Sources Saying Pence is Trump's Pick, Christie Ally Pleads Guilty, U.S. and Russia to Bomb Syria Together: P.M. Links

• 

  Congressional photo

  It's increasingly likely that Indiana Gov. Mike Pence is Donald Trump's pick for vice president. Read more about him here.

• An associate of New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie has pleaded guilty to using his role as chairman of the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey to influence flights from United between Newark and a small airport near a home he owned in South Carolina.
• In the months prior to a little boy getting attacked and killed by an alligator near Walt Disney World in Florida, area firefighters had been told to stop feeding the reptiles.
• A federal appeals court panel has quashed a warrant that attempted to force Microsoft to hand over the contents of emails stored on a server in Ireland.
• The things nations can do when they work together: The United States and Russia are coordinating on plans to bomb whatever's left of Syria that hasn't already been bombed.
• Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg regrets openly criticizing Trump and said her statements were "ill-advised."
• The 2016 Emmy nominations have been revealed.

Follow us on Facebook and Twitter, and don't forget to sign up for Reason's daily updates for more content.

Comments

[Fist of Etiquette]

Alt text stealing a valid joke? Sad!

[Rufus The Monocled]

Hello.

"The 2016 Emmy nominations have been revealed."

And?

[Citizen X]

NO SPOILERS.

[Citizen X]

Scott Shackleford is the alt-text king, it is known.

[DEG]

Robbie needs to take lessons from Scott.

[bacon-magic]

Robbie needs a lot of lessons. Except on hair, that is on point.

[Chipper Morning Wood]

There is alt-text hidden in Robby's hair. We just haven't unlocked it yet.

[DesigNate]

So is Robby's hair a PokemonGo character? And if so, how close do you have to get to capture it?

[Mock-star]

Its more like the Lament Configuration.

[Bobarian (Would Chip Her)]

I understood him to be a queen?

...

/Lord, I apologize for that right there...

[Citizen X]

I thought about going there, but i'm way too classy of a motherfucker.

[Ted S.]

No you're not.

[ChloeHicks]

I'm making over $15k a month working part time. I kept hearing other people tell me how much money they can make online so I decided to look into it. Well, it was all true and has totally changed my life. Go to website and click toTech tab for more work details...Now this Website... http://www.Trends88.com

[Crusty Juggler]

Great, now I have that song in my head. "Kiss me beneath the milky twilight." Horrible.

[Fist of Etiquette]

It's increasingly likely that Indiana Gov. Mike Pence is Donald Trump's pick for vice president.

I've been pensively waiting to see who I won't be voting for.

[Zero Sum Game]

I think this is a bit more like sorting out one's first day in prison. You won't be certain who you've got to look out for when shower time rolls around, but you should probably size everyone up first just in case.

[Sir Digby Chicken Caesar]

You either kick someone's ass the first day....Or, becomes someone's bitch.

[bacon-magic]

I think this is a bit more like sorting out one's first day in prison. You won't be certain who you've got to look out for when shower time rolls around, but you should probably size everyone up first just in case.

To see if it will fit?

[Bobarian (Would Chip Her)]

Fuck!

I hurt myself trying to hold that laugh in.

[Chipper Morning Wood]

Size everyone up = who will be the least painful penetrator?

[Zero Sum Game]

That is a pretty accurate description of how people vote in this day and age, Chipper.

Who the hell votes for the candidate they want? They'll be happy to vote for the one who promises lube (no guarantees on fulfilling campaign promises, though).

[mad.casual]

I've been pensively waiting to see who I won't be voting for.

He's no Jack Kennedy, that's for sure.

[BiMonSciFiCon]

The things nations can do when they work together: The United States and Russia are coordinating on plans to bomb whatever's left of Syria that hasn't already been bombed.

I just love seeing people put aside their differences and come together to support a good cause.

[Citizen X]

Well, it's a cause, anyway.

[Lee Genes]

Wait I thought we were getting ready to bomb Russia with Syria's help?

The United States and NATO Are Preparing for a Major War With Russia

So confused.

[bassjoe]

Why can't both?

[Rich]

We're fighting them over there so we don't have to fight them over *there*.

[Jerry on the rocks]

FIFA won't allow it.

[Pay up, Palin's Buttplug!]

The war with Russia is to determine whether to keep or remove Assad.

[Suthenboy]

Well, we were stupid enough to get into a war in Afghanistan, why not another place with no precedence for certain disaster, humiliation and defeat?

[R C Dean]

So, the USAF will now be serving as Assad's air force?

Fifth dimensional chess, indeed.

[ant1sthenes]

See, now that he has the USAF blowing people up, he doesn't need to gas them with chemical weapons. That's humanitarian fifth-dimensional chess.

[Fist of Etiquette]

An associate of New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie has pleaded guilty to using his role as chairman of the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey to influence flights from United between Newark and a small airport near a home he owned in South Carolina.

Well, they couldn't take the bridge.

[Rufus The Monocled]

http://dump.fm/p/Ediut/15575846

Yup.

[Lee Genes]

What I saw at first:

Sources Saying Pence is Trump's Prick, Kirstie Ally Pleads Guilty

[Arizona_Guy]

I read it that way too

[geo1113]

I will add my name to that list.

[Trshmnstr, terror of the trash]

Yup. I was wondering what she did this time.

[Rhywun]

Me too. OK, not the Prick part - nice.

[Bobarian (Would Chip Her)]

I saw Trump's Dick.

/phrasing

[R C Dean]

Dammit, me too.

I blame SugarFree. My neurons, formerly as pure as the driven snow, are now coated with a sticky, oily substance.

[You Sound Like a Prog (MJG)]

Talk about a Freudian snip.

[Chipper Morning Wood]

A Freudian snip? Is that when you go for a haircut and end up getting circumsized?

[mad.casual]

Wrong. Your mother cuts the tip off your cigar.

[The Last American Hero]

Shakes head, puts away "Free Kirstie Ally" sign

[(((Renegade)))]

Shakes head

That's part of good hygiene after urination.

[mad.casual]

+1 How is anyone ever gonna read a sign that small?

[Chipper Morning Wood]

This needs a SugarFree story with a talking Trump penis and Kristie Ally going on some kind of chocolate fueled rampage.

[bacon-magic]

Sugarfretes needs no help. Our brains have been smudged forever.

[Rich]

In the months prior to a little boy getting attacked and killed by an alligator near Walt Disney World in Florida, area firefighters had been told to stop feeding the reptiles.

Let more lawsuits begin.

[Tonio]

What were they feeding them?

[That's A Bingo!]

Orphaned children.

[Tonio]

What a terrible waste of good orphans, how typically statist.

[Krabappel]

Who will polish my monocles?!

[Juvenile Bluster]

It's true. I made some good money selling orphans to Disney over the last few years. Shame it's probably going to come to an end.

[Citizen X]

Nebraskan children.

[Brett L]

Only The Mouse could throw firefighters to a pack of hungry vultures and get away with it.

[Playa Manhattan.]

Kristy Alley pleads guilty? What happened???

[CE]

I read that the same way. Cultural appropriation of Vulcanism?

[Pat (PM)]

Synthetic marijuana overdose turns dozens into "zombies" in NYC

NEW YORK -- We were reminded again of the nightmare of drug abuse Tuesday when synthetic marijuana seemed to turn people into zombies on a New York City street.

It was a bizarre scene: Dozens of people with blank stares stumbling around a Brooklyn neighborhood. Brian Arthur live-streamed it on Facebook.

"As I was walking up a block, I see anybody laying out on the floor, and everybody's just stumbling all over the place," Arthur said. "It looked like a scene out of a zombie movie."

Emergency workers sent 33 people to area hospitals, saying they appeared to be under the influence of the synthetic drug known as K2 or spice.

Designed to mimic marijuana, the man-made drug has far more powerful effects.

"What K2 does is puts you in a world, a delusional world, have your mind spinning," said Andrew, who said he's used synthetic marijuana. "It's mind altering."

[That's A Bingo!]

Always buy your marijuana organic and locally grown.

[Rich]

This "synthetic marijuana" moniker has to go.

It confuses the general public more than "assault weapon".

[Tonio]

The confusion is the point. Prohibitionists like it. Marketers like it. Prohibitionists create more demand which creates more problems. Wash, rinse, repeat (gov't license required in some areas).

[Rich]

Of course.

And it sounds more evil than "spice" or "bath salts".

[geo1113]

Are they sure they weren't merely playing Pokemon Go.

[Rich]

"I choose *you*, Uncontrollable Twitching!"

[Bobarian (Would Chip Her)]

I counter your 'Uncontrollable Twitching' with 'Face Eating'!

[Chipper Morning Wood]

Yeah, between Pokemon Go and synth weed, I am gonna need more orphans to empty my zombie traps.

[Anomalous]

Slow and shambolic.

[Agent Cooper]

"Dozens of people with blank stares stumbling around a Brooklyn neighborhood"

And this is different how?

[Fist of Etiquette]

In the months prior to a little boy getting attacked and killed by an alligator near Walt Disney World in Florida, area firefighters had been told to stop feeding the reptiles.

Who knew they weren't actually Disney characters?

[Gojira]

So has anyone made a porno yet where the guy goes spelunking in the chicks orifices to hunt for pokemon, and finds them in her vag and ass and has to attempt to retrieve them with his pokeballs?

Because I'd like to watch that.

[Tonio]

You are a sick puppy. NTTAWWT, of course.

[Gojira]

Tell me you don't want to see a goatse-style ass opening only to see a grinning magic turtle inside saying, "squirtle, squirtle!"

[Chipper Morning Wood]

Is there a pachyderm Pokemon that would be relevant?

[Citizen X]

Of course someone's made that already, and probably twenty or thirty sequels. New to the Internet, are you?

[paranoid android]

No, but the strip club across the street from my office has a screen up with an ad that reads "Come catch these" and the chick has Pokeballs super-imposed over her nipples.

[Tonio]

Nice. But I can see the dweebs being laughed out of a place like that by the construction workers and ex-frat business types.

[Chipper Morning Wood]

Oh, nice. From VR Pokemons to VD Pokemons. Catch them all!

[DOOMco]

Probably.

[John Titor]

Gotta catch'em all!

[Rich]

LOL

[bacon-magic]

Rule 34 sir.

[Playa Manhattan.]

What are you doing tonight?

[Bobarian (Would Chip Her)]

Poking his balls?

[bacon-magic]

I'm up for anything. Except pokemon and gay sex.

[bacon-magic]

Mexicans & weed - a ok.

[Carl #TeamBlue #RedSucks]

There is a porn parody called Strokemon.

Be warned, it's quite disturbing -- more so than the Spongebob one, even,

[Fist of Etiquette]

Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg regrets openly criticizing Trump and said her statements were "ill-advised."

Are there any rulings she'd like to take back, too?

[Chipper Morning Wood]

In fact yes. She regrets ruling Dance Dance Revolution and embarrassing all those Asian kids.

[Rich]

A U.S. appeals court has quashed a search warrant that would have required Microsoft to disclose contents of emails stored on a server in Ireland, in a case that has broad ramifications for privacy, diplomatic relations and the ability of American companies to sell web services abroad

, not to mention the activities of the next President.

[Suthenboy]

That is the first thing that popped in my head; President Clinton won't be stupid enough to have her private server in the US. She learned her lesson.

[Pat (PM)]

New York Experiments With Tiny "Micro" Apartments

New York City's first "micro" apartment complex is open for business, challenging the limits of minimalist living. What the tiny dwellings lack in square footage, they try to make up for in amenities.

Carmel Place, a 55-unit complex that opened June 1 in the Kips Bay neighborhood of Manhattan, represents the first time in decades that the city has allowed apartments to be built this small ? ranging from 260 to 360 square feet. That's roughly the equivalent of a one-car garage.

It's the latest entry in a national trend toward smaller urban housing. The rise in single-person households ? now nearly a third of New York City's households ? and ever-higher rents led the city to approve the experimental project. Carmel Place got city land and a waiver from New York's 400-square-foot minimum on new apartments, set in 1987.

[Rhywun]

In addition to Internet and Wi-Fi, rent includes a weekly tidying service and a monthly deep clean, along with dog walking, dry-cleaning pickup and even a butler app called Hello Alfred, for customized errands. ... Although the [furniture] pieces are pric[e]y... Another 14 apartments have rents set by affordable-housing programs ...

Aiming for the frugal hipster market, I see. Here's an idea - toss out all the stupid frills and the appeals to "social justice" and just charge an honest fucking rent.

[Ted S.]

Bring back rooming houses.

[Rhywun]

That too. I actually did that for awhile in Buffalo - it was better than being homeless. Crazy old German lady wanted "long-timers". Yeah, right.

[You Sound Like a Prog (MJG)]

"Fine, we'll let you build these cramped, tenement-like domiciles - but only for the rich!"

[Suthenboy]

Apparently people who have their head up their asses don't need much room. That's good.

[Mad Scientist]

260 to 360 square feet...
rent includes...dog walking

I believe we can safely assume the dogs are the small yappy kind, and to conserve space the walls are the paper thin kind. Can we get weekly updates on how the tenants are getting along? I have $20 that says one of these dogs and/or their owner is mysteriously poisoned within 6 weeks.

[lafe.long]

Not sure if true or not, but I've heard that Great Danes are actually fantastic apartment dogs.

[R C Dean]

Some of the really big breeds are good apartment dogs because they can't be arsed to move around much.

Whereas, some of the little breeds (and I would expect damn near any terrier) would be bad apartment dogs, because their motors run hot all the damn time.

[Fist of Etiquette]

A federal appeals court panel has quashed a warrant that attempted to force Microsoft to hand over the contents of emails stored on a server in Ireland.

Based on the argument that no one actually uses Hotmail anymore.

[Peace Be Upon [REDACTED], Jr.]

*clears throat, glares at Fist*

[Fist of Etiquette]

CHEK OUT THIS LOOSER N00B

[Playa Manhattan.]

Is hotmail still running on unix servers?

[Citizen X]

Nope. Three Commodore 64s wired together with phone cords.

[Lee Genes]

I thought they upgraded to the Amiga back in 98.

[IndyEleven]

Nah, they just upgraded storage from 30-minute Maxells to 60-minute.

[Rufus The Monocled]

Commodore 64. Ah memories:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_zDwjctkF5w

[Pat (PM)]

Between linux and the BSDs, pretty much the entire internet is still running on Unix servers.

[Greg F]

Based on the argument that no one actually uses Hotmail anymore.

Never heard of Office 365?

[Arizona_Guy]

OT question:

Any advantage to switching from independent to LP?

Mind you, AZ has open primaries for everything except prez primaries. So an independent can vote in most primaries.

Thoughts?

[Tonio]

I would say Independent is the safest choice. Imagine what may happen if the wrong people get in charge - you know, the list-lovers.

[Derp-o-Matic 5000]

This. Maryland requires party registration to vote in primaries. We've already seen the abuses of overzealous TEAM players at the IRS and elsewhere. They can pry my party affiliation from my cold dead hands.

[kinnath]

You only declare a party if you enjoy getting tons of mail solicitations for donations and constant telephone calls in the run up to the primary and the election.

[Pat (PM)]

This.

Also, make sure you actually select independent, as in "not-affiliated/non-partisan" and not "American Independent Party", which is sometimes shortened to "Independent" with a capital "I".

[Arizona_Guy]

yep: "no party preference"

[Bobarian (Would Chip Her)]

Actually donate to someone (Rand) and see what happens.

[Chipper Morning Wood]

Never again.

[Rufus The Monocled]

Why do I get the imagery of someone robbing Ginsberg of her marble rye?

[Derp-o-Matic 5000]

The masturbation euphemism are getting Seinfeldian.

[Citizen X]

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

[Pat (PM)]

'Cured by Nature': How One Author Ditched Prescriptions and Healed Herself

Leading a healthy lifestyle and avoiding toxins is good for our bodies. No secret there. Did you know it can also improve mental and emotional health issues? Author Tara Mackey shares her journey from prescription drugs to good health in her book, "Cured by Nature", and you are going to want to get your hands on a copy.[...]

LT: So many people, especially women, are diagnosed with anxiety and depression these days, and subsequently prescribed antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications. Do you think these conditions can be treated other, more natural, ways?

TM: I believe that regardless of if we're taking medication, we should be incorporating natural methods of healing into our everyday lives. I took pills for over 11 years, for any illness, pain and various diagnosis ? emotional, mental and physical ? that you can name. They may have masked the problem, or handed me some chemicals, but never, ever actually helped me on my way to being truly healed. The reason it's important to have natural methods and tools for healing is because at the end of the day, you can't rely on a pill. A pill won't do the work. You need to do the work. You need to be able to rely on yourself, no matter what.

[Lee Genes]

She's right on the overprescription issue, wrong on the solution.

[geo1113]

Put women back in the kitchen?

[Juvenile Bluster]

Riiiiight.

Darwin laughs.

[That's A Bingo!]

You need to do the work. You need to be able to rely on yourself, no matter what.

Old fashioned private clitoral stimulation at home.

[geo1113]

One can even acquire a machine to help.

[Playa Manhattan.]

Go on...

[fish]

Or its my understanding that for $300 you can have a smartly dressed Brit help you with your......tension.....in a clinical setting.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/fem.....r-sex.html

[Chipper Morning Wood]

Or at the doctor. Just tell him you got Hysteria.

[Suthenboy]

Did they give up food and live on sunlight also?

[Chipper Morning Wood]

You have to become a level five vegan first.

[Derp-o-Matic 5000]

A federal appeals court panel has quashed a warrant that attempted to force Microsoft to hand over the contents of emails stored on a server in Ireland.

Clinton campaign hurriedly jotting notes.

[Tonio]

Is that one of those euphemisms I keep hearing about here?

[Derp-o-Matic 5000]

Everything I say is a euphemism

[Bobarian (Would Chip Her)]

He was euphemizing when he wrote that.

Or is it euphemating?

[Chipper Morning Wood]

Pfshaw. Everything I DO is a euphemism.

[John Titor]

The United States and Russia are coordinating on plans to bomb whatever's left of Syria that hasn't already been bombed.

Have we finally gotten over the stupid 'we need to depose Assad' talking point? Or is the U.S. immediately going to start headbutting with the Russians over this again in a couple months?

[Derp-o-Matic 5000]

Depends on how the election goes. If Hillary wins, we go back to the "depose Assad" talk. If Trump wins...well, no one really has a damned clue, do they? Casinos in Damascus, perhaps?

[Pay up, Palin's Buttplug!]

Maybe we'll go to war over it.

[Rufus The Monocled]

To new best friends:

http://bit.ly/29S52LO

[bacon-magic]

This one...

[Playa Manhattan.]

RED LINE

[R C Dean]

I read this "Sources Say Pence is Trump's Pick" as saying Pence was, well, let's just say an appendage of Trump's that rhymes with "pick".

[Rich]

28 pages on alleged Saudi ties to 9/11 to be released as soon as Friday

With most of it as black as Omar Sharif's costume in Lawrence of Arabia.

[Rufus The Monocled]

Hey, I'm wearing that exact same outfit right now!

[PBR Streetgang]

I bet Sharif don't like it.

[Anomalous]

+1 Rock the Casbah

[Francisco d'Anconia]

+1 Rocked Casbah

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Back

Forward

RELOAD

[Rich]

Cool!

[Juvenile Bluster]

I always figured you H&R'd naked.

[Bobarian (Would Chip Her)]

No, that's just working at the day-care.

[Derp-o-Matic 5000]

While long overdue, I'd like to see Congress put half this much effort into finding out why the fuck we have a military presence in Libya.

[Pay up, Palin's Buttplug!]

Ask the Clinton Foundation.

[R C Dean]

[email returned undeliverable: no such address]

[The Late P Brooks]

I threw this T Friedman fever dream on the dying embers of the morning links. I'll serve it up again, because it's so awesomely un-self-aware.

First, if Clinton wins a sweeping victory, we will have a chance (depending on the size of a Democratic majority in the Senate) to pass common-sense gun laws. That would mean restoring the Assault Weapons Ban, which was enacted as part of the 1994 federal crime bill but expired after 10 years, and making it illegal for anyone on the terrorist watch list to buy a gun.

I don't want to touch any citizen's Second Amendment rights, but the notion that we can't restrict military weapons that are increasingly being used in mass murders defies common sense ? yet it can't be fixed as long as today's G.O.P. controls any branch of government.

If Clinton wins a sweeping victory, we can borrow $100 billion at close to zero interest for a national infrastructure rebuild to deal with some of the nation's shameful deferred maintenance of roads, bridges, airports and rails and its inadequate bandwidth, and create more blue-collar jobs that would stimulate growth.

I say again: the New York Times is an insane asylum with typewriters.

[Peace Be Upon [REDACTED], Jr.]

If Clinton wins a sweeping victory, we can borrow $100 billion at close to zero interest for a national infrastructure rebuild to deal with some of the nation's shameful deferred maintenance of roads, bridges, airports and rails and its inadequate bandwidth, and create more blue-collar jobs that would stimulate growth.

I know Peak Derp can't ever be achieved, but I feel like I can see the summit from here.

[Lee Genes]

DO SOMETHING ALREADY, JUST DO SOMETHING, ANYTHING, PLEASE I'M BEGGING YOU

[Bobarian (Would Chip Her)]

From that summit, you get a really good view of the next inflection point.

Derp is an undulating fuction (not a typo) that continues toward infinity.

[Lee Genes]

Friedman has got to be the dumbest asshole contributing to their rag. An open devotee of authoritarianism that would support the execution of American citizens if it meant "doing something"

[Juvenile Bluster]

Thomas Friedman died 5 years ago and they replaced him with a Thomas Friedman article generator.

[Peace Be Upon [REDACTED], Jr.]

+1 Go Big, Mr. Obama

[You Sound Like a Prog (MJG)]

Imagine if Tea Party politicians sat down with ordinary people like you and me and ironed out some real solutions to our gas prices crisis.

That one is gold from the first sentence.

[This Machine]

Very nice. I liked this one:

The first rule of holes is that when you're in one, stop digging. When you're in three, bring a lot of shovels. If I had fifteen minutes to pitch my idea to politicians, I'd tell them two things about education. First, there's no way around the issue unless we're prepared to spend more: and not just spend more, but spend smarter by investing in the kind of green energy that makes countries succeed. That's going to require some tax increases as well, but as they say, "them's the breaks."

[Enough About Palin]

http://thomasfriedmanopedgenerator.com/about.php

[Pay up, Palin's Buttplug!]

Has he perfected his goose step yet?

[Rich]

I don't want to touch any citizen's Second Amendment rights, but

Full stop.

[Arizona_Guy]

but the notion that we can't restrict military weapons that are increasingly being used in mass murders defies common sense

[citation needed]

[Bobarian (Would Chip Her)]

He wouldn't know common sense if it was tap-dancing on his balls with metal spikes.

Which sounds like a good place to start.

[Arizona_Guy]

What kind of fallacy is appealing to "common sense"?

begging the question maybe?

[R C Dean]

Has there been a single military weapon (whatever that is; I assume it would be a weapon issued to our armed forces) used at a mass shooting in the US?

[Arizona_Guy]

I thought is was always "crumbling national infrastructure."

[You Sound Like a Prog (MJG)]

It's like he's not even trying.

Borrow $100 billion? That's it?

[Peace Be Upon [REDACTED], Jr.]

At close to zero interest!

[Lee Genes]

Why not negative interest? Seriously people, get with the times already.

[Playa Manhattan.]

"to deal with some of the nation's shameful deferred maintenance of roads, bridges, airports and rails "

Ummm, so what was the money spent on instead, Mr. Friedman?

[Lee Genes]

Stimulus!

Without which, we would have surely sunken into a full blown depression with next to zero economic growth over the next seven years.......

oh...

[CE]

Oh, the austerity! If only our current president would have tried deficit spending.

[JaimeRoberto]

Didn't we borrow something like $800 billion 7 years ago? What happened to that?

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Christie Ally

Cute!

[Playa Manhattan.]

You WOULD say that.

[Jerry on the rocks]

Chris Froome's bike was on strike today.

[Rufus The Monocled]

What mayhem today.

[Krapulent Kristen]

Clusterfuck.

But Tejay gained 2 spots.

[Juvenile Bluster]

That was such a clusterfuck. Race organizers have no clue what they're doing.

And I still think that motorbike stopped short on purpose.

[R C Dean]

Oy. I have it tivoed to drink at when I get home.

NO SPOILERS!

There have been some really strangely designed race stages this year.

[Citizen X]

In that picture, Mike Pence looks just a little bit high.

[DEG]

I noticed that too. He should share.

[Chipper Morning Wood]

You would be high too if Trump was touching that special spot on your back.

[Juice]

He was out back toking it up with Ben Carson.

[The Late P Brooks]

This column has argued for a while now that there is only one thing worse than one-party autocracy, and that is one-party democracy. At least a one-party autocracy can order things to get done.

A one-party democracy ? that is, a two-party system where only one party is interested in governing and the other is in constant blocking mode, which has characterized America in recent years ? is much worse. It can't do anything big, hard or important.

One of the NYT's "stars" is openly hoping Hillary will assume the Presidency, and rule by decree. Unbelievers will presumably be rounded up and dealt with severely. I wonder how he feels about a correspondingly efficient Trumpocracy.

[This Machine]

I wonder how he feels about a correspondingly efficient Trumpocracy.

That was my thought as well. "One-party rule is great! As long as I agree with the party!" No kidding, dipshit.

[Derp-o-Matic 5000]

I keep telling myself that it will be super embarrassing when these idiots begging for tyranny (so long as it's their guy) have to walk back these statements when the wrong team is in power. But then I remember that they have a sick combination of zero shame and short memories.

[R C Dean]

A one-party democracy ? that is, a two-party system where only one party is interested in governing and the other is in constant blocking mode,

So he's complaining about the Dem's use of the supermajority requirements in the Senate to block all kinds of legislation?

[AaronBonn]

On first glance, I read that headline as saying "Kirstie Alley pleads guilty," and immediately started reading it to find out what she did.

Just thought I'd share that.

[Citizen X]

You and everybody else, man.

[Bobarian (Would Chip Her)]

She ate Shelly Long; they finally caught up to her.

[The Fusionist]

No, half of her body weight went missing and they suspect foul play.

[Cdr Lytton]

Mike Pence or the older version of Robert Shaw's character in From Russia with Love?

[Rich]

The CIA has a team of clairvoyants

"The intelligence community was looking for alternative explanations. The old way of thinking, wasn't catching the new dynamics, trends, that don't fit into the way they understand things."

Well, I suppose it's better than just making shit up.

[Lee Genes]

Thus, in 1994, the CIA's Directorate of Intelligence commissioned the Political Instability Task Force (PITF), formerly known as the State Failure Task Force, a clairvoyant-esque squad of social-scientist brainiacs charged with churning global political data into global instability forecasts.

The reality is even dumber than what the title suggests.

[Citizen X]

charged with churning global political data into global instability forecasts

Now THAT is a masturbation euphemism.

[Lee Genes]

The entire CIA is a masturbation euphemism.

[ant1sthenes]

State Failure Task Force

Honesty in labeling, at least.

[Brett L]

Wasn't there a George Clooney movie about this.

[R C Dean]

The Men Who Stare At Charts?

[You Sound Like a Prog (MJG)]

Excuse me, but "dynamics" and "trends"? Aren't these just buzzwords that dumb people use to sound important? Not that I'm accusing you of anything like that.

...I'm on a kill list, aren't I?

[John Titor]

At least the last time they did this it was fairly cheap.

[Lee Genes]

Thus, in 1994, the CIA's Directorate of Intelligence commissioned the Political Instability Task Force (PITF), formerly known as the State Failure Task Force

We'll rename it, make a shiny new Powerpoint about it, and the funding will be ours!

[Ted S.]

The politics of failure have failed. We must make them work again.

[The Fusionist]

"You did well to see Madame Ravatsky. With magical crystal ball I sense global trends.

"Please to be silent as I gaze into magical crystal ball...

"I see...much turbulence in Middle East...I see government allied with United States overthrown and replaced with instability...I see terrorism...ah, and natural disaster, too...

"Cross my palm with silver and I will tell you more..."

[commoditous]

Who?

[dajjal]

I was hoping for Gingrich. Oh well. Trump thinks he can manipulate Pence. He can't. They will start contradicting each other soon enough. Trump will get petulant and angry and Pence will not understand why Trump is being so stubborn.

[Citizen X]

What happened to your other handle? Did you spill applesauce on it again?

[Lee Genes]

It's probably at the methadone clinic

[Citizen X]

Yes, that's where he gets the applesauce.

[dajjal]

Tulpa's in the shop and Shreek's been involuntarily committed. I don't know what happened to Palin's Buttplug but I sense it ain't good.

[Playa Manhattan.]

He might have noticed that the stock I picked hit a 52 week high today.

I'm going to let him know when I see him.

[Pay up, Palin's Buttplug!]

I haven't seen the Buttplug lately either?

[Playa Manhattan.]

He doesn't seem to like commenting when you're around. I can't quite figure it out.

[Chipper Morning Wood]

You know the first place to check, when you can't find the buttplug.....

[db]

"I woke up this morning
With a bad hangover..."

https://youtu.be/byDiILrNbM4

[Juice]

I was hoping for Gingrich.

Why? He's more awful than Trump and appeals to almost no one (except you I guess).

[bassjoe]

Shockingly, Gingrich was the VP candidate that appealed to Republicans the MOST. Because... name recognition, I guess? It can't be because he is a thrice-married blowhard with loose ethics who leaves a path of unhappy people in his wake (though, considering how far Trump has come, I guess those aren't disqualifications).

[DenverJ]

Gingrich knows how to handle the Clintons...

[Cytotoxic]

Why can't he control Pence? Pence is a failure. The Federalist has a good column about how he sucks. Pence has nothing to say.

[Dennis (n?e GILMORE?)]

It's increasingly likely that Indiana Gov. Mike Pence is Donald Trump's pick for vice president.

I'd call it a "Deal Breaker" if there were any deal involved

[Krapulent Kristen]

Is it safe to say that Hudson Obama is interested in performing a Damascectomy?

[Dennis (n?e GILMORE?)]

a Damascectomy?

Scott's summary was misleading; if the US and Russia are coordinating efforts, i presume it would be because they've quietly agreed to NOT bomb each others' homies in the region.

e.g. - the US "not bomb Assad" and Russia "not bomb FSA/Kurds", so that they can together bomb ISIS/Al Nusra ,et al, and thusly clear the way for a more direct fight between their respective proxies.

I don't think anything will come of it, and its like the 100th time they've suggested they were about to agree about something, but i don't want to dissuade Scott from Syria-related linkings. It beats the hell out of Robby's "whatever's trending on the twitters" links.

[R C Dean]

In reality, I suspect this will just free up the Russians to bomb the shit out of the FSA and the Kurds.

Obama, naturally, will be befuddled that yet another one of his agreements with a soulless autocrat is being used to stock the outhouse.

[Inigo Montoya]

I read "Christie Ally pleads guilty" and actually took it to mean the actress from Cheers who became infamous for gaining loads of weight. Then I realized that she was Kirstie Ally, not Christie. The weight gain angle still applies, however.

[OliviaNoel]

I get paid 98 bucks every hour for work at home on my laptop. I never thought I'd be able to do it but my good friend is earning 17k /monthly by doing this job and she showed me how. Try it out on following website....

See Her+++++++++++++++ http://www.CareerPlus90.com

[Dennis (n?e GILMORE?)]

Bader Ginsburg... said her statements were "ill-advised."

Well its not like people care about whether justices think about things before yelling their opinion about them.

[Bobarian (Would Chip Her)]

"That's not true!"

[The Late P Brooks]

a clairvoyant-esque squad of social-scientist brainiacs charged with churning global political data into global instability forecasts.

They must be working around the clock writing reports about Trump.

[Playa Manhattan.]

So... am I the only one who's confused about what Kristy Alley did?

Speak up, people.

[Heroic Mulatto]

FAIR GAME

[You Sound Like a Prog (MJG)]

She sucked Pence in public.

[bacon-magic]

She finally came out as transgender?

[Crusty Juggler]

Gained a lot of weight?

[Crusty Juggler]

The Look Who's Talking duology?

[Agile Cyborg]

The era of gilded jackboots will not be pleasant for those who soar in the kingdom.

[Pat (PM)]

Gilded Jackboots would be an okay name for a band.

[Chipper Morning Wood]

You are up early today, my friend.

[Dennis (n?e GILMORE?)]

Student accused of assault baked bread as penance

Apparently they've downgraded from "Crucifixion", but they're keeping with the theme.

An elite New Hampshire prep school says it has "grave concern" about the reported assault of a female student and the way it in which it was initially resolved: with the male student accused of groping her having to bake bread for her as an act of weekly "penance."

The Boston Globe reported Wednesday the 17-year-old girl told two Phillips Exeter Academy deans in the fall about her allegations. She later met with a campus minister, the Rev. Robert Thompson, and the boy.

Thompson urged her to reconcile with the student and having him do "penance" by bringing her weekly batches of his bread, which he baked and sold on campus, the newspaper reported.

[This Machine]

"Sex Bread! Gitcher guilty Sex Bread, right here! You won't regret it until it's too late!"

[Dennis (n?e GILMORE?)]

i laughed.

I was thinking of far more horrible possibilities with the ingredients

[Cdr Lytton]

If you don't want your sexy bread in a bag, just order it bareback.

[Chipper Morning Wood]

How is this punishment? I bet he is secretly hoping he will get to bang her every time he brings her bread.

[Dennis (n?e GILMORE?)]

"and the lord said, "Ye who have grabbed titty, you shall bake bread until third base has been granted"

[Cdr Lytton]

So he accomplished his goal of sticking his loaf in her on a regular basis?

[bacon-magic]

+1 loaf of soggy bread
Here you go, sorry for the sinning. /pent up teen

[Dennis (n?e GILMORE?)]

I predict a very quick and cost-effective development, and the word "boondoggle" will never be uttered

[Carl #TeamBlue #RedSucks]

Deputy Mayor Alicia Glen says "we can't wait to see this experiment unfold."

It's not her money, why not "experiment" on stupid ideas?

[Rich]

It calls for street-level solar collectors to filter sunlight underground, turning the dark subterranean space into a luminous, plant- and urine-filled oasis.

FTFY

[Free Society]

The 2016 Emmy nominations have been revealed.

But are there enough black nominees?

[Krabappel]

Not enough women. Remember, women are the "minority" group we're politicking this year.

[Bobarian (Would Chip Her)]

I thought we'd moved onto Trans?

Caitlyn's getting another award!

[Krabappel]

She is stunning and brave!

[The Late P Brooks]

Three card monte Now you see it, now you don't.

As Republicans gather in Cleveland next week, the life-and-death issue that party leaders regularly duck ? the potential for violence that citizens with easy access to guns pose for the nation ? will be on graphic display outside their convention center. A number of groups have announced plans to exploit Ohio's lenient open-carry gun law to flaunt their military-style assault rifles and other weaponry in designated protest zones, all in the name of protecting gun rights and free speech.

------

In the panicking crowds that night in Dallas were 20 to 30 armed individuals legally carrying rifles as self-appointed vigilantes who had vowed to somehow protect the demonstrators. Their presence ? some were dressed in macho camouflage gear ? greatly confused the police when the sniper started firing and protesters ran for cover. "We don't know who the 'good guy' versus who the 'bad guy' is," the Dallas police chief, David Brown, said. For a while, one rifleman was cited as a potential suspect until the police ascertained he was a legal, not lethal, presence. Chief Brown's warnings echoed widespread concern among law enforcement officials about the potentially disastrous consequences of open-carry laws now blossoming in state legislatures at the urging of the gun lobby.

[Dennis (n?e GILMORE?)]

On "Socialist" French President Hollande, and his $11,000 per-month Hairstylist

Critics expressed surprise that a leader whose hair is thinning could spend so much per month preening, when a posh men's haircut in Paris costs about 50 euros ($56). There was no suggestion that the money was being used for hair plugs or other surgical hair costs.

French media calculated that Hollande's monthly hair maintenance is nearly four times that of an average French worker's salary.

Noted = I am pretty sure the White House immediately purged their staff and released a note saying that Michelle cuts Barack's hair and that they only use grooming products that he steals from foreign hotels.

[bacon-magic]

She's using aging cream on him then. El Presidente looks grandpappy stage now.

[R C Dean]

She was being paid for trim, no doubt.

[The Fusionist]

From the article on the quashed warrant: "The case goes back to December 2013, when Magistrate Judge James Francis of the District Court for the Southern District of New York"

Hey, what a coincidence, that's Prett's baliwick.

He seems like a recurring character.

[Cdr Lytton]

I bet that's one judge Preet would like to throw in the ole wood chipper.

[OldMexican sine qua non]

In the months prior to a little boy getting attacked and killed by an alligator near Walt Disney World in Florida, area firefighters had been told to stop feeding the reptiles.

Considering the reptiles' sudden appetite for little children, I have to question what exactly were the firefighters feeding the ancient asteroid survivors with...

... Has anyone seen my kid?

[Ted S.]

Old Man With Candy has.

[Carl #TeamBlue #RedSucks]

The 2016 Emmy nominations have been revealed.

Outstanding TV Movie
A Very Murray Christmas

*vomits*

[Crusty Juggler]

That was not very good and I am a huge Bill Murray guy.

[The Late P Brooks]

20 to 30 armed individuals legally carrying rifles as self-appointed vigilantes who had vowed to somehow protect the demonstrators

SRSLY?

Most horrifying of all is the possibility that none of those guns will be used to kill anybody.

People might actually not be panicked at the thought of private citizens going about their daily business peacefully, while armed.

[R C Dean]

Had the open-carriers actually vowed to protect the demonstrators? I mean, I'd sure like to see some proof of that.

Because some open-carriers do so as an act of protest in and of itself.

[The Late P Brooks]

The dreaded MACHO camouflage gear!

also- character limit still sucks

[Crusty Juggler]

Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg regrets openly criticizing Trump and said her statements were "ill-advised.

You can't get the cat back into the bag, Tooth Crater Sins Splurge. It's too late!

[bacon-magic]

Are you trying to beat Mike's "Block Insane Yomomma" shtick into the ground or you playing the school yard crush angle with Gamma Ruth?

[Crusty Juggler]

I'm just trying to make the world a better place. Also, I do not care for Moose Seder Zen Scourge.

[Bobarian (Would Chip Her)]

But you still 'would'.

[Crusty Juggler]

I mean, it's not like she is Lena Dunham or Virginia Postrel.

[thrakkorzog]

How about Rube Loser Zoidberg?

[Crusty Juggler]

Youth Spayed Her Skin Herb.

[Enough About Palin]

Two Men Fall Off Cliff While Playing 'Pokemon Go'

[lafe.long]

Anaheim, California: Man Stabbed Multiple Times in Park While Playing 'Pok?mon Go,' Police Say

The man suffered not life-threatening injuries after multiple attackers stabbed him around 12:30 a.m. Wednesday in Schweitzer Park while he played the game, police said.

[Hyperion's Post Brexit Moment]

WORST.VP.PICK.EVER.

Seriously, Trump is a retard, or this had to be an intentional move to throw the election.

[bassjoe]

I dunno, Dan Quayle was pretty bad, too, but Bush Sr. could have probably raped a 2 year old at the convention and beaten Dukakis. Interestingly, Quayle was from Indiana, too.

[Peace Be Upon [REDACTED], Jr.]

No, I think Newt "Moon Base" Gingrich would have been worse. Not that Pence isn't bad, of course.

[Hyperion's Post Brexit Moment]

If Nukular Newt GrimGrinch would have been the pick, I probably would have said the same, but since he wasn't, I stand by my statement.

Seriously, Trump must be desperate. If he would have just went out into the street and grabbed the first person he saw walk by, it probably would have been better for him. How does he claim to be anti-establishment now? Even his voters can't be that dumb.

[Overt]

I watched that you tube, and don't see a lot to argue with. He is saying to cut back a NASA that develops all of this research and to instead place prizes out there (like the XPrize) to incentivize private business to do the space exploration we want.

Obviously, the libertarian answer is "Fuck no, we'll never pay for this shit". But among the big government types, a Prize system is much more acceptable than the system we have today.

[ant1sthenes]

Why is it a bad pick? And is a bad pick for VP even a bad pick, or is it good assassination insurance?

[bassjoe]

Judges have political opinions? You don't say?!?! I'm shocked! Shocked....!!!!

Honestly, I'm surprised SCOTUS justices don't say what's on their minds more often. WTF are lifetime appointments good for? Also, we really shouldn't be pretending politics and law aren't different sides to the same coin.

[Ken Shultz]

The President of France , Francois Hollande, is a Socialist. I don't mean "Socialist" as a descriptive term--he's the Socialist Party. He's a Socialist, not like Bernie. He's a Socialist like Eugene Debs was a Socialist.

Anyway, Francois Hollande has a personal barber, and the barber makes more than $10,000 a month.

http://tinyurl.com/jdxn5ad

It's good to be the king.

[bassjoe]

The worst part is Hollande doesn't exactly have a flowing mane of hair to keep in check.

[Ken Shultz]

Well, I'm sure Hollande's coiffure doesn't spend all day every day cutting Hollande's hair.

He has other important duties . . . liking running around the Elysee Palace looking for pokemon or something.

[The Fusionist]

If you can bill the taxpayers for your grooming, there's no excuse for not looking fabulous. Consider:

"Louis XIV was only five foot, four inches tall. But, when wearing his heels and one of his 1000 wigs, he would appear almost 7 feet tall."

[The Fusionist]

And he looked even more impressive when wearing pants and a robe.

[lafe.long]

Someone's gonna get fired over this college's unintentionally dirty mug

The image posted on Imgur appears to show the mug's handle creating the letter "C" which, when added to the "UNT" initials written on the mug, spelled out an obscenity aimed at women, outlets said.

[lafe.long]

Mercedes-Benz: Automobile Manufacturer Reveals Luxury Golf Cart Design at British Open

Mercedes-Benz partnered with golf cart manufacturer Garia for the design, which features a 10-inch touch screen that allows drivers to view a golf course map and change vehicle functions.

[bassjoe]

Golf carts have functions beyond puttering at 5 mph with your golf clubs?

[Lord at War]

Holy Shit! I think Trump might actually win!

Colbert rips Hillary Clinton. (Live link under Colbert- not showing orange on my puter)

"Secretary Clinton, you are so untrustworthy that Beyonc? is working on a concept about you," Mr. Colbert said. "Come on. Come on, Hillary. You knew that people think you're untrustworthy, and then you did something untrustworthy. That's like Richard Gere going to the pet store and hovering around the gerbil aisle. You look so shady right now that FIFA wants to hire you. [?] I wouldn't trust you with Secret deodorant."

LOL

[Lord at War]

Still not ever going to watch him, but... DAMN!

[Dennis (n?e GILMORE?)]

"Bitch is so shady you can pick mushrooms wherever she's been standing"

[Chip Woodier]

Woman who wanted to experience labour in the wild gave birth naked in stream - and filmed it

I was wondering why the water tasted a little funny.

[lukashik]

Showbox Download, Showbox Apk Download, Showbox App Download: Nowadays technology has brought a lot of changes in our lives, especially in education and communication.

[Citizen X]

It went bankrupt.

[Chipper Morning Wood]

More like refused to leave China Buffet. You know how Asian places get at closing time.

[Playa Manhattan.]

I'm reminded of that Simpsons/