responsibility for comments, which are owned by the readers who post them. Comments do not represent the views of Reason.com or Reason Foundation. We reserve the right to delete any comment for any reason at any time. Report abuses.

432 responses to “Pirate Party May Soon Lead Iceland, Clinton Aides 'Wanted to Get Away With' Private Servers, Libertarians Sue Over Selfies: A.M. Links

    1. I want to acknowledge that ENB did a great job today–on time, alt text, too many links but that’s hardly the worst sin.

      Also, Fisty, by your own dumb rules this doesn’t count as a first comment.

      1. Thumbs up for the alt-text.

        1. Hooks up matey, hooks.

        2. Arrrrr.

        3. Thumbs up your ass.

        4. Yarr!

      2. They aren’t just Fisty’s rules, JATNAS, they are the traditional rules that held sway for years before your time.

        1. Speaking of things before JATNAS’s time, someone needs to revive A Wiki Called Reason. Not me, because I’m lazy. But someone.

        2. THAT HALLOWEEN POP UP OR AD OR WHATEVER YOU CALL IT NEEDS TO BE ADDRESSED.

          As an official commenter, duly registered, I should not be molested with annoyances when I visit the internet. It was literally intended to be a safe space.

          1. I should not be molested with annoyances when I visit the internet.

            No, you should be molested with something more appropriate, such as a Furby, a kids meal of Beanie Babies, a Tiickle Me Elmo, or even a vintage Teddy Ruxpin.

        3. “They aren’t just Fisty’s rules, JATNAS, they are the traditional rules that held sway for years before your time.”

          Tonio, I’ve come to give everybody here the good news that you are no longer bound by the old law of your forebearers, but are justified by REASON alone.

          1. [Cups armpit with palm and flaps.]

            1. Let em’ talk dog it, don’t phase me
              It might not be right if they don’t hate me

          2. The Thought on the Mount is a much less compelling phrase.

            1. 23) Last week, i was thinking about the meek…

      3. Yeah, but by his own dumb rules, he still has the first comment down the line.

        1. I don’t make up the rules, I just abide by them. And I did probably make up that rule.

          But it makes sense, as anyone can just quickly paste a pretyped comment and hit submit, but it adds a level of difficulty to actually read and address one of the fine links our Reason contributors reluctantly work so hard to provide us. And don’t we owe them that? Isn’t it incumbent upon us all to copy their lines and paste them and italicize them and make snarky comments on them without bothering to follow the links themselves? Isn’t that the least we can do?

          1. Isn’t it incumbent upon us all to copy their lines and paste them and italicize them and make snarky comments on them without bothering to follow the links themselves? Isn’t that the least we can do?

            You could learn what a blockquote is.

            1. I know what a blockquote it. It’s for quoting something not found on this page but on a linked page. THAT’S HOW THE CONTRIBUTORS DO IT, and I will follow their lead. But others seem to feel differently on the topic.

              1. But others seem to feel differently on the topic.

              2. I know what a blockquote it.

                Sure you do John.

                1. You know I always put a typo in to weed out the pedants. YOU BUSTED.

                  1. I thought it was just so you can make sure people are actually copy and pasting the text they quote instead of typing it out.

    2. Hello.

      Those Viking better not fuck it up for us. That’s all we need is for Iceland to replace Somalia with the progs.

      1. Vikings will always fuck up and break your heart Rufus.

        Right Tundra?

        1. I died with Teddy.

          1. We will bury your heart at Wounded Knee

  1. 248) So here’s a story of a dude in college responsible for sexual assault on dozens of women. I hope they put him away for a long time.

    But here’s the thing?stories like this put the lie to the myth of rape culture. When I was a freshman in college (1993) I had to go to this class on how “no means no” and how guys need to learn what sexual assault is (as if it wasn’t obvious?). I can’t even imagine how much worse it is at colleges now. But every bit of actual evidence I see indicates that in fact there are only a tiny number of guys responsible for nearly all sexual violence. Think of Bill Cosby, who apparently assaulted nearly 60 women, or Jesse Matthew, who raped and killed a woman at UVA a couple years ago and after he was caught was linked to numerous other previously unsolved sexual assaults.

    Just because 100 women have been sexually assaulted doesn’t mean 100 different guys did it. The problem is the few criminal men who feel free to commit sexual assault repeatedly. At best, fighting a non-existent rape culture on campus is a waste of time, at worst, it’s actually making things worse by distracting from the real problems (not to mention creating an actual culture of indifference or resentment among men assumed to be potential rapists simply because of their gender).

    1. The question is whether people actually want to solve the problem or if they want to leave it as a perpetual grievance in order to expand their own power and authority.

      1. I’m pretty sure you know the answer

        1. Yeah, that wasn’t a question so much as it was a statement. Of course I know the answer.

        2. Sadly, I know you knew the answer. We all knew the answer.

          1. Is it cake? No wait, it’s usually Hitler. I’m going to say it’s Cake.

            1. Hitler Cake. That’s the answer, Hitler Cake.

              1. Gary Johnson knows a Jewish baker who’ll have to make it…

              2. He is handling the money, he’s serving the food, he knows about your party, he is calling you JUDEN

    2. how guys need to learn what sexual assault is (as if it wasn’t obvious?).

      it’s linked to the progressive mantra on campuses: the main reason things are not perfect is because people haven’t been properly educated. Once everyone understands everything correctly, we will all act properly.

      Rousseau triumphant.

      1. It always amuses me when I hear progressives claiming a problem with crime is a lack of education. Some problems are due to a lack of education, like problems of hygiene, but criminality is hardly ever due to a lack of education. It doesn’t take an educated man to know right from wrong; that’s very basic stuff. In fact, very well educated people have committed (or directed/incited) some very heinous acts, whether it be terrorism (bin Laden went to college in the west), fascism (the Germans and Japanese were renowned for their educational systems), communism (Marx and Lenin were both university educated), or common crime (the Unabomber had a PhD). Heck, the most educated President of the US (Woodrow Wilson, PhD) was the man who segregated most of the federal government, so I’d say education is definitely overrated as a means of producing moral men.

        1. There’s a Danish proverb to explain this: “Tyv tror hver mand stj?ler”

    3. .The problem is the few criminal men who feel free to commit sexual assault repeatedly.

      Just a few bad apples spoil it for the rest of us, eh?

      Now, where have I heard that before??

  2. Interesting that New York Magazine author Liz Meriwether reads Sugarfree, though I find it rather shabby of her to rip off his shtick without acknowledging where she got the idea.

    1. How meta of you to Sugarfree the link

        1. Holy Shit! I really do believe that Saccharin Man has been bona fide plagiarised. The style, diction, and overall content has his….essence.

          There’s NO way that broad came up with that on her own….

          1. I concur with the good doctor that it’s a total rip-off, but it falls far short of plagiarism. She has done a pitch perfect imitation of his style.

            Someone ought to call her out on that in the comments. She’ll lose face big time for even being familiar with such libertarian arcana.

            1. Still not sure if it’s plagiarism, since not a literal copying, but definitely goes beyond mere imitation. Unless Sug writes for WaPo as “Liz Meriwether.”

              Ben Carson just stood there and tried to smile as she took a deep sniff of his kneecaps. “Ohhh, I want to take a ride on these kneecaps. I want to make these kneecaps my pony. Feed them a carrot. Teach them how to dressage,” Hillary said in a deep, lustful voice as she rubbed the side of her face on Ben Carson’s leg. Ben was confused, and he whispered to Paul Ryan, “Why would a woman want to ride a man’s kneecaps? Is that a new thing women are doing?”

              She’s probably counting on the obscurity of the source and thinking that nobody familiar with Sug’s fiction would read her articles.

              1. She’s a bit long-winded for my taste. She needs to learn the short, sharp shock.

                1. Offer her some pointers in the comments, if you do, please let us know when you do it.

                  1. I tried to register and it wouldn’t let me. Maybe I’m already on some sort of enemies list.

              2. Shoot the kneecaps and get over it already.

                1. She has it coming. So did Nancy Kerrigan

      1. He 86’d the link? 😛

        1. What a “Splenda”d retort! Hi, Tonio!

    2. WTF? WaPo has apparently lost it…

    3. I have infected her mind. Next she will begin to dream in WARTYVISION.

      1. So she will see the world solely in terms of the orifices it presents to her?

      2. That way leads only to madness…

      3. She will be wanting the Doomcock.

        1. All obligate carnivores do.

    4. Literally all that’s missing is the Lovecraftian imagery…

      1. I mean even then there’s the demon tail stuff, but the few instances of demonic imagery just aren’t… eldritch enough.

  3. Iceland may soon be ruled by a radical melee of “anarchists, hackers, libertarians and Web geeks” who are calling themselves the Pirate Party.

    Free State Island Project

    1. ^Official First (non-binding, traditional rules)

      1. UNTRUE. They are very binding. More binding than a speedsuit left in the dryer too long.

        1. Like, “Binders Full of Women,” binding? Ancient foot binding? Bust binding?

    2. Didn’t Jimmy Carter speak of a national melees back in the 70’s?

        1. I took your scolding to heart a few days back. I think I’m getting better.

      1. +1 killer rabbit

  4. The Libertarian Party of Colorado’s communications director has filed a lawsuit challenging the state’s ban on taking ballot selfies.

    See, Hillary? This is how you appeal to millennials.

  5. The Obama administration is calling for a ban on non-compete agreements.

    Suddenly competition is good?

    1. No, they just want to job hop themselves.

    2. Pro dog-eat-dog act?

    3. They’re scared that some anti establishment politicians would adopt Glenn Reynold’s (of Instapundit fame) anti-Revolving Door Tax.

    4. Isn’t there something in the constitution about telling the government to suck your dick when it comes to interference in private contracts? I know it’s overridden by the FYTW clause, but still.

    5. That unemployment rate isn’t going to keep itself high.

      1. Disagree.

      2. Disagree.

    6. From the article:

      Nearly every state allows non-compete agreements

      What states already ban non-compete agreements, and are these states utopias of employment and productivity?

      BeckReedRiden Survey says: CA, ND, OK. You are full of crap, Obama administration.

    7. The article was vexingly devoid of explanatory details for the examples. A teacher who wasn’t allowed to sell pet food? What kind of school would think of that as competition?

  6. Top Hillary Clinton campaign staffer Neera Tanden suggested in a now-leaked email that Clinton’s aides used private email servers because “they wanted to get away with it.”

    Just flexing

    1. Ok, so REASON has learned progtard dishonest reporting.

      ” that Clinton’s aides used private email servers because “they wanted to get away with it.””

      This is not the facts. The shocking email in question is entirely about Hillary Clinton using a private email server. The aids only come into this story because someone questions why “they” (The Clinton camp including the aids) didn’t release the info 18 months previously.

      But REASON writes the little headline above, making it look entirely like an “aid” faux pas and hoping no one RTFA to see this is all about covering up Hillary’s illegal actions.

      Shame on you REASON.

      1. Sorry, “aides”.

        1. Who has aids?

        2. Who has aids?

          1. Everybody?

    2. Clearly there was no intent

  7. …making him at least the third U.S. law-enforcement officer charged for child porn this week

    So suddenly law enforcement can’t do research?

    1. “…making him at least the third U.S. law-enforcement officer charged for child porn this week”

      Wasn’t there an article here just yesterday about how a majority of people charged with owning or viewing child porn are developmentally disabled? How big is the overlap here?

      1. *studio audience applause*

      2. *studio audience applause*

  8. Very few things in this world could make me happier than Joe Arpaio ending up in jail.

    1. I already thought of several on just the “Politician goes to jail for what they’ve done” front.

      Maybe it’s the distance between me and Arizona.

      1. Coastal elitists like you will be first up against the wall when the revolution comes.

        1. Coastal elistist because I’d be made happier if Andy Cuomo went to jail than I’d be if Joe Arpaio went to jail?

    2. I would rather see Joe Arpaio in a heated gun battle with federal agents…and coming out on top.

    3. I would be happier if he DIAF.

  9. Iceland may soon be ruled by a radical melee of “anarchists, hackers, libertarians and Web geeks” who are calling themselves the Pirate Party.

    I’ll only vote if they also make quirky, ethereal indie music.

    1. Since every Icelander is already in at least two bands, this is a given.

      1. Being a Nordic country I’m forseeing a lot of metal.

        1. Probably, but Icelandic bands really are better known for quirky and ethereal.

          1. OMG, global warming melted the whole island!

            1. And my guitar.

          2. Sigur Ros is the worst goddamned band ever.

            1. You’re more of a Blink 182 guy, huh?

    2. I’ll be interested when Hopeland becomes the next Somalia.

    3. Bjork on the Supreme Court.

      1. She’d do well. She understands Human Behavior

        1. Well done.

    4. I’ll only vote if they also make quirky, ethereal indie music.

      Seconded. I saw Sigur Ros a few weeks ago and they were awesome.

  10. Top Hillary Clinton campaign staffer Neera Tanden suggested in a now-leaked email that Clinton’s aides used private email servers because “they wanted to get away with it.”

    Typically, news is stuff we didn’t already know.

    1. This will be news to the rest of the nation, though. And they will be shocked, shocked I tell you…

      1. *goes into business with Tonio selling, “SHOCKED FACES!”*

        1. Great, now the clown panic is going to be replaced by a shocked face panic.

  11. Iceland may soon be ruled by a radical melee of “anarchists, hackers, libertarians and Web geeks” who are calling themselves the Pirate Party.

    Say goodbye to your roads, Icelanders!

    1. This is a place where they already have trouble building roads because of Elf habitats.

      And the volcanos can wipe out the roads without help from the Pirate Party.

      1. So you’re saying it’s a natural Libertopia?

        1. Wait… people believe in Elves in Libertopia?

          1. European libertarians have elves. They don’t have all the orphans we do here.

            1. Gnomes, actually. Even in UKR, lawn gnomes are still popular (even Fortress Maximus has one).

            2. Pretty sure you’re thinking New Zealand. Europeans have kobolds.

              1. No, New Zealand elves prefer to be called “Orcs”. The Dutch have knomes, the scandos have trolls, the Irish have leprechauns, and the Germans have little goat people whose name escapes me.

                1. You’re wrong, Scandinavian trolls are the worst workers ever, very hard to keep in line.

                  We use nisser where it really counts. They literally work for porridge.

            3. Santa Claus confirmed libertarian.

          2. No worse than the superstitious beliefs of many of the religious.

            1. But less harmful than the Warmists.

          3. You can believe in elves if you want to
            You can feel your elves’ behinds

        2. Maybe that’s what California needs–regular volcano eruptions to clear away some of the nonsense.

          1. That hasn’t helped Hawaii

    2. Do Icelanders have roads, I thought they rode everywhere on their eight legged horses.

  12. Joe Arpaio, sheriff of Maricopa County, Arizona, has been charged with contempt-of-court for refusing to stop immigration patrols after being ordered by a judge to do so.

    Joe is the law.

      1. WELL I SCREWED THAT UP

        1. It’s called Ken Shultzing the link, now.

          1. Does tradition mean nothing to you!

      2. Full name is Judge Joe Dredd. Either way checks out.

  13. But a note sent to the judge indicated that the jury could agree about only three of the seven defendants.

    Jury or not jury, that is the question.

  14. Top Hillary Clinton campaign staffer Neera Tanden suggested in a now-leaked email that Clinton’s aides used private email servers because “they wanted to get away with it.”

    WHAT. THE FUCK. DIFFERENCE. DOES. IT. MAKE? At this point.

    1. None whatsoever. Idiot Trump voters saw to that.

  15. one in three women will have an abortion

    WHETHER THEY WANT TO OR NOT.

    1. Sounds like one of the better Star Trek episodes.

      “All named citizens report to the abortion booth!”

  16. Word Term of the Day: Respectability Politics

    I thought I could write it without partaking in respectability politics, a term used to describe groups policing their own people. I thought I could help people find a balance between fighting for others and fighting for themselves.

    I am not an “angry person.” I am a passionate person who gets angry at the constant mistreatment I receive ? not only by bigots, but by people who say they’re my friends even though they constantly remind me to “calm down” because my anger pushes others away.

    And to think, I almost wrote an article that would’ve justified this attitude. I almost gave people even more reasons to condescendingly misuse MLK quotes on people like me at the first sign of someone speaking out against injustices.

    Blaming oppressed people’s internal anger for their own unhappiness is not only condescending and ignorant, it is a form of victim-blaming. Whenever someone says “forget the haters,” they’re implying that I don’t already do this on a regular basis. I let so many microaggressions slide, but I can only take so much.

        1. Give in to the Derp Side

      1. WHAT DO YOU MEAN LINK!!? AS IN LINK IN A CHAIN!!?? THE CHAIN WHITES WILL ENSLAVE ME WITH!!??

          1. So now you’re going to quote Aretha Franklin at him, superbigot?

            1. Ahem. It’s Ultrabigot, thank you very much.

    1. Should I be stewing over microagressions because when I brought in some buckeyes leftover from my Pats-Bengals tailgate last week a woman in my group told me to “Thank [girlfriend’s name] for me”?

      1. Of course.

        1. Brb, busy crying about how men can make desserts too.

          1. I’ve been looking at baklava recipies, and there’s an annoying disconnect. One set has each filo layer individually buttered, the other set says not to do that.

            What’s the end effect of the difference between the two approaches?

            1. I don’t know, I haven’t made any middle eastern stuff.

              I would guess that the first one would be more buttery.

            2. Buttering each makes for a flaker, lighter end product, but it is a huge pain. I butter every third or fourth layer depending on mood and general butter annoyance level.

              I also make three or four layers of filling rather than one big one in the middle.

              1. I think I’ll go with the less hassle option, see how that turns out. I need to see if I have a good pan for this.

            3. “I’ve been looking at baklava recipies, and there’s an annoying disconnect. One set has each filo layer individually buttered, the other set says not to do that.”

              Schrodinger was a Greek chef?

              1. The one recipie was from wikibooks cookbook (with butter) the other was from a russian (without individual butterings).

                I figure it’s regional variations.

      2. It’s more of a braise than a stew.

    2. Because those oppressed people lack agency and are unable to control their emotions or think logically? No denial of agency there…

      1. In a more civilized age we called these people “attention whores.”

  17. So, the progs’ latest salvo against the tobacco industry – they have noticed that, statistically, smokers earn 20% less than nonsmokers, and, being progs, have decided that this is victimization of smokers by teh eeeeeevul tobacco industry. They haven’t said what, exactly, they want to do about this but we all know it involves taking money from someone and giving it to someone else. What we do know is that individual smokers will never see a cent of that money, but rather the money will be taken by government to ostensibly fund healthcare and stop-smoking programs and to pay for even more studies, litigation and prosecution.

    1. The obvious solution is tying middle-class tax entitlements to taking up the smoking habit. Maybe everyone who starts a 401K at their company should get a free case of Marlboros in the mail.

    2. Has anyone pointed out to them that the government makes more off a pack of smokes than the tobacco companies do? Has anyone pointed out to them that the government chokes people to death when they deprive of it of that sweet tax money?

      1. Damn, Jordan, that last sentence is brilliant.

        1. Get a room

      2. Poor people are more likely to smoke. What a shock. Many “progressives” view poor people as an underclass of service workers who exist to (a) be controlled; and (b) finance liberal arts degrees for their betters. Some things never change.

    3. This seems like (based on their reactions to similar stats for different groups) something they should be demanding requires making smokers a protected class.

    4. but we all know it involves taking money from someone, siphoning most of it off for themselves and their buddies and giving it the crumbs to someone else.

      FIFY

    5. I’m waiting to see what the VW settlement entails. “Up to” 10b for repairs and reparations to VW owners, 2b in mandated spending on cleaner vehicles by VW – and 2.7b for a trust fund to finance “green initiative” shit. Who’s going to oversee that slush fund and whose pockets will that money wind up in? Besides Al Gore’s, I mean.

      1. How much of the green initiative money will be sent to Democrat friendly NPC’s like they did with the bank settlements?

    6. Poorer people are more likely to smoke. I think we’ve known this for a while.

      1. “Most vulnerable.”

    7. I hate all of those EDM-infused anti-smoking commercials, but I hate that EDM-infused anti-smoking commercial by far the most. It’s chilling how little issue they have parading such a blatant fallacy.

  18. A new study from the World Economic Forum claims that globally, woman work an average of 50 minutes more per day or 39 more days per year than men do.

    That’s nice.

    WHERE’S MY BREAKFAST?

    1. Bitching counts as work?

      1. Speaking of that, for the married men who post on this here board, exactly WHEN, on average, do wives suddenly acquire the, “Wifey Scowl Stance with Folded Arms and Tapping Foot with One Hip Slightly Leaned?” We’re coming up to four years of marriage soon, and she has recently acquired this stance.

        Am I about right on schedule?

        1. It took 4 years? She’s a keeper.

            1. Lucky bastard.

        2. Did you laugh at her and turn your back? I hear that works well.

          1. She is a surgeon also (Urology/OBGYN); I have to sleep sometime, and I don’t want to risk Bobbittisation. She also has a remarkably accurate borshh pan throwing arm. So, no.

            1. Start lightly smothering her with a pillow every night. It doesn’t really hurt her, but it makes you feel better and establishes dominance.

              1. Is this one of those abstract euphemisms for, ahem, marital bliss? If there’s one area where I do dominate… *grins*

                1. I’m starting to think living with a couple with a child is killing whatever desire I have for a relationship. Their bickering and quibbles and occasional rows and the 10-month-old and the kid clutter have me really starting to value being a bachelor.

        3. Damn, dude. I think the previous record is halfway through the wedding ceremony.

        4. I get that, and I’m not even married.

        5. In my case it was acquired about 4 weeks prior to her getting served.

        6. My wife acquired it like two weeks into our marriage. It’s so hot.

        7. Four years to start or four years for you to notice, Doc?

          1. Yes.

        8. After 13 years, this has not happened. I just get the death glare.

        9. Hell, doc!

          I was getting that before I was even married. Ironically, about spending time on Hit and Run. 😀

          It helps that I have a teenage boy. He tends to get her into that pose well before I do and consequently takes the hit.

    2. In the poorer nations I’ve lived in, women crush it. They typically work hard as hell, and also typically the men are lazy, gambling fucks who mooch off the labor of the women in their life.

      So when you factor that into the “global average”, I don’t doubt those stats. However, in First World land, I’d be surprised if the numbers hold up.

      1. excellent point

      2. See the post famine Irish…. who didn’t migrate to the U.S.

      3. They don’t, at least if you are only counting professional work (unpaid work, such as housework, may tip the scales). According to BLS date, men work on average an extra 48 min/day, which works out to 25 extra days a year. This accounts for a large part of the wage gap (the average woman works 90% as long as the average man, so that accounts for a great part of the reason why said average woman makes 78% of the pay as the average man).

  19. Beauty Queen Arna ?r J?nsd?ttir Lands Deal With Nike After Body-Shaming Incident

    Just a few days ago, Icelandic beauty queen Arna ?r J?nsd?ttir was prepping for the Miss Grand International competition in Las Vegas. After all, she did take the title of Miss Iceland 2015, so it’s not like J?nsd?ttir is new to the pageant circuit. But to her surprise, Thai TV presenter Nawat Itsaragrisil, the owner of Vegas beauty competition, ordered the 20 year old to “lose weight” if she wanted to compete?and succeed. Specifically, the Daily Beast reports that J?nsd?ttir says she received a message: “Stop eating breakfast, eat just salad for lunch and drink water every evening until the contest. [The owner] is telling you this because he likes you and wants you to do well in this contest.”

    Unbelievable, right? There are enough pressures on women, let alone beauty-pageant queens, to look their “best,”?whatever that may mean?at any given time. But thankfully, J?nsd?ttir took the high road: Not only did she quit the competition, but she spoke out against the body-shaming tactics used by its founders, too.

    1. If that picture shows what she looked like when they told her to lose weight, then I’d say she was right to tell them to get lost (“boo-hoo” silliness for the poor oppressed beauty queens aside).

    2. Hello Miss Piggy.

    3. Coach: If you want to transition from defensive end to linebacker, I’m going to need you to drop some weight.

      DE: Stop body shaming me coach!

    4. MMA fighters and boxers have weight goals and get the shit pummeled out of them. In a looser sense, so do football players. Is anyone suggesting these poor cretins are victims of some perverse normative standard for holding to an impossible, debilitating job requirement?

    5. No straight man is complaining about that lady’s body.

      1. My SIL with the perma-baby-bump would say she’s anorexic.

    6. “Allure”, huh?

      *snickers*

  20. Given that it’s Iceland, shouldn’t it be a Viking Raiding Party and not a Pirate Party?

    1. Shouldn’t you be practicing tying your shoes? You’ll get it right one day, buddy.

      1. Shouldn’t you and Crusty Juggler be exchanging bodily fluids?

        1. Mike! Do you want in on our semen-sharing mailing list? I have a fresh vial with your name on it. Let me know, bud.

          1. Only a vial? Rip off, on my list I give you a fresh quart container.

        2. Thanks for the nonsensical rejoinder! Shine on, you crazy diamond.

          1. That wasn’t nonsensical. If you don’t agree with Mikey you are a faggot Muslim commie. This is just science.

            1. Mikey thinks acknowledging that Barack Obama is the president of the United States is a plea to be allowed to orally service him. Mikey operates on another plane entirely.

      2. Do you know what his shoes smell like? Tying those vomit-ridddled stank-havens is a not an easy task.

        1. Yeah, but he should be used to the smell by now. Anyway, they’re hardly the stankiest thing about him since his mom stopped helping him take baths.

          1. In Mike’s defense, he is a hyper-masculine, uncreative racist, and those types do not engage in lady-fag bath times.

            1. You’re saying he maintains that manly musk as a warning to interlopers?

              1. He is like Pigpen, but without the friends, likeability, and dance moves.

        2. Trigger Warning DAMMIT

          1. The username “Crusty Juggler” wasn’t warning enough?

  21. Hey everyone, I feel a little weird asking again, but I’m going to be running the New Orleans Half Marathon again this year (in early February). This time my sister is joining me and we’re trying to raise about twice the money I raised last year for the Crohn’s and Colitis Foundation of America (long time commenters may remember that I’ve had UC for about 15 years, including years of medication and 2 surgeries). If you’re willing to make a donation, our fundraising page is here and I would really appreciate it.

    Thanks again to everyone who donated last year. You guys were very generous!

    I’m going to shoot for under 2 hours this year.

    1. I’ll check it out. Good luck.

      1. Thanks!

    2. Bookmarked for later donation. Good luck!

    3. Will do, AD. Good luck man

  22. Maryland lawyer Patrick Moran, an assistant state’s attorney assigned to Baltimore’s juvenile division, has been charged with possession of child pornography, making him at least the third U.S. law-enforcement officer charged for child porn this week

    They were just doing research for their novels!

    1. Love that they had to slam the one person who dared to say he didn’t like the painting.

    2. “Genuflectory.” Eddie has a semi.

    3. Why does Michelle Obama appropriate non-African hair styles? She should only be allowed to have an unkempt afro or cornrows. Shaved bald would also be acceptable, lip plates and neck stretchers optional.

    4. Nothing is uglier than a GIF without dithering.

  23. I am not an “angry person.” I am a passionate person who gets angry at the constant mistreatment I receive ? not only by bigots, but by people who say they’re my friends even though they constantly remind me to “calm down” because my anger pushes others away.

    “I’m not fat. I’m big-boned. Stop telling me how fat I am!”

    1. “I’m not fat. I’m big-boned. Stop telling me how fat I am!”

      Speaking as someone who does have a large skeleton – being big boned does not make you look fat. Being fat makes you look fat (Being a fat bastard as well has provided this information firsthand).

      1. I kinda had in mind for you a build something like Madame Defarge, scowl included.

    2. Wait, which link is this a response to?

      1. Lee Genes’ comment above, not a link.

        Brooksy doesn’t do replies.

    3. I am not a drunk person. I just choose to deal with all of the constant mistreatment I receive by drinking — not only by bigots, but by people who say they’re my friends even though they constantly remind me to “drink less” because my antics while drunk push others away.

  24. Harvard men’s soccer team wrote obscene ‘scouting reports’ on the women’s team and speculated ‘on their favorite sexual positions’

    The nine-page document also assigned each woman a hypothetical sexual position, The Crimson reports.

    Of one woman, the report states: ‘She seems relatively simple and probably inexperienced sexually, so I decided missionary would be her preferred position.’

    It was shared between members of the Harvard 2012 men’s soccer team, and the student newspaper observed that it appears to be a yearly tradition.

    Observations were made about each player’s appearance, and they were given ratings.

    The start of the document, it was reported, stated that some of the previous year’s report had been ‘wrong’, but said that the view that one player was ‘both the hottest and the most STD ridden was confirmed’.

    Until recently the report was publicly available and searchable on Google Groups

    Not our best and brightest!

    1. Not our best and brightest!

      No one attending Harvard is either our best or brightest. It’s like a rubbish heap for the useless whelps of the landed gentry.

      1. Shoulda gone to RIT.

    2. No pics of the female soccer team? the Daily Mail is slipp’n.

    3. “Havard Men’s soccer team….”

      I should care, why?

      1. There’s at least one future Chief Justice there? (they need a bigger recruitment pool for SCOTUS)

      2. Because it’s Harvard’s 2012 soccer team. Duh doi.

    4. Considering half the women’s team are probably lesbians, this was sort of a futile exercise to begin with.

      1. Considering the dickless dweebs peopling the Harvard men’s soccer team, all sexual positions are a futile exercise.

    5. “Until recently the report was publicly available and searchable on Google Groups”

      This sounds like an actual Bad Thing.

      There’s so many pseudo-outrages out there, especially where universities are concerned, but this counts as truly ungentlemanly behavior.

    6. Young healthy men observe young healthy women, speculate on what sex would be like. Film at 11. Oh wait, this is not news.

  25. statistically, smokers earn 20% less than nonsmokers

    Fucking causation- how does it work?

    1. No kidding. I saw that shit a week or so ago and I couldn’t believe that was the narrative they were going with.

      There are five year olds out there who could debunk this logic.

  26. “The Obama administration is calling for a ban on non-compete agreements.”

    Barack Obama stubbornly insists on remaining the stoopidest and loudest person on the planet–forever.

    1. Permission to use this, to ask, I would like.

    1. You don’t have to worry. Headline only says SEMI-naked.

      1. Is wearing a tuna can considered semi-clothed? And, more importantly, was the guy sticking his dick in a can with a picture of a mermaid on it or a can with a picture of Charlie on it?

    2. Taking what he knows’ll be his final few breaths, he’s thinking fuck I’m gonna be found like THIS?

  27. WTH? Did Trump die or something?

  28. 170 years from now, women will earn as much as men

    That’s how long it will take to achieve economic parity between the sexes, according to the World Economic Forum’s Global Gender Gap Report, an annual study made public Tuesday that measures the relative gaps between women and men in education, health, economic opportunity and political power in 144 countries.

    The United States failed to crack the top 25, ranking a dismal 45th place, a 17-spot slide from last year.

    1. Is that when they predict we’ll all be dead broke subsistence farmers again?

      1. It’s when teachers and social workers will be replaced by robots.

      2. That’s when we’ll all be trannies.

      3. It’s when the birth rate hits zero. Humanity becomes extinct soon thereafter.

    2. It’s gonna take more than 170 years to breed men who’ll eat out ancient hooch for a BMW.

    3. Gap reports.

      I’ve come to truly loathe them.

  29. Farrakhan on Hillary:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cu41CPQw0hg

    Any winners here?

    1. By the way, I’d have no problem kicking that guy out of my house. With an extra little kick in the bum. ‘Khaddafy was my friend…’ Get your sorry ass out of this house you fuck!

      1. After the events of 2015 and 2016 unfolded, I think everyone north of Malta with a brain realized that Gaddafi was their friend.

  30. From the surprising “women work more than men” article:

    Although men do 34% more paid work than women, women still spend more of their time on unpaid work such as housework, childcare and care for older people.

    There we go.

    1. ‘Unpaid’, huh?

      I’m starting to understand why young guys are a little gun shy about taking the plunge.

      1. All that time in the garage is just useless wanking.

    2. When I visit my parents, my mother she goes on about how much work it is to do laundry for her and my father. You’d think she was scrubbing everything on a washboard out in a creek instead of dumping clothes and detergent into a machine and then walking away.

      1. To be fair to her, folding laundry is the worst. I’d rather spend 2 hours doing yard work than 20 minutes folding pants.

        1. I’ve got it down to hanging my pants and button-downs. Everything else goes in the basket till I need it.

        2. Holy shit. I can fold an entire load of laundry in 5 minutes.

          1. We have a winner of the “Worst Humble-Brag of 2016” award.

            1. Indeed. It’s like none of you losers ever heard of the dry cleaners and employing babushkas to wash the unmentionables in the nearby stream singing a traditional Slavic spiritual. What the hell kind of Top Hat wearing, spatz toting, monocle polishers actually *do* laundry? You Third Worlders make me sick…

              1. I’m afraid Florida Woman will assert herself and literally try to underpants gnome my unmentionables for drugs.

        3. We just hang everything up rather than fold. When its hanging in a closet you can easily see everything ya got.

          Socks and undergarments get sorted into two piles and tossed into a drawer.

          Big time saver, even if laundry is a job you do while watching TV so the time shouldn’t count.

          1. I’ve only got room in the closet for hanging my shirts. I still need to fold the rest. It’s certainly better than it used to be, but I still find putting them on the hanger annoying.

            1. I suppose it helps that I work from home and don’t need a bunch of professional looking clothes.

    3. So women suck at streamlining their workloads.

      1. With single women sucking more actively and passionately amiright?

    4. women still spend more of their time on unpaid work such as housework, childcare and care for older people.

      “Anything you can do in your pajamas is not work”
      -Doug Stanhope

      1. Please don’t tell my boss.

    5. Although men do 34% more paid work than women, women still spend more of their time on unpaid work such as housework, childcare and care for older people.

      What about constantly stopping to look at maps you don’t understand? Does that count as work? If I take whatever amount of time it takes to pull the comb through my hair (2 min.?) in the morning and my wife takes 45 min. to do her hair for work does that count?

  31. The Free Republic Trumpalos continue to live up to their reputation as the best and brightest

    Trump supporters have stepped up their attacks against Speaker of the House Paul Ryan, who they think has not been supportive of the reality TV star.

    Some Trump fans on the far-right website Free Republic accused Ryan of being a “secret Muslim.”

    “I think Ryan always had an alternative motive for not getting behind Mr. Trump,” said a poster called Buildthewall88. “Could he be a secret Muslim, like Obama? He wore a beard at one time, and you know Muslims wear beards. Was he trying to send a message to his backers in the Muslim world?”

    1. That has to be trolling. Has to be.

      1. Probably, still funny

      2. Have you seen Paul Ryan’s birth certificate? You think it’s just a coincidence that “Paul Davis Ryan” is an anagram for “Vandal Up, Syria”? We’re on to you, you sneaky Muslim scum.

      3. …said a poster called Buildthewall88

        Yeah, that’s some heavy duty trolling right there.

    2. You know what other religious group wears beards?

      1. The Temple of Antinous?

        1. Apparently that is an actual thing in Hollywood. Wow. Didn’t know.

      2. Lesbians?

        1. And we have a winner.

          1. Seconded

      3. I’m tired of all these Sikh jokes.

        1. Plus, it’s supposed to be a question to which a possible answer is “Hitler.”

  32. A new study from the World Economic Forum claims that globally, woman work an average of 50 minutes more per day or 39 more days per year than men do.

    Everyone spends the same amount of time bringing home the bacon, but only one of them takes a whole extra unnecessary 45 minutes frying it up in a pan.

    1. I like how time is somehow the only meaningful measure of the value of work.

      1. And we do housework and chores *for ourselves*. No one owes me a damn thing because I do all the cooking in my household, I do it because my wife’s cooking is terrible and I worked as a chef for almost ten years. When I was a chef, I was cooking for other people, and they owed me money for it, that’s how it works.

  33. Duh, it’s 1 in 3 women getting raped, or getting abortions.

    This is known.

  34. There are 300,000+ people living in all of Iceland.

    We shouldn’t be surprised by anything that can happen in a nation of 300,000 people.

    Always remember that, when you hear people talk about how we should do things like the way they do things in Iceland.

    In the U.S., we have concerts that are larger than Iceland.

    1. Notwithstanding the population difference, I do think we’d be better off toiling under the tyrannical boot of a pirate party as opposed to what we have at present.

    2. Some Icelandic college students invented an app that lets you know if the person you’re trying to pick up in a bar is related to you, because that’s actually something you need to be able to determine on the fly in Iceland.

      1. More of an app for figuring out whether you need to wear protection, really.

      2. “Oh, hi, Aunt Brunhilde.”

      3. Seems like you could make some money selling that app in Alabama. I suspect the Icelandic version isn’t sold as a way to pick up chicks, though.

        1. Iceland has extensive geneological records that can be accessed, thus making the app even possible (and the fact that they’re all cousins to one degree or another contributes to the need). The records required aren’t available to the same extent and accuracy in alabama.

          1. The records required aren’t available to the same extent and accuracy in alabama.

            Kinda like their dental records.

      4. A lot of that is that they only have matry/patrynymics. It would be like if everyone had the last name Johnson, Smith, White, Brown, Fletcher, and Thomas, and there were about ten popular first names.

        Also, I’ll retell the story of the Icelandic guy I met one night whose wife outted him for weeping with joy the first time he was in an American liquor store. I guess the liquor tax is about 5x the cost of the liquor, so when he saw a handle of vodka for $30, he wept. I think that would have to change before they could be considered an anarcho-libertarian paradise.

        1. They do have a fine tradition of moonshining, though. And apparently drink quite a lot despite the taxes. I think they also have pretty strict drug laws.

      5. “Some Icelandic college students invented an app that lets you know if the person you’re trying to pick up in a bar is related to you, because that’s actually something you need to be able to determine on the fly in Iceland.”

        It’s more complicated there because of the way last name’s work, too.

        You don’t inherit a last name from your great grandfather. They still do it like the Vikings.

        Lief Ericson’s last name was that because his father was named “Eric”.

        Lief Ericson’s children’s last name would have been “Liefson”.

        Bjork’s last names is “[someone’s] daughter.”

        You could meet your own grandfather’s grandchildren and never know it–because they’ll have a completely different last name.

        1. “Bj?rk Gu?mundsd?ttir”

          Her father must have been named “Gudmund”.

          She couldn’t know her cousin just by his name.

  35. Mercedes is making a truck:

    Currently, Mercedes says it plans to sell the X-Class in Argentina, Australia, Brazil, Germany, Great Britain, and South Africa. They won’t have to wait long to get it, either. Production is currently slated to begin in late 2017.

    When asked for comment on whether it will come to the U.S., Mercedes-Benz USA said “the Mercedes-Benz pickup shown on October 25, 2016 is a concept. While a pickup is under consideration for the US market at some point, no timeline is available for a decision to be made.”

    1. You know who else like Mercedes’ trucks?

      1. Siegfried Fischbacher?

    2. Well they’ve been making larger trucks than that for probably a century, so a pickup isn’t outside their capabilities.

      1. True, just seems to be a bit of a disconnect between luxury autos and trucks. But I suppose there are plenty of people who spend $70k on a truck and never tow, haul, or go off-road with it.

        1. I dunno. I live in a truck-intensive part of the country and have only ever seen 2 Lincoln Blackwoods. Personally I’d like something with more visible Unimog ancestry than the Toyota-looking concept drawings.

          1. Why would you buy that when the F-150 King Ranch is so nice?

          2. Same here. C’mon, Mercedes, do something that doesn’t look like it came out of the same wind tunnel as every other pickup.

        2. Real question: is Mercedes considered a luxury brand outside of the US? I feel like everytime I’ve traveled outside the US I see Mercedes everything: cop cars, service vehicles, taxi cabs…and just plain normal middle class folks driving them.

          1. Fun fact – the only reason the Buick label wasn’t dropped was because it became a luxury brand in China.

            1. Dealership recently loaned me a brand new Lacrosse for a coupla days.

              Hated returning it.

              Very very nice.

          2. is Mercedes considered a luxury brand outside of the US?

            Only the high end models. Same for Boomers (BMW), and Audi. Mid range and economy (yes, Mercedes makes economy cars for the Euro poor market) are priced accordingly, and surprisingly affordably. Where they REALLY get you in Euro-landia are driving school fees (like Germany, for example), INSURANCE (THAT’S where they really get you), and overall taxes on personal vehicles.

          3. No, Mercedes is not a luxury brand outside the US. I remember being amused by seeing Mercedes garbage trucks when living in Germany.

  36. ENB: damn, that’s quite a linkstorm. Job well done. You should go home fifty minutes early today.

    1. Why? She’ll just make up that fifty hours somewhere else, enslaved by Teh Patriarchy!

    2. She has to go home and wash her dishes and then *gasp* NOT GET PAID FOR IT OMG. Wage gap! patriarchy!

  37. “A new study from the World Economic Forum claims that globally, woman work an average of 50 minutes more per day or 39 more days per year than men do.” does not add up.
    Even if they were working 365 days a year, 365 * 5/6 / 24 is less that 13 days.

    1. I suppose if you’re talking 8 hour days then that would technically be correct (but certainly misleading) — and that still assumes working every single day of the year.

      1. And it implies that society owes you something because you folded some towels at home after work and all those dick-havers didn’t even pay you.

        1. Could it be that these women do housework because they like having a tidy home? Might they have a lower tolerence for clutter than men?

          1. Making the bed. Most pointless endeavor ever.

            My wife makes the bed every day because it bothers her if it isn’t. That said, I don’t think she gets to count that as extra work.

            1. The whole exercise is ridiculous. Do I get bonus points for all the vehicle maintenence I do? Or the carpentry? Or the plumbing and electrical upkeep?

              Jesus christ, if you have a house, there’s shit to do. I hate laundry, so she does it. She knows nothing about cars, so I handle it. We’re both decent cooks, so we share that. I make a lot more money than she does, but it doesn’t fucking matter.

              I do make the bed, though. OCD is a bitch.

              1. Do I get bonus points for all the vehicle maintenence I do? Or the carpentry? Or the plumbing and electrical upkeep?

                I’m loving all these domestic eupehmisms. It’s very HGTV. And no, because of genetically ingrained sexism, you will NEVER get points for that, “Man Work,” that every man worth his descended, factory original, testicles should know how to do.

            2. Making the bed. Most pointless endeavor ever.

              No it isn’t. Mowing the lawn is the most pointless endeavor. EVER. Nothing else comes close.

              Nothing says pointless like planting thousands of seeds, then spending the rest of your life keeping the resulting plants at a specific length and confined to a certain area. The pointlessness is exacerbated by the absurdity that if you don’t engage in this Sisyphusian ritual, you will earn the scorn of your neighbors, and maybe even get fined by your local government.

              The distant runner-up is wearing a tie. Then, maybe, making the bed.

          2. That’s certainly the case with my girlfriend and I when it comes to cleaning. (Although that’s the only kind of housework she does besides whichever one of cooking/doing the dishes I did not do that night).

          3. When my wife bitches at me for not replacing the duvet cover once a week, this is owing to the fact that I find duvet covers to be pointless relics from a more retarded era in blanket technology. So do I owe her money for work that she does purely for her own enjoyment? Methinks not.

      2. Stop mathing! Its patriarchical.

  38. This is some scary news about Iceland actually maybe having the Pirate Party as a major party. I just can’t wrap my head around the idea that any civilized country would actually accept the idea that self-professed looters and pillagers openly expressing contempt for the rule of law could posssibly be considered a legitimate form of government, even if they promise to share the loot equally and claim that they are somehow entitled to the loot because anybody possessing loot must have first looted it from the lootless in the first place. I mean, just how long can you expect a society like that to last when everybody’s trying to profit at everybody else’s expense? Wouldn’t you have to be a moron to work hard and try to achieve success on your own, knowing that a group of pirates is going to come along and steal all your stuff, claim that you didn’t build that and they’re just taking back what they’re entitled to – and people are going to applaud for the pirates?!?! That’s some inconceivably messed-up shit right there. Socialist pirates are crazy. Glad we don’t have anything like that here.

    1. If only we had some way to promote comments we like….

    2. When I was in Iceland I didn’t see much that could have been described as loot-worthy. I loved the trip, but it seemed like everyone was just in the service industry (which is kind of what you would expect from a whole country with 300k people).

    3. [applauds heartily]

  39. In the U.S., we have concerts that are larger than Iceland.

    Haha. From Wiki Allknowing:

    The Indianapolis Motor Speedway, located in Speedway, Indiana, (an enclave suburb of Indianapolis) in the United States, is the home of the Indianapolis 500 and the Brickyard 400.[4] It is located on the corner of 16th Street and Georgetown Road, approximately six miles (10 km) west of Downtown Indianapolis.

    Constructed in 1909, it is the original speedway, the first racing facility so named. It has a permanent seating capacity estimated at 235,000[1] with infield seating raising capacity to an approximate 400,000.[5]

    Standing out there on the grid you can probably *see* nearly 200,000 people.

  40. A new study from the World Economic Forum claims that globally, woman work an average of 50 minutes more per day or 39 more days per year than men do.

    Did they include the nebulous criteria of “unpaid work” like that of a homemaker? Welll yes they did! I’m just so sure they were just as fastidious about trying to calculate the “unpaid work” of men too.

    The Obama administration is calling for a ban on non-compete agreements.

    Retardation: A Celebration

    1. Men’s “unpaid work” is all hobbyist, like auto maintenance and lawn care, so it doesn’t count.

      1. To add to that, I’d say the type of “unpaid” work that men do around the house tends to be more skilled, than unskilled, so it’s just as valuable if not more so than dishes and laundry. Yes my wife does all the kids’ laundry and vacuums, and dusting et cetera, whereas I tile the bathroom, installed the shower, re-roof the house (alone), change her oil, replaced our electrical lines and swapped out the old plumbing for new stuff and fixed the furnace when it broke. I also open pickle jars from time to time.

        I want to tell these whiners…
        It’s called “division of labor” and it’s not simply a factor of time you stupid fucking leftists.

        1. They’re trapped in labor-value mentality. Simply doing something for a period of time is an expression of the value of time spent, whatever it’s spent doing, and since someone spends more time doing something than you she is per force doing more than you are.

          1. I’m not sure if it’s a curse or a blessing that high schoolers so rarely get instructed about basic economics. On the one hand, you have things like the “labor theory of value” still being promoted in 2016 despite well over one hundred years of disproving that notion, on the other hand I’m not sure I’d want generations of people to receive their economic insights from government school teachers. I think I’d rather they be pig ignorant and therefore susceptible to economic stupidity than to have them enlightened by lies.

    2. “Welll yes they did! I’m just so sure they were just as fastidious about trying to calculate the “unpaid work” of men too.”

      Yeah, I got calluses on my fingers from constantly changing the channel, but this so-called “study” doesn’t take that work into account.

      1. …and my voice is hoarse from constantly yelling “get me a beer!”

  41. “now-leaked email that Clinton’s aides used private email servers because “they wanted to get away with it.”

    At this point, what difference does it make? I think if an e-mail surfaced where Clinton said, “Fuck the American people. Bill and I can get rich selling favors to foreign governments….” it wouldn’t sway her voters who thinks she walks on water because she has a vagina.

  42. “women work an average of 50 minutes more per day or 39 more days per year than men do.”

    It’s the time they spend in the kitchen making sammiches, amirite ?

  43. ‘Walking Dead’ premiere slammed by Parents Television Council

    Parents Television Council President Tim Winter said changes need to made.

    “It’s not enough to ‘change the channel,’ as some people like to advocate, because cable subscribers ? regardless of whether they want AMC or watch its programming ? are still forced to subsidize violent content,” he stated in a press release sent to FOX411. “This brutally explicit show is a powerful demonstration of why families should have greater control over the TV networks they purchase from their cable and satellite providers.”

    “When you look at the definition of MA and what the content of the show is, it’s unquestionable they chose what best represented the content,” Winter said. “This certainly raises question of if there should be an even more severe rating than TV-MA.”

    1. Get a life Tim.

    2. The PTC still exists?

      1. They’re like zombies.

    3. Yo, fuck the PTC.

    4. Mary Katharine Ham made a point about Walking Dead enthusiasts seeming not really to enjoy the show despite watching it religiously, like they have some bizarre Stockholm relationship with it.

    5. “It’s not enough to ‘change the channel,’ as some people like to advocate, because cable subscribers ? regardless of whether they want AMC or watch its programming ? are still forced to subsidize violent content,” he stated in a press release sent to FOX411.

      So you want to talk about things we’re forced to subsidize against our will? Boy-o-boy, pull up a chair and let’s have a talk. But first, we need to address your profoundly retarded view of what constitutes “force”.

    6. Cancel your cable and go with Netflix and Hulu, buy a Roku to hook that to your TV. Anything you want to watch that can’t come from doing those things can be easily illegally streamed. There. No “subsidization” of violent content.

    7. Parents Television Council President Tim Winter said changes need to made.

      Can you imagine a world where every cable company’s set-top box had some kind of functionality, whereby parents could block certain channels they don’t want their kids watching? Suddenly it would be more than just “changing the channel”, you would have actual control over what your kids watch (in your own house).

      Wait, this is already reality? But you’re too lazy/stupid to figure out how it works? Obviously forcing everyone to adopt your solution to your moral panic is the right choice then. Carry on.

  44. I hate Minnesoda bycyclists almost as much as Illinois Nazis.

    The latest demand by the local cycling activists is to have more bike paths built so that they can ride directly to the airport. Don’t worry about the fact that there is a tax payer light rail line that runs to the airport terminals that has bike racks in them. They complain that it would add another $4.50 to their ride if they had to take the train.

    Nope, they think the city should build them new trails. Specifically a $7M new trail

    The proposed 0.9-mile route would run from the Upper Post at Fort Snelling along Hwy. 5, threading a ?narrow slope between the airport fence and highway shoulder. State and federal agencies would have to sign off due to its proximity to the runway and a limited-access freeway. It would require tunnels and a overpass. There may be utilities and limestone in the way.

    The cost? $7 million. The time frame? Maybe 20 years.

    1. We let them in the door. Now they won’t leave.

      Montreal’s roads have become retarded thanks to all the stupidly laid out bike paths.

      But at least we have them, amirite?!

      1. It’s amazing, these social engineers visit the densely populated Netherlands and conclude that they need to have bicyclist infrastructure like that back home. Nevermind that the distance between two Dutch villages takes about a 10-15 minute commute…while walking whereas here in North America, the nearest town to mine is a 25 minute drive on the highway. But yeah, we should totally do what the Dutch do.

    2. A largely-empty taxpayer-funded light rail, you mean.

      It’s a retard arms race with Portland and Seattle.

      1. Empty? Depends on if you go by fares, or actual passenger count.

        Bad enough we built this, but then we make it so you don’t have to actually pay a fare to get on? Suck on that Portland! We baked free loading right into our mass transit.

        1. That’s how Portland’s crime rail works too. Sometimes there are fare inspectors. Sometimes.

        2. Both light-rail lines allow riders to board without passing through a turnstile or showing a conductor a ticket. Riders are supposed to swipe their electronic fare cards at readers on a rail platform or purchase a ticket from a machine. Passengers are required to have a ticket while on a platform or train or have proof that they swiped their card.

          The conductor overhead would be quite high, I’m sure, but I have to think turnstiles entering the platform would easily pay for themselves.

          1. Especially when you consider how much they spent on the platforms for the light rail.

            I think though that they would rather have more ridership than more revenue. I’m sure the mooches will be first in line to protest any attempts to reduce service levels in order to control costs.

    3. In cities better bike infrastructure can be a very good thing for everyone (even the people who don’t bike), but the problem with it is that most cyclists are like most drivers: they’re assholes about it.

      1. I like biking. I usually commute quite a bit by bike in the summer.

        I can’t stand the activists though. They never apply and cost to benefit analysis to any project. They want giant bridges built to cross roads. They want super wide bike paths built.

        And yeah, they ride like assholes in traffic.

        1. The most hilarious thing I see is when some cyclists get all angry about pedestrians slowing them down by being “in the way” like this considering how hostile the cyclist community is to any attempt to limit inconvenience to drivers (to be fair, this level of hypocrisy doesn’t come up very often).

          Also, the idea of letting bikes pass on the right is so stupid and dangerous.

          1. Not to defend asshole cyclists (and believe me I hate them too), but the pedestrian on bikepath thing can be not only a pain, but a danger.

            In the past two weeks, I’ve encountered:
            1) A dog walker with one of those extendable leashes whose dog decided to suddenly dash accross the width of the entire bike path to attack a flock of Canadian geese. This was on a dedicated bike path.

            2) Same bike path, pedestrian talking on the phone, walking away from me. With no warning, gets angry and flings his arm out wide just before I get abreast of him. Luckily he had been meandering so I had my eye on him. I’m sure he was right, the other guy was “full of shit.”

            3) Riding at night, into the pool of my headlight and out into the street, walks a girl in dark clothes looking at her phone. Then when I jam on the brakes and try to steer behind her she starts to leap back to the sidewalk (the squeek of my brakes startled her). Fortunately she froze allowing me to complete my turn.

            4) Back to the bike path. An elderly chinese couple walking for exercise. I and another biker were approaching them from behind. They are in the middle of the path, slighly veering to the left. The other biker does a very stupid thing. He rings his bell and tries to pass them on the right. The man stops and pivots on his right foot in a leftward direction to peer behind him. This shoves his wife to the right.

            1. The other biker starts swearing and shouting as he goes off the path into some nasty mud + Canadian-goose-shit mixture. He somehow avoided falling but got the gunk on his back and I suspect water bottle. Again, I was slowing down because I could sense this was not going to go well. So I got the full stink eye from the Chinese gentleman as I went by on the left.

              5) Bike path on a steep slope. Two older women walking vigorously, pumping their arms. Me coming up the hill. They aren’t looking where they are going. They start veering to take up the whole path. I call to them. They aren’t listening (they are talking through the gasps of their exertions and looking down at the ground). Nothing for it. I stop, since if they collide with me, I figure it’s best if I’m a stationary object with three points of contact on the ground. The one on a collision course starts as she sees my tire swim into her peripheral vision. She scurries back to her side of the path. I’m stopped, on a steep hill, not in my hillclimbing gear, and I need to get started again.

              If people walked on streets the way they walk on bike paths, the rate at which pedestrians were killed would be an order of magnitude higher. Bicycles are vehicles. They can’t stop on a dime. You can’t act on a bike path like you are in the hallway of your house.

              1. I haven’t had a collision with a pedestrian since 2004 (Coast guard cpo taking the annual PRT did a sudden 90 degree turn and stepped in front of my bike). But that’s more due to my vigilence than the prudence of the pedestrians.

              2. I prefer to ride with traffic than among pedestrians. The fucking mouthbreathers who clog up the dedicated bike paths here, despite there being huge stretches of gravel roadway to trudge along, piss me off so much more than drivers. Granted, the latter could kill me, but the former have no excuse for being inattentive.

                ON YOUR LEFT ON YOUR LEFT YOU STUPID FUCK GET OFF THE BIKE PATH OMG

                1. Yeah, if it’s an urban road speed limit of 25 MPH or so, I’m going to be doing about 20 or more anyway. And the walkers are doing 3 MPH…

                  A few years ago I was riding on the bike path next to W river parkway near the U of M in Minneapolis, and I realized I’d be safer dealing with cars on the road itself rather than the peds on the trail.

                  Oh, for everyone else reading this, the general rule of travel is “do unto others”. Failing that, “don’t be a jerk”.

                  1. Well, my driving philosophy is certainly “do unto others before they do unto you”.

                    1. That’s not from the KJV. More like the JJV*.

                      (Jesse James Version)

            2. The issue I was pointing out isn’t that pedestrians and bikers are safe together, it’s that some bikers complain about that while ignoring that they cause the same issue to drivers. The guy in question wants the right of way over both faster cars and slower pedestrians.

      2. Driving around a city with bike lanes (Boulder) convinced me that roads are for cars.

        The bike lane markings are confusing as hell, and frequently I was unsure about where the hell I was supposed to drive.
        The whole time I kept expecting some suicidal cyclist to pop out of nowhere.

        I was relieved to get out of there without grease marks on the side of my car.

      3. Bike paths and car traffic are a difficult mix. We’ve got an assload of bike paths in Tucson that run alongside the real road, separated by nothing but a painted stripe. 4,000 pound vehicles going 40 mph and 12 pound vehicles going 12 mph are, well, difficult. We have a fair number of dead or injured cyclists as a result.

    4. Who cycles to the airport? Who doesn’t leave for the airport fifteen minutes late, every single time?

      1. I love traveling out of MSP in the winter. The edge-of-your seat excitement, the never knowing what crazy-ass weather, traffic or TSA bullshit will have you cooling your heels while Delta fails to get you on another flight.

        Biking to the airport is just plain dumb.

      2. The only thing I want more than a mom and baby in the seat next to me for a 4 hour flight is a guy who is nice and sweaty from biking.

        1. I could only imagine.

          When I used to cycle to work in the winter I’d be fine for the trip, toasty-warm and lathered up. Then I’d get to work and be soaked and freezing to death in my cubicle.

        2. To be fair, that bike messenger who is going to Vegas isn’t going to shower before getting in a cab to catch that flight. So he might not be sweaty, but he will still smell.

    5. There is something weirdly dissonant about demanding a bike path to ride your bike to the airport.

      Their whining about paying to ride a bus (that they probably agitated to get in the first place) just pisses me off.

    6. You can ride to the airport (I have done so more than once), just not from the North or East, only from the South and West.

      I used to live in Bloomington and am a crazy competitive cyclist. I never rode there to fly, only to train though. Not sure the logistics of trying to fly and getting there by bike…

  45. “This brutally explicit show is a powerful demonstration of why families should have greater control over the TV networks they purchase from their cable and satellite providers.”

    If that means “We want family-friendly packages free from scary content,” fine. If it means, “I don’t approve, so nobody anywhere should be allowed to see it,” he can go hang himself with piano wire.

    1. I think they want cafeteria plans where they can pick and choose which channels they want; no packages. Nobody is forcing them to buy anything.

  46. The latest demand by the local cycling activists is to have more bike paths built so that they can ride directly to the airport.

    Are they also “demanding” bicycle racks on the wings of all the planes?

  47. Legendary religious crank/cartoonist Jack Chick finally gets called before the white throne of judgement:

    Jack Chick, fundamentalist Christian cartoonist, dies at 92

    1. I posted that earlier this week. Has the family released the cause of death, yet? Many commenters here were thinking erotic asphyxiation.

    2. Posted in yesterday’s links. There was a discussion as to whether the cause of death was auto-erotic asphyxiation or HIV-related causes, although I have a feeling that the fact he was 92 years old has a lot more to do with it.

      1. Yeah, but there’s no shame in dying of heart failure or cancer or any of the typical old-person things. I was the one to raise the HIV/AIDS possibility but qualified that with “possibly contracted from a blood transfusion.” It was common in the 80’s and 90’s for religious families of people who died of AIDS to hush that up.

      2. HEY! At least one of us voted for “Satanic ritual gone wrong”, I’ll have you know.

      3. At 92, maybe he died in a motorcycle accident like my great grandmother.

  48. Media lies about School Shooting

    The shooting took place at a park near a middle school. THIS WAS NOT A SCHOOL SHOOTING KSL!

    1. Literally anywhere in the world other than Sandy middle school would be “outside Sandy middle school”. And what would a 16-y/o be doing at a middle school, anyway?

      1. Held back two times?

    2. We need gun-free zones surrounding schools, not just for the school property itself. Why, some of those bullets can travel up to a mile! We therefore need a gun-free zone of at least one mile from the edge of any school property.

      1. A bullet fired from a mile away from the gun-free zone would still be able to reach the gun-free zone, so I would propose having the definition of a gun-free zone extended so as to include the idea that any land that touches a gun-free zone is also a gun-free zone.

        1. It’s just common sense.

        2. This article they have a 375 Cheytac that hit a target at 4kms (on purpose). So it would need to be at least that large.

    3. Every act of violence regardless of the location or weapon used is a school shooting now.

      Get you’re Newspeak Dictionary updated. Or else you’ll need “rehabilitation”.

Please to post comments

Comments are closed.