Millennial Men More Likely to Vote Hillary, Less Likely to Vote Third-Party Than Millennial Women

Meanwhile, twice as many women supported third-party presidential candidates.



Millennial men are more likely than their female counterparts to support Hillary Clinton for president, according to the latest USA TODAY/Rock the Vote Poll. While two-thirds of the men surveyed said they're with her, less than half of millennial women said they would vote for Clinton.

The online survey, conducted October 11-13, included 1,020 U.S. adults ages 18 to 34.

Among women, Clinton was the top candidate for 47 percent and Donald Trump was tops for 18 percent. Another 18 percent of women respondents dug third-party candidates, pledging support for either Libertarian nominee Gary Johnson or Green Party candidate Jill Stein. Just 6 percent of men said they planned to vote third-party.

The complete poll results have not yet been released, so it's unclear how support breaks down between the Libertarian and Green candidate.

For millennial men, Clinton was the top candidate for 65 percent and Trump for 20 percent.

Just 400 of the millennial poll respondents—about 39 percent—said they were likely to vote next month. Among this group, 68 percent planned to vote for Clinton, 20 percent for Trump, 8 percent for Johnson, and 1 percent for Stein.

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  1. I’m going to draw all sorts of conclusions from this that align with my particular worldview.

    1. How is this a surprise? Millennial men are more in need of a StrongWoman figure in their lives than any other generation in history. Millennial women strike me as more independent and willing to do for themselves.

      How’d I do?

      1. I’m not sure what they’re feeding these millennial dudes, but I’m thinking it lowers testosterone and increases estrogen. It must be all those soy and tofu lattes.

        1. A soy based vegan diet.

          1. Soy is for newbs. Enjoy your fake meat.

        2. My dad had a theory that hormones in chicken were turning boys into sissies who allow themselves to be pushed around too much by the opposite sex-maybe he was onto something…

          1. Its the BPA in soup can lining.

        3. I think it’s the rise in divorce rate and single mother homes. When you don’t have dad to teach you how to act like a man, you stay a little boy your entire life….

      2. Maybe Millennial guys do need a “Strong Woman” figure in their lives, but why Her? I would think they’d be more inspired by a Wonder Woman or Laura Croft type and a bit less by just another Wicked Witch of the West.

        I know I would.

        1. Not the strong woman they want, the strong woman they deserve.

        2. Hillary does have the biggest war boner, which I guess would make her the most masculine candidate down there.

      3. What if millennial men simply observe that supporting Trump is negatively correlated with getting laid?

        1. Men who don’t get laid over something like that, aren’t getting laid anyway.

    2. Your conclusions are worthless if you don’t bombastically spout them at every opportunity.

    3. Bonus points if you can use the term “cuckfags”

      1. per the title of this article; this proves the stereotype of all non-mellinails thet they are effeminate, stupid doucehrs.

        Both of the candidates are horrible, not to mention virtually the same person.

      2. Don’t know what happened there but anyone who votes for Clinton is either completely brainwashed/brain dead and stupid or dependent on her scams for a living.

        I do not waste my time voting anymore but were I to vote, trump would be a better choice only because he is not as incredibly annoying and phony as that cunt hag.

        Can you imagine 8 years of listening to that shrill robot screwing up your life?

        1. Can you imagine 8 years of listening to that shrill robot screwing up your life?

          Buckle up.

          1. Buckle up indeed and BOHICA, my friends.

        2. Can you imagine 8 years of listening to that shrill robot screwing up your life?

          I have difficulty imagining a women in her condition has eight years left.

    4. No one has mentioned “Pajama Boy” yet, which I find surprising.

        1. It’s a big black guy going at your mate just a threesome when you are gay?

  2. They’re more comfortable with lying hags.

    1. Well, she lies a lot less than Trump. And she’s not dangerously ignorant. And she’s not a sociopath. And her dick is bigger.

      1. Assumes facts not in evidence. Except maybe for the giant prehensile clitdong.

      2. I have to assume all of that is sarcasm, except for the last.

      3. she lies a lot less than Trump. And she’s not dangerously ignorant. And she’s not a sociopath.

        Citation needed.

        1. @Derp-

          she lies a lot less than Trump:

          Dangerously ignorant:

        2. @Derp


          Of course, this is all beyond obvious. But please, now tell me these sources don’t count and run back to infowars. Idiot.

          1. Ha-ha, politifact is as at least as bad a source as infowars. Retard.

            1. Right on cue. Thank you for proving me correct.

  3. Eunuchs.

    1. Generation Pussy.

      1. Trump might grab this generation before it is all over.

        1. Grab it by its motherfucking leg.

  4. “Source: USA TODAY/Rock The Vote online poll”

    Online poll. Totes legit.

    1. Look, if a political story starts with Rock The you know it’s rock solid. BTW, I blame my generation for everything associated with “Rock The Vote”.

      1. Even if it’s the Casbah?

        1. Don’t bring the Clash into this. They’re awesome.

          1. +1 Sharif don’t like it.

            1. he thinks it’s not kosher

              1. The poll was done by order of the prophet.

    2. My mum said I had to vote 6 times or I’m out of the basement!


      1. You can do that all at one time if you live in Chicago.

        1. Only if you’re dead.

    3. Online poll.

      Ah, so worthless. But let’s make all kinds of sweeping generalizations about a whole cohort of people anyway.

  5. I’d like to hear the males explain that.

    1. It’s where the chicks are.

  6. The millennials are going to bring about the libertarian moment, any minute now…

    1. Ride sharing should be safe, legal and rare.

      1. Decentralized currencies should come in packs of 6 or twelve. Cases for the monocle-wearers.

    2. Along with all the third world immigrants!

  7. “I just know that ‘I’m With Her’ bumper sticker on my Prius will get me laid this time!”

  8. What about the millennial poll that showed that 32% of millennials think Dubya killed more people than Stalin?

    1. Well at least Stalin did it for the right reasons, he was trying to stop the Kulaks and wreckers before they ruined utopia!

    2. I’m willing to believe there’s a poll that supports anything you’re willing to believe.

      1. I believe believing there’s a poll that supports anything you believe is supported by a poll.

      2. Or a study.

        1. Meta Study

  9. Note on the story art, has anyone noticed that the Hijab is now the thing you jam in your picture to make a show of “diversity”?

    1. Islamaphobia much?!

      1. Hey, I just feel that I need to be surrounded by more women with Hijabs is all… because right now, I can’t even say “some of my best friends wear hijabs!”

        1. My need to say that is also overwhelming, but I’m dealing with it by searching for hijabs online. A few burqua images help too.

          1. Try that search on xHamster.

            1. I’m sure I would see more than hijabs and burquas.

    2. Since Muslims are, thankfully, less than 1% of the population at present, seeing them in every other Democrat photo-op tells you that they’re either angling for serious “diversity” cred or they’re going for the “please don’t kill us, you’re one of us” approach.

      1. Diversity. We all know some muslims don’t give a shit if they kill some other muslims and their allies.

        1. If they kill other Muslims and their allies, they aren’t Muslims anymore. Don’t you know that violence is unIslamic?

          1. +1 religion of peace

          2. Don’t you know that violence is unIslamic?

            It’s always aggravating when people say this seriously (I know that’s not what you’re doing, I’m speaking generally), as it speaks of a profound historical ignorance. Sure, there are pacifist sects within Islam, and the average Muslim probably just wants to live a normal life like everyone else, but to say that violence is anathema to Islam is laughable. The religion was founded by a warrior, and the first several religious leaders (Caliphs) conquered one of the largest empires in world history. Further, I know of no widely accepted Islamic doctrines that repudiate the actions of the founding fathers of the religion. If warfare and conquest are not violence, then I don’t know what is.

            1. Yep early Islamic economy was mostly conquest. I think that is why Mohammed looked into the hat with the gold plates that said something, something jihad.

      2. Meh, the 1% isn’t spread out. There are some areas, such as scenic Aurora, Colorado (known as Saudi Aurora to the jesters in Lakewood), where you can’t avoid seeing the hijab. Like, everywhere.

        1. Not just the jesters in Lakewood. It is statewide and has been called that since at least the ’70’s. I most recently heard the term in La Junta.

          1. La Junta? Damn, drove through there on my way outta the state about five years ago. Not a bad little town, as little towns go.

          2. I lived in denver in the 90s and don’t recall seeing any Arabs. It was mostly lily white, with the blacks all sequestered together on the east side and aurora, and the Mexicans on the west side and north.

            1. True. The term predates the current demographics by many decades.

        2. Paterson New Jersey falls into that category as well.

          1. And jersey city.

            1. Which part? I work there and haven’t seen such a ‘hood. JC is pretty big.

              My own corner in Brooklyn, OTOH, is Little Egypt for about 5 blocks in every direction. Other than the fact that every shop is turning into a shisha joint I have little problem with them. They are quiet and the neighborhood is very safe.

              1. There’s a mosque a few blocks up on grove st. But mostly what I’m talking about is the journal square area.

              2. Yeah, there are specific neighborhoods. South Paterson is the Muslim area of Paterson. Not sure where in Jersey City the Muslim neighborhood is, but they do have a significant one.

              3. What’s fun with having shisha joints? I don’t know what shisha is, exactly, but it’s fun to say. Shisha. Shisha. Shisha.

                1. Ahem. I meant to ask, “what’s *wrong* with having shisha joints?”

                  I changed course halfway through the sentence and didn’t go back and edit.

                2. Ahem. I meant to ask, “what’s *wrong* with having shisha joints?”

                  I changed course halfway through the sentence and didn’t go back and edit.

            2. Parts of it. JC is far more heavily Filipino, Indian, and Hispanic than Arab / Muslim.

              1. Yeah, Journal Square is turning Indian big time. And they all work on the riverfront which is where most of Lower Manhattan’s financial jobs decamped to.

              2. Yes, though if u go just south of journal square that’s where they mostay are. North and west of jrnl Sq is all injun.

      3. “Muslims are, thankfully, less than 1% of the population at present”

        Serious issue. The next serious issue will be not enough transgender Muslims.


        1. The next serious issue will be not enough transgender Muslims.

          That assumes the proggies would be willing criticize Muslim cultures for something.

        2. Prediction. The next Democratic nominee for pres will be a Muslim.

          1. Chelsea Clinton is a Muslim??

            1. No, Michele Obama.

            2. She’s inevitable God damn it, isn’t she.

              1. It’s her turn.

          2. Makes sense. And anyone who doesn’t vote for that person will be labeled Islamaphobic. And the GOP will put up someone so awful that… well ….

          3. Nah, they’ll go for First Gay President first, I think.

            1. Hillary is a twofer.

            2. James Buchanan was the first gay president.

        3. The next serious issue will be not enough transgender Muslims.

          A freedom sack means anyone can identify as female, because you can’t identify the females.

    3. Note on the story art, has anyone noticed that the Hijab is now the thing you jam in your picture to make a show of “diversity”?

      “Syrian photobomb”

  10. One thing always worth remembering about polls:

    They measure what it is the people they talked to _said._ Not what it is they’re necessarily going to do when election day comes. I’m guessing this is particularly important when it comes to younger voters.

  11. “Just 400 of the millennial poll respondents?about 39 percent?said they were likely to vote next month”

    That probably means about 4% of them will show up at a voting place.

    1. I have a hard time picturing the millenials I know taking the time and effort to vote at all, much less for someone as horrible as hillary.

      1. Bernie would have gotten a lot more millennial votes. Not that it matters. Old people, women, and minorities decide the elections now.

  12. Heh, Men without chests….

    1. You can dance if you want to…

      1. We can vote in November
        We can poll for Hil-la-ry
        ‘Cause you’re friends want Trump and if they want Trump, then
        That’s Not Okay

    2. Heh, Men without chests balls….


  13. I keep hearing about the awfulness of Trump supporters. I read this and this creepy little fruit loop is who popped in my head –

    1. not a fan of workaholics?

      1. I don’t get your reference. I have no clue who that guy is.

        1. He’s a marginal television star for a sitcom on comedy central and has been featured in a couple of recent teenybopper movies.

      2. Workaholics is probably a little too far out of Suthenboy’s wheelhouse. Now get off his lawn.

        1. Yeah but isn’t Pitch Perfect universally loved by all?

          1. He’s was also a recurring character on Modern Family. He’s definitely famous enough to merit being on Allstate commercials.

            Andy Daly on CarMax commercials is the one that perplexes me. He’s funny, but I doubt many viewers have any idea who he is.

  14. I’m a millennial male (also straight and white and libertarian) and I have nothing but utter contempt for Clinton. Also by proxy, her “not as bad as Trump,” “she has experience… somehow” rationalizing fan base who will bury their heads in the sand upon the first drone strike.

    1. “I’m a millennial male (also straight and white and libertarian)”

      Help me Fruit Sushi 2 Go. You’re my only hope.

    2. Same.
      Ive been telling my peers who are voting for her they have no claim to be anti war. Its useless of course, i told tjem thesame thing with obama in 2012

  15. Replete with otherworldly curtsies and obsessions with mimicry the complex wafts through the open windows of lads languishing on doubt horizons.

  16. Is emo music a symptom or a cause?

    1. Huh, I thought it was all the songs where the entire band sings “Whoooooaaaaaaaaaaaaoooooaaaaaaaaah” that had something to do with it.

      1. Ever heard of “emo” before? I had the misfortune of discovering it at one of my last restaurant jobs. The kids were listening to this crap and I asked them what it was. They said “punk.” So the next day I brought in some Dead Milkmen and some Black Flag. They were horrified. Turns out they had no idea of what punk actually is. Finally I looked up the name of one of the bands and discovered this genre called “emo.” It is absolutely vile shit. The chicks dig it though. Maybe it’s the modern equivalent of Journey or something.

        1. The chicks dig it though.

          I would wager that women and gambling are the two biggest drivers of popular culture.

          1. Being that I am not much of a gambler, I would not bet against that.

        2. The chicks dig it though.

          Meh, it’s an outgrowth of that Michael Smith and The Cure shit.

          1. Some of the waitresses at that joint were smokin hot. Like good enough to eat. But as much as I tried, I could not bring myself to listen to that shit without needing to suppress a very real urge to vomit. No pussy is worth that. By gods it barely qualifies as music.

            1. Ah, but chicks these days will let you touch more than the pussy.

            2. There is no music too vile for truly good pussy. Turn your man card in for a Bro card.

        3. “I wish my grass was emo so it would cut itself.”

          Anywho, most of my musician friends (all technically millenials) were at one time or another in emo bands and they invariably were fans of and influenced by late 80’s and 90’s punk and hardcore.

          1. Vomit doesn’t smell like what was eaten.

            1. *scribbles furiously on notepad titled “List of Purloined Witty Rejoinders”*

              1. That’s funny because I only just thought that one up. Wasn’t sure if it was any good. I guess you answered that for me. Thanks.

                1. No problem. But I will use it and never give you credit, just FYI.

                  1. But I will use it and never give you credit, just FYI.

                    I’ve started more than one meme, and never gotten credit. So I take it for granted.

              2. The list name is good as well, so what list do i put that on?

        4. I don’t even know what “emo” is anymore. There are some bands I like that were unironically called “emo” back in the day but I can guarantee you they’re not popular with any chicks today.

          1. This post-Shins, sub-Decemberists musical bowel movement doesn’t really have a genre name yet. I sure the fuck am sick of it. Singing “whoa” over and over again at various values of drawn out is not a chorus, scarf-boy.

            1. I am completely unfamiliar with anything that has been called “emo” after about 2000.

          2. Rites of Spring?

            1. Don’t know that. I was thinking later, like Sunny Day Real Estate.

        5. Green Day: punk or not? Discuss.

          1. Saw Terrible Ted on That Metal Show, and he said he actually likes that band because (I have not listened closely enough to verify this) they play really tight together. I will take his word for it. Can’t stand them. Then again I don’t like The Clash much either.

            1. They’ve been together for 30 years. It’s tough to play together that long and not be really tight.

              1. The Rolling Stones manage.

                1. The Stones haven’t done anything good since a decade before the Steel Wheelchair tour.

          2. In a technical sense. Pop-punk would be more accurate, with Green Day on one end of the teeter-totter and Avril Levine on the other.

            1. I’d contend that Good Charlotte is the other end, with Blink-182 as genre’s fulcrum. Avril Lavigne is faux-pop-punk. That’s a very sad thing to be.

              1. True.

                Where does My Chemical Romance fit into all of this? Pop-goth? Bubblegum-Industrial? Horror-twee?

                1. They’re just a garden variety emo band in my book. I did chuckle at the first and last suggestion, though. Both capture the visual perfectly if not the music.

                  1. I really couldn’t summon up an MCR song, so I hit YouTube.

                    I regret doing this.

                2. Where does My Chemical Romance fit into all of this?

                  I think they started out as nominally “emo,” then gradually became a musical salmagundy of a bunch of random rock-alternative crap.

                  1. From the MCR wiki page:

                    The band was formed by frontman Gerard Way and drummer Matt Pelissier soon after the September 11 attacks. Witnessing the World Trade Center towers fall influenced Way’s life to the extent that he decided to start a band.

                    Can we kill Bin Laden again?

                    1. Noooooo…

                      I’ve fallen down a YouTube hole of terrible music. Why hasn’t anyone killed Panic! At The Disco? It’s like a hail of cold birdshit spattering my eardrums.

            2. Lileks on Levine: “In short: all I need to know about her I will learn in 14 months, when she does a Bally fitness center commercial.”

              1. Thanks for the link. I love her even more, now.

            3. “Avril Lavigne”
              It’s OK to say “I don’t know”. You don’t have to make up words.

            4. When I think pop-punk, I think more along the lines of second-generation Vandals and Screeching Weasel. But, then, I’m old.

            5. Hey, Hey, You, You


          3. Early Green Day is.

    2. yes

  17. So if 300 women and 100 men said they were going to vote, would the headline be wrong? In that case, more women are voting for Clinton than men, making any woman in the sample more likely to vote for Clinton than any man. I looked in the USA Today piece, and I can’t puzzle out any of that.

    1. The way I figure it, is there are millennial women who WANT to vote for Clinton. Then there are the emasculated males who think that voting for Clinton will get some of the aforementioned to look their way.

  18. Fuck….the political campaign logo sticker on his cheek…what a complete twat. I feel embarrassed for everyone in that photo. Thanks ENB!

  19. 39% of voluntary poll takers will likely vote. That’s kind of a yikes for the Hillary campaign. Apathy will likely play a large part in the outcome.

    1. Good catch. That’s a pretty low number considering that, in essence, 61% of respondents took the poll voluntarily in order to say that they wouldn’t vote.

      1. Of the fraction of the people who could be bothered to take a poll, only a fraction of them think they will go and vote, and only a fraction of those actually will get off their asses to vote.

        Polls are shit at reflecting turnout.

  20. The best argument against democracy is a five minute conversation with the average voter.

    1. That’s why the Framers created a republic. They understood that democracy is glorified mob-rule.

      1. I guess they didn’t consider total corruption.

        1. I guess they didn’t consider total corruption.

          Sure they did, that’s what the second amendment is for.

          1. Good point.

          2. I don’t think so. I believe the 2A was so that the country wouldn’t need a standing army. Every citizen was a potential soldier to be called up in a time of war, and at that time Congress would allocate two years worth of money to pay them. Now that we have a standing army of professional soldiers, the 2A is irrelevant in that respect. The Framers were pretty specific about treason, so I don’t think they were big fans of citizens rising up against government. At least not their government.

            1. Every citizen was a potential soldier to be called up in a time of war, and at that time Congress would allocate two years worth of money to pay them.

              Do you have a source? Not call in you out, just legitimately curious. I went to public school and chose a technical profession so my knowledge of the finer points of American history is shoddy.

              1. Do you have a source? Not call in you out, just legitimately curious.

                Read the fucking Constitution.

            2. It was both. The framers drew a distinction between the regular army and the militia. The militia was to be called up to defend the country on short notice, and also to keep the government in check by assuring that the government didn’t have a monopoly on force. The two years worth of money is in fact in the constitution, and was intended to avoid a standing army by limiting the length of time for available financing. The government currently pays lip service to it by repeatedly re-authorizing two-year appropriations for the armed forces. Or at least they did, under Obama they may have dropped that fiction.

              1. Ah, that’s right. Thanks. Forgot about the two-year authorization thing. As far as I know, DoD Acquisitions rules still follow it, though it’s mostly a paperwork exercise to ensure that they’ll have enough money for the twenty-plus year lifecycle of a program.

                1. As far as I know, DoD Acquisitions rules still follow it, though it’s mostly a paperwork exercise to ensure that they’ll have enough money for the twenty-plus year lifecycle of a program.

                  Yes and no. I work in defense contracting. Every two years it is a gamble. Will they keep the contract and my job or not? If not do I go work for the competitor or find something else? It is secure but insecure at the same time.

                2. Not really. We are working under CR’s now. 2 year money is really rare, mostly really small programs (SBIR’s, BAA’s, etc.) or really big programs.

            3. No, the 2A was to prevent the US Government from disarming the State Militias. It was to preserve sovereignty for the States by preventing the US from disarming the people.

              The 14th Amendment is what protects the People from the fcking States.

        2. They kinda did. They created the system of checks and balances believing that three branches would compete with another for power, and thus stop one another from doing terrible shit. They apparently didn’t consider them colluding with one another in the name of “deference,” and rendering the separation of powers effectively meaningless.

          1. Well, I doubt they could have foreseen the penaltax.

            1. I figure they thought the branches would be jealous of the power of the others, and try to check it. As opposed to delegating their power away to the point where government has become more of a trunk than a tree.

              1. It’s just all cronyism now. That’s why anyone tries to get elected.

                1. If only that were true. Unfortunately there’s just enough who believe their own bullshit.

      2. Too bad we couldn’t keep it.

        1. ^this^ or if you’re a prog, then good thing.

  21. Yeah but how many of these people are actually going to vote?

    1. I would say not many. But it won’t make much difference in blue states. Around here, you could resurrect Hitler and put a D next to his name and every Democrat voter in the state would twist and contort reality until they convinced themselves to vote for him.

      1. “He’ll make the trains run on time!”

        1. And he’s not a Republican!

    2. 42

      1. As good a guess as any.

        1. Guess? It is the ultimate answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything! Jesus fucking H Christ on a skateboard! What kind of a dork are you?

          1. I always thought Jackie Robinson was overrated.

            1. Considering what he had to endure just to play in the majors, I would say he was rather remarkable.

              1. I’m just fucking with sarcasmic due to him thinking I missed the Hitchhiker’s Guide reference.

                1. Baseball?

  22. Why doesn’t it read Millennial “Men,” like it should?

    1. Cocks?

      1. Out for Harambe?

    2. No bonus points, you didn’t add the ‘fag’ suffix.

  23. I wonder how long after the election it will be before progs start calling for Trump voters to be rounded up and sent to camps? I don’t think it’s a question of ‘if’.

    1. Maybe it will bring about the end of the secret ballot? Once we all realize the importance of being able to identify Trump voters but being unable to do so.

  24. Young women are more reluctant to vote for Clinton because she has verbally treated them like vassals and intimated that they owe their votes to her.

    While introducing Mrs. Clinton at a rally in New Hampshire on Saturday, Ms. Albright, 78, the first female secretary of state, talked about the importance of electing a woman to the country’s highest office. In a dig at the “revolution” that Mr. Sanders, 74, often speaks of, she said the first female commander in chief would be a true revolution. And she scolded any woman who felt otherwise.

    “We can tell our story of how we climbed the ladder, and a lot of you younger women think it’s done,” Ms. Albright said of the broader fight for women’s equality. “It’s not done. There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help each other!”

    Mrs. Clinton, 68, laughed, slowly clapped and took a large sip of her beverage.

    1. There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help each other!

      The southern district of New York state?

      1. Madeline Albright’s boudoir

      2. Speaking of women who help each other… I heard there was a big Margaret Sanger circle-jerk in NYC the other day.

        1. +1 Eugenics…feature not a bug.

    2. “Don’t try to understand women. Women understand women and they hate each other.”
      Al Bundy

  25. But who are the MGTOW crowd pulling the lever for?

    1. They just pull their own levers

      1. euphemism perfection!

  26. All these millennial men just sitting on their hands thinking that what we really need is a good war to thin the ranks.

    1. Hillary will certainly give them that.

    2. Let’s have a war, so you can go and die,
      let’s have a war, we can all use the money,
      let’s have a war, we need the space,
      let’s have a war, clean out this place,

      It already started in the city,
      suburbia will be just as easy,

      There’s too many of us, there’s too many of us, there’s too many….

      Let’s have a war, jack up the Dow Jones,
      let’s have a war, we can start in New Jersey,
      let’s have a war, blame it on the middle class,
      let’s have a war, we’re like rats in a cage

      1. I bet what these beta dudes are thinking is that the masculine types likely to qualify for and join the military will be thinned out by Hillary’s warbonering, giving them a chance they otherwise wouldn’t get…

        I bet it won’t make a difference and they still will remain in mommy’s basement pulling on their own levers as someone just mentioned…

  27. Boomer men like Trump because of all the lead paint they consumed as kids.

    Millennial men like Clinton because of soy infant formula.

    The only hope for the future is that the post-millennials will be on a paleo diet rather than Michelle Obama’s USDA-approved Let’s Move diet.

    1. What are you talking about?, you crazy! For millions of yeas, our ancestors only ate tofurkey, donuts, and quinoa! And they drank soy lattes! Gary Johnson voters spreading more lies!

    2. The way I’m seeing things is that sometime in the future, American men will be so emasculated that some country will threaten war on us and we’ll just surrender. Not a shot will be fired.

      1. So you’re saying we really do need a Strong Woman in charge.

  28. Does anyone else get invaded by ladybugs this time of year? I swear they must winter in my walls in colonies a million strong. They’re all over the house, the sky is full of them, and before long I will be vacuuming them up by the hundreds every weekend.

    1. You need you get a girlfriend, man.

      1. No ladybugs here in Colorado, but lots of wasps this autumn for some reason.

        1. What is scary is hardly any honeybees anywhere. Hopefully they make a comeback.

          1. Cell towers killed them all. And bigfoot.

          2. Honeybees are an invasive species that was introduced to North America by Europeans in the 1600s.

            1. I’ve never forgiven them for dandelions.

            2. That describes most other species of the European invasion of the 1600s. I’m glad they did come over. America baby!

      2. My wife left me in June. I say “left” but she is here all the time since we have a kid. No. A girlfriend would not be a good idea. Not for my emotional health, not for the kid, and it wouldn’t work anyway since the soon-to-be-ex is at the house all the time. I like fireworks, but not that kind.

        1. That would drive me nuts. I couldn’t do it.

        2. Well that sucks. Hope shit works out for you.

          1. I second this.

        3. Sorry to hear that. That sucks.

          The kid’s a big consideration, but when you’re ready for the girlfriend, the ex’ll just have to deal with it.

          She can’t have her cake and eat it, too–not forever.

          Principles over principals–Sarcasmic Lives Matter!!!

          1. My guess is, she plans to have her cake, and sarcasmic’s, too.

            That blows, sarc. Here’s hoping your ex gets married to good guy soon. I think that would be the best for everyone, including you.

            1. That’s not very nice.

              1. He means well. I’m sure you don’t like any suggestion of her going off with anyone else. I know I didn’t.

                There’s nothing even in the Bible about what you’re supposed to do when the female unit leaves, and yet it’s probably the most common kind of emotional crisis. I’ve never felt worse than I did when I was going through stuff like that. When someone dies, it hurts, too, but they’re gone. They’re not hovering out there in your life all the time.

                The other thing is that women are unbearable to be around under normal circumstances. We put up with them when they’re with us for various reasons. There’s the biological imperative, the kids, social life, family ties, companionship, etc., but once that goes out the window? Having to associate with them becomes unbearable in geometric proportions–even if you’re miserable without them.

                Ultimately, the only thing that’s helped me in that situation is two things:

                1) The part of you that falls in love and wants to be a hero and be a great dad and a husband and all that, that’s like the best part of you. And when a relationship falls apart, it feels like the best part of you falls apart with it. Realizing that’s an illusion helps. It was always about what was in your own heart–and she can’t take that part of you away. You can only give it up yourself, and if you don’t want to, you don’t have to. The best part of sarcasmic is still there.

                1. 2) Focusing on yourself. There are probably a hundred things you wanted to do before but didn’t because of the ex-female unit. Go after them. Build a hot rod. Take flying lessons. One time, I went out and learned to ride a motorcycle. The other thing I’ve found is that getting a new female doesn’t hurt that situation one bit, and it’s a lot easier than most guys who’ve been tied down a long time imagine. When you weren’t open to the opportunities because you were with someone, you probably never saw them.

                  And new females are like motorcycles, too–you denied that to yourself for a long time. Stop denying yourself what you want, and it helps get over wanting something that’s stuck in time in the past. You just gotta find something else to want, and if you can’t think of anything right now, don’t worry. It’ll come. But you might have to try to think about it. What’s something you always wanted to do?

                  Anyway, that’s what helped me.

                  Thinking about her with someone else never helped me either.

                2. The other thing is that women are unbearable to be around under normal circumstances.

                  Really? I happen to like women.

                  Thank you for the rest of your advice. I will take it an leave it at will. I know you mean well. As far as a motorcycle goes, I don’t have the coin. Went from a two-income household that was barely making it to a single-income household that is eating into savings.

                  I appreciate that you mean well, unlike most of my fellow assholes on this site.

                  Thanks. I will remember.

                  1. The others mean well, too. It’s just not coming across that way.

                    I like women, too . . . in spite of the way they are. The way they are drives me crazy sometimes. Yeah, I miss individual women when they leave, too.

                    What I was trying to say was about women we’ve been with for years. I’ve known old people who were married for more than 50 years. They bickered like cats and dogs. When his wife died, he missed her terribly, but the fact was that they drove each other insane when they were together. And what I was trying to say is that when you break up, the things that you used to put up with–from that one person–eventually? You won’t put up with that shit anymore.

                    To cop a phrase, “My woman done left and took all the reasons [that I was putting up with all her shit] for”. When a woman loves you and stands beside you, putting up with her shit is okay. But that attitude probably shouldn’t survive a break up.

                    I even understand that sometimes we torture ourselves because if it still hurts, it feels like it isn’t really over. But when it gets to that point, you may find yourself sticking up for yourself against yourself. Putting up with bullshit from a woman that left me is bullshit, and my for that bullshit will break down.

                    1. Oh, and I wasn’t saying you should try to motorcycle per se. Maybe it’s something else. You can take the MSF class and buy a beater for $700. But that’s beside the point. I was trying to say that whatever it is that floats your boat but didn’t do it before because of the wife, you can do that now–and you should do it now. Whatever it is.

                      If you find yourself ruminating about the past and how it got you stuck in today, one good way to combat that is to think about something you want to do in the future and work on it today. If you’ve always wanted to build a sailboat or hike the Appalachian Trail, you don’t have to buy a boat or start on a trek today. Maybe you start reading up on boat plans and sailing. Maybe you start planning a hiking trip, looking at gear. The point is to start thinking about something you want to do in the future just because you want to do it–and start learning about it, researching it, saving for it, whatever today.

                    2. However badly the last few months are haunting your life today, there’s something you want for yourself in the future–even if you’ve forgotten how to want something for yourself. If you can’t think of anything right away, don’t worry. That’s typical! It’ll come to you. Women have a way of making us feel like we only want what they want and don’t want what they don’t want. It’s in our genetic code or something. But you can overcome that. No matter what the women in our past do in the future, even if they come back, the only way forward is to start thinking about yourself and what you want in the future. Sarcasmic lives matter!

                      No, really.

        4. Find someone your ex likes…good friend of hers or her sister would be ideal. Start a relationship with that person. Everyone should get along nicely since they know each other. I’m off to set up my dinner preparations.
          *lights up bbq grill with napalm

          1. snort

        5. I’m just saying that putting a lot of attention into ladybugs might not be the best thing at this point in your separation.

          1. It’s hard not to notice when your walls and ceilings have hundreds of ladybugs crawling on them, and when their carcasses crunch under your feet if you don’t clean the floors every single say. Google up “ladybug infestation” and look at the pictures. Mine is not extreme, but it is far from trivial. I don’t want to kill the things because they are beneficial, but that doesn’t make them less of a pain in the ass.

            1. I’m just trying to make you laugh, asshole.

              1. My humor is lacking.

            2. OMG they’re so cute! Granted, I have never seen more than one at a time.

              1. They aren’t cute when there are hundreds forming a writhing mass in the corner of your ceiling. Google it. I shit you not.

            3. WTF are they eating that draws them to your walls? dead rats?

              1. WTF are they eating that draws them to your walls? dead rats?

                I don’t know. I do have a flying squirrel problem. Maybe they eat squirrel shit. Did some research way back and there really isn’t that much known on the seasonal behavior of these particular insects. From my understanding, the people who sell them in quantity know where the nests are, and they don’t give up the info. Which makes scientific discovery difficult, assuming someone actually gives a shit. So there really isn’t much known about the subject.

                1. I do have a flying squirrel problem.

                  Jesus. You country folk and your critter problems.

                  1. Jesus. You country folk and your critter problems.

                    It’s not all that bad. The chipmunks digging holes in my driveway were an excuse to by a .410. Any excuse to buy a gun is a good one.

    2. Those are the asian variant of ladybugs…thanks to all the non-chemical pest control craze. They do bite and they look for warm spots to hide out. Nuke the house from orbit, it’s the only way to be sure.

      1. Yep, the big orange ones with no spots, right? They really do bite.

      2. They haven’t bothered me. Other than the smell when you step on the piles of carcasses. Never been bit. They just fly around outside, and group up in the corners of the ceiling. My six year old daughter plays with them, calls them her friends, and sings songs to them. She has never been bit either.

    3. Stink bugs are the problem here, but they haven’t been bad this year.

    4. They hibernate.

      Do you live near an apple grove? A lot of apple farmers use them to control apple mites. When all the mites are gone, . . . they look for somewhere to hibernate.

      At one point, I thought I wanted to be an apple farmer.

      1. As a matter of fact, the town I live in is full of apple orchards. I live just down the street from an old processing plant.

        1. Well, there’s your source.

          You can buy cheap ladybugs at Amazon!

 1500-Live-Ladybugs-Guaranteed-Delivery/ dp/B00533KOIC

          Apple farmers spray the larvae around like pesticide.

        2. I think you’re supposed to order needle snakes to get rid of the ladybugs.

          And then you get screaming weasels to get rid of the needle snakes.

          You can get some pot bellied pigs to get rid of those damn weasels keeping you up all night.

          Problem is the pigs shit all over the place, but you can just scoop that up and leave it in flaming bags on your ex-wife’s doorstep . . .

          *door bell*

          “Who’s there?”

          1. She isn’t my ex. Not yet. And I still love her. Anyone who left poop on her doorstep would answer to Smith and Wesson.

    5. I have in years past, but not so far this year.

  29. Fucking hipsters.

  30. Just as an aside, I am 73% more likely to give you a wedgie if I think you’re a millennial.

    1. Just look for red skinny jeans, a man purse, and llama wool booties with tassels.

      1. gotta be faux-llama wool though, amirite?

        1. Of course, but it’s gayly colored.

          1. like Little Richard?

  31. Gary Johnson is seeing a huge boost in the polls, with new numbers showing that the Libertarian Party candidate is surging in the Central Plains and could be moving past Democrat Hillary Clinton in these traditionally red states.

    The George Washington University Battleground Poll showed that Johnson has support at 21 percent in the Central Plains states, most of which have traditionally gone to Republicans. Hillary Clinton’s support in this region of the country was at 26 percent.

    1. WDATPDIM?

    2. RCP avg is not showing this. Johnson is at 6% right now, the lowest he’s been in several months.

      1. It was just released today and nationally it has Johnson at 8%, down 2% from their last poll. It’s just in the central plains that he’s gaining some ground. That’s where the campaign is spending their minuscule funds.

    3. I’ll be shocked if Johnson gets as many as 4 million votes.

  32. Poll: Millennial Men More Likely to Vote Hillary Clinton Than Young Women Are
    Meanwhile, twice as many women supported third-party presidential candidates.

    It just goes to show you the Millennial Men love socialism while twice as many women are not yet properly indoctrinated into the wisdom of Marx, Lenin, etc.
    But that will change once Comrade Hillary is elected.
    Then all will be well.

  33. I think what this poll might be showing is that its becoming rarer for boys to identify with a traditional male role model, because fewer families have a dad present-I’m not saying Trump is who I want my sons to aspire to, but better him than Richard Simmons.

    1. Both are orange, both have terrible hair, neither should be President…

    2. better him than Richard Simmons

      I don’t think anyone is aspiring to be that… odd.

  34. I overheard the IT nerds in the breakroom wondering, “Who will Lily, the ATT&T girl vote for?”
    Let’s ask “Lobster Girl” too.

  35. The “movement” generation.

    Used to be we didn’t care if this was the first left-handed district clerk of Polynesian descent with blonde hair and a pimple on their middle toe, but alas… today we need to fight for progress!

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